Happy New Year.

We were both in the middle of a game, my concentration focused purely on killing the hoard of zombies coming my way, Pewdie's character was at my side, watching my back.

"Dude," I felt Pewds nudge my knee.

"What?" I quickly glanced his way and saw his eyes still locked on the TV, I looked back at the game, quickly making my character jump away from a zombie that was about to hit me.

"We've been together for like, a year almost. That shits insane, man." He let out a breathy laugh.

I instantly grinned, my focus on the game slipping a little to lean over and give Pewds a quick kiss on the cheek. "That was random of you to bring up," I turned my attention back to the game, "but yes, it has been almost a year. A year of your stupid sappy shit." I chuckled.

Pewds snorted. "Cry, you're the sappiest fuck I know, don't give me that crap."

I smiled, "Fuck you, man. What about last week when you made me dinner and began to ramble about how happy you were with me?"

He let out a gasp, clearly sarcastic. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

I lowered my tone. "I am."

"Go on then. Tell me." I looked over and saw he was trying to keep a straight face.

I kept my voice low and tried not to smile. "Your… your cooking reeks."

I heard him gasp beside me and I quickly glanced to see his face was staring back at me with mock horror. "You fucking asshole."

I laughed unable to hold it in, "I'm sorry, bro. But I had to tell you."

"My lasagna is awesome." He said then let out a curse when his character was put down.

"It was a packet lasagna " I said, making my character in the game quickly run towards Pewds to revive him.

"Wha- how did you know that?" He sounded genuinely curious.

"Because the one I'd bought had gone missing." I chuckled.

Pewds began to laugh beside me. "Seriously? Damn, I thought I was being spontaneous and shit. At least it technically wasn't my cooking then."

I smiled and paused the game, turning to Pewds when he raised a brow at me in question. I leaned over to him and captured his lips in a soft kiss. "I love you." I murmured against him.

I felt his lips stretch into a smile, and he slowly grazed his teeth over my bottom lip before replying "I love you too." He brought his hand into my hair, running his fingers through my locks. "You fucking sap." He kissed me in return, his tongue peeking out to entwine with mine and I couldn't help but groan when I felt him pull me closer towards him, his other hand reaching to tug at my shirt.

I pushed him down against the couch and laid on top of him, breaking the kiss and grinning down at him. "You've rubbed off on me." I told him. I knew I was a sappy romantic, but like hell I was gonna admit it.

I pressed myself against him and was about to lean down to kiss him again when I saw him frowning up at me. "What's wrong?" I asked.

He continued to stare, his hand slowly coming up to clasp my neck and then I felt his thumb begin to rub back and forth against my skin. "Nothing, I just…" He trailed off, his eyes seeming to look past me and his expression turned sad.

"Pewds?" I asked cautiously, my brows pinched together in concern.

He suddenly blinked and looked back at me and he smiled, genuinely. "Don't worry about it, Cry."

I made a face and shifted above him so that I could lie against his chest. "I am worrying, friend. Tell me, what's up? You don't usually get distracted like this."

His hand was still at my neck, more just playing with my hair now. "I don't want you to be sad anymore, that's all." He turned his head away, his expression showing something that I couldn't decipher.

"Wha…?" I was confused. "What do you mean? I'm not sad, what gave you that impression?"

Pewds looked back at me and smiled, "You're not sad right now, but you usually are after this point."

I grabbed the hand at my neck, and intertwined our hands together. "Okay, seriously, Pewds. You're not making any sense."

His smile stretched into a grin, which only caused me to become more perplexed. "Come here."He tugged on my hand, gesturing me towards him.

I frowned and shuffled up so that I could bend my head down while he leaned up to kiss me again. "You gotta stop crying."

I snapped my head back and looked down at him. "The fuck, Pewds? I'm not-"

I cut myself off when Pewdie had lifted his free hand to wipe at my cheek, I froze, and only then did I realise that I was crying. "I…" I started, but I was at a loss.

"S'okay, crying's not a bad thing, bro. You've just been doing it a little too much for my liking lately." He leaned up to kiss the corner of my mouth. "I still love you, but you gotta understand that things aren't gonna change for me."

I pulled away from him and sat up, my heart beginning to thud painfully against my chest. "I don't… understand." I hastily wiped at my eyes, trying to figure out when I had even started to fucking cry. It was embarrassing, especially in front of Pewds. I'm surprised the ass wasn't making fun of me.

"Cry," Pewds pulled himself up and he reached his hands out to place them against my cheeks, his eyes locked so intently with mine. "You gotta wake up now."

I let out a small gasp; my eyes shooting open, only to slowly focus on my dark room. My breathing and heart was irregular and my thoughts were still revising the last part of my dream. I had to lay there quietly for a moment to try and calm myself, before I slowly sat up.

It took a few minutes to return my breathing back to normal and in the meantime I wiped at my eyes to rid of the tears that still seemed to be coming. "Fuck…" I choked out a sob.

It's always that same dream, replaying those moments that happened only three months ago. The dream wouldn't go away, and I honestly wasn't sure if I wanted it to or not. It was the only time I ever got to see him anymore.

I looked over to the empty side of my bed, ignoring the pang in my chest I always got when I found it empty. After all this, I still somehow expect him to be lying there, smiling up at me lazily and calling me an asshole or something.

I ran my hand over the mattress, pretending for only a moment that the space there would be warm, and that Pewds had just gotten up to use the bathroom or something.

I clenched my jaw and removed my hand, not wanting to do this anymore. I had to stop pretending he was alive, I had to let go of him, as hard as I knew it was going to be, I know that I have to.

I took a slow uneven breath and turned over to look at the time on my phone and saw that it was just past one in the morning… January first.

I laid back down and stared at the ceiling, my heart clenching painfully. "Happy New Year, Pewds." I whispered, trying my hardest to not break down again.

AN: I was feeling sappy... but then I felt all angst-y and crap. SO I WROTE THIS! THIS MORNING. Because the idea wouldn't go away.

Ah, Thanks for reading (If anyone ever reads these author notes, thank you :D) Hope you all had a great New Years! 2013 shall be epic. And filled with lots of Pewdiecry fics from me.

*Brofist*