Spying for the Order of the Phoenix

It was late one chilly November night, and the Order of the Phoenix was having a meeting at Number 12, Grimmauld Place. They were all seated in the kitchen, waiting for their spy to come with his report.

"Where is Severus? Wasn't he supposed to be at a Death Eater meeting earlier this evening, Albus?" said the worried Head of Gryffindor House.

"Yes, Minerva, he was summoned earlier. But I do believe he should have been here by now."

"Snivellous most likely just decided to switch sides again," Sirius snorted. "Greasy bat."

"Sirius," said Albus Dumbledore with a grave look in his eye. "You know how dangerous Severus' position is."

As they were talking, Severus Snape quietly slipped through the door, trying not to draw attention to himself. As usual, he made his way to the back, half hidden in the shadows.

"Ah, Severus. You have finally arrived. How did the meeting go?"

"Pretty well, actually, Albus. Sorry about the delay. The Dark Lord was telling us some of his new plans."

Remus could not help but notice that Severus was shaking slightly, and as he was telling the Order all about Voldemort's plans, Severus' voice seemed a bit hoarse. When Snape finished, he sank into his chair, looking haunted. But when Remus actually thought about it, he realized that this was how the spy looked after almost every Death Eater meeting.

"Hey, Snivellous, is Molly's tea not good enough for you?" said Sirius. "Why aren't you drinking anything?"

"I'm not here to drink tea, Black," Snape spat. "I'm here to give my report, and I have. If you'll excuse me," he said, turning to the rest of the Order, "I shall be on my way."

"Of course, Severus," said the headmaster with a knowing look. "Thank you for your report. It was most helpful. I shall see you in a few days."

"Nonsense," said Molly Weasley. "Severus, sit down and drink your tea. And stay for dinner. I'll not be taking no for an answer this time."

"Yeah, Severus. Sit down and drink your tea," mocked Sirius.

Snape sat down, looking weary and defeated. He gave Dumbledore a desperate look, which was returned with one full of understanding and sorrow. But even Dumbledore could not do anything now. After all Snape had done to hide any weakness from others, he about to be defeated by a cup of Molly's tea. He picked up his tea, hands uncontrollably shaking, and managed to bring it to his lips and drink a sip, after spilling most of it on the front of his robes. He muttered a quick "Scourgify" at himself and put back on his mask of indifference.

"Severus," growled Moody, "Why are your hands shaking like that?"

"Well, I would assume a highly trained auror like yourself would be able to recognize the aftereffects of the Cruciatus Curse when he sees it," Snape said with a sneer. He was determined to not show any weakness. 'Just answer their questions like it's no big deal, and move on. Not that it is any of their business, but I can't have the side I am actually loyal to starting to doubt me,' Snape thought to himself.

"Cruciatus!" Molly gasped, looking horrified. "Oh, dear. Why didn't you let us take care of you before giving the report?"

"I do not require anyone to take care of me. I come here, give my report, and go home and take whatever potions I need. Today is no different. If you all are so intent on questioning me, that is why I was leaving."

"Why were you under the Cruciatus? Is Voldemort getting suspicious? You know we cannot afford to lose our spy right now, Severus," said an angry Alastor Moody.

"No, he is not suspicious. There is no threat whatsoever to the Order. If you must know, the Dark Lord regularly punishes his followers as he sees fit, for petty infractions, such as arriving late, or speaking out of turn. Usually no one leaves his presence unscathed."

"So you mean to say that when you come here to give your report, you are often in some state of injury or pain?" asked Arthur.

"Yes, although I am usually better at hiding it. Why do you think I always wear such thick black robes."

At this many looked concerned.

'Why am I saying all this?' thought Severus. 'I do not need to tell them all about my life. I do not want their pity. This is none of their business. I have already said much more than I intended to.'

As if Sirius had read his mind, he replied, "I put Veritaserum in your tea, Severus. Sorry, but it was the only way for us to know what side you were truly on."

"What! How dare you. Who else knew about this?"

Everybody guiltily looked down.

Finally Moody spoke up. "I have to ask, Severus, whose side are you really on in this war?"

"I am on the Order's side. At great personal danger to myself, I spy for the Order, pretending to be a Death Eater. You all think you have seen everything. Well, you know nothing. You do not see what I have to endure for the order. You do not see the evil that I have to see. You do not see the things that you make me do. The things that he makes me do. I have sacrificed my body, and my soul, to fight against the Dark Lord, and would gladly give my life, if it would help the cause."

Everyone was silent.

Someone in the back said, "If you are loyal to the Order, why do you call Voldemort 'The Dark Lord?' Only his true followers call him that!"

"One: I must call him that in his presence. I do so always to avoid slipping up and costing our side a valuable source of information. Two: The Dark Mark. When anyone near it says his true name, it burns. Quite painfully, I might add."

"Severus, what was the cause of today's punishment?" asked Moody, in a somewhat softer voice.

"The Dark Lord had asked me to brew another torture potion, like he usually does. I did. The muggle girl's screams were not to his satisfaction, so he wanted mine." He shuddered. "I must not have added enough powdered dragon scales. Now next time I shall have to make it right. Again I will have to watch. Another life taken, another broken, because of me. But I must. For the greater good. For the greater good," he assured himself, sounding haunted. "But my soul is already lost, it can't be broken further," he said, closing his eyes.

"Enough of this," said Molly. "Severus, what is the extent of your injuries? We need to heal you a best we can."

"I was under the Cruciatus Curse four times, for a total of approximately seven minutes. I have a nasty cut on my left shoulder, which bled quite a lot, but it is better now. Nothing life threatening. Nothing more than usual. Oh, and you cannot heal me, as any pain relieving potions will react adversely with the Veritaserum you all saw fit to give me. The cut was made with a dark curse, and can only heal with time. I will tend to it at home, as always. Alone. I am always alone."

"The Veritaserum should be wearing off about now," said Sirius, glancing at his watch. No one had anything else to ask. They were all slightly afraid of what Snape's reaction would be.

Snape stood up after a few minutes, actually looking more defeated than angry.

"Severus, are you alright?"

"Yes, Albus. It seems I am no longer under the influence of the truth potion. I am leaving; it is time I got home."

"Severus, at least let us help you," said Remus.

"Lupin, just leave me be. There is nothing you can do."

And with that Severus Snape swept out of the kitchen, out of the house, and into the cold darkness. "There is nothing anyone can do."