A Christmas in Lima is actually not the last thing Cassandra July would be caught dead doing. After the first year of spending the holiday break with Rachel's dads, the entire time consisting of a hideously over the top gay cruise, Lima isn't so bad. There's no glitter, no Heather Small pounding through the speakers as background music, no indication that a rainbow got hammered and vomited over every possible speck of blank space.

Still, spending a night with members of Rachel's high school glee club at a pseudo 10 year reunion is a close second. It's not exactly a secret that she and Rachel have been involved with each other for a while, probably because Rachel's best friend and Gay, Kurt, is possibly the worst gossip Cassie has ever met. But that knowledge has never really kept these sort of meetings from being excruciating.

Rachel likes them though, likes the attention, and Cassie can definitely understand that. Cassie just likes flaunting her relationship with Rachel in front of Rachel's ex-fiance's face. Sue her, she still doesn't like the guy. His half smirk sort of infuriates her. So really, she'll take a night at Finn's apartment with pubescent nightmares and ex-members in stride. At the end of the night, she's the one taking Rachel home, bending her over the dining room table and fucking her brains out.

In the meantime though, that means she's stuck swilling back hideously cheap vodka and listening to the Puckerman brothers sing about Hanukkah. Still second on her list.

One of the hormone bombs ambles up, her face an unflattering shade of purple, and holds out a small notebook and pen. Cassie rolls her eyes, but bites her tongue. Reason number two of why Rachel insists on going to these, her inexorable pull toward being that graduate. As Rachel grants the acne factory a much too practiced demure smile and signs her autograph, Cassie adjusts herself on the tacky plaid couch (Finn's apartment, she's not at all surprised) and thrusts her now empty glass at the girl. She ignores a scoff coming from Kelly Rowland's corner of the room and demands a refill.

The doorbell rings and the attention focuses on the newest reunion additions, Gel Helmet and the Abercrombie model he's hanging off of. She can sense Rachel's Gay huffing from the loveseat and knows he's probably curling up to his own current beefcake. The whole thing is the height of ridiculous, but Gay is Rachel's so they have to take sides, meaning Rachel is going to drape her purse completely over the rest of the couch they're on forcing, Hair Gel and Abercrombie to sit on the floor with the children. Cassie merely takes her refilled drink from Acne and knocks half of it down.

Finn stands up and claps his clubby hands together and the rest of the "guests" focus their attention on him. Cassie keeps drinking.

"All right guys, with Blaine and his, uh, friend here, that means all the RSVP's are accounted for. So, Will, Ryder and I thought we'd kick the night off with a number we worked on."

Cassie thrusts her empty glass back into Acne's hands and barks out a demand for another refill. God and Moses, it's starting in earnest.

Three of the most pathetic excuses for men that Cassie has ever seen proceed to to doo wap and dance around the cramped living room and utterly desecrate The Christmas Song. She needs way more alcohol to deal with this. Way, way more alcohol.

When they finish their abomination, the rest of the room claps, Rachel claps politely and has her "I'm pretending to think you did well" face on, even though Cassie has told her for five years now that she just looks constipated. Cassie snatches her new drink from Acne and wonders if the spastic ginger currently scrubbing another person's kitchen is worth the effort to try and find more alcohol.

As the applause dies and Finn's wife, Harmony, pushes the three men out of her way, Cassie decides the ginger is definitely worth the effort. And maybe she likes letting Rachel and Harmony crank each other's gears. Harmony Hudson gets under Rachel's skin like no one else, and it's the quickest bet Cassie has to getting Rachel in handcuffs and a collar later that night and fucking the uppity right out of her.

Jackpot. She grabs the bottle of Malibu rum and carries it out with her back to the living room. Finn opens his mouth to protest, but Cassie ignores him and sits back down, pulling a now agitated and ruffled Rachel up against her.

Kelly Rowland steps up and not-so-politely takes the attention from Harmony to start a popped up version of Deck the Rooftop. Cassie chugs from the bottle. Wheels rolls himself up and joins in, followed by the severe looking, corporately dressed, Italian loafer wearing, Dolce reeking man who insists on being called Joseph. Rachel has tried to convince her that Gordon Gekko used to be a dred-sporting hippy, but Cassie doesn't buy it.

As they finish, the teenagers start buzzing and the doorbell rings. Finn does a not so quick head count and scratches his head. Apparently they're having party crashers. Super yay. Cassie takes another mouthful of rum and offers the bottle to Rachel. The Rachel that is currently ignoring her and still glaring daggers at Harmony across the room.

Finn lumbers his way across the room and opens the door. He has to jump back as a blond man stumbles in, a blonde woman slung over his shoulder. Cassie's interest immediately perks as blond man steps over and on several people before reaching the couch and sort of gently dumping blonde lady down on it, completely disregarding Rachel's $500 purse laid out.

Kelly Rowland immediately shoots over, squealing out "SAM?!" and blond man who must be Sam looks up and grins at her. Cassie thought Finn had a dopey smile, but he's got nothing this guy.

"Hey, guys."

Blonde woman rearranges herself, digging out Rachel's purse and tossing it off the couch and onto the floor, one hand held up to what Cassie can now see is a sluggishly bleeding nose.

"Sorry we're late."

The room seems stunned, except for Acne, who apparently isn't as useless as Cassie first thought, running into the kitchen to grab a wet towel and some ice. Finn lumbers up behind him and claps him on the back, bewildered.

"Dude, we haven't heard from you in years. Why didn't you tell us you were coming?"

Sam scratches his head and scuffs a shoe against the carpet, narrowly avoiding kicking Abercrombie.

"We've been busy and stuff. I got in touch with Mercedes a couple of weeks ago and she mentioned this. We were in the area and decided to drop by."

Blonde woman huffs and kicks at Rachel's purse. Acne is by her side a moment later with the towel and ice.

"Whoa, wait. You're with Kitty?" Younger Puckerman looks dumbfounded, as do several others. Rachel is turning an unflattering shade of red while staring at her purse. Cassie sets the bottle of rum down on the stand next to the couch and firms her hold around Rachel's waist.

"Of course he's with me, you moron. No, I just let random men from high school carry me around like a sack of potatoes," says Kitty with an exasperated scowl. Cassie likes her already.

The doorbell rings again and Kitty looks up at Finn. "You shut the door?"

"Wh- yeah, I didn't know."

The doorbell rings again. "Well go open it, stupid!"

Cassie definitely likes this woman.

Finn bumbles over to the door again and starts to open it, only for the person on the other end to violently shove it open. Cassie smiles as the door hits Finn in the face and three other women shove their way in.

"Really? You couldn't have gone for his junk? You tried to punch it out with him?"

"Kitty, you didn't have to do that."

"Stop the violence."

It takes Cassie a minute (totally the fault of the alcohol) to assign a voice to each person. The admittedly striking Latina woman throws her coat on one of the teenagers and starts waving her hands in the air.

"And what about threatening him with razor blades? In the hair!"

A tall brunette with tanned skin shoves by her, sliding up to Kitty on the couch and takes the towel to start wiping Kitty's face clean.

"Honey, you didn't have to do that."

Kitty huffs and crosses her arms, but lets Lanky kiss her on the cheek anyway. "He was making fun of Millie, of course I did."

Lanky smiles and hugs her and Razorblades sighs and leans down to kiss the top of Kitty's head. The tall and spacy blonde sighs and slides her arms around Razorblades' waist. "I still don't like violence." Razorblades kisses Spacy's cheek and runs a hand through blonde hair.

"I know Britts, so does Kitty."

Kitty still looks unrepentant.

The wheels in Cassie's alcohol soaked brain start to turn, and the thought that something is odd strikes her at the same time it does everyone else.

"Wait, what?"

"I thought you were with Sam."

"I thought you and Brittany were together!"

The older glee members start shouting over each other and Cassie starts shaking her head in amusement. Then she catches a good look at Lanky and she just knows she's seen her from somewhere...

The doorbell rings again and Razorblades turns to glare at Finn. "You shut the door again, Finnocence?!" Finn stutters and holds his hands up.

"I didn't know there was even more of you!"

Razorblades huffs and shoves past him, muttering what sounds like "Move your whale blubber, Potatohead." Cassie is really starting to warm up to these people. Harmony rolls her eyes and drags Finn over to sit down.

When the door opens again, the room falls silent. Razorblades pulls a very pretty blonde woman inside and kisses her cheek too. Rachel gasps and Cassie can hear a strangled whimper gurgle out of her throat that sounds a lot like "Quinn."

Pieces start to fall together for Cassie, as tales of Rachel's high school days actually start to mean something to her. Quinn Fabray, which means Britt is Brittany Pierce, which must mean that Razorblades is Santana Lopez. The Unholy Trinity, as Rachel referred to them.

Quinn smiles demurely in a way that looks more natural than Rachel has ever been able to pull off, and nods at everyone in the room before looking over to Kitty. She sighs as she passes her purse to Santana and reaches up to start unbuttoning her coat. "Kitty, that really wasn't necessary."

For the first time, Kitty looks chagrined and lowers her head, muttering out a "Sorry". Quinn grins again while struggling with an over-sized button, and shakes her head. "But that was very nice of you to stick up for Millie, she was very touched."

Everyone else in the room is still gaping at the new arrivals. The teenagers in confusion and the older ones in astonishment. Even the ginger's already buggy eyes look wider.

Will clears his throat and speaks up. "Sorry to ask, but are all of you... together?" Sam smiles broadly and puffs out his chest, looping an arm around Brittany's shoulders. "Yup, isn't it awesome?"

Kitty and Santana roll their eyes, but grin anyway, and dammit, why does Lanky look so familiar? Quinn turns around to finish taking off her coat and hangs it up on the rack next to the door. As she turns back around though, the already shocked room seems knocked back.

Cassie looks around to faces that are turning an alarming shade of pale, even Rachel's. Older Puckerman, the two Asians (and Cassie still can't tell if they're together or not), and Gay drop their drinks. Harmony and ginger immediately move to clean up the mess and Kelly Rowland starts flailing her hands. Cassie is nonplussed. Is there something special about the tab-collared blouse Quinn is wearing or what?

"You're a priest?" That voice belongs to Will.

Or it could be that.

Quinn blushes and nods her head. "Minister, actually," she says, while tucking a strand of her short hair behind her ear. The silence stretches into awkward and Cassie is suddenly worried that Rachel isn't breathing. As she starts shaking Rachel, Kelly Rowland squeals and runs over and pounces on Quinn, drawing her into a massive bear hug and lifting her off her feet.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

The room relaxes and Quinn laughs. Santana snorts behind her. "What congregation? When?"

Kelly Rowland drags Quinn over to a chair, peppering her with questions. Chatter cautiously starts up, mostly centered around the new arrivals, and Cassie hears snippets of Quinn's answers, including her statement that she's a Unitarian Universalist minister. Or Universalist Unitarian or something. Cassie's a little preoccupied with forcing Rachel to inhale.

Harmony sends Finn into the kitchen for more towels, Wheels and several of the other guys are staring at Sam in wonder and Santana punts a teenager out of her way. Cassie definitely likes this group.

It's not until Acne whips out her little notebook and pen, asking Lanky for her autograph, that Cassie finally remembers where she's seen her before.

"You're in The Bristol Roots."

Acne smiles, Lanky blushes and several others have no clue what Cassie is talking about. Really? She can't be the only one who actually pays attention to who wins what at the Grammy awards.

No one has yet to buy a clue and since Acne doesn't seem like she's ever going to speak, Cassie rolls her eyes and elaborates. "Won the Grammy for Best Folk Album last year. Ring a bell?"

Lanky, real name Marley Rose, keeps blushing and people start to smile and congratulate her. "It wasn't that big of a deal," she says as Younger Puckerman and Ryder (really, who names these people?) come up and hug her. It would be sickening and cute, but Rachel twitches in her arms.

Whoops.

Rachel is halfway to her EGOT, with a Tony and an Emmy in the bag. But she's missed winning a Grammy for three years in a row now, and she's never done well with competition. Cassie still remembers having to bail her ass out during her senior year at NYADA after Rachel told the other girl going for the same lead role that the auditions had moved to Bushwick. (And really, it was not Rachel's fault that the idiot decided to pop some Ambien while she was down there and chase it with a PBR. Luckily, Carmen agreed with her.)

Between having her thunder stolen by the new arrivals, having her purse sat and stomped on, and Harmony, Rachel is now at her limit. If Cassie doesn't get her out of here soon, she wouldn't be at all surprised if Marley Rose accidentally swallows cleaning liquid before the evening is through.

Cassie thumps Gay on the head and tells him to get his keys. She's had way too much alcohol to be driving, and she doesn't trust Rachel to not commit vehicular manslaughter before they get back to their hotel room. He tells Beefcake to wait and Cassie fetches their coats.

As they say their goodbyes, she notices that some of the others also recognize the look on Rachel's face and are giving her a wide berth. Santana yanks Marley Rose to the opposite end of the room and they nod their goodbyes.

Rachel is still in a snit when Gay drops them off. Cassie has almost had enough to drink to put up with it, but Rachel makes her mistake when she tries to slam the door shut on Cassie's face. She muscles her way inside and glares at Rachel. The effect is immediate, and Rachel instantly looks contrite. Too late.

"Go strip. Get the collar, and then I want you over my lap. Five minutes."

Honestly, Christmas in Lima might slip from number two on her list. As she digs the paddle out of her bag, Cassie can't help but smile. With enough rum, she'd definitely be up for another night of this. Maybe they can try and meet up with some of Rachel's friends and Harmony tomorrow. If Rachel can still sit down, that is.