Harry Potter saga doesn't belongs to me, neither the song below. I just do this for fun.

Hello, hello! Look who is back! Finally got some inspiration to write something down and I hope you enjoy it. I lost my password for the youtube account for updating the playlist and in a few days I hope create and update a new playlist.

As a special note: The last chapter was originally uploaded missing the last two paragraph and was fixed two weeks later,

"No, I don't know where I'm going
But, I sure know where I've been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An' I've made up my mind,
I ain't wasting no more time
Here I go again"

Here I go again - Whitesnake

Severus Snape returned to Hogwarts with a broken heart, where he was to continue his work as a slave for Dumbledore. He felt that everything he had done so far was useless since Lily still hated him. There he was, standing in the marble hall before taking the stairs down to the dungeons, but he found that he could not bear to take another step. What else he could do to show Lily he was sorry? He had already done everything, except for giving his life away, and he was effectively doing that too, by staying there at Hogwarts. It was a slow and painful journey to death in his mind.

Severus saw the old man looking at him, playing with his fingers as if he was unsure of what to do next. A moment later the old man approached him and Severus nearly pushed him away, thinking he was going to hug him, but Dumbledore just patted him on the back, and Severus detected sadness in the eyes behind those half-moon spectacles.

"I am sorry that it did not work out as you had hoped," Dumbledore said gently after his unusual physical demonstration of support.

"It was a long shot after all…" Severus said, using his most neutral voice, almost mocking himself for daring to hope, to believe that Lily would change her views about him. He already knew that life was cruel and unfair. This was just further proof of the fact.

"You don't need to try to fool me, Severus. I know how you – "Dumbledore looked at him pityingly. "Well, if you need some time off –"

"I'll resume my work tomorrow as usual," Severus said sharply.

Dumbledore hesitated on the verge of fighting him, but then sighed in defeat. "As you wish…" The old man wished him a good week before slowly heading up to his office.

But Severus did not have much time to stay replaying the awful night with Lily in his mind because he had to go back to work. He had already neglected it for too long while trying to find a cure for Lily. Besides working, he also had to prepare for his hearing, which was in less than a fortnight. Deep inside he wished he would be condemned to a dementor's kiss, so he could end his misery.

That feeling did not last long, though. Each day closer to the hearing Severus convinced himself that he should leave Lily alone and forget about her, so that he could focus on his day-to-day work. Unfortunately for the students, that meant that he rapidly became the most feared and, by most of the students not in Slytherin house, hated professor.

On the day of his trial Severus was agitated. If Rita Skeeter ended up being present there, his life would be over for sure. But at the end of the day he should not have worried so much, since Dumbledore managed the situation with as much discretion as was possible, and Severus Snape found himself being freed of all charges. He was now able to do what he pleased with his life and to find happiness – or at least, that was what the rest of his ex-comrades and the jury thought. Though Severus was relieved he was not going to Azkaban, his previous choices in life still separated him from Lily like a gaping chasm. Aside from that, his love for the dark arts still prevailed, and he believed that what he had learned somewhat mitigated his loss.

Now it was time to move on with his life, and Dumbledore had agreed the night before the trial that he could work on some potion formulae on his own if his work at Hogwarts remained his top priority. So Severus was already developing plans for the future in his head as he made his way out of the Ministry on Magic. Developing new potions and selling them to the mediwizards of St. Mungo's was one of his ideas, since there was much demand for them after the success of his potions in bringing about Lily's recovery. He was thinking smugly about the extra income he would make when Cornelius Fudge walked briskly past him into the lift without even noticing him, as he tried to get rid of Dumbledore who was talking about a trial for Sirius Black.

Severus stood frozen, so shocked by what he was hearing that he missed the lift and his previous plans were suddenly all forgotten and replaced by hatred. The imprisonment of his old school bully was one of the few good things that had happened after Voldemort's fall, and the idea of Sirius Black being free again was for him just as bad as Lily's grudge against him.

Black's case became a new obsession for Severus during the following days, since Black's trial was close soon after his own, making his days inside Hogwarts slow and painful for both him and his suffering students.

Severus followed Black's case closely and even more intently when the information that Lily Potter was going to testify came out. He was sure that Black was not in the inner circle of Voldemort's followers but there was nothing to suggest that he was unable to perform treason, and Severus made sure to make Dumbledore aware of his opinion on the matter.

"He is not guilty," said Dumbledore firmly, when Severus got hold of him in the headmaster's office the day before the trial.

"He deserves to be in Azkaban," Severus replied without paying any attention to Dumbledore's preceding statement.

"Lily," Dumbledore began, immediately catching his attention, "revealed to me that Peter Pettigrew was the double agent."

Severus' eyes narrowed suspiciously. "How is she sure that it was not the werewolf? He has not visited her once since she was placed in St. Mungo's. Of course it is easier to say that the one who is dead is the one responsible for the treason."

"How do you know whether Lupin visited her or not?" Dumbledore asked curiously, trying in vain to see inside the mind of his Potion Master.

"I have my ways," Severus said elusively. "Personally, I believe that letting Black out into the streets is a danger; who knows how damage he will be capable of following his stay in Azkaban… We all know the terrible effects that place can have on one's state of mental health…"

"It is very thoughtful of you to worry about Black's well-being. I will make sure that if he is freed he receives appropriate support so that he can be reintroduced to society. I will not suggest that you are the one to provide his recovery treatment," Dumbledore added, seeing the utter disbelief on Severus' face, "but if you want to, you may go to his trial this Friday."

"I would like to witness Black's sentence ordering him to return to Azkaban, but sadly I have to work that day."

"Does that mean you do not want to see Lily, or that you do not want to be seen by her?"

"Think what you like Dumbledore," Severus snarled, "but you made it quite clear that I cannot afford to neglect my work. I just hope that Black stays in jail!" He snapped and walked out the office.

Yes, he very much wanted to see Lily, but he was convinced it would be an altogether unpleasant encounter, particularly if Black was freed and able to poison her mind against him even further. It was too bad that Dumbledore did not recommend him to prepare Black's medication. That way he could have made him pay for sure!

The day of the trial Severus was in an even fouler mood than usual, and when the owls arrived at breakfast with a special issue of The Prophet, stating that Black had been freed, Severus decided to retreat to his office, and he did not leave there until the next Monday.

He was fully aware that it was Lily's birthday on Sunday, but since she had elected to keep company with Potter's friends instead of giving him forgiveness after all he had done for her, he decided not to send her his congratulations. That last day in January was a windy, snowy day. While he was pacing in his office, planning a surprise test for all the Gryffindors, the last raven spying on Petunia's house brought him a message. He was proud of the method he had employed to spy on that woman – he could see what the raven as a result of a set of runes that created a window, much like what muggles called 'television'.

The raven showed him Lily, a bit more colourful than the last time he had seen her but still not in her best shape, beside Sirius Black. Severus was furious but could not stop himself from watching on. As he expected, Petunia complained about the ravens but Lily's boy was fine. He was quite sure Lily believed that her boy had been well looked after as a result of Petunia's loving care and Dumbledore's close supervision, rather than seeing his doing as the only caring act that had kept the boy safe. Severus commanded the raven to follow Lily and Black to the outskirts of Potter Manor, just close enough to see it all. He then discovered that the werewolf was living with them too. Severus was livid.

Days passed; most Gryffindors failed the surprise Potions test, Severus punished them with grueling detentions, and staring into the mirror of Lily's private life became part of his daily routine more and more. At first the unhappiness that filled her house gave him some savage satisfaction, but that faded away with the passing of the days and envy began to take its place. Envy because Lily was with Black and Lupin not him, envy because she cared for Black and Lupin, envy because even with Potter out of his way she did not look at him the way he looked at her. It was an obsession that was rapidly consuming him like a disease.

Everything changed at the end of the month. The breaking point happened when Lily decided to visit Diagon Alley on her own. It was a sudden decision and Severus thought it was not the most appropriate – there was too much propaganda being thrown about that she had been the one to defeat the Dark Lord, which was dangerous. Seeing her overpowered by the crowd convinced him to go once again to her rescue. But before he reached her she had returned to Potter Manor and ran into Black's arms, giving him the best of her smiles.

That black day he commanded the raven to leave, and after downing a bottle of the best firewhiskey to be found in Hogsmeade to take away the searing pain, he put all thoughts and memories of Lily out of his life, literally. Afterwards he felt empty and stored his memories as a treasure and continued with his life.

Spring arrived and life at Hogwarts was as monotonous as ever. But the end of the summer term Severus received an unexpected surprise.

The Potions exam for the first year students was the last one that year and as most of the students rushed to deliver their vials and leave the dungeon for good, one little Ravenclaw stayed behind. Severus reckoned it was the muggleborn girl he had rescued in his first few days back at the castle. She was the last one to put her vial on his desk, and she also left behind a little bag with a tie before dashing out, her face as red as the Gryffindor banners.

Intrigued, Severus opened the little bag to find that it contained Honeydukes' best sweets. Though seemingly innocuous, they presented a big problem to Severus. The student had a crush on the youngest professor in the school.

It was a big problem indeed.

xXxXx

There was a knock on the door and he felt his heart pounding with the sound. He had already explained to his mother why Lily was knocking at the door right now, and even though she had not agreed to let him go with her, he had accepted Lily's invitation to spend a whole weekend with her family in the country. He had accepted not only because it was Lily who was inviting him to go, but also because he wanted to see the world outside Spinner's End.

His mother opened the door and he could see Lily Evans dressed like an angel standing outside. She was wearing a simple white summer dress, yet Severus thought he had never seen her more beautiful, and there was no way his mother could prevent him from going on that weekend away. Lily was so polite and before he knew it his mother had left the door open for him to go.

They were both ten when Lily had invited him on a family trip to the countryside. Petunia was very annoyed that their parents had agreed that he could come and that was how he found himself seated in the back seat of the Evans' car, by the window. He had planned on leaving the best seat for his best friend, but Lily reasoned it was no good to anyone if he ended up sitting next to Petunia.

The car ride was eternal in a good sense. In the first few minutes the Evans confirmed that Severus was not going to be in trouble and made light conversation. He was not too embarrassed of his outfit on that occasion since Lily's mother had given him some clothes on his last birthday, and only Petunia was in a bad mood. Most of the time they spoke little, but even the silence was pleasant since Lily had put her hand over his in the space between them.

Severus could not remember anything like that weekend. They even found some magical plants near their campsite, close to a river. He was cleaning the roots of the bunch of plants and Lily was holding a bouquet of wild flowers he had just given her.

"Why did you leave me, Severus?"

Surprised at Lily's tone of voice, Severus turned to look at Lily and found not the beautiful girl – his best friend – standing there, but the grown up version, staring at him with hatred and grief.

"Lily?"

"You promised that we would be friends forever! You promised that you would never forget me…"

Severus woke up disturbed and covered in sweat in the middle of a hot summer's night. Why was one of his most beloved memories corrupted in that way? He remembered well that after washing the roots they had headed back to camp and out of nowhere Lily had told him that he was her best friend and that she did not believe she would be going to Hogwarts, but that she would never forget about him. He fervently reassured her that she was going to go to Hogwarts and that he would never forget about her. She threw her arms around him in a big hug.

Severus sighed. He could not live without Lily. Trying to obliterate the memories of her was dreadfully difficult, if not impossible, and deep inside he did not want to lose them. He went to bed an hour later after sending a raven back to Lily's house. He would have to resign to being out of her life, but he would not forget about her or let her be alone with those two imbeciles. After all, loving Lily was the only life he knew, and old habits die hard.

Thanks for reading.