Secrets

"The best way of keeping a secret is to pretend there isn't one."

― Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin

"Garcia tells me everything."

Those four seemingly simple words were said as if he was stating the obvious. The sky is blue, water is wet and Penelope Garcia tells Derek Morgan everything.

His declaration - part boast, part conviction - caused both Emily and JJ to roll their eyes and shoot each other nearly identical looks that practically screamed, Can you believe this guy?

"What?" Derek asked.

"Nothing." Their answer was a little too synchronized and given a little too quickly for his liking. Nothing clearly was code for something.

Intent on changing the subject, JJ busied herself with reading the menu. The trendy St. Louis diner's special of the day seemed like a safe topic.

"Anyone want to split the chicken fried steak with me?"

"Ooh, count me in. I love a good heart attack on a plate." Emily was quick to call dibs. On most days she ate healthy but there was something about putting an arsonist behind bars that made her crave fried food, especially if said food was smothered in gravy.

Morgan, never one to back down from a challenge tossed his menu to the side and settled deeper into the retro vinyl booth.

"Obviously you two don't agree so go ahead and enlighten me. Tell me what you think I don't know…and don't bring up the Toll Gate Theater. That was an outlier."

For a while Penelope had kept it on the down low that she was a member of a Virginia theatrical group. The revelation came as a surprise to everyone on the team but especially to Morgan. More hurt than he was comfortable admitting he couldn't understand why she had kept him, of all people, in the dark.

"Actually an outlier is more commonly used to describe a statistical data point…"

"Reid!"

"Sorry." Reid mumbled. "Does this have anything to do with how Garcia's dating again?"

"Reid!" This time the censure came from the women.

Wary of the death stares he was getting from his female colleagues Reid reached for the silver carafe filled with cream. Topping off his third cup of coffee he threw caution to the wind and told what he knew.

"I overheard Pen talking to Gladys from Counterterrorism. She was going on about how some guy's kisses made her ears tingle which if you ask me is not biologically possible."

"Who's she dating?" Morgan asked.

"I think the better question is who isn't she dating. I didn't catch their names but according to Garcia she is and I quote dating like it's her job and she's up for a promotion."

"Their…as in plural?" Morgan was incredulous. How the hell did he miss this parade of men coming in and out of his Baby Girl's life?

"Reid, you have a big mouth." Emily yanked the carafe holding the Half & Half from his hands before pushing it to the far end of the table. "And enough with the dairy."

"But I love dairy."

"Well, dairy doesn't love you back and if you keep it up I'm making you ride back to the hotel on the roof of the car."

Derek refocused his attention on JJ. His menacing glare was the one he used when interrogating unsubs. He knew that he couldn't intimidate her so he didn't even try but he wanted her to know that he wasn't going to let up until he got some answers.

"Pen didn't want you to worry." JJ sighed. Penelope was going to kill her. "She knows how you get when it comes to her dating."

"How do I get?"

"You interrogate every guy who dares to get within 10 feet of her?" JJ answered without missing a beat.

"Let's not forget about how you conveniently slip into every conversation that you're a black belt and have a license to kill," added Emily.

"Face it Morgan, when it comes down to it, you essentially treat potential suitors like unsubs." Reid had to back up the ladies on this one.

"I do not!"

All three nodded in unison.

"Pretty much."

"Without fail."

"It's your M.O."

"OK, for the sake of argument let's say you're right…which is not what I'm saying. What's so wrong about looking out for a friend?"

"Nothing but why do you have to be a Nazi about it?" Emily threw back at him.

"I take it back. You are right. What's the worst that could happen? It's not like a psychopath with a God-complex could shoot our girl and leave her for dead…oh wait."

Morgan knew he was hitting below the belt but he didn't care. They may have been able to forget the image of his Baby Girl in the hospital fighting for her life but he never would.

"Seriously Morgan, not every guy is a Jason Battle." Emily shook her head in disbelief. "I swear it's a miracle that Kevin slipped by you."

It was a miracle that Lynch got by him, an oversight that Derek was loathe to repeat.

"Whatever just tell me who they are. You know I'm going to find out anyway."

"Well there was the new guy from Accounting, Joe Marina. Nice guy and obviously vetted by the FBI so you know he's safe." JJ reassured Morgan before he had a chance to protest. "After Joe was Jamal and then Brian."

"No, Brian came before Jamal." Emily corrected her friend.

"Right. Jamal is the post-doc from Georgetown. Joe, Brian, Jamal, and then Marcus from the theater..."

"Don't forget Christian. He looked like the hot guy from the Old Spice commercial."

"There's no forgetting him. He was scorching hot. I swear if I wasn't married I'd ask him out myself."

"Too bad she dumped him for Chester the Molester." As soon as the words left her mouth Emily wished that she could have taken them back.

"Molester?"

"Morgan, I was joking." Emily's eyes frantically scanned the half full diner looking for their server. "Where is that waitress?"

"Prentiss…"

"OK, OK. He's just some loser who turned into an octopus at the end of the night."

"I want a name."

"Honestly, he's a nobody." JJ jumped in. "Plus Penelope's fine. She threatened to ruin his credit history and send animal porn to his bosses through his computer. She scared him enough that he promptly took her home and she hasn't heard from his since. That's it. I swear."

Picking up his smart phone, Morgan pressed speaker before hitting speed dial. The voice that answered wasn't the one everyone but Derek expected to hear.

"LaMontange"

"Hey, it's Morgan. Who's the guy who got out of line with Garcia?"

"Don't do it." JJ warned her husband.

"Chuck Mutterpearl. He's a software developer for a consulting firm in Alexandria.

"Will, you promised."

"No, cher I promised I wouldn't volunteer the information. I never agreed not tell if asked."

Damn it, JJ hated that her husband got her on a technicality.

"Morgan, I took care of it. I paid Mr. Mutterpearl a visit and made it clear that when a lady says no she means no."

"You did what?" JJ couldn't believe that her sweet law abiding husband, a fellow officer, had turned vigilante. "Why am I only now finding out about this?"

"Honey, what you don't know you can't try to stop."

"Will, you can't just go around beating people up."

"I never laid a hand on him. I just showed up to his house with my sidearm in plain view and we had a friendly chat man to asshole."

"Will…"

"Cher, she's our son's godmother. She's family and nobody messes with family."

"I don't mean to interrupt this lovers' quarrel but I want the address." Morgan's voice was strangely calm which scared the crap out of his teammates.

"1342 Larchmont Blvd in Lake Ridge."

"Thanks, man."

Ending the call, Derek waved the waitress over to take their orders.

TBC

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