Hi! This is my very first Fanfic. I was forced into this by my sister...I hope you like it and please don't forget to review! Thank you!
Disclaimer: I own nothing...except my idea ^^
Mara sighed, her breath becoming puffs of frost in the autumn air. She felt drained and tired, her shoulders sagging in fatigue. It had been a long week, what with the merciless tests, the awkward tension with Mick, and the usual empty feeling when her friends decided to make plans without her. Usually such things didn't bother her- she had become accustomed to the cycle, content with the few outings she had with her dorm mates. But lately, she had felt like she was stuck- forever trapped in the mold of a person everyone expected her to be. Everything seemed to be spiraling ahead of her, shooting past with vibrant colors, while she was left behind in the dust of grey. Only a pair of blue eyes remained seared into her mind...
Mara sighed again, adjusting the strap of her bag before looking up from the path she was taking. It was the trail worn with age, a path few students traveled by, but it was the one she took frequently. Its length gave her time to think, its imagery allowing her to remember. She wondered if that made her unique, or if was just another thing that made her an oddity among others. Her eyes followed the winding road, knowing well that her dorm's destination lied at the end. Mara couldn't help but grimace. She felt fidgety, as if the thought of returning to the makeshift home sent her skin prickling. She didn't want to go back just yet- back to being the image of the good, quiet little Mara she was supposed to be. She wanted to sustain her freedom for just a while longer.
As she turned left, towards the familiar shelter of trees, Mara kept telling herself that she wasn't running away from them- she was just taking a break from their expectant stares, a breather from their suffocating laughs. A web of doubt formed at her conscience, but she quickly shook it away. She needed to get some air. A moment of peace was all she wanted.
The crunching of leaves beneath her feet set a steady rhythm and the whistling wind surrounded her in a soothing melody. Mara smiled faintly, finally reaching her intended destination. As she stood in the small clearing, the trees surrounded her, their colorful leaves glimmering in the sunlight. She let her bag fall to the ground and began to slowly stroll around, winding through the trees in an endless circle. Her mind began to buzz and her shoulders rose from their slumped form. Mara took in a deep breath and let her thoughts free.
One by one, her anxieties strung together until they relentlessly battered her mind. She didn't want to live her life bound in place, didn't want to be the nice, boring Mara people tagged her as at first glance. It was like she had to meet a million expectations, some so high it felt that she couldn't reach them. So she worked, indulging herself with school and grades to the point of depriving herself of sleep. She had to keep a good impression, had to keep a clean slate. It was exhausting, but mostly it was bleak. She didn't want to be content; she strived for happiness. Couldn't she be herself?
Mara couldn't help but laugh at that, trailing her fingers against the grooves of a tree trunk. Little Mara? Actually setting someone straight? The last time she tried to become more vibrant she had changed herself into another person. That was the worst part; every time she wanted to open up, she was afraid of losing herself in the process. She didn't want to be morphed into someone else. And that was just it- even though she hated to admit it, she was afraid. She had already felt the sting of rejection, had already been licked and burnt by flames of passion. She would probably drift through the rest of her teenage life as the shell of herself, never risking for a bit of adrenaline for the fear of crashing to the ground afterward. She screwed her eyes shut, an ache forming in her chest. Was that all she was, all she was ever meant to be?
"Isn't it a little late for you to be wandering in the woods alone, school rep, or has school work finally fried that little brain of yours?" Her head snapped up, eyes widening in surprise. Oh God, he was the last person she wanted to see.
She spun around, only to have her dark eyes caught by icy ones. "Jerome," she murmured, letting her gaze wander over his form briefly before returning to his irises. She was startled, but she couldn't say she was surprised. He had somehow nudged his way into her cycle, sniffing her out only to rile her up and make her question herself a little more each day. Such was their game. It was the one moment where she allowed her true feelings to burst free, only to have them sucked back inside just as quickly. He was the reason behind her racing thoughts lately- the one who spurred the recent turmoil of emotions. Jerome smirked, lazily dragging his own eyes across her face.
"Ah, so I see you still have your memory intact. I must say, it's good to be acknowledged once in a while." He leaned casually against the trunk of a tree, his arms folded neatly across his chest and his dirty blond hair swaying slightly in the breeze. Her eyes narrowed. He looked as he always did, the same air of mischief and mockery surrounding him, and yet he seemed…different. There was the smallest of shifts in his usual stature, a sense of caution behind his gaze. Mara frowned.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, arching a single eyebrow, "You know, other than proving the world's theory of you being a creepy stalker?"
He chuckled, shaking his head slightly before looking at her again, "Now, now, 'stalker' seems a bit shady, don't you think? Think of me more as… a very dedicated observer," Mara rolled her eyes at that, but kept her focus on the boy in front of her. Their game always began like this. He would appear out of thin air, watching her with those calculating blue orbs and wearing that ever-present smirk on his face. Then the banter would begin, the two of them slowly pricking at each other with their words until finally restrained emotions would burst free.
As time passed, the two would cross paths more frequently, each encounter building up more steam- more fervor. They clashed harder, lightning crackling between them so violently that they would be spent up of energy and part ways, acting as if the confrontation had never happened; an endless cycle that left them breathless and charged. And yet, as Mara swept her eyes over him once more, she again felt that something had changed in this meeting. Jerome was waiting for something, preparing for something.
"What are you doing here?" she repeated, refusing to prolong the usual banter. She felt the familiar signs of their storm brewing, and as Jerome's lip curled into an amused smirk she knew that the inevitable clash was coming.
"I think the better question is what you are doing here, Jaffray. I doubt a brainiac like you would waste her time chatting up some trees, " He cocked his head to the side, "Are you hiding out, or perhaps running from something, little Mara?"
She scoffed at that. "I have nothing to run from," she replied steadily, ignoring the inklings of doubt clinging to her mind, "I'm merely thinking, something you should try to do for a change." He ignored the jab, instead allowing his blue eyes to narrow onto the girl in front of him. It was a look that made her feel uneasy, his stare sharp and filled with doubt.
"Only thinking? So you're just gallivanting aimlessly through the woods, with no purpose of fleeing anything." He snorted skeptically.
"It's true," Mara said firmly, but his stare was making her feel exposed, the disbelief lacing his words making her feel small. His orbs swirled with amusement, a kind that made her feel like an ignorant child.
He watched her, his lip curling into a sneer. "You're deluding yourself, Mara. Every time you face an uncomfortable situation, you run with your tail between your legs, off to curl up somewhere and pity yourself." Jerome let out a bark of laughter, a mocking sound that made her cold. "You're not fooling anyone, Jaffray, especially not me."
Her gaze hardened, and Mara couldn't help but clench her teeth. The accustomed feeling was bubbling to the surface again, just like it always did when Jerome shoved at her. But this time, instead of usually striking a few words of her own and then leaving, she remained rooted to the spot. The feelings that she usually had during these confrontations began to rise again, but this time it was growing beyond previous limits- spreading until all she could feel was anger.
She despised this- hated being belittled, hated having opinions thrown at her, and hated how so many hurtful words had caused her to shrivel into herself in the past. And she was sick of it- sick of taking it all in silently and tired of allowing herself to be repeatedly bruised. She refused to be molded into something else based off of another person's whims. She wasn't going to be pushed or mocked by anyone, least of all Jerome. For once, she wasn't going to run. Mara lifted her chin, staring back at him with a challenging gleam in her eyes.
"That's rich, coming from you. Tell me, what exactly are you running from? I may buckle under the weight of my problems, but at least I face them in the end. Can you say the same for yourself?" His eyes widened in surprise, not expecting the undercurrent of ferocity from the girl. "You shut yourself down, build up walls and then pretend that everything's fine. You delude yourself on a regular basis and yet here you are, indulging in the greatest hypocrisy of all by calling me the liar." Her voice was like steel, her words even and stiff. "It's because of that, Jerome, that you're the greatest fool of all."
That did it. Jerome's eyes flashed and he forcefully pushed himself off the tree, drawing himself to his full height. He was a good head taller than her, his looming figure intimidating in the small clearing, but Mara refused to back down. The space between them crackled with charged energy, their anger quickly fueling the rising tension. When he spoke, his voice was low and vicious, all signs of previous amusement gone.
"Don't you dare act like you know me, Mara, because you don't. I might have told you about my parents, about me rotting in that damned boarding school-" a brief flash of pain, before his eyes sharpened into shards, "- but you know nothing of what I've been through. You don't have an inkling of an idea of what it's like to grow up without any support, how to live with yourself knowing that you were left behind just because you were." He was growling now, torment and anger laced into his words. " Don't tell me that what I've been doing is wrong, that I've been the one acting like a fool, because you have no idea what it's like to be truly and utterly alone."
The words resounded clearly, allowing Mara one moment to sympathize Jerome- about his childhood, about his mistreatment- because her parents had always supported her, even if she wasn't another athletic heir to their legacy. However, that single moment vanished as all moments did, and she fired her own words out, letting them ring across the clearing.
"I may not know everything, Jerome, but that doesn't mean I don't notice things. I understand what it's like to loathe myself, to hate the ones who've hurt me," She resisted the urge to choke, the emotion pouring into her words almost too much to bear. " But that doesn't mean I have to go around baiting other people, calling out all of their flaws just to feel better about myself." Another flash of anger in those blue irises, but Mara tackled on, "I've seen you do every single thing I listed before, how you imprison yourself in a cage so that you don't have to face those painful memories. You flinch away from anyone who tries to help you, and you retaliate by attacking their faults." She forced the last few sentences out, watching as shades of blue became darker as Jerome's temper rose. Another roll of thunder was just seconds away.
"Who's the hypocrite now?" he muttered in a low and dangerous voice, the question catching her off guard. "You tell me that I hide from my problems and that I refuse to face them out of fear. But what exactly are you doing here, Mara?" Her eyes widened, but his eyes continued to bore into hers imploringly. "You understand me? Please, what would you know of facing a problem? Everyone knows you're the Ice Queen- the cold, lifeless girl who wouldn't go near another person because she thinks she'll melt too rapidly." Every word struck home, and Mara felt dread seeping into every cranny of her body. " Face the facts, Mara. You can't tell me what I'm doing is wrong because you're doing the exact same thing. You're hiding, you're running and," his glacial eyes pierced through her dusky ones, jolting her violently, "you're afraid."
It was like she had been shot. Every thought that had been raking her mind for the past few days came plummeting back. The same feelings of being bleak- of being an insignificant and changeable person crept into her mind. A shell of a person, forever meant to be pushed back and forth between assumptions and opinions. The words swirled until they pumped a monstrous tune in her head: timid, cold, hypocrite, lifeless-
Afraid.
And suddenly, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. All of her anger dissipated, leaving only a tired ache in her chest. Mara closed her eyes and sighed, her exhale becoming another puff of frost in the cool air. Then slowly she lifted her lids, lashes framing her dark solemn eyes. An air of resignation surrounded her, and Mara spoke in a soft but stony voice.
"You call me cold and lifeless, the girl too hesitant to reach for warmth for the fear of being burnt. But i know that just like me, you've been through your share of pain- that you cower before the flame just as much as I do." She watched as different emotions flashed across his eyes, warring with one another until finally his orbs became a blank sea of blue. She continued, her own eyes reflecting the emotions coiled inside her chest. "I've been through loss, you've been through abandonment. I've suffered rejection, you've endured isolation." She watched him stiffen, every word ringing true to his ears as it did to her own. "At the end of the day, Jerome, you're just as broken as I am."
She ended with a note of finality, her voice never wavering under the weight of her words. Mara reached for her bag and then turned on her heel, ready to tread back to their dorm without a backward glance. It was only when she heard the sound of laughter behind her did her body freeze. Her brow furrowed, confusion settling into her mind as she turned to face him again. They had never gone farther than this in the past, had never stopped the other from leaving when parting ways. Then again, their encounter was fiercer this time, much more violent and livelier than it had been in the past. As she looked at him, she once again spotted the caution and determination behind his gaze. She realized that he had come with a purpose this time around, not to play their usual game of riling emotions. It unnerved her more than ever, especially when Jerome took a step to cut the distance between them. Startled, Mara took another step back.
He didn't seem surprised by her reaction, instead smiling at her ruefully. His earlier anger had vanished, much like hers, replaced now with a steady calm, one that made her wary. No anger or spite remained; he was continuing the meeting, but not the argument. It was strange, the shift perplexing her to no end.
"That's what I came to see." He said softly, stuffing his hands in his coat pockets and watching her across the distance between them.
"What?" Now she was more confused than ever. That was definitely not what she expected to come out of his mouth, especially not after the whole heated spat they'd shared. He smiled at her, chuckling.
"You asked me what I was doing here- why I was following you around like a 'stalker'," he finger quoted his previous title, amusement lacing his tone. " I was here because of this," he motioned to their surroundings then fixed his eyes on her face again, "and you."
"What are you talking about, Jerome?" she asked, her eyes narrowed onto the boy before her. "Every time we end up meeting like this, we end up baiting each other." That couldn't possibly why they had crossed paths so often- the idea of him grasping any kind of pleasure from their meetings was just unbelievable. "It gets vicious, and you look forward to it?"
"Yes," he answered simply, the amusement slowly receding from his gaze. Mara wanted to rip her hair out- what was wrong with him?
"That doesn't make any sense." She growled in frustration, wondering if he was once again coaxing her into another brawl. "Why would you purposely meet me just to have insults and venom flung at one another?"
"Because," he muttered, staring at her in both a cool and heated manner, "it's the only time I can breathe fire- the one time I see you come alive." Mara's eyes widened, an odd jolt running through her system. That meant…She shook her head furiously.
"You rile me up just to have me yell at you. How the hell does that make me 'come alive'? I do that on a regular basis at Anubis!"
"No, you don't." He said, mouth set in a hard line. "At Anubis, you curl up into another person. You rarely yell, and whenever you do it's out of annoyance, never out of any actual emotion. You lock up anything you think may be out of line and then you never open them up again. I never see the real you until you're here," he vaguely gestured to their surroundings, "when you're fighting back and yelling at me. I finally find the real Mara Jaffrey." He took another step, and this time she didn't retreat. Progress.
Mara's mind was spinning, her brain telling her to run. But her feet remained anchored to where they were, because she knew that he was right, but more importantly because he had noticed. The others would easily overlook her, yet here he was purposely pressing her to open up. She felt something warm bloom in her chest at the thought and she tried in vain to squash it down. He was doing this for his own amusement, she thought, just toying with her again. But the look in his eyes screamed otherwise, burning with a kind of resolve she had never faced before. She swallowed, looking right back at him.
"Why?" she bit out, seeming to startle him. "Why do you care that I loose myself at Anubis? Why do you make such an effort to rile me up every time this happens?" she griped, motioning towards the two of them. " You could leave me alone to sort with my problems, or live with them, I guess, but you come do this every time I'm alone." She didn't want to be pitied. She hated it more than being ignored or even being secluded. She didn't want to feel better if that meant he was just putting in so much effort out of gesture. She didn't want to be led on, didn't want to live in a lie. She didn't want to be hurt again. "Why?"
Something flashed across his eyes, so quick she thought she might have imagined it. Then he started moving again, taking slow, steady steps as he made his way towards her. She prepared to retreat, but then stopped herself when she saw a clear view of his face. His jaw was set in determination, his eyes reflecting assurance and calm. But what caught her attention was the desperation in his gaze, the barest nervousness to his stride. And suddenly, she knew that this was what he had been waiting for, what this particular clash was meant to lead up to. A knot formed in her stomach, seeming to squeeze the breath out of her. She was nervous, but the barest hints of anticipation buzzed at the edge of her mind. Her breath caught when he began to speak.
"Because I can't, Mara, I can't let you fold into yourself when I know who you really are. I can't leave you alone because I feel, I don't know, happy, exhilarated, when I'm around you." He stopped, only a few paces away from her, and raked his hand through his hair in frustration. "Hell, I can't even try to ignore you because you're always on my bloody mind." There was nothing but raw emotion in his voice, proving that every word spilling from his lips was true. Jerome laughed softly, shaking his head in a rueful manner. "I've been smitten for you for some time now, Jaffray." The revelation knocked the air out of her and Mara's eyes to widened in surprise. Her lungs seemed to have shriveled, but her heart pounded harder and faster, as if claiming it needed no oxygen to function. She swallowed again, unbelievingly staring at Jerome.
"You…you like me?" she whispered, eyebrows furrowed. She didn't know how to react to the news-there were too many feelings swirling inside her. Butterflies were exploding in her stomach, a smile was dangerously swaying at the corner of her lips. Mara knew one thing: she liked Jerome, more than attraction and definitely more than a friend. But…where exactly would that liking take her? Another crash like Mick? Another shell of a person to become if things went wrong? Dammit. She lowered her head, eyes screwing closed. She was still afraid.
"Mara," He murmured, sounding nearer than he had been before. She opened her eyes, but didn't lift her head, wringing her hands together nervously. "Mara," he said again, fingers hesitantly brushing against her twisted ones. Another jolt ran through her at the light touch and her fingers ceased its wringing, her hands falling back to her sides. "You have no idea what kind of power you have over me. I can deny you nothing, Jaffray," he whispered.
Mara lifted her head, looking into those blue eyes that had refused to leave her mind for the past few weeks. And suddenly, she didn't want to be afraid anymore. She could be herself, finally be who she wanted to be. Jerome smiled down at her, his usual flippantness now replaced with a tender kind of desperation. Another side of the Jerome that everyone knew yet refused to see. She offered him a smile, a small but sincere one. That seemed to be all he needed. Slowly the nervous air surrounding him dissipated, leaving behind bright blue eyes that seemed to peer into her soul.
"You ignite the brightest flame in me," He finished softly, taking the final step towards her rooted form. There was barely any distance between them now, the air crackling with the familiar charge of energy. Yet, Mara found that it was almost soothing now, exhilarating in a different kind of way.
"The brightest flames leave the deepest scars." She murmured, craning her neck to look up at him. Her dark eyes swirled with emotion, both foreboding and coaxing all at the same time. He tipped his head down, replying just as softly.
"Everyone has scars, Mara. Even the deepest ones hold a purpose- they make us who we are." Her lips curved into a small smile at that, because as bittersweet as it sounded, it was true. "Besides," he continued, mischief dancing across his irises, "what's a few scars to a broken pair like us?"
Mara laughed at that, slowly allowing her arms to rise from her sides until they were brushing his shoulders. She watched as his eyes hooded, and she relished with joy as she felt him wind his arms around her waist. Joy. When was the last time she had truly felt such warmth? Staring up into his face, she realized she had always felt the lick of flames when she was with him. She smiled at him, one that lacked sadness or any force. "You ignite a flame in me, too." She murmured, watching as his eyes glowed like soft blue lights.
"I know," he whispered before sealing his lips across hers. It seemed to sear her; the way his lips moved hungrily against hers, the way her fingers curled into his hair. It left her breathless, made her nerves tingle and emotions run wild. And in the cold little clearing, where the fingertips of autumn had brushed against the treetops, Mara found that the fire consuming her was worth being scorched for. She had warmth seeping into her veins, her body shaking with all of the sensations that erupted within her. She had finally come alive.
Don't forget to review! Thank you!