Chapter 37 – Where Is The Edge

by Within Temptation

In the shadows it awakes the desire

But you know that you can't realize

And the pressure will just keep rising

Now the heat is on

It's too late, there is no way around it

You will see for yourself many times

In the end you will give up the fight

Unescapable

'Cause you're losing your mind and you sleep

In the heart of the lies

Where is the edge

Of your darkest emotions?

Why does it all survive?

Where is the light

Of your deepest devotions?

I pray that it's still alive.

Friday evening

"Well that was the worst end to an evening ever." I mumbled to myself more than anyone.

I was sat on the couch in the Salvatore parlour watching the flames dance about the fire place as Damon poured out to glasses of his favourite bourbon. We'd come back from the party straight after our confrontation with John, neither of us being able to enjoy the evening any longer. It was pitiful really, but the unknown of who this guy was really was something that scared Damon and myself.

He slowly made his way back over to me and handed me one of the glasses as I muttered a 'thanks' before I took a massive gulp, finishing half the drink in one go. It burned my throat like hell, but I needed a distraction. Things in this town were getting way out if hand to soon.

"Don't worry, we'll sort all this out soon enough." Damon replied, pulling off is suit jacket and throwing it across the room in frustration.

"How soon though?" I questioned. "I mean you heard what John said, if anything happens to him then we are all screwed."

Damon just looked at the floor, his lips pressed into a thin line as he swirled the remains of his drink, which I assumed was blood, around in his glass. This, right now, was the most tense I had seen Damon, ever. The usual comments and remarks that he would make were nowhere to be seen or heard as he was faced with the pending threat of his very existence.

I felt bad about my little outburst, knowing that it probably affected Damon more than he was letting on. I placed my glass on the side table and made my way over to his side of the couch and took his face in my hands.

His gaze slowly locked to mine and there I saw the stress and the fear and the pain that he carried with him every day. I sighed, tracing circles on his cheeks with my thumbs before reaching down to his glass of blood and placing it on the side table. I buried my head in the crook of his arm and relaxed against his chest as I brought his hands up to my face, kissing the tops of his knuckles.

It was a simply gesture and not in any way sexual to if I had kissed his perfect lips. I knew Damon used sex as an outlet to let go of his frustrations, but right now we had to keep focused. This was serious for all of us and we couldn't let our desire get in the way of anything.

"We'll get through this," I whispered, squeezing his hand in my own. "I promise."

Damon made a low chuckle that rattled his chest. "Aren't I meant to be the one saying that?"

I smiled, happy that some of the 'normal' Damon was shining through in this desperate time.

He started to run his hand up my arms whilst leaning down and nuzzling his face in my hair, making a low humming sound that almost sound like a cat purring. It was a sound that he didn't make too often, but when he did it was a sigh that he was comfortable and relaxed. Mission accomplished.

He wrapped his arms around me, responding to my touch. His chin found the top of my head and we lay like that in a comfortable silence for a long time, just watching the fire flickering it's warmth around the room.

"You know," Damon spoke, brushing my cheek gently with his thumb. "We never actually got 'round to having a dance this evening."

"Oh what a shame." I replied sarcastically, rolling my eyes at his obsession about dancing.

Damon chuckled behind me before shifting off of the seat to stand in front of me, his hand out stretched. I looked at his open palm and then locked my gaze with his, raising my eyebrows. He smirked, leaning forward and pulling me into his embrace.

"You promised." He murmured with a smirk.

"But there's no music." I argued, trying to get out if this situation. Dancing was something that I had never felt comfortable in doing.

Damon rested one hand on my waist and captured my hand in his grip, keeping me in place and pressed right up against him. It reminded me so much of the first time we had danced together under a complete different situation to what we were both in now. This time it was even more than the electricity that was between us.

We were gazing at each other intently, unspoken words being passed between us as he drew me closer and flush against his hard muscular chest. I took in a deep breath as Damon brought his face down to my level, our temples pressed together. We started to move in small circles to small movements, the only sounds noticeable were the crackles from the fire and our heavy breathing.

I thought back to how we had first met all those months ago at my Grans funeral, although he'd been watching me even before then. We'd grown to know it other, trust each other and help each other.

But despite all of this, I couldn't help but shake the feeling that he was hiding something from me. There was something deep down inside of him, a dark secret that he kept hidden from me and it scared me even more so now. With everything that was happening, I needed to know that Damon was going to be stable and get through this and not to break down like when he found about Katherine not really being in the tomb.

Still, I knew that there was something I had to ask but it was risky and personal. I didn't want to upset him at all but it was something I had to know and I knew asking it would be dangerous.

"Damon, can I ask you something?" I whispered, having to force the words out of my mouth.

"Of course." He breathed, his eyes sill closed as he rocked us back and forth, tightening his grip on my waist.

"Do…do you…" I stumbled over my words and Damon lifted his gaze to mine, raising his brows. I gulped and looked down at the floor. "Do you still love Katherine?"

As soon as it left my lips, I instantly regretted it as Damon's grip dropped from my waist and he took a step back from me. His eyes were narrowed and confusion set in on his features as he tried to form some sort of reply.

Damon came forward and cupped my face in his hands, staring deep in to my pupils that it felt like I was burning.

"Alice…why would you even think that?" He asked, his voice sounding almost pained.

The sound of forth coming footsteps brought us out of our bubble and back in to reality. We both turned to the arch way just as Stefan made his way in to the room, hands in his pockets and looking down at the floor. Something wasn't right with him.

This face was paler than usually and his eyes were darker, almost breeching the barrier between human and vampire. He was losing control and I was the only one that seemed to notice. Damon didn't even realise that his brother was struggling with his blood lust, after all this time.

"Stefan, it's about time you got home." Damon said, stepping around me and grabbing his drink off of the table, his tense mood shining through again.

He'd seemed to completely forgotten about what I has asked, more focused on his drink as he started to pace the room. Stefan made shifty steps across the floor towards us, but his eyes were darting about the place.

"Stefan, we have a problem." Damon muttered, taking a deep breath. "And when I say problem I mean global crisis."

Damon's eyes were absence as his brother came towards, both of them seeming to forget that I was even in the room at this point.

"It seems that Uncle John has-…" Damon abruptly stopped as soon as he caught his brother's gaze. "You don't look so good."

Finally! Someone other than myself had realised that there was something seriously wrong with Stefan and it wasn't just that he had a little craving for human blood. He was out of control. Stefan said nothing, just stared at his brother with weak eyes.

"It's different this time, isn't it? The need is to strong this time?" Damon questioned his brother. "Of course it would be after all these years." He muttered, taking another sip of his drink before leaving the rest and placing the glass back on the side table.

I watched Stefan's eyes as the darted back and forth between his brother and the glass of blood. What was he thinking?! Tempting his brother with blood that could easily make him lose control. But I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to interfere.

Damon shook his head, patting his brother on the shoulder before turning and leaving the room, not even giving me a second glance. As he disappeared up the stairs, I shifted awkwardly in my position, not sure whether I was supposed to follow him or stay and baby sit his brother.

Stefan hadn't moved so far and his eyes were locked on the glass and I knew all he wanted to do was snatch it up and quench his thirst. His posture was tense and unmoving and I decided that it would be best just to leave him by himself this evening.

I huffed and made my way over to the arch way and towards the stairs, unsure if I should go and speak to Damon or not. We needed to talk about it or at least I did. There were some things that I just had to get off of my chest.

"It's true you know." Stefan called just as I was leaving. I turned to see him the glass of blood in his hand, holding it up and smirking to himself. "He still loves her."

"Screw you, asshole." I muttered, turning my back on him and making my way up the stairs.

I paced the hallway until I was stood outside my bedroom door. I gripped the door handle, but my gaze drifted down to the end door that was his room. I needed to talk to him, even if he didn't want to talk to me.

I knew it was a terrible idea but I made my way to his door, slowly opening the door and poking my head inside.

"Damon?" I squeaked, but there was no reply.

I stepped into passed the threshold, closing the door behind me quietly.

I looked around his room squinting in the darkness to try and make his out. The light shone from the bathroom and I saw his clothing sprawled out on the floor as if he had thrown them across the room. I heard the water running and debated whether I wanted to join him, but soon decided against it. He was annoyed as it was already.

I swallowed, moving across the room and collecting his clothes up in my hands and neatly folded them. They needed to be washed and didn't really need folding, but it was the only thing I could think of doing as waited for Damon to come back.

I was still left waiting so I made my way over to the oversized armchair in the corner of this room. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them tightly, just listening as the water was shut off and the sound of dripping echoed throughout the room.

I didn't have to wait long, as it was moments later that Damon padded into the room, his lose black pyjama pants hanging on his hips. He looked around the room briefly in curiosity before finally spotting me curled up on the seat.

His expression was blank and emotionless as he shook his head paying me no mind as he wondered over to his bed.

"Damon." I spoke at last and watched as he stopped in his movements, hovering by the foot of the bed. "Damon, please say something."

"Like what?" He snapped, finally looking at me with dark eyes. "What do you want me to say?"

My mouth hung open as I got to my feet taking small steps towards him. My hands were shaking and it felt like I was walking towards a wild animal in seeing him so rigid and stiff as it he was about to attack.

I stopped just a few inches before him, not wanting to risk touching his bare skin in case it set him off on some rampage.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked about-…"

"No, no you shouldn't, but you did." Damon growled at me. "Why? Why would you even want to think that?"

"I don't know!" I blurted out, running my hand through my hair. "I just…I…I don't really know anything about you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!?" Damon asked, throwing his hands up in the air.

I gulped, taking a step back as if he had hit me. "I don't really know a thing about you. You never talk about yourself, before you were human, your family, anything."

Damon shot me a look full of daggers, and even through the darkness, I could still make out the burning in his gaze. It silenced me and I looked away immediately almost ashamed that I was pushing this all on him now, especially now.

"That has nothing to do with the person I am now." He hissed, turning away from me and heading towards the window.

"Yes it does Damon!" I shouted, feeling tears feeling my eyes but no falling yet. "It has everything to do with who you are and don't you dare deny it!"

"I've told you already! What more do you want me to say?"

"You told me half that story, you never explained to me why your father shot you or why you and Stefan feuded for so many years." My voice was starting to crack now, but I had to keep going. "You won't even tell me what your relationship was with Katherine or who she even was!"

Damon let out a bitter chuckle, finally turning to face me again, his lips pressed in to a thin line and his eyes narrowed. He started to pace the room, not taking his eyes off of me.

"So this is what it's all about? Katherine?" He questioned, crossing his arms over his bare chest. "You. Are. Jealous?"

My lips parted to protest, but nothing came out. Was I jealous? I didn't know who Katherine really was or even what she looked like, yet I had this burning hatred towards her. It was because of the pain and suffering she had put Damon through. It was because I cared about him. It was because I didn't want to see him get hurt again.

The mere thought that he may still be in love with that heartless, psychotic bitch made my blood turn cold. I knew all this doubt had come from Stefan planting the thoughts inside my head, but I couldn't help it. I had to hear the truth and the whole truth from Damon now.

Then I felt Damon's hand on my shoulder. I stiffened and turned to look at him with fear. I blinked hard, feeling the familiar burn behind my eyes and hating myself for it once more.

"I-I'm sorry…I shouldn't have asked…" I choked with the desperation that I was feeling.

We stared at each other for a long moment and I felt my eyes water still. Damon's eyes had slowly started to soften, the harshness of his features falling part like a mask. He reached forward desperately gripping my hand and pulled me into his bare chest, running his hands down my back.

"No, I'm sorry." Damon whispered softly, his breath hot on my skin. "I shouldn't have snapped like that."

I nodded my head slightly, trying to hold back my sniffles as a few stray tears leaked from my lids and slid down his chest. My knees felt as if they were about to give me, until Damon scoped me up in his arms and carried us over to the bed.

He reached for the zip on the side of my dress and slipped it over my head and passing me one of my night shirts from this draws. I'd spent so much time in his room lately that it didn't surprise me that some of my clothing were in here.

Finally he came around the bed to his side, pulling the covers on top of both our laps, but neither of us made a move to lie down, still sat up. I licked my dry lips, trying to find the right things to say to him.

"I shouldn't have been so hard on you tonight." I whispered, staring at the ground as I clutched the blanket closer. "You've got enough on your plate without having me picking a fight with you."

Damon was quiet for a long time, watching me as he considered my words. He moved across the bed until he was a few inches away, taking my chin in his hands and pulling my face gently up to his.

"It's okay, I shouldn't have said what I said." He whispered, brushing a strand of hair from my face tenderly.

He brought his lips to mine in a hesitant gesture, brushing them lightly, a simple and soft gesture. I felt terrible about what I had done, once again hurting him like I had done so many times before.

"I really am sorry." I whimpered, wanting to make sure he understood.

"Shh…" Damon hushed, placing a finger to my lips as his hand grazed my jaw, traveling lower to my neck.

He pulled a few strands of hair away from my neck before lowering his body on top of mine so that I was now on my back, his hips resting on mine. Then he leaned down and kissed my neck, sucking at the skin as if there was an imaginary wound there, drinking non-existent blood and I knew he craved. He was a vampire after all.

Damon pulled his face back up, placing kisses on my cheeks and the tip of my nose. He brushed the material over my chest gently, all the while holding my gaze. He followed the trail of his hand, pulling at my shirt to expose more of my skin to him. He sucked on the flesh of my collar bone briefly, fisting his hands into my hair and groaning.

"Hmm…" He hummed to himself. "I could keep doing this all night," Damon sighed, resurfacing from my chest. "But we have a pageant to attend tomorrow as well as keeping an eye on creepy Uncle John."

There was a small smirk on his lips and he rolled off of me, but he didn't go too far. He pulled me to him, pressing my back against his warm chest as his head nuzzled in my hair. He took deep breaths as his fingers traced patterns over my stomach.

"Damon?" I could feel my eyes growing heavy as we lay there, but I had to ask something. "Do you think Stefan's okay?"

He sighed heavy. "No, I think there is something very wrong with him this time. I don't know really what it is, but he's changed."

"What are we going to do?" I whispered, wanting to know if he had any plan at all.

"Don't worry, I'll think of something." His tone was determined and as was his grip.

His chin was now rested on the top of my head as he cupped my body closer to his. The outline of his muscled stomach and chest pressed into my back, curling around me like a shield and making me feel safe and secure.

I wanted to sleep, I really did, but the thoughts at the back of my mind kept turning as I consider everything that had happened today. Everything from John to Stefan and then even the argument with Damon. I knew that we had not settled this disagreement and that it was likely to happen again in the future, but right now I was happy just being wrapped up in his arms.

It took a while for Damon to get to sleep because he wasn't exactly a light sleeper, but I'd been with him long enough to know when he slipped in to the land of dreams. His breathing evened out and his muscles relax around me, but still held on just not as tight.

I turned my body around so that I was now facing him and I couldn't resist using my finger to trace the lines of his skin. He was so innocent when he slept. So peaceful.

I didn't want to hurt him anymore, but there was something in the air, I could feel it. Something was going to come between us and I couldn't bear to let that happen. I had tried so hard to stop myself from getting too close to him, trying to protect myself from any more painful emotion that could fill me. But it was too late.

Despite my best efforts, I couldn't stop how I was feeling now.

I loved him.

"Oh Damon," I asked myself. "What am I going to do with you?"

Hello! Well this chapter is slightly shorter than the others and his more of a filler, but trust me it had to be done! Alice is going through a tough time at the moment from the things that Stefan has said to her own emotions which resulted in the outburst from Damon. In truth, Damon hasn't and doesn't really like talking about his past to Alice and he hates when she brings up Katherine. Is Damon still in love with the crazy, murderous doppelganger? Also, I would like to point out that Alice has no idea what Katherine looks like or anything really about her...yet ;)

So what did you think? Like it? Please let me know! Thanks to EmmaSalvatoreSomerhalder, Tvdlover87654, Bahja Ali, SomebodyWhoCares and TVDdelenaSalvatore for your amazing reviews on the last few chapters and your on going support. And thanks to everyone who has recently favourited or followed this story! I hope you are enjoying it :)

Next chapter: Stefan loses it, Damon steps in to help and Alice meets an unexpected arrival to town giving her the shock of her life. Stay tuned ;)