A/N: Alright, I'm in full on active denial about the Merlin finale, because let's just be honest with ourselves, that was lazy. Like. So lazy. The reveal should have been spread out over several episodes, not one, Gwen figuring out that Merlin is a sorcerer is a big deal that should have been bigger. No one besides the royals actually find out about him. No laws are changed. Merlin never returns to Camelot.

And the one time BBC ever decides to stick to the original legends, it's to kill of Arthur. Really? What happened to the side-by-side ruling Albion that we were told about all this time? How can you hurt Merlin like that even more and then saddle him with immortality as the icing on the cake? And if you're going to pull the immortal Merlin in modern day card, could you at least give a hintof a reunion with Arthur? Please?

This episode gave absolutely no resolution for anything, save the reveal itself.

The reveal itself was pretty well done, I'll admit. But the finale as a whole was heartbreaking and disappointing. Headcanon most definitely not accepted, BBC.

Now of course, I have to try to fix it.

There were tears all over his face, and the only thing he could do was scream. He'd ripped out his heart for this, he'd ripped out his sanity, his dignity, his self, and there was nothing for it anymore. Arthur was dead. He'd learned about Merlin's magic, he'd won against Morgana, he'd thanked Merlin, and then he'd died and left him alone. His life was supposed to be beginning – and now, it was cut short in the form of his best friend, dead in his arms. And so, Merlin screamed. He screamed in anger, in pain, in grief. It was thicket of emotions he'd never known, a ruthless fist that reached in and drug out a wordless anguish that reduced him to screaming and tears, the only intelligible thought in his head centered around the absence of company, the stillness of the heart beside him.

Just as his tongue started to form the words to call Kilgarrah, he woke up.

He was in his room, and he realized quickly that he had been screaming, and crying. He swiped at his eyes and tried to remember what had happened, when found that he couldn't. "I'll have your favorite meal waiting for you," he remembered Gaius saying. Had that happened? Had Gaius made him dinner? He couldn't remember. He didn't remember arriving home after sending Arthur off to Avalon. The thought brought more tears to the surface, and he had to take a moaning breath to steady himself. But here he was, in his room – surely he'd arrived back home at some point. Had he been that traumatized, when he returned, that now he couldn't remember anything after? But, what about…

Gwen, he thought suddenly.

She didn't know. He hadn't told her. He'd been too distraught. She deserved to know. Hands shaking, Merlin threw back his covers and went to his door.

"Merlin?" Gaius called, and looked surprised when Merlin opened his door. The physician was in his night robe and holding a candle that illuminated the concerned expression on his face. "Are you alright? I heard noises…" but Merlin didn't heed his questions, and sped past to the front door. Gaius called after him, but his ward was running fast.

He barely had to think about where he was going before he found himself at the royal chambers. He didn't knock – he'd never learned to. He barged in and was surprised and almost hurt to see Gwen sitting there, awake. Had she somehow known?

"Gwen," he said, breathing hard. She looked up and almost smiled, but looked suddenly very concerned.

"Merlin," She stood, "is something-"

"Gwen, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,"

"Merlin, what are you talking about?" She asked him, coming near.

"I tried, I tried so hard, I couldn't… I couldn't save-"

"Shh, Merlin," she put a hand on his arm, the other petting his shoulder comfortingly. "Come out and tell me what's happened – just don't be too loud in here, you'll wake him." She said softly.

"Wake him?" he asked, face frozen.

"Arthur," She told him. "Now come on, out here and-"

But he wrested himself from her grip and flew toward the curtained-off side of the chambers that hid their bed. He flung the curtains aside and went around to the bed.

There, asleep but most definitely, definitely alive, was Arthur Pendragon.

Merlin had to catch himself on one of the four posts of the bedframe. His chest caved into what were sure to be more sobs. Gwen came up behind him just as he put a hand up to his mouth to stifle any noise.

"Merlin?" She asked tentatively.

"He's alive," Merlin breathed, reaching out to the sleeping figure but not touching it, almost afraid that he would disappear.

"Yes, Merlin. You saved him. …Don't you remember?"

Merlin's answer was to suddenly burst into tears. He began shaking his head as Gwen rushed forward and grabbed him, and somehow navigated him out into the hallway where she dismissed the guards and left the two alone. Before saying anything else, she took him into her arms, letting him bend his taller head against her shoulder and weep. Distantly, Merlin thought that Gwen would make a wonderful mother, and wondered then if she and Arthur would ever have children. He wept harder when he realized that they could, because Arthur was somehow alive.

She rubbed circles on his back and waited for him to calm down. She wouldn't let him see the concern on her face. When she had seen him burst into their rooms, the first thing Gwen noticed was his face, tired, tear-stained, afraid, and so very very sad. She didn't understand what was going on, but from what she could tell, Merlin must have been under the impression that Arthur had died. She felt tears in her eyes. She could hardly think of it herself – she couldn't imagine how it was for Merlin, who was supposed to be in charge of Arthur this whole time.

Eventually, his tears slowed down and she pulled away. "Merlin," she asked, pulling out a handkerchief and putting it to his eyes, and handing it to him. "Merlin, what on earth is the matter – why would you be surprised that Arthur is alive? You were there with him, the whole time."

"I-I don't…" Merlin sniffed and blew his nose, "I don't remember. I don't remember coming… back. I just… Arthur, on our way to Avalon, to save him, he… collapsed. On the bank. I couldn't save him. Couldn't save him… I couldn't, he… dead."

"No," Gwen shook her head, "no, Merlin, not at all. You saved him. You told us all he was unconscious by the time you got to Avalon, but he was alive – oh, Merlin, you don't remember. He's fine. Arthur is fine. Sleeping, a bit weak, but he will be fine. Thanks to you."

Merlin blinked at her, and then suddenly his face twisted toward tears once again, and his head was back in Gwen's arms.

"He's alive," he thought he'd said it in his mind, but it must have been out loud, because Gwen hugged his head closer and gave a bittersweet laugh. "I came to tell you that he wasn't," he told her through tears, "and now… he's…" He started crying again. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried like this, to the point where he couldn't stop himself. Even when his own father had died, he'd had to keep his reaction under control because of what Arthur might do. But now, here, at the end of it all, there were no more secrets to keep, and he no longer had the strength to act.

He heard footsteps, but didn't realize what was going on when a concerned Gaius turned the corner to see them. He didn't hear Gwen and Gaius speaking about him in concerned but loving tones, nor did he feel it when Gaius coaxed him back to the physicians chambers and put him in his bed. But some part of his subconscious, deep in his brain, must have heard the soft "sleep easy, Merlin. You've both done it, at long last."

A/N: This will most definitely be a multi-chapter fic, because there are a hundred and one loose ends to tie up about this messy finale, but they will probably be short chapters, and not entirely strung together where plot is concerned. But who knows? Perhaps it will evolve into something more.