A/N: Birthday present for my best friend, and the result of watching Iron Man at 1am and then pondering the mysteries of life, like how the blast that killed Obie looked a lot like the BiFrost beam.

And then this happened.

5 times Loki appeared to Tony accidentally and one time it was on purpose.

1.

The first time it happened, Tony assumed it was some batshit crazy hallucination. That's what one normally assumes when a tall guy wearing just a towel appears and starts shrieking. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

It was back in 2008, when Tony was going through some of the worst times of his life. Torture, then killing people, then finding out Obie was a sneaky little bitch who hadn't had his back after all. Not that Tony was vengeful or anything.

Tony'd tried to ice Obie, but it really hadn't worked. The ice had simply thawed and left him no better off, though Tony had managed to knock out his optical sensors so he had to raise his visor.

After a somewhat dramatic and whiny shouting match with Pepper over the possible ramifications of sacrificing himself to blast Obie from here all the way back to Afghanistan, Tony finally convinced her to overload the arc reactor.

The beam fried Obie and fired up into the night sky, projecting from Earth out into space.

Obie's armour-clad corpse fell through the roof onto the arc reactor, making the whole thing explode rather messily and scorch Tony's hair as the flames surged from the building.

Time for a haircut perhaps.

The shockwave was a bitch, though, and Tony was jolted violently into unconsciousness, his arc reactor sparking to try and continue running.

-O.O-

Loki stepped out of the baths of Asgard, dripping wet and hunting for his towel. He'd just wrapped the soft article around his waist when he faintly felt something connect with his magic and tug him from his location with a strangled yelp.

-O.O-

Tony woke up alone on the roof with the sound of sirens ringing in the distance and his suit only semi-functioning. Semi was better than not and so he breathed a sigh of relief that everything seemed okay for now.

Then he heard an unmanly shrieking and sat upright sharply, looking for the next attacker and wondering why his life had to be this difficult.

Instead a tall, skinny, mostly-undressed guy with a face prettier than the whole 13 cover models put together - even March, of whom Tony had in fact had a scheduling difficulty with - was screeching in shock and surprise.

Tony then pondered how likely it was he was delirious.

The man saw Tony and called panickedly "What realm is this?"

"Uhm...Narnia?" Tony said, wondering where this guy had come from looking fresh from the shower.

"I have left the Nine!" The man said in disbelief, before turning to call upwards at the sky "Heimdall, if you hear me, please deliver me home!"

Then there was a blast of golden light not unlike the one that had fried Obie and Tony put it all down to shellshock.

2.

Tony disregarded that whole absurd scene and let it slip from his mind. He had bigger concerns than pretty boys shouting at the sky.

That was, Rhodey attacking him at his birthday party while he was drunk off his face. While Rhodey had sobriety in his favour, Tony had practice at operating the suit, so punches were pretty even until Tony got his helmet in the fireplace and they reached what our communist friends and ourselves would call mutually assured destruction. Repulsor aimed at repulsor, and both of them too stubborn to do anything reasonable (such a silly idea!) like let the other win.

Then the beams hit, and every nearby window shattered as a wave of repulsor energy escaped the front of the house and soared out into the world like a confused dragon. Smaug, if you will. It was a surreal scene.

-O.O-

This time, Loki had been horseriding on his father's steed, Sleipnir, keeping it fit in the harsh summer heat when he felt a tug on his magic not unlike the one he'd felt at the baths some time ago.

Swearing, he tried to weave a spell to counteract it, but he was vanished from the horse's back midcanter before he could complete it.

-O.O-

Tony was only vaguely conscious. He'd just watched Rhodey leave, taking the freshly christened War Machine with him, when there was movement in the corner of his eye.

He saw black hair, pale skin -a lot of pale skin, owing to its owner only wearing leather riding pants and boots - and the same fine, tall build he remembered from last time.

"You?!" Tony said confusedly.

"By the Nine -" The man choked. "What is this?"

"Uh..." Tony looked around at the chaos. "A trashed party. I'm Tony Stark, who the hell are you?"

"I am Loki, of Asgard, and I do not understand why I am drawn from my home to here." 'Loki' said, glancing at the room thoughtfully.

"Hey, if I knew I would tell you. Why do you keep turning up half-naked?" Tony said, staggering to his feet and raising his faceplate to get a better look at Loki.

"Coincidence." Loki shrugged. "I must return; Father's stableboy will be looking for me."

"No, wait, I want to-" Tony said, but Loki had already started shouting at the sky.

"Heimdall!" He shouted, before a beam of light drew him up to the sky.

3.

Tony was dying. He'd known that; he'd almost managed to accept it. Cool. He'd had a good life, a good sex life too; though with him the two were somewhat synonymous.

But then Fury had leapt in out of nowhere and lit a beacon of hope, making Tony smash holes in the walls of his house and built himself a particle accelerator.

Coulson had said he was leaving for a situation in New Mexico, not that Tony was heartbroken by the threat of being tased being removed. And he'd be forced to watch Supernanny. Oh the indignity.

The particle accelerator worked better than he'd thought (if ignored how many things he cut in half) and soon he had his very own element. Maybe he'd just call it Tony Stark. Or perhaps 'surprise' because then he would have invented the Element of Surprise.

As he walked back to his modified arc reactor to test the element, he saw someone curled up on his couch asleep. He plugged the element in quickly so JARVIS could run tests and dashed over there because, come on, security breach.

Oddly enough, he calmed down a little when he saw Loki asleep. Looking closer, he saw his pale face was slightly red and blotchy from tears. Huh.

"Loki?" He said, gently tugging on the man's -whatever's - arm.

Loki woke with a start and immediately wiped his face clear. "Thor?" He said, sounding like a lost kid.

"Uh, no, it's Tony Stark again. Dunno how you got here, big guy, but you're back in Narnia." Tony said confusedly. Did Loki just ask for Thor? As in, god of thunder?

"How does this-" Loki said in disbelief, sitting bolt upright and looking around at the half-destroyed workshop. "What happened?"

"I made a new element. You don't seem like you're from around here, you're from Asgard or wherever, but me, I'm the world's best and brightest." Tony said proudly.

"As am I, though I suppose we work in different mediums." Loki mused. "A new element, you say? May I see?"

"Don't you want to go home?" Tony asked.

"I think I would appreciate some...time away. Just a few minutes." Loki sighed.

"What happened?" Tony said curiously.

"A little family issue. Nothing for you to concern yourself with." Loki said. "Where is it?"

As JARVIS ran diagnostics, Tony explained to Loki how he'd made it. He wasn't certain why he just relaxed, but Loki didn't seem to be from anywhere with any kind of technology that could replicate this. He had been wearing leather pants last time, for heaven's sake. He wasn't dressed much better this time, soft pants and a green tunic and no shoes. Loki had literally been dragged out of bed.

Despite not understanding the terminology, Loki seemed to understand the process, and Tony marvelled at how smart his mystery man seemed to be.

Just then, he received an incoming call, and Loki seemed to remember that he had to go, so Tony wave him to the outdoors to catch his Stairway To Heaven or however he was travelling.

4.

The fourth time, in Tony's opinion, was the funniest, despite how inappropriate the timing was.

See, Vanko had him and Rhodey by the balls - not really, it was by the throats, but whatever - and attacking him was proving quite the failure, so Tony flashed back to them bitchfighting back in Malibu and aimed his repulsor at Rhodey.

Rhodey caught on pretty quick - there was something in that brain after all - and they fired together, catching Vanko with the blast.

-O.O-

Loki was king, motherfuckers. After his little freak-out when Thor got banished, and another when he found out holy fuck I'm a demon baby and adopted and oh shit Odin just collapsed, he swallowed a big glass of harden up and started winding a few new plans to dig himself out of the hole he'd slipped into.

He strode up the throne room, because he was so majestic, and he'd turned to sit when he felt a sort-of familiar yank on his magic. Shit.

-O.O-

Tony had managed to get out of this one with his consciousness. Maybe not his sanity, but meh, who needed it?

He pulled himself to his feet to see Rhodey doing the same, just as Loki materialised with a flash.

The man sat down heavily into the stream, landing on his butt, and the long green cape he'd been wearing flicked up suddenly over his head to tangle in his horned helmet.

"Ahh!" Loki screeched in rage and frustration, pulling his cape down and climbing to his feet. "Why does this continue to happen!?"

"Hey there, Loki buddy." Tony cackled, way too amused by what he was seeing. "Look, you're fully dressed this time!"

"I am a king, Stark, I do not deserve your mockery!" Loki shouted, drying his armoured pants with a wave of his hand and making to storm off.

Right then, though, Rhodey had caught Vanko's last words about how they'd lost, and shouted a warning to Tony just as all the arcs powering the drones started to flash red.

Tony wrapped an arm around Loki's waist and they took to the sky, Loki calling Tony everything from a mewling quim to the progeny of a whore and a bilgesnipe, whatever that meant.

Loki wriggled and writhed, but Tony was just strong enough to contain him even though he felt a lot stronger than a normal human should be.

They streaked across the sky, Tony trying to keep Loki in one piece while reaching Pepper in time to save her perfect ginger butt. All this hero work was more difficult than he would have given it credit for.

Pepper was staring dumbfoundedly at the flashing arc in front of her when Tony soared past and snatched her under his other arm, bringing the three of them up to a distant roof with not too much instability.

Tony set the pair of them down awkwardly and yanked off his sparking helmet to get an earful from Pepper.

"Oh my god, I can't take this anymore!" She began, only to rant for a bit, and then gasp at the end while pointing at a disorientated Loki "And who the hell is he?"

"Well, this is Loki, and you don't have to make excuses-"

"I wasn't making excuses, I'm actually very justified, and what gutter did you drag him and that stupid helmet out of-"

"Stupid!" Loki suddenly interjected in outrage.

"He just appeared, but you deserve better. You've taken such good care of me." Tony said, ignoring Loki to look at Pepper earnestly. "It's been a tough spot but you got me through it, so."

Then they riffed awkwardly for a while, as Loki glared at both of them.

Tony may have misjudged slightly when he leaned in for a kiss. Pepper's eyes widened in surprise and she moved with her instinct, tugging Loki into the way.

Having made the unwitting mistake of closing his eyes, Tony reflected vaguely on how tall Pepper seemed to be as he pressed his lips to what he assumed was hers, until he opened his eyes and found himself looking at Loki, who seemed just as surprised.

Tony thought fuck it, he's pretty anyway and wrapped a metal arm around Loki's waist, deepening the kiss.

When they broke apart, Tony thought it might have been one of the weirdest moments of his life. Then Rhodey and Pepper cracked up laughing, and yeah, it got weirder.

"Sorry," Tony winced at Loki, who looked pleasantly off-balance.

"No matter." Loki said, though it was pretty obvious by his flush it was a matter to him. "I must leave, in any case. Heimdall!"

The tall, horned man vanished in a blast of golden light.

"What the fuck was that?" Rhodey said.

Tony just shrugged. "Damned if I know. But I wish he'd stay longer. I have about a million questions to ask him."

5.

After reading an incident summary of the whole Puente Antiguo affair, Tony nearly freaked out. Loki, his favourite leather fetishist, had attacked the Thor he'd mentioned on waking up and had collaterally destroyed a town.

Well. That changed things. Not to mention Loki seemed to be the Loki, god of lies and mischief.

What Tony really wanted was answers. So after a few weeks of stewing and trying to explain Loki to Pepper and Rhodey, who didn't understand a word, he set DUM-E up at one end of the lab with a repulsor and stood at the other end with one of his own, firing and knocking everything over in a bright explosion.

As he'd hoped, Loki appeared shortly after. However, he hadn't expected the guy to be blue and covered in huge fucking burns.

Tony managed to dive forward and dramatically catch him as he swooned and fell, sending them both skittering across the floor. "Hey there, Papa Smurf," He grinned.

Loki realised where he was, gave a weak, exhausted smile and passed out, so Tony gently laid him down on the couch and took a look. Long, raised marks trailed over Loki's whole body, which Tony could see because his blue buddy was wearing not much more than tattered shorts which had probably started life as full-length pants.

Apart from the horrific burns, Loki was unscathed, but his whole body was icy cold. Not sure if that was normal, Tony went for the helpful angle and slapped a warm towel on his forehead.

Like a jug of Kool-Aid being drained, Loki bled back to his usual alabaster complexion. Oh yeah!

No more Kool-Aid Man references. Sorry.

The burns were pretty bad, but Tony didn't really want to take him to a hospital, so he just searched up all his ice packs and put them where necessary. Fortunately Loki didn't turn blue again.

It was a few hours before Loki woke up, and Tony spent the whole time sitting next to him.

The burns looked painful, but Loki sat up anyway with a panicked, wild look in his eyes, green light haloing around his hands.

"Cool it, big guy!" Tony said in alarm. "It's me, remember?"

"Stark?" Loki said confusedly.

"Yep. I tried to summon you so we could talk, but you were blue and all pass-ey out-y." Tony replied.

Loki looked at the burns on his body, admiring his pale skin, before concentrating and glowing green to heal.

"Why didn't you do that before when you were all blued out?" Tony asked.

"My captors prevented me from doing so." Loki said tiredly.

"Captors?" Tony said worriedly.

"I will explain everything in due course, I promise." Loki said. "But right now I must warn Asgard of the plans against this realm."

He pulled himself to his feet and made to leave by the garage ramp, but Tony grabbed his wrist. "Make sure you come back." He said firmly. "I have about a million sciencey things I want to do with you, and maybe a few non science ones." The last bit was said with a flirtatious smirk, and Loki smirked right back.

"I will try." Loki said, raising Tony's hand to his mouth and gently kissing the back of it before leaving.

+1.

This time, Loki turned up intentionally.

He'd been gone a day or two already, and Tony was getting worried that he wasn't coming back. Therefore he was lying on a bench in his workshop eating pizza and drinking spirits. Obviously.

There was a sudden flash and Tony felt a heavy weight on his legs.

"Yah!" Tony said, kicking out and knocking Loki off him. "Loki!"

"Apologies!" Loki said, having tried to appear in a sitting position on the bench and missing.

"So you're back. What happened up in the big palace in the sky?" Tony asked.

"I am in self-imposed exile." Loki said nonchalantly.

"What?" Tony said in shock.

"It is a long story, but to shorten it, through one reason or another the people of Asgard will not react kindly to my continued residence." Loki shrugged.

"Does that mean you're staying here? It does, right?" Tony said excitedly. "Oh, this is gonna be great. We're gonna do so much science so we figure out how you keep poofing up when I use my tech badly. And how your space-god tech works. And-"

Loki smiled as he spoke, happy to have somewhere to go where someone with a brain wanted to study something instead of smacking it with an axe and then cooking it. Tony babbled on and on until Loki just grabbed him by the collar and kissed him.

"-And then there's that, too." Tony said in surprise.

"Whatever brings me to this place, it has done me a great service." Loki grinned.

Tony just swept a bench clear and started setting up some tests.