First Ammo: The Butler, Tiger, and Black Cat Appear!

Okay, recap to save time! It all started I don't even know how long age, when Saito was born. But that's too far back so we fast forward to when he got sucked into Halkegnia by a giant green portal thing. There he met his current wife, Louise blah de blah Valliere, now Louise Hiraga which is a much more easily pronounceable name. Well, she wasn't technically his wife, but she was and the whole situation's an easily understandable mess. See, a few years after showing up, the poor bastard formally known as Saito got pulled into a time warp and did everything over again. That's the Louise he made Louise Hiraga. Also he met me! The incredible Inner Monologue! What am I exactly? **** if I know.

Anyway, a few years or so after that whole fiasco, Louise and Saito get caught in a horribly failed teleport spell that failed so epicly and miserably that it tore a whole in space-time and plopped them straight into an alternate timeline where Louise summoned the incredibly gorgeous Flame Haired, Burning Eyed hunter, Shana whom I absolutely adore. She came from a timeline where she killed her boyfriend Sakai Yuji, who had merged with the Snake of the Festival aka THE ****ING GOD OF CREATION! This kind of pissed me off because I hadn't read the last light novel yet, but it turned out fine because it was a sort of alternate ending I guess, so everything's cool, and nothing was spoiled for me. Needless to say, she wasn't happy about killing the first person she ever fell in love with. But it's 'kay, because now she loves Saito to my eternal joy, because it's like she's loving me by proxy. Kind of. Unfortunately, Saito's still set on Louise, and refuses to accept my idea of going for the threesome. Oh, he loves his timeline's Louise, (who we call Louise 1) not the Louise that summoned Shana (who we call Louise 2). Good thing too, considering she's dropped a hint or two that she's in love with Shana, which I find far hotter then I should. Maybe I should make an artist's rendering of them making out and post it on the internet? Nah, Saito's head's internet connection is far too slow. It's a wonder I can browse the internet at all.

Of course, things staying the same is boring, and around the time we offed the first Jormundgand (read: Giant metal golem of death and destruction) we were approached by a little girl who didn't look older then nine years old. She said her name was Ariana, and that she was an angel. Apparently, real angels monitor the various timelines of each universe to make sure nothing extraordinarily bad happens, and they registered that something fitting just that description was going to happen to us! Awesome! Ariana described it as a sort of blackness that would eventually eat up this timeline then most of this whole universe. Or maybe it was existence? I dunno, that sounds kind of stupid. Either way, she said she had been sent to help us out and would be back in a week to help us prepare. She didn't say what the threat was, but by putting two and two together, I'm pretty sure it's the return of the Snake god dude, which severely frightened me. Then I remembered that Shana soloed him, and this time it was 4 on 1, and my confidence increased, even if I am still wary of fighting a freaking GOD. With that said, a week has passed, and now we're waiting for her to show up. Let's get this show on the road!

*Story Start!*

Me, the Louises and Shana were currently sitting at a table in the courtyard of the academy, waiting for someone to show up. Thinking about it a bit, how would she show up? Descend upon us on a beam of light? That's stupid. 'Never underestimate people's need for theatricality.'

Since we were waiting and it might be a while before that person showed up, I figured I'd bring up something with the group that's been bugging me for a while.

"You know, I noticed something," I begin.

"And what's that?" Louise 1 asked.

"Louise and Shana sound almost exactly alike."

The Louises and Shana stare at me blankly for a little.

"No, I'm serious. I mean, I think I've been around Louise long enough to differentiate her voice from Shana's but they still sound really similar," I tell them.

"Considering how close there universes are in terms of birth, it honestly doesn't surprise me," someone says before any of the girls can answer.

I look to my right and see a girl sitting in a chair next to me. She didn't look very old, still like a kid around the age of nine. She had long white hair that probably came down to her back, and bright green eyes. Whether or not they glowed in the dark was both a useless question, and the one I was currently wondering. Focus man! 'Says the one who's always yelling at me to stare at Shana's ass some more.' I have a good reason for that! 'I'm listening.' ... Shana's hot. 'Well she is a flame haze.' Ha. Ha. Ha. Hilarious.

Anyway, our new guess was wearing a sleeveless, white, one piece dress that covered to below her knees and had a pocket on the chest. Unlike last time we saw her, she didn't have detached sleeves. Still no idea how those work. Magic, the girl responds in my head. Really? Nope.

"Well, like I was saying," Ariana begins, "Louise's universe and Shana's universe aren't that far apart. Think of each universe as a branch on a tree, and a timeline a leaf on that branch. Each branch still goes back to the same tree, and some branches are close then others, right? Imagine that a leaf from one branch falls off and lands near a leaf on another branch. Well in the case of these universes, branches that grew closer to each other tend to share some data, or leaves as the metaphor states, and things like that. It's perfectly conceivable that Shana and Louise sound alike among other things."

Intriguing.

I'm curious as to the classification terms (universes and timelines are different in what way?) but we have more important things to discuss.

"Well, it's been a week, just like you said," I throw out.

"Yeah. What's the first step to saving everything?" Louise 1 asks.

Ariana smiles. "First, Shana. Could you please set up a seal to make sure the conversation remains private?"

Shana nods. "Seal."

And with that one spoken word, a red aura of sorts covers everything and everything caught in it stops moving. Ah. The familiar sense of the world being removed from the flow of time. 'I'm not sure if that fact that we're used to time being messed with is a good thing.' Eh, probably not.

Ariana smiles. "Awesome. Now that we can do whatever we feel like doing with hopefully no interruptions, we can begin. Who wants to go first?"

"First for what?" Alastor asks.

Holy crap! I forgot he was here. He needs to speak up more.

"Well, we going to need more help, aren't we?" Ariana asked. "I mean, potential universe ending threat, remember? Therefore, you four are going to summon up some more help!"

"Wait, wait, summon as in a familiar summon?" Louise 1 asks, prompting Ariana to nod enthusiastically.

"B-but that's impossible!" Louise 2 protests. "You can't have more then 1 familiar, and Saito and Shana aren't mages!"

"Well... Didn't that founder guy have like, four?" Ariana says. "I guess it never said he had them at the same time, did it? I should probably look into that stuff a bit. Either way, even if it turns out that it is in fact technically impossible to do that normally in this universe, you're forgetting that you're getting help from another dimension of sorts, so I wouldn't really question what is and isn't possible."

"So we all just summon up a familiar?" I ask.

"Yep," comes Ariana's concise reply.

"And that's supposed to make a universal threat beatable?" Shana asks, slight hints of disappointment lining her voice. Maybe I should ask.

"Shana, you seem disappointed. Something the matter?" I ask.

"N-no. Nothing's wrong at all," she replies. Wait. Is she blushing a bit?

After a second, Ariana's eyes widen a bit.

"A giant robot? Really?" She asks out of nowhere.

While me and the Louises look absolutely lost, Shana's blush slightly brightens and she looks shocked.

"H-how-"

"I can read minds, remember?" Ariana asks. "And um... sorry, but that'd cause too big a distortion to bring with us. Sorry."

"I-it's fine. Really," Shana says quickly. "Never talk about it again."

"Right," Ariana says. "Now, going back to what I was saying, doing this won't by any means guarantee us anything. We're just summoning up some more people. What goods are numbers if they can't fight at all and just get slaughtered? Unfortunately I'm still working on that part. Weaponry isn't as easy to come by or license as you may think it is."

"In any case, is there anything that it would help to know before any of us do anything?" I ask. I'd hate to do something wrong and bring forth the Jabberwocky and have it eat all of us. Well, no danger of that. Probably. 'Probably?'

"Well, let me go through the basics." With that, Ariana reaches into her shirt pocket and pulls out one of those olds phones that you flip open. A few pings later, it looks like she's brought up some old text document.

"Okay, nothing really major or fanciful," Ariana begins. "First, each familiar will only get Gandalfar abilities, on account of nobody summoning is from or can be associated with anywhere other then Tristain which is apparently how the system works."

That sucks. I wanted a vindalfar so we could get a giant dragon on our side. Maybe, I dunno, a large cat. Those things are vicious as hell.

"Next, to increase our chances and due to the fact that each one is kind of part of a pair, each summoning will result in two familiars," Ariana says as she scrolls through the document.

"Two?" Louise 2 says in almost astonishment. "That's-"

"We're breaking the rules enough as is, does it matter if we break it a little more?" Louise 1 points out.

"The greater our numbers the higher chance of success," Shana adds.

"While I agree, what do you mean that they're part of a pair?" I ask.

Ariana scratches her head, as if wondering how to respond. We'll you'll see when we summon most of them, but I guess I can try to explain. Really now? Interesting.

"Well, I'll be honest, we've already kind of rigged the thing to have each of summon preselected familiars. Depending on who was summoned. how strong or powerful they were and how far away their native timeline is, the bigger the distortions that could be caused. Remember those? The things that can potentially unbalance a timeline and cause a complete spacial collapse? Yeah, we picked who showed up to try and avoid that. Now, for Louise, Louise and Shana, the ones you were set to summon had a partner of sorts that they work well with. I argued that splitting those teams up would do nothing but hurt us, so we were able to rig up a partner system of sorts."

"What about me?" I asked. "You said their familiars had partners but mine didn't."

"Well, she didn't. She had a trio, kind of, but we couldn't summon all three and were kind of pushing it with her as is, so we just picked someone else to fill out that gap."

Come on! They get actual pairs and our's are picked at random? What the- Black Cat. Disgaea 4. ... I love you. Please hold all applause until after the summoning. Saito. Summoning. Now. 'Was I supposed to understand what those mean?' Not at all! 'Oh good, I was worried for a second.'

"Soooo, any last questions?" Ariana asks

"Any last minute details you many have forgotten to mention?" I ask to make sure.

"Oh! Right! There was one!" Ariana says as she pounds her fist into her hand. "There is something! Since two of the group are married, a third's crushing hard on the husband and the fourth's crushing hard on her, we toyed with the system a bit. You still have to kiss the familiar to finish the contract, but you can just kiss them on the forehead or something, instead of the lips."

Ariana then smiles innocently, ignoring the massive redness that's spread over all four of our faces. Then she notices.

"Um... your faces are red." Astute observation! We never would have guessed! Shut up!"W-was it something I said?"

"Nothing," I say, cutting off this line of conversation for the rest of time. "So who summons first?"

Me! me! Me! Pickuspickuspickus! Ususus! Pick us!

"Um... Shana? You wanna give it a shot?" Ariana asks.

Damn it! This is because I mocked your captain obvious moment? No. You just kind of annoyed me with asking to be picked first. Lesson learned. 'Don't annoy angels.' Unless you've got an EVA unit handy. 'I got that reference! Finally you say something I understand!' Joy upon joys! Sucks it won't be happening again, but whatever.

"Sure. I see no problem going first," Shana says as she stands up. "How exactly do I summon a familiar?"

After some briefing in the ways of witchcraft and familiar summoning, Shana is ready to perform.

"You know, if this doesn't work right we're blaming you. You know that, right Ariana?" I ask.

"If this doesn't work right you have every right to blame me," Ariana replies. "I was told this was completely possible, so it'd be my fault for believing them in the first place."

Shana proceeds onwards with the familiar summoning ritual and completes it. To everyone's shock and surprise, the portal does open. About seven feet in the sky, facing the ground.

...

"I'll be the first to admit I have no idea whether or not it's supposed to be like that," I say, breaking the silence.

"Agreed," Ariana says. "Louise? Any pointers?"

Louise 1 shakes her head. "It's been quite a while since I've seen a working summoning ritual, remember? What about you Louise?"

"Mine exploded," and with Louise 2's concise statement, we all go back to looking at the portal.

Just in time, as it turns out. As we look at the portal, we see two figures fall through it and hit the ground, a boy and a girl.

"Hey it worked!" Ariana exclaims. Your grasp of the obvious is inspiring. As is your dry wit.

Within about a second of hitting the ground, the girl bolts to her feet, reaches under her skirt, WHOA! And pulls out two pistols. Ah man! Cocktease! The girl then points the two pistols in the general direction of our group, her aim fluctuating between each of the members of the group here.

The girl seems a little short, around Shana's height. She had bright pinkish hair tied up in twintails that reached to her waist if not lower. Her eyes were the same color. The fact that she almost seemed to be growling or hissing at us, combined with her cat-like, almost fang-like, teeth gave off a sort of feline impression. Maybe she's part cat? Anyway, she was wearing what looked like some kind of school uniform, but I couldn't recognize where it was from. It was a white shirt with a red color, red sort of tie and a matching red skirt.

The guy's also gotten up, but unlike the girl, he isn't wielding any guns yet and seems instead to be wondering what the hell's going on. He was wearing an outfit not entirely dissimilar from the girls. Hey, inner monologue. Help me out. Is his hair black or a really dark blue? ... Inner monologue?

Dude! Aria and Kinji! Shana summoned Aria and Kinji! Holy shit! 'I... Don't follow.' I didn't expect you too, so I shall endeavor to explain! Aria and Kinji are two butei from Japan. They're high school student who go to a school designed specifically for training people into being butei because that's how they roll apparently. Aria is the descendant, I think great granddaughter or something like that, of Sherlock Holmes. 'Wait, the Sherlock Holmes? As in, greatest detective who ever lived?' Well he's no Batman, but close enough. Yeah, that Sherlock. Kinji basically serves as her Watson, as well as a possible love interest. ... Basically there's no difference between the two pairs. 'Well... That's quite a bit to take in.'

"Who are you?" the girl known as Aria growls at us. "Where are we and how'd you bring us here?"

To her credit, Shana doesn't back down or show fear of any kind despite being faced with a gun at point blank range.

"Aria, just calm down for a minute and assess the situation first," the guy apparently known as Kinji tells her.

"Shut up Kinji!"

Love interest, huh? It's one of those kinds of relationships. 'I see. He has my sympathy.'

Instead of replying to either of them, Shana calmly pushes the guns away, steps forward and kisses Aria straight on. When she disconnects, Aria's left a sputtering wreck with the reddest face I've ever seen, and Shana takes the opportunity to make a move and kisses Kinji on the forehead.

Once Aria regains a shred of cognition, she opens her mouth then immediately freezes and looks at the back of her left hand. Kinji looks at the back of his left hand as well.

"You two are from Earth, right?" Shana begins. "If that is indeed the case, then I welcome you to this new world. You two have been summoned to be my familiars. I recognize that the term may not be instantly recognizable so basically, a familiar could best be summed up as a bodyguard of sorts and we are required to work together."

"A-and what was that for!" Aria exclaims. "The k-k-k-k-"

"The kiss was to seal the contract and finish the ritual," Shana explains. "Think of it like signing your name on a contract, except you don't exactly get a choice in the matter."

"So you kidnap us and force us into servitude?" Kinji asks. "What happens if we say no? Are we going to be killed and replaced?"

Shana shakes her head. "I could do that, but why would I? I won't just kill someone for no reason, and I'm not going to make an exception just because you two, completely understandably, don't quite like the situation you're in. However, if you were to go off on your own, how long do you think you'd survive? Any knowledge of Earth you may have is useless here. Any money? Useless. They wouldn't even have any your favorite foods here most likely."

At that, Aria's eyes widen. "Eh? You mean... There aren't any peach buns?"

I shake my head. "Sorry. Nothing of the sort. No peach buns, miso soup, nothing. Believe me, I've missed it too."

Aria looks at me with what almost appears to be fear in her eyes.

"Noooooooooo!" she cries into the sky.

'I... Can't tell if she's being serious or not.' She probably is. The girl absolutely adores peach buns. As in, adores to the point of dreaming about them on occasion. 'I never knew someone could be so attached to a food product.'

Shana scoffs at Aria's reaction. "Heh. How could you be so heartbroken over not being able to eat that slop?"

Aria stops her brief tantrum long enough to glare at Shana. Kinji puts a palm to his face as if bracing for the incoming shitstorm.

"What. Did. You. Say?" Aria asks, punctuating each word with a venom I never thought possible from anyone.

"You heard me," Shana says, a cocky smile playing across her lips. "You honestly enjoy that garbage? You can honestly say you'd willingly eat that?"

"Of course!" Aria claims indignantly. "Peach buns are easily the greatest thing I've ever eaten!"

Shana laughs again. "You can claim that with a straight face? Let me ask a question. Have you ever tasted melon bread?"

Oh dear. 'Agreed. Even I can already see this going absolutely terribly.'

"I have," Aria answers. "What of it?"

"So you can claim that peach buns are the most tasteful thing ever after having tasted the delicacy that is melon bread?"

Now Aria laughs out loud, to the point of doubling over and clutching her stomach in a fit of laughter. Shana raises and eyebrow.

"What's so funny?" she asks.

"You- You are!" Aria says while trying to catch her breath. "You honestly claim that melon bread is good at all, let alone as good as peach buns?"

I can practically see the fires of hated roar in Shana's eyes. I look at Kinji.

"You might want to back up a bit," I warn him.

"I was about to recommend the same thing to you," he responds. We both take around five steps backwards.

"Did you just insult my melon bread?" Shana questions Aria, who now holds the cocky grin.

"That tasteless, melon flavored garbage? What else would I be insulting?" Aria asks.

"Melon bread shouldn't taste like melons!" Shana yells angrily. "That's heresy!"

"Doesn't something need to be a religion before insulting it can be labeled heresy?" Kinji asks.

"Don't question them," I tell him. "I value my life far to much, and I'm sure you're similar." We both shut up and watch the back and forth between the two girls. All of it related to bread preference. All of it climaxing with a good, hearty-

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

Yelled at each other by both arguing parties. 'You know, shouldn't you be madly cheering or something? You were always so damn enthused whenever Shana did that.' ... Huh! Oh sorry. I passed out from a mighty large fangasm. 'Ew.' I feel like I'm dreaming. 'Well watch the material of those dreams. Remember whose head your inside.'

After trading that particular little quip at each other, Aria and Shana just sort of stare each other down. They're both smiling, but it isn't a happy smile. It's the smile of two people who have come to a mutual agreement. That agreement being to murder each other over whose bread is better. You can feel the killing intent coming off of them. It's every bit as frightening as you'd imagine.

Then, no warning, the two girls leap at each other and start clawing and pulling at each other in what can only be describe as... A catfight. A catfight between two of my idols. I am dreaming. Saito. Pictures. Now. I want to remember this forever. 'One: no. Two: I don't even own a camera.' Damn.

Let's ignore this for a bit and introduce ourselves to this guy.

"I'm Saito Hiraga. Just Saito's fine. Nice to meet you, Kinji, was it?" he nods. "Is she always like this?"

"Only if provoked," he responds. "Which does tend to happen when her favorite food is insulted."

"I can tell these two will be the best of friends," I remark.

"You too? Glad I wasn't the only one."

Then we just sort of watch the spectacle. 'I... Honestly can't tell. Are they just sort of fighting or are they genuinely trying to kill each other?' It's a cat fight, there's no way of knowing until one of them draws blood. If they stop, then it's good. If they don't then we should probably step in. 'Noted.'

Eventually Ariana looks at her phone, whether to check the time or something else is beyond me, presses a few buttons then gives it a wave. Aria and Shana have enough to look confused, then they both fall asleep in a heap on the floor.

"There," Ariana says as she puts her phone away. "Okay, who's next?"

Us! Pick us!

"I guess I'll go," Louise 1 says.

Damn it! Get in line!

"Hey, Saito," Kinji says.

"Yeah?"

"I guess I get the gist of the whole familiar bodyguard thing, but think you could maybe explain in a bit more detail?"

"I can try," I respond. "Basically, you are now in the continent of Halkegnia which can be broken up into four kingdoms: Tristain, Albion, Gallia, and Romalia, but that's all not really important. As stated, you and your peach bun loving friend were summoned by that girl, Shana, who is a flame haze. Flame hazes are basically dimensional bounty hunters that kill off eldritch abominations from a parallel world that feast on a human's very existence thereby erasing said human from everyone's memory. She's from Earth, but not your Earth and not my Earth. See, you, me and Shana are all from a different timeline or possibility of Earth. I was summoned by Louise to be her familiar a while back-"

"Which one's Louise?" Kinji asks.

"The pink haired one."

"Again, which one? There's two pink haired girls here. Three if you count Aria."

"Both," before he can get a chance to explain I continue. "See, I was summoned by Louise, then there was some weird time warp and I got summoned by Louise again, then we both got pulled into this version of events where Louise summoned Shana instead of me, and see that white haired girl right there?"

"Yeah?"

"She's an angel that came to warn us about a really powerful threat that's going to eat this universe or something, so we're all summoning up new familiar's to help combat that threat. That about sum things up?"

Kinji's silent for a moment. "It's weird. I want to say after the gun fight with Sherlock Holmes I was pretty much convinced things couldn't get any weirder. Now this happens, and I'm somehow not shocked. I guess things were bound to get this weird eventually."

It can always get weirder is something I tell myself to make sure I'm always looking forward to what comes next.

"Life does have a habit of throwing curveballs out of nowhere. Like... Gun fight with Sherlock Holmes? How does that work?" I ask.

Kinji winces. Must not be a good memory. "Remind me to tell you about that later. For now, it looks like we have company."

I look and notice that Louise 1 has finished the summoning ritual, probably the contract too, and is currently conversing with the two she apparently summoned. Again, it was a guy and a girl. The girl seemed kind of short. She had long blonde hair, tied up in twin tails kind of like Aria. She was wearing a shirt with some anime character I don't recognize on it, along with a bluish skirt. The guy next to her is taller then her by about a head, and has bluish hair and is wearing what looks like either a business suit, or a tuxedo.

'Okay, who are they?' It's Nagi and Hayate! 'Good. now please explain who they are.' Gladly, though admittedly I am a little outdated on these two. Nagi is her family's sole heir to their millions of yen, she's loaded. As such, she's lived in her giant mansion with her maid Maria, her... dude Klaus, and her pet tiger. 'Pet tiger?' I tell no lies! Unless it benefits me. And honestly, how could I be benefited by lying about her pet tiger? 'True enough. And Hayate?' He's her butler and possibly the unluckiest son of a bitch in the world. Also, that phrase was picked very specifically. His parents are complete monsters who I really don't like going into detail about because it pisses me off. Me. 'It can't be that bad.' They ran up a debt of over 100 million yen and payed it off by selling Hayate to the Yakuza. '... Okay, that's pretty bad.' Anyway, In need of some cash, he tried his luck at kidnapping someone and selling them for ransom. His target, picked completely at random? Nagi. 'This is definitely interesting. Please continue.' Gladly. Hayate then proceeded to fight off some thugs that were thinking of kidnapping Nagi, then politely extend the offer for her to be willingly kidnapped by him which he failed at so miserably that she took it as a love confession. Then Nagi got kidnapped by I think it was the same thugs who then drove off. Hayate borrowed a bike from Maria, Nagi's maid in case you forgot, outran the car and saved her. He was then hired by Nagi to be her butler. Also she's kind of hitting on him. 'I don't even know what to say about any of that. It's sad... and kind of hilarious.' It most definitely is.

"So, you two are the new summons?" I ask when they approach the group.

Nagi nods her head enthusiastically.

"Do you know exactly what's going on?" Kinji asks.

"Yeah," Hayate replies. "At least I think so."

"It's like something out an anime or manga!" Nagi cries out in joy.

Oh yeah, she loves those things. 'So this is pretty much a dream come true for her.' Big time.

"Introduction time then?" I ask.

"My name is Nagi Sanzen'in," Nagi says with a bow.

"I'm her butler, Hayate Ayasaki."

"A pleasure to meet you," they both say with a bow.

"Kinji Touyama."

"Saito Hiraga."

And so introductions went around for everyone. Even Aria and Shana, who had woken up when that spell wore off. They weren't happy.

"We don't have to worry about you two trying to off each other, do we?" I ask them.

Aria pouts and looks away. "Even if her taste in food is stupid, it doesn't look like I have any choice."

Shana pouts and looks the other way. "Despite her not being smart enough to realize how good melon bread is, she is technically my familiar so I have no choice but to work with her."

"What's with them?" Nagi asks.

"Milady, perhaps it's best we not ask," Hayate suggests.

"Oh good, you're smart," Kinji points out. "Hopefully that makes things easier."

"Okay, Louise 2, wanna go next?" Ariana asks.

"Sure."

Damn it! You're doing this to spite me, aren't you girl? Only partially. That's still a yes! No, it's only a partial yes. Quite different from a regular yes. 'Well, when it's put that way.'

So then Louise 2 did the ritual and summoned forth another two people. A guy and a girl. ...Taiga and Ryuji? I mean... Don't get me wrong, it's neat and all that we've got the package deal, so to speak, but seriously? At least Hayate can kick some ass, and Aria and Kinji are highly trained in the art of ass-kicking. These two are completely normal! In the defense of whoever picked them, so was Saito. 'True. I distinctly remember having to work to get to a point where I could do anything incredibly useful. Even then it's mostly the Gandalfar runes carrying me through.' Yeah. Let's not imagine how badly we'd be screwed if you ever lost those magical abilities.

Since it's pretty much the same thing, I don't think I need to spend time telling you how Taiga and Ryuji's introductions went. "Who're you?" "The one who needs to make out with you to make you badass enough to deal with a universe ending threat." "Oh. 'Kay. That's cool." "Awesome. Introduce yourself to everyone please."

"Okay, Saito! You're up!" Ariana calls.

'Bout damn time! C'mon Saito, let's show 'em who's boss!

"Just to make sure, it's as simple as trying to open the portal, right?" I ask, just to make sure.

"As simple as opening any inter dimensional summoning gate is," Alastor assures me.

"Oh, good. I was worried for a second."

"Just give it your best shot and I'm sure you'll do fine," Louise 1 tells me.

Who cares about shots? Show. Road. Get on it. 'I appreciate your encouragement as well.' As you should.

In any case, here goes nothing. Say a few words, focus all my existence- power of existence. Same thing. Focus all my power of existence to one point, and try to expand it into a portal of some kind. Aaaaaaaand, now!

I did my best to mold the energy into something, and I was successful in creating a familiar summoning portal. Booyah! We kick ass! 'I kick ass, you mean. I'm the one who made the portal.' I'm the one who gave you the moral support to create that portal! 'I'm choosing not to respond to that.' Good call. Shut up. No thank you.

"Okay, so the portal's up, now I just wait for my two familiars to show up?"

Ariana nods. "Um... Yeah. They should be arriving any second."

On cue, two girls walk through the portal. The one of the left looks no older then eight or nine. She has long blonde hair and seems to like the color black if the color of her shirt and skirt are any indication. The one on the right seems to be wearing what looks like yet another school uniform style of clothing. Hey, the executives call for those kinds of outfits, they're huge with the Japanese fans. 'I know that.'

"Oh great, where am I now?" The one of the right asks aloud.

'Before we answer that, intros please?' On the left we have Eve. An adorable little girl who was created to be a living weapon and can morph any part of her body into various different implements. Blades, hammers, shields, wings, a mermaid tail, spoons, things like that. '... Spoons.' No one ever said awesome powers ever needed to be used for awesome things. 'Can't argue with that.' Anyway, like I said, Eve was created to be a weapon, had a pretty shit childhood, and is... was? Whatever. Prior to being here she goes around with two sweepers and helps them out. 'By choice or-" No, no, no. She loves them. Not loves loves, but they're the closest thing she's ever had to a family. They're nice guys too. 'Well, it could have been worse. And the one on the right?' Fuka Kazamatsuri! She'll kick your ass if you let her! Just BOOM! Right in the head with a baseball bat! She enjoys going around the netherworld with her friends, a vampire who loves sardines, a werewolf, death, an angel completely different from Ariana, and her demon sister created by her dad. '... What?' Yeah, it does kind of sound weird when I say it out loud. Point is, she can kick ass when she needs too. She succeeded in taking over the world! I think! 'You think.' Well, what she did after that is no business of mine. 'Well, all in all, I have to thank you for your rather detailed knowledge of all these people. It's a bit creepy how much you know, but whatever.' No, it's creepy how much the internet connection in your head knows. That's the really scary thing.

"You two are currently at the Tristain Academy of Magic where we have summoned you forth to act as my familiars while we combat a potentially universe ending threat," I tell the two. "Are you in?"

There's silence from the two.

"Oh, I get it!" Fuka says. "This is another dream, isn't it!"

"Dream?" Louise 1 asks.

"Well obviously!" Fuka says. "I mean, academy of magic? Universe ending threat? It's almost as out there as the netherworld!"

"And you're sure you're alright in the head?" Kinji asks.

*CRACK*

"Ow!" Kinji exclaims as he grabs his head and struggles to remain conscious in the wake of being hit with a baseball bat.

"I am perfectly in my right mind!" Fuka tells us as she rests the bat on her shoulder. "It's usually everyone else around me who's insane."

I look around. Two time travelers, a mage, a hunter of otherworldly existence eaters, two butei one of whom has gun dueled Sherlock Holmes, a rich girl and her butler, two high school students, a living weapon, a voice in my head, and an angel.

"Okay, I'm not going to deny that," I concede.

Oddly enough, everyone else nods their agreement.

"Hmph. Whatever. So what's this about a familiar thing?" Fuka says.

"It's simple. We finish the contract, you become more able to kick ass. Simple enough?" I propose.

Fuka thinks about it. "Fine. It's just another dream anyway, so might as well play along."

That makes things easier. Since we got Fuka's permission, we might as well ask Eve as well. I turn to her and kneel down so I can look her in the eye.

"Hi. What's your name?" Ignoring the fact that the voice in my head already told me all I need to know. ... It saddens me that I have the proper context with which to say that statement. You should never be saddened to have me! I don't feel better.

"Eve," she tells me.

"You heard everything I said about the familiar contract, right?" I ask.

Eve nods. "It sounds interesting. You all seem nice enough. I'd like to help if I could."

"Good girl," I say, giving into the urge to give her a pat on the head.

"Okay, so what do we do to finish this thing?" Fuka asks.

"Firstly, you promise not to hit me with that baseball bat."

"Why?" Fuka asks. "I guess it doesn't matter. Fine, I'll do my best to not hit you."

Good enough. I take that opportunity to give Eve a quick peck on the forehead, then move quickly and give Fuka a quick kiss on the forehead as well.

*SMASH*

*Scene Break*

"I said I was sorry!" Fuka complains.

"You also said you wouldn't hit me, and that worked out so well," I reply.

"C'mon! I said I'd do my best! It was a reflex."

"Saito, are you sure you're okay?" Eve asks me.

"Just fine, thanks for asking."

"Okay, everyone's here and conscious!" Ariana exclaims. "Ehem. Okay, let's recap. What do all the new people here currently know about the situation so far?"

"We were brought here to serve as familiars," Aria begins.

"Which are basically bodyguards, or additional help," Kinji says.

"We get awesome magical abilities!" Nagi exclaims.

"And have to use it to fight some really evil thing that wants to destroy the universe," Hayate says nervously.

"As such, we were brought here to help out," Taiga says.

"Not sure how, considering me and Taiga are completely normal compared to everyone else," Ryuji adds.

"Then we'll be here to pick up the slack!" Fuka exclaims. "Once we beat that thing this dream's over and I can go home!"

"We'll help in whatever way we can," Eve finishes.

"Perfect!" Ariana says happily. "Okay, like Nagi said, you all do have some kind of ability, now that the familiar ritual is complete. In a nutshell, you can use any weapon you touch or have on you with expertise you may have never known! But, that doesn't help when you don't have any weapons."

"I have my pistols!" Aria says, brandishing said pistols.

"My bat does just fine against even the toughest demons!" Fuka adds.

"Are bats even considered a weapon?" Louise 1 asks.

"It's a chunk of wood!" Louise 2 counters.

"Aren't your wands pretty much the same thing?" Ryuji asks.

Louise 2 pauses. "W-well yes, but. ... Shut up."

"Aaaanyway," Ariana says, trying to get the attention back. "The ability to use weaponry isn't very good unless you have weaponry. As such, I'm working on getting everyone what we can. Obviously some of you already have some stuff, so you don't need to worry. Everyone without some kind of weapon, don't worry I'm working on getting some things for you. Don't expect anything too fancy. I can't get fancy equipment and get it quickly, and time is of the essence when the world's going to end."

"What are you trying to say?" Taiga asks.

"I'll be gone for... Another week? Maybe less," Ariana explains. "Until then, just try and get used to living here. After everyone's armed to the teeth, we can start properly preparing. I'll be back as soon as possible. Bye everyone!"

And with that, Ariana turns and runs off, leaving us all on our own.

"Okay, I think you can remove the seal, Shana," Louise 1 tells her.

Shana nods, and snaps, then everything starts moving again.

"Now, before we do anything, we have two major problems we need to concern," Louise 2 points out.

"What's that?" Eve asks.

"How are we going to explain all of you spontaneously showing up, and where are we all going to sleep? Our bed's full enough as it is," Louise 1 tells the group.

We all stop and ponder.

"I have no earthly idea," I respond.