A/N: So here we are, at the end of things. So much has happened in my life since I started Nine Lives back in 2011. It feels strange to look back on it now.

I wanted to have the final chapter up for Christmas, so here ya go! Merry Christmas!

Thank you so much for sticking through this! My plan is to keep this series as a trilogy, though I might write one-shots in this 'verse from time to time.

Home, Sweet Home

Asgard welcomed them with spears at their throats.

Tony shook his head and blinked the spots from his eyes, still reeling from a teleportation hangover, but

the spears were still there. Behind them were horned helmets and grim faces, the rainbow light of the Bifrost washing gold and skin in a kaleidoscope of colors.

"Yeah, that seems about right," he said, nodding.

"Brother!"

Loki and Tony looked up and saw a red and blond blur overhead. When Thor landed, the bridge trembled. Tony didn't like how that made the spears by his throat jump, armor or not.

He nodded at Thor. "That seems about right, too."

Thor pushed aside the guards to stand in front of the pair. "Loki, Tony, I am to take you to the All-father at once."

Thor paused mid-breath. His brow creased as he looked at Loki, and it occurred to Tony that Loki made a pitiful sight with his bloody bandages, sun-burnt skin, and bruised throat. Loki leaned more heavily against Tony in a way that would have worried him had the god not trotted up a set of steps minutes before. Tony fought not to roll his eyes and played along, winding an arm around Loki's waist.

Thunder boomed. "What is this?" Thor growled. "What has happened? Who has harmed you?"

Loki sighed with exaggerated weariness. "It's kind of a long story, big guy," Tony answered. More snappishly, he added, "Now, if you don't mind, I've got a few things I'd like to say to the All-father of assholes."

Thor blinked, taken aback. "Of course. Come with me."

"All-father of assholes?" Loki repeated, sotto voce, brow arched in amusement.

"What? That isn't his official title?"

Apparently their arrival didn't warrant the royal treatment this time. Instead of the throne room, they were led to Odin's private study, which was more than fine with Tony, who stalked right for the king until everybody started yelling. There were spears at his throat again.

His visor up, Tony glared at the guard nearest him. "Easy with the harpoon, Free Willy."

Odin waved his hand, and the guards lowered their spears. Hands clasped behind his back, Odin approached Tony, standing dangerously within punching distance. Loki stood behind Tony, Thor's hand on his elbow, and Tony wondered if they were officially prisoners this time.

"Master Stark," Odin said, his expression a pleasant mask. "It is good to see you well."

"Right. Pleasantries," Tony muttered. "Screw them. Great wedding gift, huh? Making your son mortal?"

Odin's mask turned decidedly less pleasant.

"Father?" Thor's voice, both a question and an accusation. Tony knew Loki's injuries spoke for him.

Odin spared his sons a glance. "That was my sentence," he said, "for Loki's crimes. Now, as for the attempted theft of Idun's apples…"

"That is an unfair—"

"Loki is grown man," Odin snapped, interrupting Tony, "and as such needs to take responsibility for his actions!"

"And so do you!" Tony shouted, his voice echoing down the hall. His own anger surprised him. "Who gets to stand in judgment for your crimes?"

"Stark," Thor said, a warning in his voice. "Remember that you address the King of the—"

"Oh, I know exactly who I 'address', Thor. Your father! Loki's father!" He jabbed a finger in Odin's direction (the guards readied their spears) and added, "And that is the only Godsdamned title I care about right now!"

Odin was struggling to keep his expression neutral, and Tony could tell. His eyebrows barely twitched, but it was enough to soften his expression, somehow. Tony hoped he read guilt under the king's mask.

"And what crimes do you accuse me of, Master Stark?" Odin asked in a too-calm, too-neutral voice.

"Crimes?" Tony sneered. "This isn't a trial, Odin, but hey—how about being a shit father? How about what happened in Deshret? How's that for a crime?"

Odin's impassivity cracked, a wince crumpling his careful poise. Thor tightened his grip on Mjolnir, gaze darting back and forth between his friend and his father, brow furrowed in a question. Loki's hand curled around Tony's shoulder and squeezed.

"As touching as this is, Love," he murmured, his voice at Tony's ear, "I'd rather not have you reduced to paste in the middle of Hlidskjalf."

Tony spared him a glance. "I'm too angry to ask what the heck a 'hillid-what's-it' is right now," he muttered.

Loki smiled wanly.

"You are a bold mortal, to speak to me thus," Odin said. He drew himself to his full height and looked down his nose at Tony, who swallowed but didn't waver. "Know that my son's regard for you is the only reason you are still living."

"Yeah, well, your son's 'regard' for me is the only reason I'm putting up with this bullshit in the first place, but I've about reached my limit." He took Loki's hand off his shoulder and held it in his. "We're going home. I'm tired, I'm cranky, and I swear to God, the next person who puts a spear in my face is getting it shoved up their ass! Come on, Vixen."

Loki allowed Tony to lead him out of the study, hands firmly clasped, and looked for all the world like he was fighting not to laugh. Or stick out his tongue. Thor stepped aside with a respectful nod and glared at the guards to do the same.

"That was incredibly foolhardy," Loki murmured as Tony steered them back towards the Bifrost.

"Yeah, well, I don't care." Tony slowed, stopped, and looked at Loki, the god's hand still clutched in his. "I will always, always, stick up for you, you know," Tony said, "even when you're being an incredible pain in my ass and don't tell me anything. Always."

That brought a softness to Loki's eyes Tony wanted to hold onto forever. "That's the sweetest way anyone's ever called me a pain in the arse," he said, but Tony knew he meant thank you.

Frigga's heels clicked against stone as she approached, drawing Tony and Loki's attention. Golden curls spilled about her shoulders and an enigmatic smile curled her lips. Tony fidgeted, wondering what the protocol was for addressing the queen after dressing down the king.

"Sound carries down this hall," Frigga said, eyes laughing as Tony winced.

"Uh… sorry about that. My lady."

Frigga laughed. "Oh, no need to apologize. And I suspect my husband is more impressed than insulted at this point. Or at least I'll make sure he is."

Tony smiled awkwardly. Loki was no help.

"Now, the king cannot retract his sentence," Frigga said, "but the queen can show mercy."

She slipped something smooth and cool into Tony's empty palm, something that glinted gold when he held it up to the light. Loki stiffened beside him, and Tony looked at her sharply, fumbling for words. "Is this—?" She nodded, her smile enigmatic.

"Mother, I…"

Frigga shushed him gently and stood on tip-toes to kiss Loki's cheek. "Consider it a wedding present."

Tony's shoulders slumped as he stared down at the apple. "This was Odin's plan from the beginning, wasn't it?" he muttered. As king, he had to punish Loki, or at least make it look like he was punishing Loki. Okay, now he felt like a bit of an ass.

Frigga chuckled softly. "My dear, I do not know if it was Odin's plan, but if I know my son, I suspect it was his." She gave Loki a knowing look before pressing a kiss to Tony's cheek as well. "Look after him, won't you?" she whispered in Tony's ear. He nodded automatically, and she sauntered away.

Tony looked at Loki, his hand still curled around the apple. The god looked altogether far too innocent. "You sneaky bastard."

"She's giving me far too much credit," Loki replied primly. "I certainly didn't plan on Deshret."

Tony believed that much at least. He traced the pads of his fingers across the smooth gold surface. "What about you?" he asked. "Don't you need one too?"

"We'll share," Loki said. "I'll eat half when you eat half."

"And," the weight of forever was heavy on his mind, "if I choose not to eat my half?"

"Then I won't eat mine."

Tony looked up at Loki. The god eyed the apple wistfully a moment longer, then met Tony's stare. He smiled softly, sadly, and squeezed Tony's hand in his.

"Either way," he went on, "I plan to be stuck with you for the rest of my life."

Tony didn't know what to say to that. Even if he did, his throat had decided to close up on him and choke off any words. Probably safer anyhow.

He slid his arm around Loki's waist and pulled the troublesome god into a kiss. Loki chuckled against his lips.

"This is getting much too saccharine," he murmured, eyes crinkled in amusement.

"You're right," Tony said, kissing his neck instead. "Let's have palace sex one more time."

Loki laughed and pushed Tony away. He looked… relieved, almost happy, and his smile was contagious. "I'd much rather get to the Bifrost and have 'thank-the-Norns-we're-home' sex."

"Hmm. Good thinking."

Tony tugged on his hand, and they raced towards the Bifrost, towards Heimdall, and towards home.

Lying awake that night, bone-weary and content, Tony played with Loki's hair and listened to the god's breathing.

"Hey, Loki." Tony nudged him to see if he was still awake.

"Mmm?"

"What do you think about getting a cat?"

The End.

Thanks for reading!