Chapter 14: Who's Afraid Of Sparkly Vampires? The One Year Anniversary, and the Christmas Special.

A/N: Once again, Happy Christmas! As I'm writing this, the anniversary of this story draws near. On the 23rd of December 2013, I'll have been writing this - and you guys supporting me - for a year! Who's up for a party - and the return of some old classics?

66: Chaos may not gather another army to take down the Five.

Chaos was feeling unappreciated, and not at all villainy. He'd hardly done anything villainous for ages! Apart from the odd game of kick-the-minions-decapitated-head-down-the-stairs-while-using-far-too-many-hyphens, or the recent mass execution of the Mary-Sues, Chaos had been practically nice! Well all that would change. Chaos was no-one's nice villain. He was a 21st century master villain, and he was going to kill all his enemies. But first, he needed an army.

Chaos examined the list he'd drawn up, of all the evil allies he would need to recruit. "Satan, The Rider, Darth Vader, Voldemort, Moriaty, Cullen, the GoCompare man, the Mafia -" Chaos shuddered at the memory of the last time he'd tried to recruit the Mafia, and crossed them off the list -" Looks like Cullen and his sparkly stalkers are our first step."

Predictably, Chaos found Cullen stalking some teenage girl - Duck something? Chaos couldn't be bothered finding out her name - with his pack of sparkly weirdos glimmering behind him. Sighing, the master villain tiredly asked the sparkly weirdo if he would join his Evil Alliance. Unfortunately, the weirdo said 'yes'. Even more unfortunate was the tiny detail that the sparkly weirdos were still alive. Chaos didn't know how that worked. Next were the Mary-Sues, specifically trained to take down the Five. Cullen had insisted on taking them with him, and Chaos was too tired - and too busy trying to persuade the Sith - to bother saying 'no'. Chaos' next listed target were the Death Eaters. Unfortunately, they had eaten a bit too much 'Death' and were now all too dead. After a visit to the Orcs - and a massive reinforcement of his own army, Chaos travelled to quite possibly the most important recruit of all.

"Hi, Jamie," Chaos said, rescuing his potential ally from a llama smash." Listen, would you be interested in joining my Evil Alliance?"

Jamie thought about it.

"Will there be M+Ms?" he asked.

"Definitely," replied Chaos.

"Then I'm in," Jamie said, randomly hugging Chaos.

67: Chaos may not throw a random party with said alliance.

Chaos' Evil Alliance returned to Oblivion 2.0 (or was it 3.0? Or maybe 4.0? Chaos had had a lot of work done since it got smashed up by those bastard llamas). The vampires retreated to some kind of stalker hideout, the Sues followed them (Chaos made sure they didn't see the remains of their sisters) and Jamie, in his own words 'danced all night to the best song ever.' Chaos reckoned he meant the best torture song ever, and quickly noted it down. Chaos was also kept busy ordering new giant M+M tubs, as Jamie seemed to almost swallow them whole.

The impromptu party that seemed to have almost magically begun was in full swing, and Chaos decided to take a relaxing walk outside, past the torture chambers, and past the fire riders, who seemed engaged in beating the hell out of an unfortunate victim. Chaos grinned, and strolled over to his riders.

"What's that sound?" he asked.

"That's the sound of fire riders beating a nassstyyy little M+M thief around the forest. First we bash its brains out, then we play football with its head, yes we does, and curse it for stealing our M+Ms!"

"Sounds great!" enthused Chaos." Keep on bashing those heads in!"

Then he realised who the riders' football was.

"Oh shit."

68: The Five are not allowed to throw a party celebrating the anniversary of this story.

The lights were flashing, the music was playing, and Matt was delivering a speech that absolutely no-one was listening to. In other words, ladies and gentlemen - welcome to the party, Five style.

"Yeah, so we've been stuck in this story for a year, acting utterly crazy. I'm not quite sure what to celebrate there, but who cares? PARTY!"

Richard was holed up in his room, trying desperately not to think of what Professor Chambers would say. Five teenagers were bad enough (well, four, since Jamie had mysteriously disappeared) without a llama army( Richard knew Pedro had already unleashed one). The house would look like a war zone - although it wasn't like that was unusual.

Pedro didn't know what everyone else was partying for. Well, that wasn't strictly true. He, Matt and Scarlett were partying because Jamie had mysteriously disappeared. Scott was trying - and failing - to make it look like he was partying; Pedro knew 'Sher-Scott' was 'tracking' him. Stalking was a term that sprang to mind. But Pedro knew what this party needed...

69: Pedro is not allowed to 'Deck the halls with furry llamas.'

Pedro snapped his fingers, and the llamas snapped into action. Snow fell. Presents dropped. Llamas wore Santa hats. Baubles zoomed onto a giant Christmas tree. Yep, Pedro was ready for Christmas.

"Deck the halls with furry llamas!" sang Pedro.

"Falalalalalallaaallaaalala!" chorused the llamas.

"Eat the turkey, stuff the farmers!"

"Fallalalalalalalllaaaalaa!" chorused the llamas again.

"Don Pedro and his army of llamas!"

"Falalalalalalalalalalalllaaaaa!"

"Troll the Chaos Twitter hashtag!"

"Falalalalalalalalalala!"

"See the FaceBook trolls before us!"

"Falalalalalalalalalalalllaaaaa!"

"Pick up your sword and join the chorus!"

"Falalalalalalalalalalalllaaaaa!"

Matt joined at this point.

"Follow the amazing leader to defeat Chaos!"

"Falalalalallallallalla!"

"Kicked his arse and he's still before us!"

"Falalalalalalala!"

Scarlett burst into song.

"Crazy llamas, Tumblr tales. Instagram woes and Jamie fails!"

"Falalalalallalala!"

"Sher-Scott Holmes and Hipster Chaos. Satellite navs and driving to Oblivion!"

"Falalalalalalala!"

Scott joined the song, and the others sang with him for the last verse.

"Mental hospitals, telepath woes!"

"Falalalalala!"

"The new year comes, and 2013 goes!"

"Fa-la-la-la-laaaa-la-la-laa-laaaaa!"

But the llamas weren't alone...

70: Unexplained dramatic returns aren't allowed, but are happening anyway.

The four of them stared at the new arrival.

"Why do you look like you've been chased through an M+M factory?" Scarlett asked.

"Long story," gasped Jamie." Very long story, and it definitely won't fit in 140 characters..."

A/N: There should have been a Christmas special after this. But I couldn't write a decent one. So something else will take its place... #

Happy Christmas!

RM