A/N: So this is just a little something I thought up a few weeks ago and figured i'd post before the finale (OMG). This is just a one-shot! No continuation. Sorry. Don't own the Merlin characters! Though i wish I did because then things would have gone MUCH differently. ahem.
Merlin stood looking out of the open field, the emptiness filling his insides till he could barely breathe. It had been centuries and yet he still felt the pain of loss like it had been yesterday. He could still clearly picture the bodies bleeding out on the muddied earth he was presently standing on. He let himself picture Arthur's lifeless eyes for a moment before he stopped, refusing to let the agony swallow him whole. There had been times over the centuries when he was sure that Arthur would finally return to the world, but every time Merlin was wrong. He would wait everyday expecting to turn a corner and see Arthur. But the trouble in the world would end and Merlin would just go back to his mundane life. Merlin had finally come to stop expecting Arthur's return. The world was not a place that needed Arthur any more. The world did not need Merlin, either. Magic was forgotten and only something of myths and fantasies. But Merlin was forced to live out his immortality and watch as the world constantly became something he no longer recognized.
He felt a warm hand slip into his own, but he did not grasp it. He let the hand hold tight to his limp one, having no desire to hold onto something in his current reality when he was mourning his old one. He opened his eyes and glanced at Morgana, nodding his head once. Together they made their way back to the car. She was still holding onto his hand which refused to close around hers. The ground was soft and squelched under his shoes, smearing them with mud. The wind suddenly picked up and ruffled his hair and sent his scarf flapping. He tugged his hand out of Morgana's grip and shoved his scarf down his jacket, which he buttoned up to the collar.
Morgana hopped in behind the wheel while Merlin collapsed into the passenger seat. He leaned his head against the cold glass of the window and watched as the countryside became a blur. Every year, the same numbness spread inside him. He couldn't feel. It had been decades since the day he vowed to not speak on this day. The anniversary of Arthur's death. He didn't force Morgana to join him in his pact of silence; she had done so on her own, though she was not as strict as he was about it. Sometimes, words were needed to explain, and she would speak for the both of them. Short and curtly. No more than was needed.
It seemed like no time had passed, but two hours later they pulled up at the small inn and put the car in park. Merlin grabbed the two overnight bags from the trunk and followed Morgana inside. There was an elderly lady behind the counter, preoccupied with sorting papers. She looked up as the bell above the door announced guests, her mouth open to spout greetings, but she shut it as soon as she saw who had entered. The smile faded from her face and she nodded solemnly and pushed two small keys towards them on the counter. Morgana picked them up and smiled a thank you at the woman, who went back to her paperwork. Merlin and Morgana had come to the inn every year at Arthur's death since the end of World War II. At that time, the innkeeper was a young woman who ran the small establishment with her husband. The couple had learned to stop asking questions of Merlin and Morgana, especially when year after year, they remained the same age, while the couple formed lines around their eyes and mouths. It had been five years since the death of the innkeeper's husband, but the wife did not look like she was anywhere near following him to the grave.
Merlin and Morgana made their way up the creaking stairs to their usual room. Once inside, Merlin threw the bags into the corner of the room and turned to face Morgana, who had set the keys on the bed side table. He crossed the room in a stride and grabbed her roughly. He had one hand clasped at the back of her head, pulling her lips to his, and the other hand gripping her backside. There was no gentleness in the way he kissed her. There never was. Not on this day. He slipped his tongue in her mouth when she pulled back slightly to gasp for air. Her fingernails dug into the skin of his neck before moving down to unbutton his coat and rip off his scarf. He let her push off his coat before he pushed her forcefully back onto the bed. He climbed on top of her, gripping her wrists on either side of her head, and grinding his pelvis into hers. He was already erect and Morgana moaned around his tongue which was still deep in her mouth.
He moved down her neck, sucking desperately at the skin and down to the 'v' in her shirt. He scrapped his teeth along the skin of her breasts, to which she let out a rush of air and threaded her hands into his hair. He stayed between her breasts for few moments before moving down between her legs. He unbuttoned and unzipped her pants, kissing the newly revealed skin above her underwear.
"Merlin," she breathed, pushing him away with her foot and she reached down to tug off her pants. He tried to help but became too impatient and pushed them around her ankles before caressing her bare legs. He placed his hands on he bent knees and pushed her legs open. He brushed his cheek down the sides of her thighs, tickling her with the thick stubble on his face. He pressed a hot, open mouthed kiss to the crux between her leg and her panties and she moaned. Merlin pulled the delicate fabric down till they joined her pants in the clump around her ankles.
He kissed slowly up her right shin, open mouthed and sliding his tongue along the bone. Slowly, he made his way to her knee and placed it over his shoulder. He licked the skin on the back of her knee, where he knew she was sensitive and she cried out.
"Merlin!" Her hands were fisted in the sheets and she was glaring at him, silently telling him to get on with it.
He kissed the patch of hair between her legs and finally nosed his way between her lips. She was slick already and her scent found his way up his nostrils. He inhaled deeply and kissed her center. He slid his fingers down her slick pathway and his thumb massaged her clit. He could hear Morgana gasping and groaning like an animal in the background, but he was consumed with what was in front of him. He slid two fingers inside her and began to pump them in and out. He brushed his nose back and forth over her bundle of nerves and her hands were suddenly in his hair, pushing him into her more. He caught her clit lightly between his teeth and she moaned and bucked her hips into his face, smearing her wetness across his mouth. He slid a third finger into her and crooked them inside of her, brushing against her walls. He could feel that she was close and removed his finger and replaced them with his tongue. He fingered her clit again and pushed his tongue as far into her as he could get. She let out a guttural cry and locked her legs around his head, trapping him in the wetness of her hot center.
Once she had stopped trembling, Merlin kissed his way up her inner thighs. He crawled up the bed and let his weight hold her there as he stuck his tongue down her throat again. Her wetness was smeared across both of their faces when he pulled away and once again went for her neck. He nipped her with his teeth and she gasped. He blew a breath of air across the bite and watched goose bumps erupt. He did that up her neck till he reached her ear and he caught the lobe in his teeth. She moaned in the back of her throat and one of her hands went between her legs. Merlin groaned and pushed his erection into her, desperate to feel some friction. He had one hand massaging her clothed breasts and the other on her neck. He licked around the outside of her ear and she groaned again. Her hands grabbed his ass and forced his contained hardness into her hips. He nipped her ear and stuck his tongue into her ear while they dry humped.
Morgana was cursing profusely and he could feel her fingernails in his ass through the fabric of his jeans. He couldn't hold off any longer and pulled back to unzip his jeans and pull himself free finally. He didn't wait for Morgana's cue before he shoved himself into her hard. She moaned and tilted her hips to meet his rough thrusts. Her hands were down the front of her shirt, playing with her breasts which Merlin had abandoned. His eyes were closed as he collided their pelvises together so hard he thought they might break. The noises she was making were not human and Merlin cursed as she moved her hips just right and he released inside her. He groaned and continued to pound into her as he rode out his orgasm. Her hand moved between them and rubbed her clit and she peaked too.
He pulled out of her and collapsed at her side. They were both breathing heavily and she brought her hands to her overheated face. He glanced at her. She lay next to him half-naked, her pants and underwear around her ankles and her shirt pulled down around her breasts, revealing her black lace bra. Her chest rose and fell heavily, her large breast begging to be free of their confines. He looked down at himself. Still in his shirt and pant with his cock hanging loosely out of the fly.
This was the way it always went on this day. They would visit Camlan, arrive at the hotel, and he would proceed to fuck her, still fully clothed. There was never any intimacy in the way he fucked her. He would keep his eyes closed for nearly the whole thing and would especially never look in her eyes. She asked him once why he wouldn't look her in the eyes and he told her that it was only on this day that he could see Arthur in them. He closed his eyes again and tried to calm his breath.
He felt Morgana's hand brushing aside the hair above his ear. She rolled into him, pressing into his side, one hand over his heartbeat. She nestled her head on his shoulder and kissed the fabric of his shirt. He forced himself to turn his head and look at her. Her green eyes pierced him straight in the heart, like always. She pressed a kiss to his cheek just next to his ear, and his eyes fluttered closed with exhaustion.
Her hand moved down his chest and under his shirt, caressing the taught muscles hidden underneath. She moved from his side and straddled his thighs. Her hands pushed his shirt up to his armpits and she pressed kisses to his abs. She rubbed her nose in the patch of fur beneath his belly button and she kissed the skin above his dick. He groaned, already getting aroused. She scratched her fingernails sharply down his chest and he inhaled sharply at the pain. Morgana sat up on his thighs and pulled his jeans down off his ass and past his knees. He watched as she positioned herself above him and rubbed herself down his length, slicking it with her wetness.
He groaned as his head fell back against the bed. He felt her lips close around his shaft and he looked down at her again and cursed at the sight of his cock in her mouth. Her fingers were digging into his hips and he grasped her shoulders, holding her between his legs. She sucked and moved her head up and down. He moved his hips in time with the bobbing of her head, pushing into her so she almost choked. He felt the tightness building up in him and she removed mouth from him with a pop. She pressed the flat of her tongue to him and licked down to his balls and back up, moving her tongue over the head. He bucked his hips wildly and she had to press her weight into him to hold him steady. She licked down his hardness again and kissed his balls. He cursed again and dug his fingers harder into Morgana's shoulders. She pulled his balls into her mouth and sucked. Merlin was at the edge, ready to explode as she licked up him again and put her mouth around him again.
Merlin cried out as he spilled into her mouth. She swallowed and licked his penis clean of his seed. She crawled up his chest and kissed him, her hands softly running along his scalp. Her tongue slid into his mouth and tangled with his. He could taste his cum and her wetness on her tongue. Their fluids were smeared across each other's face and they licked each other clean like animals. He looked at her hovering above him and brought his hand to her face, brushing his fingertips across her cheekbone.
"I'm sorry, Merlin," she said, a tear sliding out of her eye and landing on his chest. He wiped it away and touched her lips.
"I know," he said. Kissing her gently and close-mouthed. She laid her head on his chest, their naked bottom halves still tangled. He wrapped his arms around her, one hand on her backside, the other on the small of her back. They lay like that until Merlin finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
It was three hours later when they woke. Morgana pushed herself up, pulling apart their sticking skin. She rolled off the bed and made her way to the bathroom. Merlin watched her bare backside retreat into the bathroom before he kicked off his pants which were still around his ankles. He followed her, half naked, into the bathroom and found her running the water in the tall, footed bathtub. He came up behind her and pushed her hair aside to reveal the back of her neck. He pressed his lips to the protruding bones.
She turned around in his arms and twined hers around his neck. She arched her neck to kiss him. His arms tightened around her waist, pulling her flush against him. Their bare groins met and he moaned. Her clothed breasts pressed in to his shirt and he pulled back. He pushed her shirt slowly up her chest and pulled it off over her upstretched arms. He pressed a kiss to the crevasse between her magnificent breasts as his hands undid the clasp at the back. He kissed down her shoulders as he pulled the straps down her arms. He tossed the bra on the ground beside her shirt.
He pressed his face into her breasts and lavished them with kisses. He held tightly to her ass, massaging it gently. She moaned and leaned back against the tub. Her hand gripped his backside suddenly and he jumped. She laughed breathily and he gave her nipple a soft bite as punishment. She gasped and moaned at the same time. He wiped his tongue along her nipple, watching it tighten. He did the same to the other. Her drew the left one into his mouth and massaged the other with his hand. She was whimpering and her fingernails were digging into his ass. Morgana's boobs were always one of her favorite spots Merlin would worship.
She pushed him away suddenly and grabbed his shirt. She pulled it over his head and kissed his exposed chest. She nipped at his nipple in pay back and he moaned, pressing his erection into her leg. She leaned back and looked at him with hooded eyes. She smirked and turned around to turn off the water in the tub. She flung one glorious leg into the tub and slowly climbed in, deliberately sticking her magnificent ass in his face. He groaned and rubbed his hand down his cock once before following her into the tub.
They rubbed each other clean, hands passing over faces and chests and deliberately over the aroused spot between each of their legs, rewarding each other with a small whimper or moan from the other. When they were done, Merlin grabbed Morgana around the hips and pulled her into his lap. He pushed his erection between her legs, sliding it back and forth across her pussy. She closed her eyes tightly and bared her teeth. He moved his hands down her sides to her waist and stared into her eyes. She stared back and gripped the side of the tub behind his head.
She lowered herself slowly onto him and breathed quickly through her slightly open mouth. He rolled his hips into her and her face contorted in pleasure, but she kept her eyes locked with his. She moved herself away from him so he almost slipped out of her before grinding back down on him. She rode him slowly, making her thrusts slow and deep and he was in her up to the hilt. She began to swirl her hips around him, rocking back and forth. They were both panting heavily and water was sloshing over the sides of the tub. She started to thrust faster and kept her eyes on him. He grabbed her breasts and kneaded them, pinching the nipples and she arched her back into him. At this change of position she slammed down on her sweet spot and screamed his name. She rode her orgasm out on him trembling and gyrating into him. He was close and gritted his teeth and tried to hold off his release. He reached between them and fingered and massaged her clit. With an animalistic cry she fell over the edge again and this time Merlin followed her. She collapsed onto his chest, spilling more water onto the floor. Merlin hid his face in her damp hair. He didn't pull himself out of her, and they lay against each other, two parts of the whole, breathing in time.
"I love you," he breathed in her ear. It took him eight years since they met for him to finally realize that she was everything to him. He only had to lose Arthur and everything else to do so. A small part of him still hated her for being the one to bring about Arthur's death and take him away from Merlin, but he knew it is hidden deep inside him. Morgana understood this and knew that the hatred only surfaces on the day of Arthur's death. And she knew that Merlin has to relive the memory every year and lose himself inside her. She lets him fuck her lovelessly and senselessly every year as payment for what she has done. A reenactment of that day centuries ago.
She moves to press her forehead against him and look straight into his soul. "I love you too, Merlin."
It was a few months later and Merlin was out doing the shopping that Morgana insisted was his turn to do. He looked down at the list; she was always so picky and demanded only certain brands. He looked up and saw that the cookies on the list were not on the shelves. He groaned, knowing that he would now have to go to another store to find the cookies. It was brutal the last time he brought home a replacement.
There was another market down the street and Merlin trudged over to it, holding his collar up against the wind. The doors slid open and he glanced towards the registers as a force of habit and nearly had a heart attack. There was a man with ruffled blonde hair and broad shoulders at the checkout. Merlin swiftly pretended to be looking at the bouquets by the door and tried to calm his rapid breathing. He didn't want to turn around, didn't want to be disappointed again. He had assured himself that Arthur would never come back, that Merlin would never see him again. He had to. He had to look.
He tilted his head slightly and saw the man smiling broadly at the checkout girl who was handing him his bag. Merlin whipped his head back to the flowers, tears in his eyes. He heard the familiar footsteps behind him, and Merlin picked up one of the bouquets, pretending to examine it. The doors slid open as Arthur stepped outside and Merlin waited a second before darting out after him. Arthur walked down the block before stopping at a car and putting his groceries inside.
"Hey! You have to pay for those!" Merlin turned around and saw an angry grocery employee rushing after him. Merlin looked down and saw the bouquet still in his hand.
"Oh, sorry! Forgot I had them," he mumbled and shoved a ten pound note in his hand. "Keep the change."
Merlin turned back and saw the car had left. His heart still beat wildly. His mind was racing. He didn't know what to do with his body, so he just walked back down the street till he reached the house he shared with Morgana. He stepped inside and saw her come out of the living room.
"Where are the groceries?" She frowned.
"Here." He said, pushing the flowers into her arms.
"Just like old times, Merlin," she smiled before looking at the emotionless expression on his. "What is it?"
He looked at her and said "I saw Arthur."
Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. "What? But- are you sure?"
"Yes!" he shouted, running his hands through his hair in frustration. He couldn't control his emotions. He was so overrun with every feeling he had no idea which one to let out.
"Where? At the market? Why is he back? How-?" She sputtered. Merlin shushed her and pushed his hand over her mouth, silencing her questions.
"Yes. Shush. I just… need to think. I need to calm down," he told her, removing his hand and proceeding to the living room. He flopped backwards onto the couch, his legs handing over the arm, and his eyes staring at the fan on the ceiling.
Morgana settled into the armchair and watched him. Merlin wasn't she how long he lay there, staring at the fan, thinking, but he finally came to a decision. He swung his legs off the couch and sat regularly. He turned to Morgana, ready to tell her what he was thinking, and saw that she was asleep with her head on her hand. Perhaps he had been thinking for longer than he thought.
"Morgana," he said gently, and she jerked awake.
"Yes?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.
"We should try and meet him."
She studied him. "You think that's the best thing to do?"
Merlin shifted nervously and glasped his hands together. "I think it's the only thing we can do. If he's back, it's for a reason and we should be there for him."
"Do you think it would be best for the two people who brought about his downfall and that of Albion's should really just walk up to him in the grocery store?" She asked skeptically.
"We don't even know if he'll know who we are!" Merlin countered.
"And if he doesn't?" She asked. Merlin looked away from her piercing eyes and down at his hands. His legs bounced with his nerves.
"If he doesn't know us, we'll leave him alone. Walk away and forget about him." Merlin rubbed his thumbs over each other and refused to meet Morgana's eyes. "But, if he does. I need to apologize. Apologize for everything I never told him, what I withheld for our whole lives and for unjustly shaping his life."
Morgana's hands came out of nowhere and settled over his twitching ones. He looked up at her kneeling before him.
"Okay," she said.
Merlin was in that same grocery store again, staring at Arthur's back as he scanned the different brands of milk. Morgana tightened the grip on his hand and whispered reassurances in his ear. He took a shakey breath and stepped forward.
Arthur picked a gallon of milk and set it in his basket. He reached up to scratch his head as he turned around. Merlin stood there silently, staring at the man he had longed to see for nearly a millennium. Arthur's hand dropped to his side as he caught Merlin's eye.
Merlin's breath caught and he squeezed Morgana's hand as he saw Arthur's brow furrow and something flicker in his eyes.
"Merlin."