Chapter 1

"Why couldn't we have taken my baby?" Dean scowled as he walked through the chilly streets, all bundled up but still feeling cold. He didn't know what possessed him to go, but since he would be alone with Sam in the motel, he decided to come along and see what the angel was up to.

"Because, Dean, walking is good for you. Besides, you're way too attached to that car of yours." Cas rolled his eyes at Dean. He always called his car his 'baby'. It really could get annoying after a while. But Cas had to admit, he found Dean adorable when he scowled and pouted.

"Hey, she's my baby and I've taken care of her for years." Dean got defensive, stuffing his bare hands in his coat pockets. He didn't like anyone insinuating that his baby wasn't important. "So Cas, what the hell are we doing? Can't angel mojo yourself there?"

"Actually, yes, I can." Now it was Cas' turn to become defensive. "I just... wanted to walk with you. It relaxes me." And it did. Cas loved being around Dean. Dean's presence just calmed him. Dean was his rock. "But if you must know, I do have a reason to have brought you here with me."

"... Uh... okay." Angels do not take walks and they both knew it, so what changed? Dean blinked but shrugged it off, shivering due to the cold. "Why? And Jesus Cas, don't you feel cold? It's freezing out here, man." He never really understood angels, but Cas has always been different. Dean wondered what changed.

"You know I don't feel the cold, Dean." In truth, Castiel was just trying to avoid the reason he took this walk in the first place. Sam had suggested it, because, in his words, 'If you don't tell him soon, I will. Honestly Cas it's getting to be a little pathetic.' Castiel didn't want to tell Dean about his feelings for him. He was perfectly content with watching Dean and studying his every move. But since he couldn't risk Dean finding out any other way, he was forced to tell him. Sam was convinced that Dean felt the same way, but Cas wasn't so sure. So, here he was, walking down an abandoned street in the cold with the man he was secretly in love with. The night sky looked beautiful, full of stars, and Cas was nervous. He had a strange feeling in his stomach. Almost like a fluttering. 'Let's get this over with.' He thought to himself. "Dean, I really need to tell you something."

"Hm?" Dean stopped and looked at him then, green gaze deeper because of the darkness. He was seriously weirded out with Castiel's actions. Something was wrong, intuition told him, but it wasn't a dangerous kind of wrong. "What's wrong, Cas? Talk to me." He was getting worried as well, Cas was their little nerd angel and Dean was going to kick someone's ass if someone decided to mess with him. It was serious, it had to be. But then something cold touched his head and he looked up, it was snowing. "Well, damn it all." The flakes were coming down slowly, illuminated by the street lamps and Dean had to admit, it was kind of pretty.

"I... Um... I just...-" "Cas. Spit it out you're scaring me." Cas took a deep breathe, "Dean, I've been thinking a lot lately, and I've decided that it would be best for me to tell you what's been on my mind." Cas waited for Dean to urge him on. "...Okay. Go on." Dean made a motion with his hand telling Cas that he could continue. "Well, I uh... I think- no, I know- that I... I have developed feelings... for you." Cas looked at Dean and analyzed his reaction. "Cas... buddy... what're you saying?" Dean looked confused. "I'm saying... that... I'm... in love with you. I don't really know how it happened or how it's even possible, but I know that I am and Sam said that I have to tell you before he does and so I did and he told me that he thinks that you feel the same and so here I am and I'm really nervous and I'm sorry if this is too much for you to ta-" Dean cut Castiel off from his babbling with a finger on his lips.

"Cas, stop babbling." Dean awkwardly took his hand away. "Listen, Cas, I uh, I'm glad you told me. I'm really happy. I don't want something like that eating at you. But… honestly man… I just can't say I feel the same way. I thought I did for a little while, but I don't. I like women, Cas. I'm really sorry." Dean was staring at Castiel with those intense green eyes and Cas couldn't help but laugh. "What are you laughing at Cas?" Dean was thrown off. He had just told the guy that he didn't share his feelings and now he's laughing? What the hell?

Cas looks up at Dean and sighs. He puts his hand on Dean's cheek and even though he wouldn't admit it, Dean liked the feeling of Cas' warm palm pressed to his cold face.

"You know, Dean. I don't understand you. You say my love is unrequited, yet you lean into my touch when my hand is on your face. You say you like women, yet whenever I study you, you're eyes never go to women, but to men. Who are you really trying to convince here, Dean? Me or yourself?" Cas began to feel saddened as he realized that Dean didn't have a problem with Cas loving him. He had a problem with himself loving Cas.

"Cas, don't- don't cry. Please stop." Castiel didn't even notice he was crying until Dean said something. He touched his fingertip to the salty liquid protruding from his vessel's eye. He quickly wiped the tears away and looked at Dean. They held their gaze for a couple seconds before Dean had to look down from Cas' eyes. Dean had to admit to himself, Cas had some amazingly beautiful blue ones.

"Fine, Dean. Fine. You don't love me? Okay. Whatever helps you sleep at night. But you need to know that I know the truth. I know you do love me; you're just scared of what others will think of you. Guess what, Dean? No one cares. Everyone accepts you because newsflash; everyone already knows. They see the way we look at each other. Dean, Sam was the one who made me tell you. He knows you're in love with me. So does Bobby. So does Garth. So does Gabriel and Balthazar and Meg and Crowley and every other person we've ever been in the same room with. You can't hide who you really are for the rest of your life. So when you decide to embrace it and stop being a jackass, call me. I'll be here." Dean didn't really have time to respond before Castiel was gone. He was completely speechless. Did everyone really know? Did he even know? Hell, how could he know? He's never been with a dude! Cas was right. He did love him. So, so much. But how could he possibly act on his feelings? He was raised to think that love made you weak. That relationships and feelings just slowed you down and made things complicated. But with Cas, everything was different. He knew he could trust Castiel. Castiel actually made him stronger. But how could he possibly explain this to Bobby and all of the others? Oh, but if Cas was telling the truth, they all knew. Dammit. He had to find Cas. He had to talk to him. But first, he needed to talk to Sam.