A/N: This chapter was insanely difficult for me to finish. I had about 1600 words done when I posted up the last one, but no matter what I added to this it felt incomplete for a chapter. So it ended up being about twice as long as the previous chapters, and that's after I took out some adorable parts and added them to the next chapter, where they fit better.

Please let me know what you think, the next chapter will likely be the last one (perhaps with an epilogue after).

..XxXxX..

Arthur realized he had never been with a person other than Merlin since his separation from Gwen. It hadn't been a conscious decision. It continued to make sense to him: one affair was easier to manage than bedding the whole castle.

But he did wonder at the fact that the idea hadn't occurred to him. After he had Merlin, he hadn't looked for anything else. Perhaps he was simply content to find release and didn't need anything else. Or perhaps he was so used to being allowed only one person, as it was with Guinevere, that he hadn't searched for anything beyond it.

Now it was only Merlin. If the other man was missing when Arthur wanted company, he did not think of finding someone else, he waited impatiently. He was used to his manservant's company was all it was. He had nothing to worry about with him.

..XxXxX..

Merlin's breath was still coming hard and fast as beads of sweat rolled down his neck and into the hollow of his clavicle. He refrained, just barely, from telling Arthur how amazing he had just felt. How amazing he still felt. He was sure the grin on his face and the softness in his eyes said it more eloquently, and with no fear of rejection included.

Arthur narrowed his eyes at Merlin, "Good?"

"It was alright." Merlin acquiesced, smile quirking more to the right as he fought it back to mock Arthur.

Arthur leaned over and bit Merlin's neck, right below his jaw. Hard.

"Ow!" Merlin tried to pull away, but was quickly grabbed and pinned.

"Now, when I say 'good', you say…?" Arthur tried again, his whisper attempting to sound dangerous.

"Painful? That actually hurt, Arthur." He whined, trying to move his arm to rub the sensitive area.

"Incorrect." Arthur nipped lightly just under his last bite.

"Terrible." Merlin was smiling again.

"No." Arthur's teeth scraped skin just a bit lower, down to the juncture at his shoulder.

"Somewhat… tolerable?" His heart picked up speed again.

"Hmm. Try again." Arthur left a mark on his shoulder.

"Pleasant?" Merlin gasped.

"Close." The tip of Arthur's tongue traced a soothing line across the marks.

"Wonderful." The tongue stopped, and Arthur's lips began to trek the same path, making a trail down his chest and pausing at his abdomen as Arthur looked up at him expectantly. "Nearly perfect."

Arthur bit his hipbone and moved to lay at Merlin's side again, a smug grin on his face. Merlin glared at him.

"You'll just have to try harder in the future, Arthur. You're almost there." Merlin said, more than a little frustrated, and though Arthur knew an attempt to provoke him when he saw it, he still leaned in to bite Merlin's lip.

"I do love a challenge. You've got quite a bit of work to do yourself." Arthur teased.

"First lesson, biting: how hard is too hard." Merlin bit Arthur's shoulder, and the blond let out an immediate irrepressible moan. "Just hard enough." Merlin murmured in a low voice.

"Perfect." Arthur replied, already breathless.

..XxXxX..

"You are so predictable, Arthur. You have no idea how well I know you. You think you have changed so very much and that is why you don't love me, but it's not true. You haven't changed at all, and that's the problem." Gwen's voice was full of venom and nothing Arthur was expecting. She had barged into his chambers not an hour after Merlin had left him for the night.

He disagreed, but was unsure whether to say so aloud. He was usually fairly good at holding in his anger when it mattered, this likely stemmed from years of taking orders from his father even when he vehemently opposed the command. "I have changed. And I'm not sure where all of this is coming from, perhaps you have changed as well." Arthur tried to sound diplomatic, hoping his apparent calm would wear off.

"What you are doing to Merlin is exactly what you did to me. You live on the excitement, Arthur. You were a prince who always listened to your father, and what he wanted most was to marry you off to someone that would strengthen his kingdom. You went for me because I was the opposite of that, a lowly serving girl whose father died accused of witchcraft. Now your father is not here to disapprove of you, and your people are harder to upset so you must increase your commitment.

"You go for a servant again, but this time a man. This time a sorcerer himself, Lancelot has told me." She held up a hand as Arthur's expression turned incredulous. This was not her point in coming here, though perhaps it would help him to let Merlin go. "Arthur, you will break his heart to feel alive because it will fade with him just the same! When he is accepted, and he deserves to be, you will be disenchanted. And it will not fade for him. And you will push him away and look for the next thrill, though I cannot think of what it could be." Her voice broke as she seemed torn between anger and sadness. "Don't do this to him. Don't make him just another brief part of your life while he makes you into everything. We all give so much for you, Arthur, and we always will. He always will. But let him keep himself. Let him go, perhaps it isn't too late. I only wish I'd had the courage when I saw this starting."

Anger settled deep in Arthur's chest. "You don't understand at all."

"I've been on his side of it, Arthur, I understand it better than you can. You've always had whatever and whoever you wanted, you forget the pain I've lived. I cannot. I will remember forever, as long as I will love you." She gave him a small smile, the sort you might give a child who had tried to do something very grown up but failed at it completely. "If I could go back and never have married you, I would. If I could make it so I never felt love for you, Arthur, and you could still be the king you are, I swear with all my heart I would. I wouldn't wish this feeling on Merlin. If you feel you care half as much for him as I see you try to, you will help him let you go."

..XxXxX..

Arthur woke to the feeling of lips pressed to his shoulder, soft, barely-there kisses to his chest then up the line of his throat, his chin, his jaw, the highest point of his cheek. A light smile tugged at his lips, his eyes crinkling gently at the corner even without him opening his eyes. "Kiss me." He mumbled.

"I am." Merlin replied, a hint of mocking in his whispered tone.

"I mean kiss me, you prat."

"So much clearer." But Arthur felt the mirroring smile on Merlin's lips as they met his.

A tenderness he previously thought was unfitting to hold for the other man stole into his heart, and he grinned even as he kept the kiss light. Half asleep, he could allow sweetness to be a part of what they shared. He cherished it only in secret.

He opened his eyes to see Merlin's had closed as if to better use his tactile senses. His heart fluttered as Merlin's fingertips brushed against his bare chest, his palm coming to rest in the sprinkling of deep blond hair found at the center. Merlin hummed low in his throat as their lips separated, looking back into Arthur's eyes for just a moment before he lowered his face to Arthur's chest. He pressed a single kiss to the skin and muscle over Arthur's fluttering heart. Arthur shifted, moving his arm around Merlin's waist and looking down at his messy black hair, forgetting to wonder how he'd ended up like this. In this position. With this man. Feeling like this.

Perhaps it is time for everything to change. Nothing could be out of his reach, nothing was forbidden to him. So long as it was what Merlin wanted as well.

..XxXxX..

The law had finally changed, Arthur had decided to allow the use of magic, under strict regulations. It could not be practiced within the citadel or lower town, in order to keep the mishaps to a low level and note any attacks that were magic-based. This would likely drive all that had hidden their gifts within the walls of the castle and lower town to villages where they could make a living in peace.

Even with the small distance between himself and those using magic, Merlin could feel it down into his bones, in his blood, in each breath, a song of freedom buzzing in the air as power surged from all corners of the kingdom. It felt like celebration. It felt beautiful. This would truly be Camelot's golden age, even without a queen currently in the throne beside their magnanimous king.

Merlin could not push the smile from his face that morning, even as he sat at Arthur's table while the king picked at his food. "What has you so excited, Merlin?" He asked in a mocking tone, shoving his plate away.

"Many people will be spared that were executed." He replied. Still, he could not tell Arthur the truth. He knew the King's feelings on magic had changed, and that Gwen had convinced him never to execute or banish another person based on who they were or who they aided. But Merlin had lied to him over many years, and that he wasn't sure Arthur could forgive.

"It's part of my trial for peace with Guinevere. She asked for this, and it will hopefully drain all strength away from armies such as Morgana's. Without seeing me as a tyrant unwilling to see that magic can help just as surely as it has harmed, fewer people will feel they should have me killed. I hope. A ban can only help a kingdom when one can simply forbid an act or item and it goes away. As it has been explained to me, magic is not one of those things. If it will not fade and instead wells up to defy me, then perhaps the law was a long time coming to this change." Arthur was staring down at the table, looking concerned. "Or perhaps the freedom to practice will elevate the power used against us and I've just doomed my kingdom."

"We have beaten every magical force so far." Merlin reminded.

"I will use magic against itself, if it comes to that. Surely there are those who will help me. I don't believe every person that practices magic is evil, and I can't be blinded by fear or hatred any longer. I must learn to trust, as you have." Arthur looked up at him pointedly.

"…I'm sorry?" Merlin asked, his stomach dropping to his feet.

Arthur paused a moment, and Merlin felt fear as he never had before. "It was years ago, but you cannot expect me to forget. Your best friend was a sorcerer. You still trusted him with your life, and he helped you. He saved my life, for you." There was wariness to the tone, but something almost tender there as well.

"Yes." Merlin agreed with relief.

It only occurred to him hours later that in that moment, perhaps Arthur would have listened. He could have ended the lie.

If he could stop fearing losing the man, he could be honest with his king.

..XxXxX..

Falling in love was terrible. Merlin was never happy with anything anymore. He'd very nearly thrown his ale at the bard that dared sing in his vicinity that love was to be treasured, that it filled one up and completed them. Merlin was complete all by himself, thank you, and adding Arthur in only caused problems.

To be fair, Merlin thought perhaps it would be different if Arthur felt the same things for him.

Arthur was so uncomplicated. He saw something he wanted, like Merlin's body for whatever reason, and he took it. He gave nothing in return. Well, he gave his own body, but he didn't do something stupid like throw his heart in with the deal.

It had felt like such a relief to not hide his attraction from Arthur, but this was an even bigger secret, and Merlin wondered if it wouldn't just crush him one day. Where his secret of having magic was something that he rarely wanted to reveal unless he wanted credit for something, it was often hard in the moment to stop his mouth from setting him on what would surely be the path to suicide. Arthur could not know.

"Merlin, are you planning to drown yourself in that or drink it?" Lancelot asked, nudging him with an elbow.

Merlin glared at his ale. He didn't even like to drink, he hated the feeling of losing control. Not least because it often led to terrible singing that in turn led to being the butt of jokes for weeks. "It smells like poison." Merlin replied glumly.

Lancelot's brows rose as he smiled.

"Well, it is poison. It dulls your wits." Merlin continued a bit defensively. "We just choose the poison that takes away our control and blame it when we do something reckless and embarrassing. We feel excited in the moment, but sick on regret the next day."

Lancelot pulled the mug away from him. "I think you've had enough."

"I haven't had any!"

"Just as well. Are we talking about ale or… something else?" He knew more about Merlin than Arthur did in some respects, Merlin realized not for the first time. He felt a twinge of guilt at having ignored Lancelot so much during the past months, Arthur had never forgiven the knight, regardless of the fighter he was or how loyal he had shown himself to be toward Camelot. And Merlin knew Arthur did not like him to see Lancelot. But the man was a true friend to him, even if he had a blind-spot in his loyalty when it came to Gwen. That was what love really looked like, Merlin realized.

"Both." Merlin said.

"Arthur?" Lancelot asked knowingly, humor in the word. "He's not poisoning you, is he?"

Merlin sighed, pulling the ale back to him to sniff it and pull a face at the sharp alcohol scent. "No. He's just terrible all the time. I try to make him less of an idiot, it's just impossible for him."

"I thought the two of you were getting on better? Gwen seems to think so as well." Merlin wasn't sure how Gwen knew, or if she was the one to tell Lancelot, but Merlin felt he had their blessing to try for whatever stupid thing he was currently aiming at.

"We do. Sometimes. Mostly. But I can't make it something it isn't. He has a use for me, I'm being useful, that's how it has always been for us."

"If you're never willing to risk what you have then it's unlikely you'll find something more." Lancelot thought he was Kilgharrah when he'd had a few, Merlin decided.

"I'd rather this than nothing." That thought was what now kept Merlin up nights, more so than his desire for Arthur to know about his magic. He didn't want to ruin what he had, but he wasn't sure he could have only this. Only, as if Arthur's palm resting on Merlin's stomach as he slept, fingers occasionally fretting through the hair that began in a line there, was a small thing to have.

..XxXxX..

"Where's Merlin?" Arthur questioned Gwaine, setting his sword aside and pulling free his helmet. He needed someone to take his armor off of him, Merlin always got on so perfectly it was difficult for him to remove it.

"At the tavern." Gwaine replied with a little grin.

"Alone?" Merlin hadn't been at the tavern in a few months as far as Arthur knew. "I thought you'd be with him. You use any excuse to misuse my treasury."

"I don't live at the tavern, Sire." The knight said with a mocking grin. "And he isn't alone, he wanted time with Lancelot. I said I'd keep you occupied so you didn't walk in on them. They're talking over something important."

Arthur was sure Gwaine was trying to provoke him into saying or doing something stupid, and he wouldn't let it work. "What is that?" He tried to sound airy about it. He tried not to be bothered that it was Lancelot of all people that Merlin was speaking with. Not that there was anything wrong with Lancelot, now that he was keeping Gwen happy when Arthur couldn't, but he could never fully forget the feeling of wanting to smash his face in when he caught the other man with Gwen. And Merlin was supposed to be his friend. So he should dislike Lancelot just a little bit with him, and not trust him and talk to him on his own. No, that was terrible, kings never felt that way.

Perhaps he was concerned more for Gwen. That wouldn't be improper of him. "Does Gwen mind?" He continued when Gwaine had not responded to his previous question.

"Why would she?" Arthur hated when a question was answered with a question. It was obvious he was encouraging curiosity until it drove Arthur mad.

"Because she and Lancelot are together and he's at the tavern with Merlin alone."

"It's the tavern. They aren't alone. But if you're so interested in the tavern we could pop in for a drink, paid for by your royal treasury." Gwaine winked, clapping Arthur's back, having won what he sought. Arthur could only hope he would have harsher words said to him by Merlin or Lancelot later for leading him right to where they were.

..XxXxX..

"Let's have four of the usuals, thanks!" Gwaine's familiar voice yelled from just inside the tavern door. Merlin looked up, raising his brows at Arthur walking in behind the knight.

For a moment Arthur scanned the room, and when his eyes met Merlin's, Merlin knew he had been searching for him.

"I'm paying for his drinks." Arthur said as if this explained anything. A confused glance later, he continued. "He did… very well today. And I need your help with something."

"Let me just finish this cup." Merlin replied, sending an apologetic look to Lancelot.

"No, now, Merlin." Arthur insisted in his gruff 'I'm the king' tone. Merlin reluctantly stood, Lancelot patting his back goodbye and waving as Gwaine shoved into the seat Merlin had just abandoned, all four drinks pressed against his chest.

..XxXxX..

"What was so important?" Merlin demanded when they reached Arthur's chambers, the walk there being one of indignant silence. "I was in the middle of something."

"Something with Lancelot?" Arthur's tone was almost dangerous.

"A conversation, Arthur, yes." He rolled his eyes. "Did you think he had me over the table?"

Arthur was silent for a moment too long and Merlin wondered if he'd taken it too far, glancing up to see a blush rising on Arthur's cheeks.

Merlin wasn't sure what to make of this. "I know you don't like him. But he's my friend. He's a good friend."

Arthur snorted.

"He is. And he's loyal." Merlin defended.

"Is that why he told Gwen you have magic?" The words burst out of Arthur's mouth before he could stop them.

"I… What?" Merlin said. Because Lancelot wouldn't do that. Other than his mother, and Gaius who was like a father to him, Lancelot was the only person he cared about who knew and still lived.

"It seems he can't help himself when it comes to Guinevere. She shouted it at me. Was trying to warn me off you." Arthur turned his back to Merlin, so he couldn't read the King's face.

"He wouldn't. She wouldn't." Merlin didn't think to defend himself, only his friends. He had never felt personal betrayal before. He had always thought Gwen cared for him just as much as he did for her, though of course hers had started as a sort of awkward infatuation so many years ago. She was like a sibling now.

"She thinks I'm going to break your heart." The words were hollow. Perhaps this was the only admittance Arthur had needed of his guilt.

"When did she say?" Merlin tried not to stutter the words. If it was just before Arthur came to get him, he may be sent away. If it was longer ago, then Arthur had hidden his knowledge.

"About a week ago. It all made sense, then. It's allowed now, and you didn't leave to practice it. But you also never said." The last word faded out slowly, sounding uncertain.

"I wanted to." Merlin said, looking down, unable to face even Arthur's back. He heard Arthur turn his way again.

"I thought I knew you."

"You do." Merlin felt like begging. This couldn't be the reason. Arthur could reject him, but not for who he was all along. He could reject a feeling. Merlin could understand that, Arthur would need to find a queen. But he wasn't sure he could stand Arthur rejecting the one thing that made him special, the thing that had helped him save Arthur countless times, the thing that bound him to the father he had lost and made him feel like he was more than just a servant, that he was worth a great destiny. Perhaps that he was worth Arthur.

"Do I know everything else?" Arthur asked.

"Yes." Merlin lied. Even then, how could he tell Arthur about this emotional mess he was creating? Why give him more reason to turn away?

"Alright." Arthur replied. Just that. Merlin looked up, too confused to be relieved. Arthur looked to his right, toward the window, even as he continued. "Good."

"Good?" Merlin questioned.

"Nearly perfect." Arthur finally met his eyes, a small, almost mocking smile there.

Merlin smiled in return, unsure if Arthur understood what he was repeating.

"No practicing in Camelot still goes for you, though, Merlin. So don't let me catch you at it."

"I've got plenty of other things to be practicing, Sire." Merlin said with a grin that lit his eyes.

..XxXxX..

A/N: This was a hard chapter to get through, and I'm still not sure I like how it fit together. Please review, whether you liked it or didn't, and let me know! I may edit through it again with constructive criticism. Thank you so much to everyone who has given me their opinions on this so far, it's inspired me to keep going! The next chapter is pretty fluffy so far.

(Chapter title from Autumn Leaves by Ed Sheeran, just to keep with the theme, which gives me sad Merlin/Arthur feelings, just like every other song now that Merlin is over forever.)