A/N - Ok so this is my very first fic ever, anywhere! I tried a bit of writing a few years ago for Supernatural but just hadn't got the confidence to post anything! Not entirely sure I do now either but hey, Cal and Niko are my newest HUGE obsession and I just couldn't resist it. I'll get a profile of me up soon too but for now, here's the first bit. I hope someone likes it! Please be kind and constructive if not. Warning for language - but hey, its Cal :) Oh, Cal is about 13 when this takes place.
All Characters are the property of the awesome Rob Thurman, just borrowing for a little angst and H/C.
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The glass bottle glanced off the side of my head, hard. Spinning off to the side where it smashed against the ground. It seemed as though time stopped for a few seconds, though there was still something about having a hard head which flashed across my mind. Any other normal person would probably have stayed where they were and gracefully passed out. But since when did normal and I have a good relationship?
All I felt was searing, burning, filthy rage bubbling inside me. And for maybe the first time – no, definitely the first time, it was partly directed at my brother, standing before me.
I just ran. I couldn't take it anymore. The bottle which Sofia had absently flung out the trailer towards my sorry (distracted and emotionally compromised) excuse for a body was the final straw. So I ran. Don't ask me how, but I was gone in a flash. Seconds before I'd been shouting (maybe there was some screaming too) at Niko in front of the trailer, for the whole world to see and hear. I couldn't take it anymore, the confinement, the trailer, the homework, school, Sofia, Grendels, the feeling of impending doom – hell, my life.
I don't think I meant to run, but then again, thinking wasn't really high on the list of priorities of my 13 year old brain, even before the bottle hit me. I'm pretty sure Niko was doing some shouting of his own now from behind me, but even that faded as I made it out of the park, making pretty good progress down the road to..somewhere. Somewhere was exactly right; I had zero idea where I was going, all I knew was the rage inside me, burning, pushing me faster and faster.
Sometime later, the fire in my lungs won out and I pulled up, grasping my knees in the desperate fight for oxygen. Why was my face so hot and wet? My hand came away with a mixture of what I vaguely knew must have been blood and tears. The world began to spin, and I'm talking serious, 360 degrees here. I somehow managed to balance myself as I managed to rake in just enough air through my ridiculously unfit lungs.
Shit. This was my first thought. Probably the first one I had had for a good 20 minutes. I had no idea where I was. I was wearing only my blue t-shirt, which used to be Niko's of course, light sweats and my old worn tennis shoes - and it must have been close to freezing. My second thought was, Shit, No knife. No, anything. No weapon of any kind (Niko would be so proud) Shit, Niko.. I guess he would be proud that somewhere in between thoughts 1 and 2 was the knife – but I'm pretty sure that wouldn't have made up for everything else.
Niko. A lead weight suddenly planted itself in my stomach. I'd run. I'd just run. From the trailer, from the situation, from the light, from safety – from my brother. Oh great, now I felt sick too. I stumbled a little way before bringing up the contents of dinner, several times and it brought me to my knees. The ground was cold and hard, where the hell was I anyway? I finally took in my surroundings, I was by some old industrial place by the looks of it, rusted, silvery metal pipes and chimneys intertwined themselves in the darkness before me, glowing ominously in the soft moonlight.
I looked back at the path I'd taken, only to realise I'd busted through a chain link fence (which I don't remember at all) and now I was somewhere across an old bridge over a pretty deep looking ravine. I inched closer to the edge only to have my head swim again, partly from the head wound and partly from the distance to the small stream below. I wondered vaguely how I'd made it across the rusted narrow walkway that looked barely passable. Man, I felt awful, and that wasn't just physically.
The flaming hot rage that had filled me so completely only moments ago was all but gone. I was suddenly aware of the cold night air biting at my flesh and I shivered despite myself. I was alone. Alone in the darkness and silence. Completely alone. Vulnerable. Hopefully alone..
But wasn't this what I wanted? What I had longed for only minutes ago? Silence. No abusive, alcoholic whore of a mother, no nagging, persistent and creepy-composed older brother. No homework, no cramped, stinking rotten trailer. No anything. Complete silence and complete freedom. Exactly what I wanted, wasn't it? Then why did it feel so horribly wrong that it brought me crashing back to my knees. Some of the awful words I had hurled at my brother were beginning to ring in my ears. Hurtful words flung carelessly from my demon tongue.
A flash of his pained face haunted my vision from that split second before the bottle struck and I had made my 'great escape'. The hurt and the pain in his eyes. What did I say? I can't remember. I just remember his eyes. Burning with pain and sorrow, as fierce as my consuming rage. I'd never spoken to Niko like that before. Never. I felt my stomach twist again like someone was wringing me out to dry.
Niko was my protector, my guardian from Sofia, hell, from the world. For all the shit in my life (I wasn't supposed to say shit) but with all the shit in my life, and in my head, he was the buffer. He took everything first – it passed through him, taking the 'sting' out of everything before he even let half the bad stuff get anywhere near me. He cushioned the blows. He softened my falls. And that was just all the mental stuff. There was no question, no doubt in my mind that he would keep me from anyone or anything that tried to hurt me. If he was here he would. My inside voice echoed at me, hollow in the desperate pit of my stomach.
I was totally exposed. Vulnerable. Niko would kill me. If something didn't find me first, I thought. I swiped again at the hot, teary mess that was now my face. The retching had now stopped and I resigned myself to dragging my sorry, worthless ass to its feet. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so cruel? Niko was everything. Everything else was just a still and empty excuse for a life without him. Not the happy, care-free existence my rage filled mind had conjured - the rainbow at the end of my escape.
As though I could merely will my life to another path completely. If I wasn't on this path then I wouldn't have Niko. God, now I was starting to sound like him. My stomach dropped to the floor again. Did I still have Niko? I'd always thought his patience was endless when it came to me – but had I pushed too far? Had I really broken everything this time? The look on my brothers' face hit me squarely along with a cold gust of wind and I felt like being sick again. Had I broken me and Niko..?
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A/N - Please review and let me know if you like it! (and please be kind if you don't!)