Author's Note: Hi, everyone! Before I start telling you anything about this story, I want to say first you that the plot used in this story isn't mine. It's from one of my favourite books of my favourite author, Judith McNaught entitled, "Once and Always". I swear, you would fall in love with it. Thank you for creating such an amazing piece, Ms. McNaught.

And thank you, dear friends, for understanding! As you may know by now, this story is AU, set in the 1800s in England where ducal titles still exist. I hope you would also love this story as much as I did. Happy Christmas!

Disclaimer: Higuchi Tachibana and Judith McNaught. Enough said. Happy reading!

XX,

Alyx

Breathless

Prologue

England

1840

The young woman fastened the last piece of glittering jewel around her neck and, clutching the sides of her gown, twirled in front of her husband, laughing wickedly.

"Don't you think it's beautiful?" Her smile was overly bright as she touched lovingly the diamonds and emeralds gleaming against her pale skin with her long fingers. The maroon gown she was wearing complemented her strawberry-blonde hair perfectly, the daring "V" in front of her gown was low-enough to incite lust to any red-blooded male. She was beautiful. She was truly beautiful, with those glittering jewels nestled between her breasts pushed-up invitingly for everyone's eyes.

A pair of ruby eyes scathingly glanced and looked over her form with distaste as he said, "Exposing too much of your flesh to attract men? If that is your aim, it's best to not wear anything at all. There will be no difference when people see you that way, anyway," The 27-year-old Lord of the Manor said sarcastically.

"Baron DuPont liked this gown and he specifically said I should wear this tonight for the ball," Lady Luna Hyuuga, The Marchioness of Thornton, hissed at her husband, ignoring his comment, as she continued to fasten the pearl earrings.

Natsume Hyuuga's face tightened with disgust.

"No doubt he does not want to be troubled with too many buttons and fasteners when he takes it off you."

Luna's face seethed with anger as she venomously said, "And what do you care? He's French and he likes things to be done quickly," Luna replied heatedly, tossing her curls over her shoulder, admiring again her gaze in front of the mirror.

"That's why he's penniless. He cannot do anything right in his miserable life," Natsume said sardonically.

"Well, he thinks I'm beautiful!" Luna whirled around and shot back at the foreboding man in front of her, her fists clenched at her sides.

Natsume got up and looked once over his wife, his gaze swept over her lovely face with its pale skin, light green eyes, her full red lips, and her breasts shown in that daring gown. His ruby eyes hardening by the minute. "He's right. You are one beautiful, avaricious, amoral…" Natsume trailed in a low voice, walking towards her, his ruby eyes glittering like fire. "Bitch," he finished.

He turned and walked towards the door, was about to leave the room when he said in that low voice that made her tremble, "Before you flaunt your body for everyone's feasting, go and say good night to my son. He is too little to understand how unfortunate he is to have such a mother like you and he misses you when you're gone. I'll leave for Ireland in an hour," he said nonchalantly.

"Youchi!" she hissed through her teeth and continued, "He's all you think about! When you come back, I'll be gone!" she threatened.

But Lord Natsume Hyuuga, The Marquess of Thornton, Earl of Claymore, Third Viscount of Fairemont, and Baron of Wakefield, did not seem to mind it one bit. "Good," he said indifferently, not stopping one moment from his wife's threats.

Luna got up from the chair in front of the vanity mirror and yelled at her husband's back. "You bastard! I will never come back here and the whole world will know who you really are! I'll never come back! Ever!" she shrieked, hands fisting the gown the Baron gave to her that morning.

Holding the door handle, Natsume looked back, his face a cold and contemptuous mask, his ruby eyes glittering dangerously. "You will come back. You'll come back as soon as you run out of money," he scathingly sneered and with that, Natsume closed the door behind him and strode down to the waiting carriage in the circular driveway outside the Thornton manor.

Luna's wrathful face turned into a triumphant one. "I will never run out of money, Natsume Hyuuga." She sat down again in front of the vanity mirror, a plan forming in her wicked mind. "I will never run out of money because you will do whatever I want," she said in the empty room, the shadows of her evil smirk reflecting in the mirror.

Natsume shook the snow off his coat and handed his wet cloak to the servant waiting in the door.

"Happy Christmas, Jinno. The weather took me an extra day to travel back here. Has Youchi gone to bed?" he asked, unbuttoning his second coat and removing his leather gloves.

"Good evening, my lord," Jinno, their butler, said in an odd, tense voice. He took the coat off the marquess with trembling fingers that didn't go unnoticed by his employer.

Natsume nodded towards him, but tilted his head slightly in question. Before Jinno could reply to his question, Natsume noticed someone's presence. He looked to his left, to the direction of the yellow salon, the receiving area in the Thornton manor, and saw his friend.

"Ruka?" He called out, walking towards him.

"Natsume–" Ruka Nogi called out to him. Ruka, the Earl of Winscoll, was a year younger than him but Natsume respects him and regards him as and one of his few close friends. Ruka and Natsume had a long way to date back of their friendship. He was one of the few people Natsume really trusts and Ruka was proud of it.

But as he stood on the marble foyer, his face was really obvious of tired lines. His forehead creased in an uncharacteristic way, his intelligent blue eyes were obviously harassed, and her blonde hair, which was usually smoothed down in the sides of his face, were messed up, as if he had been running his hand over it for a couple of times.

"Ruka, what are you doing here?" Natsume asked him as he strode towards him. He was surprised by his friend's late night visit. After all, it was Christmas season and the nobles usually are off to their own lands or other countries to celebrate. What was his friend doing here?

"Natsume, Luna is gone. She went with Baron DuPont for Macau," he said. Ruka saw Natsume's aloof and hard expression did not change by the news. He sighed and ran a hand over his hair again, "She took Youchi with her."

When he said it, he saw Natsume's face turned into a dangerous mask, his red eyes blazing like cold fire. "She dared! I'll kill her! I'll find her and kill her for th–!"

Ruka's voice cut Natsume off his train of curse towards his wife. "It's too late for that, Natsume." There was something in Ruka's voice that made Natsume's heart stop.

"The ship they were in was caught in a storm and it went down instantly, four days after it left England," Ruka explained and with a pained voice, he continued, "There were no survivors."

Natsume didn't move except for the tightening of his jaw.

After a minute of standing still, he walked towards the decanter bar and wordlessly poured himself a glass of whiskey. He tossed it down in one gulp, then poured himself again and gulped it again, his face wiped out of all emotions, his ruby eyes as hard as rock.

Ruka went to him and held out two envelopes to Natsume. "Luna left these. One is a ransom letter and the other one is supposedly for Inquirer, meant to expose you for the things she accused you did to her," Ruka sighed and put the letters down the brass table beside the fireplace when Natsume didn't move from his place.

"I know how much you loved your son, Natsume," Ruka said roughly, "I cared for Youchi too. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," Ruka bowed his head, his shoulders slumped in a defeated manner.

Natsume's tormented gaze swept over the large painting of his son. Youchi Hyuuga was sitting under a tree, a canvas with spirits drawn on it was clutched in his chubby, little fingers. The painting of spirits was the one he did after he had a dream about spirits visiting him and playing with him. His son liked all things uncanny and daunting, Natsume remembered. In an anguish silence, he stared at his son for a long moment, not realizing the glass he was holding shattered against his death grip.

But he did not cry. Nor did he shed a tear.

Natsume Hyuuga's childhood long ago robbed him all of his tears.

Portland, Maine

1842

Mikan Sakura propped herself on the big rock beside the lake, tucking her legs under the skirt of her black gown. She stared dejectedly at the water rippling softly against the morning sun light, not noticing the beautiful shimmers the sunlight made upon the waters.

A rustle of wind followed by crunching of boots against dried leaves were heard. But she knew who it was. There were only two people who knew this place: she and her childhood friend, and secretly her crush, Tsubasa Andou.

Tsubasa sat himself beside Mikan and looked over her, his midnight blue eyes mirroring concern.

"You okay, hazel eyes?" He asked. Tsubasa was three years older than Mikan. At 20, Tsubasa was handsome and rich, being the only son of their town's richest citizen. He has no father since he was five. Tsubasa's mother, who owns half of Portland, Maine, was said to mysteriously get "sick spells" and "heart attacks" whenever his son was to leave her side. The whole town knew how her mother was very attached to her son for he was the only memento she got from her husband before he ran off for another woman, particularly not a possessive one. Tsubasa knows what his mother was playing with him, but because he loved her, he never made a big deal of it.

Tsubasa studied outside Maine, at University of Northern Woods, and came home every summer and winter vacations. He always looked forward to these visits because he would finally see his little moppet and get to spend some time with the girl. Years ago, when he was but a high school student studying in the uptown, he usually sneaked out and went to a cornfield near his to skip classes and sleep the day away. That was where he met Mikan Sakura, the girl whom he fell for. Literally. He fell in fear when he saw a tiny, young lady racing on a horseback without a saddle or a rein, her red-brown hair flying wildly behind her.

Tsubasa's reminiscing broke off when Mikan looked over him. The breath was caught in his throat as he gazed at her.

He had never seen a more beautiful sight in his life. Mikan's hazel eyes lined with silver specks were glinting against the sun; her long, wavy, red-brown hair caught the rays of the sun mirrored on the lake's surface; her full lips were almost bleeding from the death clamp of her perfect, white teeth. Sitting on top of a rock, her black dress swirling around her, she almost looked like an angel in disguise.

And, suddenly, the angel in front of Tsubasa broke down.

With tears streaming down her face, Mikan put her face on her hands and cried. Tsubasa automatically reached out for her and embraced her, tucking her head in his chest protectively. He did not want to see his angel crying. He did not want to see her hurt. But he felt so helpless, seeing her like that.

"Hush, Mikan," Tsubasa said as he comforted her, stroking her long hair.

"What am I going to do now that Papa and Mama are gone? I have no family, Tsubasa. I am still under-aged so I cannot find a work here. But even if I am already of legal age, I won't find a decent job!" Mikan cried against his chest.

"Why is that? You are certainly good in so many ways, Mikan," he answered her. And it was true. Tsubasa saw how adept Mikan was with a bow and arrow, and even a gun. She could climb trees, throw stones in long paces, she could even ride a horse without a saddle and rein! Mikan could do what most her age, or even twice her age, couldn't do. She was talented and skilled like that.

"No!" She wept. "You don't understand. I don't know how to cook, sew, or even crochet! My mother tried to teach me but I just can't learn those things. I know how to play some instruments but I won't survive because of it. I also know how to cure other people's certain illnesses through my father's concoctions. He left mixtures in his cabinet and medical books to read but it won't also help me to survive every day. They won't allow me, an uneducated physician, to heal them." Mikan hiccupped.

Tsubasa smiled at that. That was her other skill. He knew how good Mikan was in assisting his physician father in different cases. Mikan may not have learned what other ladies her age should be learning but Mikan's intelligence was far more advanced than them. As a physician, Yukihira Sakura was considered the best in their town. But Dr. Sakura never accepted money from his patients because he knew how hard it was to earn money in their town. Instead, people gave them goods – ranging from chicken eggs to cow milks to rice and silks. That was why even though Dr. Sakura never received payments from his treatments, he and his family lived a modest life because of the townspeople's kindness. Mikan always accompanied her father everywhere he went and he was more than happy to have her assistance. From all these, Mikan learned so much in the art of healing.

She had inherited her mother's, Yuka Sakura, startling beauty and caring demeanour and his father's humour and courage. She had also learned compassion and idealism to him as well. As a child, the villagers liked her because of her beauty and carefree smile; as a young lady, she won the hearts of many, including the town's richest citizen's son. They adored her as she matured into a spirited young lady who worried about their ailments and who help them chase their pain away.

But the young lady in front of Tsubasa now has a broken spirit.

Two days ago, on their way home, the carriage bearing Dr. Yukihira Sakura and Yuka Sakura was overturned down a riverbank. Dr. Sakura died instantly. But Mrs. Sakura regained consciousness only long enough to say a couple of words.

"Hyuuga," Yuka whispered haltingly, "Narumi Anjou Hyuuga– Duke of Wieldingfort. Cousin," she breathed. "Please– Mikan…" She whispered as her eyes finally closed.

Mikan was out practicing target shooting with Tsubasa when she heard the sad news. Running back to her house, she found Dr. Hinata, her father's colleague, waiting for her, bearing the sad news of her parents' death. After a few moments of grief silence, Dr. Hinata asked her for her permission to take over the responsibility of looking after her, being his father's mentor as well as a close friend of the Sakura family.

Mikan liked Dr. Hinata and she was glad that Dr. Hinata was kind to her but he was already old and in a few months, he would retire. Mikan cannot possibly burden Dr. Hinata by staying with him and so, she tried to think of other ways on how she would survive without burdening anyone.

"Mikan," Dr. Hinata called her, breaking her useless gaze over nothing. "Do you know any person with the name Hyuuga? Narumi Anjou Hyuuga? Duke of Wieldingfort?" Dr. Hinata suddenly asked her, when they were sitting at his office days later.

Mikan tried to think of it to no avail. She shook her head dejectedly.

"Did you know he was your mother's cousin?" Dr. Hinata asked again while slowly cleaning his spectacles.

Mikan looked up to him in surprise. Duke? Her mother's cousin? She shook her head.

"I only know that mother was estranged from her family in England. She never spoke of them to me," Mikan explained, sighing. Her mother has always been a special woman but she never thought she would know be related with someone with a ducal title.

"Is it possible that your father have relatives here in America?" Dr. Hinata asked again.

Mikan shook her head dejectedly. "Papa grew up in an orphanage. He never knew his family." Her brown gaze looking outside the window. Now, she was like his father. An orphan. Maybe it was best to go to an orphanage now. At least there, she would never be a burden to anyone.

"Do you want coffee, Dr. Hinata?" Mikan abruptly asked, wanting to divert the subject because it just causes her more sadness.

"Goodness, don't worry about me, Mikan. Go outside and have a breath of fresh air or sit under the warm sun. You're as pale as a ghost, child. I want you to go outside, okay?" He said at her, hugging her in that fatherly way that brought tears to Mikan's eyes again.

Mikan nodded, took her cloak and hurriedly went outside and went to the secret place, the hidden lake.

Now, as Mikan cried before him, Tsubasa thought of nothing but his fierce wanting to protect this young lady in his arms. "You are going to do just fine, Mikan. I'm here for you. I will protect you and help you," Tsubasa said, his embrace tightening around her petite form.

Mikan looked up, her nose red from crying. "What–?" Mikan asked then shook her head and continued, "I cannot possibly burden you too, Tsubasa. You've been a very good friend to me ever since and I don't want to impose anything to you. I will manage on my own, however that may be," Mikan replied, hiccuping.

Tsubasa chucked her under her chin.

"Of course, I do care about you, Hazel eyes. And no, you will never be a burden to me. You know that. You should never forget that. I will always be here to protect you," he said. His voice was so sincere and so different from what she usually heard that Mikan wondered.

She bit her lip. "If I accept your help, may I know how you will do it?" She sniffed from a handkerchief she pulled from the folds of her dress.

Tsubasa looked sincerely at her eyes. "By marrying me."

Mikan wondered if her ears suddenly stopped functioning. "Wh– what?" her eyes widened. Did she hear it correctly? Did Tsubasa lose his mind? What was he saying?

Tsubasa reached over her face and wiped the last trains of tears away from her lovely face. "You may not believe this but I fell in love with you ever since I saw you racing across the cornfields riding that Indian pony of Hawkeye's without a saddle or a rein. I have never seen a person so brave and fearless. And ever since, I wanted to be the first person who will protect you from any harm or danger. I want to care for you for the rest of my life. Please marry me and I will help chase the pain away in your heart. I will make sure to make you happy every single day of our lives together," Tsubasa said, holding both of her hands on his. His face brimming with genuine care he felt for her that Mikan had a hard time processing what was happening.

She was shocked, surprised, shattered– and joyous.

She never thought that Tsubasa would actually care for her like she did for him. Now, at the moment she really needed him, he was here, comforting her and offering for her hand, promising to protect and love her, promising to help her get through the pain.

Mikan was overwhelmed. She smiled through her tears and whispered, "Thank you. How lovely it is to know that I am marrying my dearest friend," Mikan softly said.

Tsubasa broke into a huge smile and got up, holding his hand out to her.

"Now, come along with me and let's break the news to my mother. I wanted to ask for your hand years ago but I was waiting for you to come to your right age. After acquiring my mother's blessing, we will ask for your guardian's and then we will wait for just a year. After that, we will be married!" Tsubasa said happily, his midnight blue eyes glowing in a way Mikan loved seeing.

As they walked out of the lake, her hand on his, he asked, "Where do you want to be married, Mikan?"

Sniffing her tears away, and feeling a sudden light emotion on her heart, she replied solemnly, "I have always dreamt of marrying in a small church with all the villagers invited. Thank you, Tsubasa. Thank you very much," she said, squeezing his hand on hers.

The future which has been clouded with doubts and sadness moments ago has now finally found its silver lining and little by little, Mikan could see glimpses of her future filled with love, hope, and happiness.

Tsubasa got up from the bedside chair he was sitting on and walked over the balcony in his mother's room. "Mother, I cannot possibly go there. I intend to stay here with Mikan," Tsubasa firmly said, setting his lips on a straight line.

Mrs. Andou also got up from the bed and walked around the spacious room hysterically. "Do not tell me you're choosing that lowly girl over me, your mother?" His mother shrieked.

Tsubasa heaved a deep breath and calmly, but dangerously, replied to his mother, "That will be the last time you will say such a thing to Mikan. If I ever hear you say anything against her again, you will see the last of me."

When Tsubasa's mother saw the finality and the threat on her son's eyes, she broke into tears. "Tsubasa, my son, please do not do this to your mother," She cried, hunched over the table in her room.

Tsubasa felt the anger left his body. He crouched over his mother. "I want to marry her, Mother. You cannot hold the power to control whomever I will marry." But his mother continued to wail. "Please, just rest now. I don't want you to feel ill again," Tsubasa said gently, escorting his mother back on her bed.

Limping towards the four-poster bed, his mother turned to him. There was a slight change in his mother's eyes that he cannot put into words but then she announced, "Okay, I will give you my blessing once you got back from Switzerland."

Tsubasa looked up, surprised. "Switzerland?"

His mother nodded. "I want you to go over there now and settle everything between our family and my third cousin's family problems. After that, we would surely have the land in Augusta, Maine that they have been trying to steal from us. That will be my wedding present to you and Yukihira's daughter. You can build a house and live there, once settled," his mother said to him, sniffing slightly, her eyes waiting.

Tsubasa thought of the land they wanted to acquire ever-since from his mother's cousin in Augusta. It was a big land and Mikan would surely love it. She could ride horses for hours there. And they could go on shooting in the forest just near the place, or fishing, as he saw there was also a lake there. The peace and serenity surrounding the place were perfect for starting a family. But before he can have the land, he must settle things with their distant relatives in Switzerland first. He would be away from Mikan for four months, three months if he was lucky enough to have smooth ride on ship.

He does not want to leave Mikan.

But he has to do it. It was for their future, too. He was sure she would understand. Sighing in defeat, Tsubasa agreed to his mother's terms. "I'll just talk to Mikan and explain everything and once I get back, I'll go straight to Switzerland. I'll ask Minako to pack my things," Tsubasa said.

"No!" His mother shrieked. " I want you to go now! And I mean at this moment, Tsubasa! There is a ship to leave at 5 in the afternoon and I want you to be there!"

Tsubasa shook his head, "I need to see Mikan first, Mother. I will be here at exactly 4 in the afternoon and I will catch that ship. Do not worry. But I must really see Mikan first," Tsubasa said firmly, not letting his mother get her way again. He walked out of their house before his mother could say anything.

When Tsubasa's mother heard their door closed, she cursed Yukihira's daughter.

"That country mouse! My son won't marry her! I would never permit it. He has no time for a wife as I have told him that this place is more than enough to keep him busy! And his duty is to it, and to me," she said furiously, turning away to the window in her bedroom and calling their maid.

"Minako! Call Dr. Hinata! I think I have ringing on my ears!" she called then closed her bedroom door with force strong enough for someone who was said to be sick.

"Dr. Hinata, please, I ask of you to give this letter to Tsubasa once he got back from Switzerland," Mikan pleaded to the kind doctor.

She was shocked when she learned that Tsubasa went to Switzerland without even telling her of it. Of course, it is not his duty to do it but still…

Mikan sighed. Maybe if she did not go to the neighbouring town that day, she would have caught Tsubasa before he left for Switzerland. But now it's too late. Dr. Hinata, who sent a letter to her relatives in England two months ago, told her that her that they replied already – that she was more than welcome and her presence was "eagerly awaited". It was fortunate that Dr. Hinata's letter was sent in less than three months and now that he was sure that Mikan was not an unwelcome visitor in a foreign land, he urged her to go there.

"This is the perfect time to meet your relatives in England. I'm sure your mother would love to bury the hatchet and start anew with them. Do this for you and for her, Mikan. Please," Dr. Hinata encouraged her.

In the end, Mikan agreed because first, she does not want to be a burden to Dr. Hinata anymore. Second, maybe she would find a home there while waiting for Tsubasa to come home and get her. And third, for her mother, she would try to reconcile with them.

She wondered what really happened with her mother and her family in England. What made them estrange her? What made her mother, her sweet, caring, gentle mother, turn her back on her family? She was also curious to the reason behind all of it that was why she agreed to Dr. Hinata's urging.

Dr. Hinata tucked Mikan's letter on his breast pocket and patted her head. "Do not worry. I will give this to him personally. Now, run along before the ship leaves you. Take care of yourself, Mikan," he said and offered a hug to her.

Mikan hugged him back, thanking him over and over again for all his kindness. "Thank you, Dr. Hinata. I hope I will see you again."

Finally, she boarded the ship. After ten minutes, the ship's honk was heard all over the port, indicating for the last call of passengers. Then, not long after, it was moving away slowly. Mikan stood rigidly at the end of the ship, gripping the rails on her small hands. She saw her hometown behind her as it gradually fades on her sight.

Slowly, she turned her back and looked ahead of her. She left her home, the home she grew up into and loved for 17 years, for an unknown land, for relatives she never even knew existed. She was not ready but she would face without hesitation whatever fate would hand over to her.

Taking a deep breath, Mikan Sakura pulled together all her courage and readied herself from whatever she has to face in the future.

Author's Note: The title was from Shayne Ward's song, "Breathless". I fall in love with it whenever I hear it. Every. Single. Time. Check it out, guys! Sweet criticisms are okay but positive reviews are craved. See you on the next chapter!

Leave a mark. XX,

Alyx