A/N: Note that this takes place during season six after Kathy left with the kids, and for the purposes of this story Eli is and will not be in existence.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, though I would like to give Dick Wolf a piece of my mind one of these days :)
Chapter One
Not Thinking
June 5th, 2004
Elliot slumped down on the couch in his small one bedroom apartment that was now his permanent home for the foreseeable future. His divorce from Kathy had gone through that afternoon and though part of him was telling him that this was a good thing, "For the kids' sake.", Kathy had said, he couldn't shake this depressed feeling. Deep down he knew that it was because throughout the years their marriage of necessity had grown into one of love. He wasn't sure if he loved her because she had given him a beautiful family, or if it was because he truly loved her. Either way, it still stung when she asked him that afternoon when he was going to come by to get the rest of his things.
He'd agreed to stopping over that weekend, but it was only Friday and he desperately needed to distract himself from the whole situation. He pulled his phone from his pocket and sent off a quick text to his partner.
YOU DOING ANYTHING TONIGHT?
Her reply came back within a couple of minutes.
NOPE. WHAT'S UP?
PIZZA AND A MOVIE AT MY PLACE? NEED TO GET MY MIND OFF A FEW THINGS.
He smiled at her reply.
SURE I'LL BRING THE BEER.
He put his phone away, grateful that she hadn't asked questions right away. He'd told her a few months ago that he and Kathy were going through a rough patch and she had also been the first to know when he had moved out. In both instances she hadn't been nosey and whenever he received any angry phone calls from Kathy she had covered for him without question.
He dialed the number for the pizza place on the corner and ordered their usual, requesting extra onions on half, not a topping he particularly favored, but it was Olivia's favorite and he figured he could suck it up. The pizza arrived just a few minutes before she did and he was just setting out napkins and paper plates on the coffee table when there was a knock on the door.
He opened the door with a smile and took a few bags from her hands, "I thought you were just bringing the beer?"
"Well I was," she laughed setting a six-pack on his counter with the other bags, "but I wasn't sure what movie we were watching and each genre gets a different type of candy so..." She dumped out the content of the grocery bags on the counter, "I bought an assortment."
Elliot laughed, his eyes traveling over the pile of candy and chocolate. He picked up a box and held it up to her, "Twizzlers for...?"
"Scary movies, a good candy to chew on in suspense." She answered automatically.
"Gummy bears?"
"Comedy."
"Skittles?"
"Action."
"Raisinettes?"
"Obviously musicals." She grinned, laughing when he rolled his eyes at her.
"Oh, of course. Ummm...Sour Patch Kids?"
"Drama." She grabbed the last bag off the counter and walked into the living room.
"Wait what were those?" He called grabbing them each a beer before following her.
"Chocolate covered peanuts." She responded plopping down on the couch.
"So what kind of movie do those go with?" He popped the caps off their beers, handing her one.
"Actually I just made all of that up." She laughed at the look on his face and grabbed a piece of pizza. "Did you really think I was being serious?"
"Well yeah." He grumbled taking a swig of his beer. "You seemed pretty serious to me."
"I'm sorry to have misled you so cruelly Stabler." She apologized with a smile. "I really just walked into the grocery grabbed the beer and a few bags of candy."
"And the whole thing in my kitchen…?" He asked grabbing a piece of pizza.
"Totally spontaneous." She replied before digging into her food.
They ended up watching Wedding Crashers, Elliot opting for comic relief instead of anything too heavy, and they each ate their respective bags of candy. The movie was over by nine, but neither of them was ready for Olivia to leave so they just sat on the couch for a while talking. It was nearing ten-thirty when she got up to leave, but when they reached his front door Elliot suddenly wanted nothing else but for her to stay.
"This was really fun El, we should do it again." She said as she reached for the doorknob.
Elliot grabbed her hand and spun her around to face him, "Don't go."
Olivia was stunned with both his request and their sudden close proximity to one another; she could feel his breath tickle her cheek, "El, I-it's late..."
His hand came up to cup her cheek and her eyes closed as she leaned into his caress. She took a deep breath, trying to push away those ever present feelings for the man in front of her and was about to try and leave again when his lips were suddenly on hers. Olivia was only shocked momentarily and she soon responded, moving her lips in steady rhythm with his. She had dreamed of this moment for so long, how it would be like to finally kiss the man she'd been in love with for years. He was soft, yet passionate at the same time and his arms that had moved to hold her waist made her feel safe. She was thinking about moving her arms to his neck when a thought or rather person mad her pause...Kathy.
Her eyes shot open and she pulled away from him as quickly as possible. They were both breathing heavily from a lack of oxygen and when Eliot stepped towards her she backed away.
"No, Elliot we can't." She whispered trying to catch her breath so her head would stop spinning.
He took another step towards her and she found her back against the door when she tried to back further away. "Why not?"
She closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to look into his blue ones that were so convincing. "You and Kathy. I promised myself I would never be that woman El."
He slid his hand into hers and she almost jumped when she felt his breath on her ear when he whispered, "What kind of woman?"
Olivia didn't dare open her eyes, "The kind that breaks up her best friend's marriage because she's too damn selfish."
"You're not selfish Liv. If it's anyone's fault that my marriage is over it's mine, not yours." He argued.
"What did you just say?" She opened her eyes, not quite believing what she was hearing. "It's over as in-"
"I signed the papers." He gave her a sad smile. "Took me a while to figure out I couldn't fix things."
"God, El I'm so sorry." She squeezed his hand comfortingly.
"Don't be." He moved his free hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, leaving it to rest on the side of her face.
He leaned towards her again and she placed a finger on his lips, effectively stopping him. "El I don't think-"
He grabbed her hand and placed it on his chest, "Don't think. Let's stop thinking for one night of our lives. Let's forget about everything and everyone except for you and me. Please Liv."
His blue eyes pleaded with her and after some brief considerations she slowly nodded her head. "Okay, no thinking."
Elliot grinned from ear to ear before capturing her lips in another kiss. She snaked her arms around his neck and when he picked her up she hooked her legs around his waist. He carried her down the hall to his bedroom and they lay down on the bed together, undressing each other slowly, both satisfied once they were finally skin to skin. His caresses were loving and tender, but a flame of passion lingered on the edge of each kiss and touch.
Olivia didn't think once, she simply relished in this new togetherness with him that made her feel like she was finally whole. They didn't fall asleep until late into the night and just before she succumbed to the darkness of sleep, she did have one thought. Not thinking with Elliot Stabler was the best decision she had ever made.
The next morning when she woke it took Olivia a moment to remember where she was, but once she did a thousand memories and feelings flooded her mind from the night before. She smiled into the pillow they shared, surprised to find a warm blush creeping onto her cheeks. She couldn't remember the last time she had blushed when thinking about a man, then again it had been a long time since she had thought about any men.
She had tried for the longest time to forget about her feelings for the man that now held her, it had been extremely hard but eventually after a year of partnership she had learned to put them in a box and move on, no matter how much it hurt her to do so. Her dating life had been an infrequent jumbled up mess, she usually attributed it to the job, but in the back of her mind she knew it was because every time she went out she would compare her date to the man she was already in love with. He had stolen her heart from the first moment they met.
"Elliot this is your new partner."
Olivia managed to smile and did her best to keep her mouth from falling open as she laid eyes on the most handsome man she had ever seen. His eyes were what really drew her in, they were a deep cerulean blue and she couldn't tear her gaze away from them. She glanced at his wedding band and her heart sunk.
"Olivia Benson." She held her hand out.
He took it and the smile he gave her made her knees week, "Elliot Stabler."
"Elliot will show you the ropes around here. I'm sure you two will do fine."
Olivia quietly laughed as she thought about that last statement. They had never been fine; they had been so much more than fine. Everyday their partnership evolved until she eventually trusted him with both her life and her heart, even if he was unaware of the latter.
"What's so funny?" Elliot asked causing her to jump a little.
"Didn't know you were awake." She said turning over so they were facing each other.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She settled her head on his chest and he kissed her hair.
"It's fine. I was just thinking about the day we met." She answered tracing lazy patterns across his bare chest.
"I'm not sure I find anything about that day funny." He said looking down at her. "That was one of the best days of my life."
She looked up at him, "Really?"
He nodded, his eyes never leaving her chocolate brown ones, "Really, Liv."
Though his response was short, she knew the significance behind it and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips, settling back against his chest. "It was THE best day of mine."
He hugged her close and they laid in a comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company. In fact it was so comfortable that Elliot was almost back asleep when Olivia suddenly broke the silence.
"I haven't asked, how are the kids?" Her question might have seemed out of the blue, but he knew she cared for his children almost as much as he did.
"Fine I guess. They seem to be taking everything as well as could be expected." He answered, remembering how easily his kids had taken the news, though he assumed they had seen it coming for a while.
"Are you going to have joint custody?" She asked curiously.
"I assume so. We haven't really talked about it yet, but when we finalized everything yesterday we both decided court wasn't really necessary and we would figure it out on our own." He looked down at her and noticed that she had stopped moving her finger over his skin and her breathing had become shallow. "Liv?"
"You got divorced yesterday?" She asked shakily, her stomach churning.
"Yeah I thought-Liv what're you doing?"
Olivia had grabbed one of the blankets from the bed and wrapped her bare form in it before vacating the bed to quickly pick up her discarded clothing from the floor. She ignored him and continued into his bathroom, locking the door behind her so he couldn't follow. She dropped the blanket on the floor and started to dress, doing her best to take deep breaths. She could feel the tears at the back of her eyes threatening to form, but she wasn't going to let him see how hurt she was.
She came back out to find he had gotten dressed as well, and was waiting for her just outside the door, "Liv? What's going on?"
She continued to ignore him and left his bedroom in search of her shoes; she found them by the door and started looking for her keys. Not on the coffee table, or his counter, where had she left them...
"Would you please say something?"
Aha, she'd left them in her jacket that was currently draped on the back of his couch. She grabbed the article of clothing and shrugged it on, pleased when her hands came in contact with cool metal in her right pocket. She was almost to the door when she was grabbed by the arm and spun around so she was a mere inch from her partner's face.
"Dammit Olivia would you tell me what the hell is going on?" He asked, doing his best to keep his temper in control.
She yanked her arm out of his grasp and said through clenched teeth, "You got divorced YESTERDAY."
"Yes, I thought we had been over that already." He said seriously confused.
"Actually, no we hadn't. Not once did the words, 'I got divorced today.' ever leave your mouth last night Stabler." She spat, her faced flushed with anger.
Now he was in trouble, she used his last name only in two instances, one they were teasing each other or two, he was about to get his ass handed to him on a silver platter. "I'm sorry; I thought you had figured that out."
"For all I knew you could've signed the damn papers weeks ago, you weren't very specific." Her eyes were now looking anywhere but him, and since the apology hadn't worked he tried a different approach.
"Alright, I get it I should have been more specific, but why does it matter so much?" He asked.
Now she was fuming, "Why does it matter? Oh I don't know Elliot, maybe because I thought I deserved to be more than your damn rebound!" She took a breath, seething at this point, "Or maybe because I've been in love with you since day one and I thought that YOU would have figured THAT out by now."
A heavy silence hung in the air around them after her admission and she used his lack of response as her opening to leave. "I'll see you Monday. Don't try calling, I won't pick up."
With that she left, slamming the door behind her and leaving him to contemplate exactly how his life had become so screwed up.
A/N: Well what do you think? This is going to be my first long term SVU so I would appreciate all the advice and reviews I can get. Thanks for reading!
-Kate