Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but if I did well, there would be changes. Big changes. I also do not own the pictures used to make my cover photo, they belong to their respected, (wonderful) artists.

Author's Rant: I've had this idea for a while. I've just been too much of a coward to actually go through with writing it. I even wrote this big, seven page outline on how I wanted the story to go, but I just ended up staring at it and putting it somewhere in the back of my desktop. This is my first fic, I beg you, be gentle. I bruise easily. Recently I've been trying to write just for fun, so even if this fic is tasteless and silly, I really enjoyed it, and I hope to make it at least more then twenty chapters.

Warnings: AU setting, same sex relationships, mentioning of drugs, pranks, criminal activity, bad language, bad puns, geeky references, eventual sexual intercourse, and continuous praise for Ramen.

The Uprising

Life has this sick, twisted tendency to play jokes on good, unsuspecting people, and sadly? He was the butt of the joke.

This hadn't gone according to plan. Nope.

Not at all.

But if he looked at the bright side of this terribly embarrassing shift fest, he'd have learned two things. One, never trust what you see in video games. You would think that would be obvious. And two, to never, ever, ask your best friend for advice when he has the IQ of a five year old.

Because you see, sneak attacks looked way cooler in video games. Naruto played them all the time. He'd sit at home with a head set on and a bowl of ramen in his lap, charging the enemy lines like an expert hit man with the stealth of a world class ninja.

However this was life, and this was the very definition of uncool.

The sun kissed blond knew if this were to go down in history, it would go down as the worst attack on a corporate organization since, well—he couldn't think of anything off the top of his head, but he was pretty sure that among the tons of failed rebellions, this one would take the cake.

Naruto had always been bad at history.

It had actually been his worst subject in high school: a time where he wasn't clinging to the edge of a ledge for dear life.

Cars skidded to a stop below to watch his body swing helplessly in the breeze, Naruto's fingers moist with sweat, and threatening to slip. Ten stories up didn't seem that high to the casual observer, oh no, but when you're seconds away from kissing the cool pavement of an expensive parking lot, you think otherwise. You really think otherwise.

Sure Naruto hadn't lived a great life. His high school experience, after all, had been filled with painful jabs at his intelligence and appearance. Now that he thought about it, there were even a few instances where he hadn't had a roof over his head, and eating was as scarce as finding a pair of clean clothes to wear. But in the face of adversity, he hadn't complained. If Naruto had picked up on anything during these few years of occupying the earth, it would have been the importance of perseverance: and God did he have a lot of it.

Determination and guts, that's what he lived by since his parents died when he was young. His guardian, Jiraiya, had always been the biggest motivator when it came to standing up for what you believed in. He could see the old geezer now, even as he stared death in the face. The gray haired pervert would be hunched over, eyes scanning a book and the fresh imprint of a well-manicured hand staining his left cheek.

"Naruto,'' the deviant would say, wrinkled lips curved into an amused smile. "There's a method to my madness." And when the old coot kicked the can, he finally understood what he meant.

Yes, Jiraiya had spent the entirety of his life chasing after unattainable women and writing erotic novels. Some might even say the guy was bat-shit crazy after the number of restraining orders he had towards the end of his career; but if there was one thing his nephew Naruto admired, is that he never gave up on his dream...even if it was a disgusting, sex driven one.

From then on, that principle lived and grew into the vibrant, aggressive force, that is Naruto Uzumaki, and to hell with anyone who wanted to change him. A college dropout, an expert gamer, the life of the party, an entertainer: he was known by many names, because he was a great multitasker. And although he hadn't found a stable job in years after graduating high school, he still kept his head held high. Because he's Naruto, that's why.

Twenty one and still looking for his calling, the lively man jumped from miscellaneous job to job, radiating fresh, unnatural cheer. Golden spikes of luscious hair poked out from every corner, and a radiant, luminescent grin paved the way to raises and easy promotions. Naruto was, in every sense, the perfect worker. Every establishment was happy to have him, and unlike most workers, he actually enjoyed working.

So what happened?

How did Naruto Uzumaki, resident flunkey and notorious optimist, end up hanging off the ledge of the biggest, most influential corporation in Japan?

Frightened screams and flashes from cameras snapped him back to the chaos in the present. The sound of an ambulance from below did nothing to soothe his already jumping nerves as the weight of his body became heavier and heavier.

Well, that's easy.

As cliché as it sounds, it all started over a bowl...of Ichiraku Ramen.

"Three bowls of Miso ramen, ready to go! Get it while it's hot!"

At hearing that call, amber locks weaved through the small crowd of people blocking the sitting stools, and cerulean hues sparkled with so much excitement it could rival a child's on Christmas morning. His excitement was incomprehensible. Not too graciously, tanned limbs stretched to snatch its much deserved prize, while pink lips parted to inhale the sweet aroma that so seductively serenaded him.

Ichiraku Ramen, Naruto's one and only true love, was looking very attractive today, and Naruto eyed the bowls with profound hunger.

"About time old man, I was dying here!"

Nothing could properly explain Naruto's affections for Ichiraku's, but if someone tried, it would be that of ardent loyalty.

"Slow down there lover boy, it won't go anywhere," the restaurant owner teased, patting the counter in an attempt to sit Naruto down.

Every day, at exactly 3:25 PM, the boy would come in to divide and conquer. After his uncle died when he was thirteen, the old man had left him with many things. Jiraiya had bestowed upon him wisdom, a house, and also a lifetime's supply of debt. In his will it read that his nephew, Naruto, would be taking care of all his loose ends if he were to ever pass away. When Naruto read the staggering decree, he could only ask why? Why would he leave him with something like this? The assholes reasoning? At the end of the note it read: "There's a method to my madness."

That damned, spineless bastard.

During his constant struggle to pay the perverts dues, Ichiraku's had become the only beacon of hope in Naruto's life. With a few bowls of ramen in his hand, and the day's turmoil in the other, the troubled youth would divulge his day in a sloppy fashion, all the while shoveling down the food hazardously into his never ending pit of a stomach. This had been the ritual. Even after years have passed, he was so well known around these parts he had a stool reserved just for him. And currently, Naruto's ass was planted on it, chowing down the divine broth along with his distress.

"So I quit my job toway-..!" The boisterous blond muffled through obstreperous slurps. "They weren't payin' me enough." Juices and other unlovely fluids flew in different directions, hitting random civilians. Stop, drop, and roll. This was a special rule Ichiraku customers heeded now whenever the monster of a man came to devour the delectable egg noodles.

"Mmmgh, I shtill down't know whawt I wanna do yet. Kiba tinks' I should go 'ack to collwege but there's no way. I'm shtill stumped. Can I work here for ah while? Pweaaase?"

"Naruto, don't talk with your mouth full." Teuchi scolded.

"But it's shooooooooo gewd...!"

Ayame, Teuchi's daughter and heir to the Ichiraku legacy, poked her head through the kitchen door with a faint giggle; she could recognize that desperate voice from a mile away.

"Oh hey Ayame!" Naruto gleefully said, flashing her his famous, million watt smile. Despite the solemn expression on her face, that smile compelled her to perk up and warmly greet him back. It was infectious, and that's what people loved about Naruto. He could brighten up even the cloudiest of days.

Noticing the tension in the room, Naruto carefully placed his chopsticks by his bowl and stared at the two of them in confusion. "Why the long faces you guys?" He was slightly disturbed by the eerie silence that followed. Usually all three of them would embark on light, casual conversation, but today was different somehow. Even the ramen lacked its luster, and that never happened. That was a sign of impending doom.

"We have to tell him eventually, dad." Ayame started hesitantly, taking a seat next to Naruto with the hopes of cushioning the blow. Even the old man wore an unnerving look on his face, and at this point the ramen had long gone cold, reflecting the expression of its languishing maker.

"Tell me...what?" Naruto asked slowly.

"Naruto, today's our last day..."

A nauseous feeling settled inside the boys stomach. Something wasn't right here.

"Last day?" Naruto echoed. "Oh I know! You guys are going on a vacation, right? And you want me to take over the shop while you're gone. Hehe! If ya think I'm not cut out for it, I promise you-"

"-No, Naruto, we're closing for good." Teuchi cut in, looking away.

Ayame looked absolutely crestfallen, but it took a while for the information to sink in.

Naruto even put a finger in his ear and searched for any wax. For something to justify not having heard Teuchi right. But once it did process, Naruto shot up in his stool and jumped to his feet, throwing his hands back in disbelief. Remaining customers watched in mute disturbance as the stool fell, and Naruto began to have a monumental freak out coupled with rapid hand motions and sharp breaths.

"What?! What are you talking about Mr. Teuchi?! Are you senile?!" Naruto screamed.

"Naruto..."

"Do you know how crazy that is?! Do you two HEAR yourself right now?"

"Naruto."

"This isn't a joke, seriously, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

"NARUTO!"

Naruto fell silent as the wrinkled shop keeper placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it hard.

His eyes read there was nothing he could do.

"But why?" Naruto croaked, "WHY is Ichiraku's closing down? Everyone loves this place!"

"Have you noticed where we're located?" The girl replied with a sigh, fixing her apron before heading towards the storage room.

"Where you're located?" What was that supposed to mean?

"You're saying that you missed it?" The owner said with sheer disbelief.

He didn't think Naruto would be this incredibly dense.

"Ayame, close shop. Naruto, come with me."

The two of them stepped outside and Teuchi motioned for him to take a few steps back.

"Do you see it now?"

Naruto blinked and shook his head. Hell, all he saw was the gorgeous, celestial lights on the sign that said Ichiraku Ramen. Just what was he supposed to be looking at? His eyebrows were closely knitted together in thought, eyes scrutinizing the scene. It was only a few moments after that the blond got a hold of the bigger picture, or in this case, the bigger building. It looked so out of place next to the quaint, family owned shop, it was almost criminal. There, standing proudly in all its arrogance, was the 50-foot tower of Mangekyou Corp. headquarters, looking almost blinding in the afternoon sun.

Like a bully on the playground it loomed almost dangerously over Ichiraku's, making it look microscopic and almost shabby in comparison. Naruto wouldn't admit it out loud, but it made his favorite place look like an eyesore when placed next to its lavished, translucent windows. He only hadn't noticed it before because he didn't care about a bunch of rich snobs. He cared about his ramen, and his peripheral vision played favorites.

"We got this in the mail today," Teuchi pulled out a neatly handwritten letter. "Saying we had thirty six hours before they would bulldoze the place. Apparently we're in their way and they could use the space for something more...productive," he finished bitterly. Naruto silently bristled as his nails dug into the palm of skin. He could taste acid on his tongue.

The soft click of a metal lock only confirmed the nightmarish truth.

As silver chains encased the shop an hour later, Naruto swore he felt his heart drop.

"We're sorry...Naruto." Ayame said softly. Her head was lowered to the ground and her shoulders shook with unshed tears.

Father and daughter promised they'd keep in touch, both of them taking off their cooking aprons before waving a somber goodbye. Helplessly Naruto watched them until they disappeared down the street, and when they finally were out of sight, he redirected his gaze towards the source of his despair.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?" Naruto said with a sneer, flipping his middle finger at the colossal tower of horrors. If this was Hell, he was ready to smite the devil. He stomped down the sidewalk so hard he almost caused dents. Small children cringed in fear at the crazy man cussing at unknown strangers, angrily kicking at any wall he could find. Forcing open the door to his apartment with an irritant huff, the smell of piss and dog excrement's didn't do anything to make him feel better. He wanted to wring his friend's neck for this.

"Welcome back bro...-Whoa! What's wrong? You look like Hell froze over."

"Shut up."

Oh how he wished it had so all those tight-assed bastards could freeze with it.

His roommate and best friend, Kiba Inuzuka, took a seat next to him on the couch, obnoxiously propping his feet on the coffee table. "What took you so long today? I thought you quit your job." Kiba mused. Akamaru hopped onto the cushion adjacent of his, nuzzling into the warmth of his master's body.

"I was at Ichiraku's dog breath, and hey, don't tell me you can't smell that," Naruto seethed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That thing reeks."

Kiba immediately took offense to the statement before tenderly placing his beloved pup on the floor. "Don't insult Akamaru like that, ya hear me?" He reached under the cushion to pop open a can of beer, averting his gaze from those sapphire orbs. Kiba didn't know what Naruto's problem was, but he knew if he didn't stop acting like a jackass he would kick him out faster than he could blink.

For Naruto, it was funny to see the other get riled up over his dog, but at the same time he knew that he had crossed the line. After all, Akamaru was like family to Kiba, and like Naruto he cherished the only family he had. Instant regret seeped into his core knowing he had only been bitter about losing his only family today. So with a flustered smile he turned towards the brunet and sincerely offered an apology.

"Sorry 'Kib's...''

A silence ensued before the other male gave him a toothy grin. "Apology accepted, Narutard.''

This is why they were best buds.

"So,'' Kiba threw the beer at Naruto, watching him catch it with ease, "What crawled up your ass and died today?"

"Your mom," Was Naruto's lame reply, chugging the cheap brand of alcohol down in only a few gulps. Kiba laughed.

"Oooh! Ouch! Someone's being a diva today. Seriously, what the hell happened that's got you in sucha' bitch mood?"

Dejected, and being the light weight that he was, Naruto spilled the beans after his second can.

"Some corporate dickwad made Ichiraku's shut down." Naruto said sadly.

"You're fucking kidding me." Kiba croaked.

"Nope."

Well of course that's what had Naruto fired up. Ichiraku's had been there for Naruto during some pretty rough times. Kiba remembered back in high school when the poor guy would get picked on every day by that pale prick Uchiha, and how Naruto would drag him over to Ichiraku's to bitch about it. Or the time when the bastards heart got crushed, because that tramp Sakura played with his feelings. And that other time when the snow princess Neji decided it'd be cool to beat Naruto up after school for kicks.

Some people drowned their sorrows in booze.

Naruto drowned it in ramen.

Kiba had tried his best to help Naruto during those times, even threatening to go ape-shit on the arrogant Uchiha because he was dying to have a whack at him, but Naruto never let him. The thing about his best friend was, when he's got beef with someone, he felt the need to do things on his own. Never asking for help and never backing down, Kiba watched the idiot charge through school, and life, with a grin on his face.

There was a loud Snap!

The dumb ass was on his third can of booze, and Kiba could sympathize with how Naruto was feeling. He almost felt bad that there was nothing he could do for him. Nothing except...

"Fuck, I just had a great idea!" Kiba chortled suddenly, almost doubling over from the insanity of it all. Naruto was laughing hysterically at the television, slurring,

When ramen wasn't an option, alcohol was a good placeholder.

"Hey, stupid! Listen to me for a sec!"

The blond heaved a heavy sigh and reluctantly tore his eyes away from his favorite show. It almost looked like it killed him to do so.

"Remember that time in high school? When the school committee wouldn't let me bring Akamaru to class?"

The whiskered drunkard dumbly nodded.

"And do ya remember what I did to get them to change their mind?" Kiba smirked.

"Who wouldn't remember?" Naruto snickered. Kiba's antics had been all over the news that year. Naruto remembered a crowd of people staring in shock and awe at the brunet who had scaled the building with a megaphone, droning on and on about animal rights. Apparently, not letting Akamaru attend school was discriminatory against intelligent, hairy creatures everywhere, and that could fall into context with a number of things.

"I could name shit loads of people that are dumber than Akamaru in this school!" The dog lover had declared, "Just because he's on four legs doesn't make him lesser than any of us! Hell, we sniff each other's asses every day to get by in this school, you condescending jerks!" And finally, after hours of coaxing his best friend down, they let Akamaru attend class with him.

Kiba's lips were curved into a mischievous smile, eye glimmering with the fires of insubordination.

He hadn't been this pumped since that faithful day.

"Why don't you show those assholes what Ichiraku's really means to you?"

It didn't take a genius to know where his best friend was going with this, and whether it was the alcohol talking or the incessant need to take revenge, Naruto stood up from that couch with new found vigor and started to plot.

"Your life has meaning to it! Please, get offthe building so we can talk about this!"

So everything didn't go exactly as planned.

Hanging off of the ledge like a leech, Naruto was thankful he had so much upper body strength. If he hadn't been in all those sports programs in high school this would have ended much more quickly, and much more gruesomely.

No, Naruto didn't like the idea of being a pancake on the sidewalk soon, and if he could go back in time and do this a little differently, he would have.

Sneaking into the building hadn't been the difficult part.

Oh no.

In fact, he was a little surprised that Kiba was so good with the ladies, considering the stench of his flea bag seeped from every pore of his body. While his best friend distracted the secretary with some small talk, Naruto had been on all fours crawling past the information desk and into the nearest elevator. Tucked under his arm were a bullhorn and a sign that said Save the Ramen, ready to be displayed to the public.

The entire size of this place disgusted him. Corporate stuck ups leisurely went about their day in their tailored clothes and Gucci shoes, and the whole building was decked out with fancy cafes and offices twice the size of his apartment. The alcohol in his veins impaired his ability to think, and although the logical part of his brain was screaming this was a bad idea, it was quickly mutilated by the hope that his favorite place would have a promised future.

The heartbroken faces of Teuchi and Ayame flickered briefly before his eyes.

It was all the motivation he needed to commit what would soon be, the stupidest idea in existence.

Once in the elevator, Naruto decided that the middle level would be the best place to do this. He figured that if he went to the highest floor, there would be a bigger chance of security catching him since the company president probably worked there.

As the doors opened to the tenth floor, he could have sworn he heard someone cough from behind him. But focused on his mission Naruto brushed it off as his imagination, quickly navigating towards the immaculate windows with abnormal speed. But the thing about alcohol is...the average male didn't have much balance when he was drunk off his ass.

So now here he was.

"Oh god he's going to jump!" Someone he didn't know shrilled.

Naruto Uzumaki, resident flunkey and notorious optimist, was going to die.

"Holy shit man, fucking fuck!" Kiba was hollering from below, crouched on his knees. He was freaking out.

He didn't know what to do.

He knew he neededto get up there somehow and save him, but the police were blocking his way.

Out of his wits with worry and fear, Kiba almost blacked out on the spot until a rich, baritone voice seethed from behind him.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Eyes holding the world in contempt scanned the sea of people currently breathing up his air. An Armani suit adorned the shoulders of smooth ivory, and pale lips upturned into the making of a sneer. As coal orbs fixated on the brunet whose eyes widened twice their size, Kiba Inuzuka could think one thing, and one thing only.

"You have gotta be shittin' me..."

Author's closing notes: Who is this mystery man?! (We all have a hunch.) Will Naruto fall to his death?! WILL ICHIRAKU'S BE SAVED? WILL THE SWEET BROTH EVER BE TASTED AGAIN?! Review? (loves hearing your opinions.) I've never written Naruto before so I'd like to know if I'm doing ok.

Well...I know what's going to happen and where all this is heading, but I honestly don't know if this is good enough to continue. If you guys liked it, please let me know ^^;;. This is my first fic and I'm wondering how I'm doing here.

Thank you so much for reading! I'm going to have the next chapter up in a few days.