//These characters belong to Tamora Pierce.  The plot and OCs belong to me.

//In this chapter there is some swearing, mention of adultery, and a really lousy joke aimed at the Japanese (aka Yamani)

Fairy Tale

Chantey

            "Kidnapped?" gasped Sir Paxton.  "How could that be?!"

            "I know, it is a terrible thing," agreed Laurent.

            "But it's impossible!" Paxton continued.  "How could they have gotten into his room?  I was right there the entire time!"  There was an uncomfortable silence until King Jonathan cleared his throat.

            "Yes, well, let's all be seated and discuss this matter."

            The assembled parties trooped into Sir Paxton's living room.  Jonathan took an armchair while Laurent, his men, the Lioness and Sir Raoul relegated themselves to the sofa and floor.  Paxton sank into the remaining armchair.

            "Just how did all this happen?" he asked weakly.

            "The two of us were in one of the 'allways when a page approached me and said that King Jonathan wished to speak to me," Laurent began.  "'owever, when I responded, 'e said 'e 'ad sent no messenger.  I returned to where we 'ad been and Philippe was gone."

            "Around what time would you say this was?" asked Alanna.

            "I 'ad just 'eard the clock ring one when I was called away.  It was a quarter past the hour when I returned."

            "My squire saw him between those times," Raoul added.  "She said it was around five after."

            "Did she see anyone else?" Jonathan inquired.

            "Yes, she saw a Yamani gentleman an exchanged words with him."

            "Yamani?"  Blaise, lounging against the leg of the couch, straightened.  "The Yamani are enemies of 'is 'ighness."

            "It is possible that they are to blame," Devaux agreed.

            "According to the papers the dockmaster gave us, a Yamani ship left at dawn this morning," Alanna muttered, shuffling through a stack of papers.  "This ship is the Mermaid Scar, Captain Takahashi."  She looked up.  "It's a member of the Imperial Fleet."

            Jonathan frowned.  "If that's our ship, we've got an international incident on our hands."

            Paxton wrung his hands worriedly.  "But is the appearance of this man your Lump—er, your squire saw the only thing we have to go on?  That could just be a coincidence."

            "Well," said Laurent, "I also received this ransom note."  He withdrew a crumpled piece of paper from his vest pocket, unfolded it, and read aloud:

Prince Raurent of Kangen

Your woman is in our custody.  If you compry to our demands we wir rerease her; if not she wir be sord as a srave or kired.  Prease disband your miritary immediatry.

            The company blinked, digesting that message.  "I think," said Jonathan after a moment, "there is a fair chance that the Yamani is our culprit.  The first course of action should be to take after that ship."

            "Have Joren's parents been notified?" Paxton asked, an expression of horror coming over his features.

            "No, they couldn't be reached.  They're off 'replenishing the family fortune,' whatever that means," Raoul answered, scowling at the looks of relief on both Paxton and Jonathan's faces.

            "Thank god for small favors," breathed the king.

***

            Joren blinked slowly, his surroundings slowly coming into focus.  He was in a small, musty room filled with ropes and barrels.  The air tasted of salt.  "That's strange.  If I didn't know better I'd say I was in a ship's cargo hold," he muttered.  The room gave a sudden lurch as an explosion somewhere rocked the structure.  Sounds of yells, the clashing of steel and the occasional splash reached Joren's ears.

            *That's strange.  If I didn't know better, I'd say you don't know better,* chimed that annoying voice.  Joren tried to stand, only to realize that manacles bound his feet to the wall.  At that moment the door to the cell slammed open, revealing a mangy-looking man, a pirate by the lack of hygiene and fashion sense, with an eye patch and a mouthful of rotting teeth.

            "Hey there, pretty," he lisped with a Rainy Isles lilt, "You got any sugar for Papa, huh?"

            *Just great,* Joren snarled to his voice.  *The only thing worse than waking up in a cramped cargo hold on a ship manacled to the wall and having no idea how you got there while wearing a dress and false tits and being hit on by an extremely disgusting pirate who wants to have sex with you is—oh wait.  There IS nothing worse!*

            *Of course there is,* the voice replied logically.  *It could be raining.*

            Another explosion ripped away the ceiling above their heads, and as Joren and the pirate stood gaping at the new skylight, huge drops of rain began to dribble from the angsty grey sky.

            "I fucking HATE you!" Joren screamed.

***

            "Your Majesty, I have the report from the Lioness."

            "Wonderful, Zahir!  What does it say?"

            "There's good news and bad news, my lord.  The good news is they've found the ship."

            "What's the bad news?"

            "There is no ship."

            Jonathan straightened in his throne and looked severely at his squire.  "Come again?"

            "There is nothing left of the Mermaid Scar.  The Lioness and crew found some wreckage, some survivors, and some corpses.  The ship was attacked by pirates and all the goods, including a particularly delicious and ravagable friend of mine, were taken to a new home."

            Jonathan scratched his beard.  "Do they have any idea which pirate?  Anyone we've heard of?"

            "Absolutely, your Majesty.  Juli the Red."  The king swore.

            "Her?!  Of all the luck, it has to be the most wanted pirate in the entire ocean.  The one the combined efforts of the navies of Jindazhen, Yamani and the Rainy Isles can't catch.  Burchard will never sleep with me again!" he wailed.

            Zahir raised his eyebrows.  "Excuse me, my lord?"

            Jonathan cleared his throat.  "Speak.  I said Burchard will never speak to me again.  Not that it's any of your business," he added haughtily.  "Now begone, I need some time alone."

            "Your Majesty, there's the small matter of finances."

            "What?"

            "The ship didn't have Joren AND he was taken by pirates.  That's 500 nobles, if you recall."  Jonathan scowled, untying his purse and throwing it at his grinning squire.

            "There.  Now get out!"  Zahir slipped from the throne room, shutting the doors softly behind him.  He turned around to find himself facing the queen.

            "You heard?" he asked in a low voice.

            She nodded, a scowl touching her red lips.  "Every word.  Every word," she repeated when the Bazhir arched an eyebrow at her.  She dropped a 100-noble piece into his hand.  "Though why he needs Burchard when he's already got Paxton is beyond me.  I mean, sure he's a dish, but his arrogance is practically a tangible force!"

            "Like father, like son," agreed Zahir.  "But that family is like opium: terrible and addictive."

***

            "Opium?" offered the second busty redhead Joren had encountered that week, waving a jar in Joren's face.

            "No thanks," he scowled, jerking his hands in frustration against the ropes that had him tethered to the wall.  The lady pirate shrugged, dropping the jar and picking up the two flags from her table, one with the Yamani crest and another depicting a mermaid with a jagged cut across its torso.  She hummed jauntily to herself as she pinned them to the walls, which were already covered in an assortment of flags of all colors and sizes.

            "I'm a collector," she explained, seeing Joren's confounded expression.

            "Really?  My father's a collector.  Of stamps."

            "Really?"  She looked impressed.  "Those postal ships have great security."

            "That's not what I meant!"  She smiled at him and bent down, affording him a magnificent view of her ample cleavage, swathed in silk though it was.

            "You're cute," she whispered, breath tickling his face.  "So cute that I'm sure you don't need these!"  She reached into his dress and snatched the falsies.

            "Whaaat?!" Joren yowled.  "You can't—wait, you knew I was a boy?"

            "I have my ways," she replied mysteriously, and opened a chest brimming with other false appendages.  She stacked Joren's neatly on top.

            "So…I'm guessing you have more than one collection?" hazarded Joren.  The piratess laughed.

            "You haven't seen the half of it.  I suppose you ought to know that you're the newest addition—or you will be."

            "Oh?"  Joren was beginning to get nervous.  "And what might I be the addition to?"

            She winked.  "Why, my harem, of course.  What better place for a most beautiful spy, my darling Philippe?"

to be continued…

/*  I'm so sorry for the delay!  I had the rough draft of it on my comp, which was struck by lightning, only to be rewritten in my notebook, which was lost during my move from Texas to New York.  So, uhh, please review ^^;;  */