Rating: NC-17 with WARNINGS, see first chapter.

Ruby sat on Mary Margaret's bed, legs crossed, eyes closed, listening as the soft winter breeze hummed through the branches outside. She was in tune with everything. It had been Mary Margaret's idea to return to the meditations Red's mother had taught her, to release herself from the near-constant emotional turmoil she'd put herself through since "that night". Red's primary objective now was to center herself, hoping to find a modicum of peace about her life going forward, her next step.

So far, she did feel a bit better, calmer somehow; she knew it would take time and practice to delve deeper into what was troubling her, but it was a good start. Any reprieve from the prison she'd created within her own mind, endlessly wallowing in her own self-loathing and fear, was a welcome change. Because, if she was honest with herself, she was terrified of everything these days—of herself, of her future, of living a life without Belle. Specifically, she had heard of people from the Old World who had found their One True Love but lived their whole lives without committing to them; it always ended badly—usually with madness and death. To deny magic that strong, the most powerful magic in the universe, was to deny Mother Nature entirely and therefore, slowly destroy your own soul. So yeah, Red was scared. Her Gran had somehow managed without her girl, but Ruby knew had had to be more to that story, maybe even some magic involved in keeping the old woman alive and sane. And regardless, the Widow Lucas was far from happy and fulfilled, and to Red, living a similar existence, woven of heartache and misery, was just as frightening. At any rate, Snow had given her this gift today, a few moments free from all of her inner battles, and Ruby was grateful. This specific meditation also helped her focus on her Wolf, allowing them to feel more bonded than separate, thus granting her more control of her dual nature and lessening the chance that she or her Wolf might hurt anyone else.

As she began to swim free from the depths of relaxation, Ruby opened an eye to look around. She immediately startled at the close proximity and intense gaze of her tiny, pixie-haired friend sitting cross-legged next to her. Snow giggled as she watched Red react; her bestie had always been jumpy for the first few minutes following these meditations. Snow guessed it was from the suddenness of no longer being wherever she went when she was under the trance.

Red leaned away from Mary Margaret, pretending to be alarmed, before dropping the act and stretching her limbs, commenting dryly, "Every heard of personal space, Snow? Jesus. Seriously, creeper no creeping!" She grinned back madly at Mary Margaret. Truth was, she felt better than she had in eons.

"Oh, puh-leeeze, don't flatter yourself Little Red Riding Hood," Snow let her tongue stretch out those last two words, her eyes gleaming in delight at their game.

Red cringed at the reference, and Snow smirked, eyes still twinkling, knowing just how much her friend hated that nickname. Snow quickly burst into laughter as she punched her friend's shoulder. "You dork! I haven't been sitting here staring at you! Merlin! I've actually been busy and made us lunch. When I saw you coming around, I thought I'd like to be here when you came back to Earth." Snow paused, placing a comforting hand on Red's thigh, her gaze softening, voice suddenly gentle. "I know how uncomfortable that adjustment can be for you sometimes."

Ruby had meant it all in jest, but flushed slightly at her friend's sweetness. She rubbed absently at her shoulder like a big baby (no, but seriously, Snow may be small but she's strong), and returned the smile easily. Snow really is the best friend ever, she thought, right before starting in on on the little brunette powerhouse about what was for lunch.

"Nuh-uh, not so fast, sugarplum!" Mary Margaret threw her arm out quickly across her friend's torso as Red tried to get up, and shot the waitress a stern side-eye. Ruby's forward movement now inhibited,cocked her head at Snow in surprise and mouthed "sugarplum?" Snow grinned widely in response, but quickly regained her composure and lowered her arm. This was serious, and she needed Red to focus on her recovery for a minute. "First, I wanna know. How was it?"

Ruby inhaled and looked down before meeting Snow's gaze. "It was good, Snow. It was maybe even helpful." She searched Snow's eyes for the words. "Thank you."

The White Queen was sitting where she had been: cross-legged on the bedspread next to, and facing, Red; the waitress, however, had swung her legs out in front of her, fully excited about the prospect of lunch, and was now sitting forward on the edge of the bed, facing the front room, feet on the floor, hands ready on either side of her, fully ready to propel herself towards the kitchen the instant she was given permission. Mary Margaret leaned forward, gently placed her hand over Red's left, and squeezed. She realized quickly, however, that it wasn't enough, that she truly needed Ruby to feel how she was not alone in this, and as always, the tiny brunette was ready to give what was needed to those she loved. Within moments, she'd moved her legs underneath her, and without removing her hand from Ruby's, was soon kneeling on the bed and tilting forward, planting a soft, loving kiss on Red's temple. Ruby's eyes fell closed at the contact, fully embracing the affection passing between them. There was so much history and love here, and she squeezed Snow's hand firmly in response before leaning into her as well. She was immensely grateful for this woman's friendship, and they sat for a minute more, just enjoying one another, Snow's forehead pressed above Ruby's left ear, right before the moment ended for good.

Red was, of course, the one to officially break up the mushy love fest (having never been one for sappy moments, she had on many, many occasions over the years wondered, not without frustration, what devious magic Snow employed that always sucked her in—every. damn. time). The lanky brunette actually hadn't intended things to end so suddenly in this case, however. All she had done was glance over at the kitchen counter for nary a second, and her stomach had grumbled. Loudly. Red blushed, but Snow laughed and slid off the bed without another word. Hands still linked, she pulled her dearest friend towards her before leading the way to the kitchen to enjoy their meal. Snow was pleased that things were improving for Ruby and had all the faith in the world that they would continue to do so.

Red grinned ear-to-ear, and confirmed the obvious. "So good. You may actually make the best fish tacos on the planet, MM. Was that salmon?"

"Snapper. And the salsa is a recipe I learned from Regina when I was a child. We'd sneak down to the kitchen sometimes late at night when I had a particularly bad dream and well," Snow's eyes unfocused slightly, lost in the memory. "She always put in a tablespoon of mango juice with the lime and extra cilantro. I thought it was delicious. She said her father taught—" Snow caught herself rambling. Regina's upcoming trial was obviously on her mind, in her heart. She closed her eyes briefly and gathered herself, taking a deep breath before turning to Red, conjuring a smile, and briefly patting her friend's thigh. "You know what? It's not important. And good, I'm glad you enjoyed it. That's what I like to hear." Snow winked at Red before sliding off her chair stool and collecting the dishes, carrying hers around to the other side of the island and starting up the sink. Red lazily handed her own plate over the countertop, her food high still making her smile like a happy little imp. Snow looked up from rinsing the dishes to grab it, and smiled at the sight. Gods, how she wanted to see Ruby smile like that all the time. She watched Ruby lean back, cross her arms, and slowly close her eyes, and as Mary Margaret finished up at at the sink, she relished the light sounds of her best friend drowsing. Red had always been relatively useless after meals. Snow smirked to herself at that thought while wrapping up the rest of the food and putting it away. In all honesty, she felt wonderful about beig able to give her friend this day to just concentrate on herself. Unfortunately, she knew the "pleasurable" part of what she'd had planned was coming to an end. They had more work to do today, and she had a sneaking suspicion Ruby wasn't going to like what she had planned. At. all.

About fifteen minutes later, Snow had the kitchen back in order and rounded the island to nudge Ruby's arm. "Hey sleepyhead, come over here to the living room with me for a second." Red groaned softly but allowed Snow to lead her to the couch; they both sat. Red tried to regain her nap and snuggle into Snow's side, but the Queen wasn't having it. "Ruby." And when Red failed to respond, she continued, "Ruby, no." Finally, she pushed back at her friend's insistent cuddling (Gods this woman is stubborn!) and squirmed out of reach, letting Red slide to the couch cushion, face-first. Mary Margaret giggled at the sight, despite herself.

Ruby lay there, sleepy and boneless, and groaned again before slurring into the cushion beneath her, "Why do you hate me so, MM?"

Snow grinned and leaned forward, pushing her friend back up to a sitting position and looked into her eyes. "I know it's late. I know you've been working ridiculously long ass hours—" Red pointed at herself and mimed that Snow couldn't possibly be referring to her, and grabbed a nut from the bowl on the coffee table. She obviously did not want to have this conversation, had noticed the mood turning more somber, but Snow wasn't going to let it go. "Stop it, Red!" she ordered and grabbed for the next nut before Red could pop it into her mouth. Red groaned and rolled her eyes, feeling a Mary Margaret "Special Lecture" coming on. "This is serious, Ruby. You've been working yourself to death, avoiding anything—anyone—something—someone. . ." Snow emphasized the last word for effect, looking at Red meaningfully. Red looked away, like she'd been slapped, and for a moment Snow felt sorry for what she was about to do. She dug down though, found her courage, and pressed on. She grabbed Ruby's hands in her own. "Look at me." She placed her finger under Ruby's chin and tilted her face towards her, lifting the other woman's eyes from the floor where they had fallen. "But it has to stop, dear. Tonight. Tonight this self-hatred, this self-loathing, ends."

Red's eyes filled with tears and her face fell, her eyes now focused once more on the floor, and she removed her hands from the safety of Snow's. "I-uh," she started and failed. "Snow, I just don't know what you want from me." She stood suddenly and rubbed her hands together before turning back on her friend, eyes brimming with tears, anger and frustration replacing sorrow. "Don't you think I've TRIED? There is no escaping this! Belle is THE ONE! Don't you understand? You know the Old Ways, MM. There is no universe in which this ends well for me." The anger was gone as quickly as it had come and Ruby fell back against the couch, defeated. Snow looked on, now more convinced than ever that it was the right time.

"Red, you talk of the Old Ways, but you have forgotten that True Love always finds a loophole, a way to be, if you accept it and respect it for what it is. You can recover from this. I don't know how much work or how long it will take, but I promise you, if you still want Belle, this is far from over."

Ruby looked up from her sulk, and took in the composed and proper woman sitting next to her. "What makes you so sure? You and Charming?" she scoffed. "You guys are an aberration, even I know that—even in our world. This cannot be saved."

Snow looked at her, refusing to let herself get caught up in her friend's despair. "What if I told you there was a way? What then?"

Red looked over at her, jaw set, eyes clashing. "I'd say you were wrong." Ruby stressed the last word with so much self-hatred and determination, Snow felt a slight shiver run through her.

"No, this is NOT how it's going to be." Snow found her footing and braced herself against the self-deprecation pouring from her friend, with just as much replying. She grabbed Ruby's shoulders tightly, probably more tightly than she needed to (but dammit, she was frustrated too!), and forced Ruby to meet her eyes. "I will not lose you to self-doubt and self-hatred again. We've been here before, yes? Well, we can't bring Peter back, but this time we can do something about it." Snow paused, eyes softening. "But Red, sweetheart," she reached down suddenly, and grabbed Red's right hand tightly, squeezing it for all she was worth, needing the woman in front of her to really hear what she was about to say. "Red, you'll have to believe it can work."

Ruby was tired. She felt so alone and badgered and she didn't understand what Snow was looking for here. She closed her eyes tightly and slowed her breathing, squeezing back much too tightly, painfully, on Snow's hand, frustration threatening to overwhelm her. But as her breaths lengthened, Snow felt her friend's grip loosen; Ruby was using the breathing exercises that preceded the ancient meditation her mother had taught her. Mary Margaret remained still and waited; after a few minutes, Red opened her eyes. Plump hot tears fell down the waitress's face as she met Snow's eyes once more. "I don't know what to do, Snow. I can't live my life without her. I smell her everywhere. I am consumed by her always. My thoughts, my brain, is overcome by Belle, BELLE, BELLE!" she squeezed Mary Margaret's hand again in frustration, but was mindful enough to contain it this time. She squeezed her eyes shut tight, tears continuing to slide down her flushed, sallow cheeks, nearly whispering the last few words, "I'm so lost, Snow." She hung her head, tears unyielding.

Mary Margaret's own face was wet now, too, as she reached forward and gently stroked her best friend's cheek. "I know, sweetheart, I know. Shhh, it's ok." She cuddled close and let the taller woman bend into her side, holding Red until the woman's shoulders stopped shaking quite so hard. As the sobbing ebbed, Ruby looked over to her left and for the first time, as she brushed away some tears from her face, noticed the stationery and pen that Mary Margaret had laid out on the table in front of them. For some reason this struck her as funny and she smiled at first. That is until her mind began to put it together; she was on her feet again in a flash. "What's this?" she asked accusingly, picking up the paper and seething at the words "Dearest Belle," written across the top. "What the fuck, MM? You think I'm just supposed to writer her a fucking love letter or something and all will be forgiven?"

She threw her head back and laughed, a high-pitched angry, laugh, tears once again careening down her face. Snow looked on, alarmed and frustrated herself, eyes narrowing at Red like she's watching some petulant child refusing to take her medicine.

"No. I'm not THAT naive. But it is time you told her you're sorry."

Red threw her eyes back from the paper in her hand to Snow, absolutely flabbergasted. Her eyes flashed at her friend and she reacted one pure instinct. "You're fucking kidding, right? You realize I didn't just bite the head of her Barbie, Snow? I fucking RAPED her?" She slammed the pen back down on the table and was across the room, hand on the door, in mere seconds. She paused only long enough to say, "I know you want to help. But you don't fucking know what you're doing this time, Snow."

And with that, she opened the door and slammed it behind her.

Snow sat in the room and sobbed. She had been so sure this would work.

It wasn't until Red was back in her own bedroom, sitting on her own bed and weeping, finally finished wallowing in despair and anger at Snow's terrible "idea", that she realized the stupid letter that Snow had started for her (Seriously, Snow? I wouldn't know how to begin a letter?), was still gripped firmly (and wetly at this point), in her left hand. She couldn't say how long she'd been lying there, but her tears were dry. And for some reason, she unfolded the paper in her first and pressed it out on the mattress. Then she lay there quietly and looked at it, really SEEING it for the first time.

"My Dearest Belle," it began, just as it had in Mary Margaret's apartment.

Well that part wasn't her at all. It would have to go, she thought. And without thinking, she'd grabbed a pen from her nightstand, and crossed out those three words. For the first time in eons, she let her mind wander, if only briefly, if there might be something to this. Something about the paper in her hands, the pen in her fingers felt right. Like really, really right. Suddenly, without cause, a tiny leap of hope bounced in her chest and her mind flirted with it, let it fill her. Could she actually do this? Even if she was to write something, what the fuck could she possibly say that would mean anything to Belle?

The pen found its way across the paper and lines were scratched out, new papers retrieved and letters begun again, until the moon was close to setting and Red knew that this would have to do. Her heart made another little leap and she felt herself grinning, despite herself. Snow had been, right, this activity had been ridiculously fulfilling and she felt a huge weight off her chest.

But it wasn't over yet, was it? Her heart fell in fear. Next, she knew, came the hard part, and she suddenly felt nauseous.

The shadowy figure, covered by a New Moon and buried within a long, hooded robe glided across the plaza and up the steps to the entrance of the Storybrooke Library. Ruby lifted the mail slot, her hand shaking wildly. She was shaking so hard in fact, that she couldn't guide the letter into the slot. She grabbed her wrist with her other hand, trying to force it to calm down. Gods, she was nervous. But her Wolf instincts, the same ones that could sense the flow of the Universe as well as any sorceress or fairy, screamed at her that this was the right thing to do. And so here she was. Finally, the letter addressed only to "Belle" slid through the slot and inside, and she sighed, briefly thinking, It's done. What will be, shall come to me. It was a cliché from the Old World, but it never failed to prove true. Letter delivered, she had no more business here, and she turned back down the steps to the sidewalk. She hadn't walked more than a few feet before the desire to run overwhelmed her. Quickly stripping off her robe and folding it under her arm, she ran like the devil himself was hot on her heels; she didn't stop until she was in her room, door locked behind her, like somehow that could keep her safe from what she'd just done. To be honest, the running had helped her nerves; it always did. The Wolf needed it and so did she.

She began to dress half-heartedly for work; of course she would have the early shift today. She rolled her eyes at the irony. She was doing ok though, all things considered, and she was feeling rather proud of herself. As she tucked her blouse into her red skirt, however, an evil little thought creeped up her neck and nestled into her brain, pestering her, a bit of darkness to contrast the light, What have you done? She will NEVER love you! She tried to force it away but it dug in its heels, and her stomach reacted swiftly, violently, as she ran for the toilet. After ridding herself of Snow's excellent cooking from yesterday afternoon, she stood, panting, one arm bracing herself against the doorframe, exhausted. She closed her eyes, tired beyond her years and ever-sorrowful, desperately searching within herself for resolve to face what was coming for her next. Only silence and emptiness met her efforts, however, inferring that she had, however temporarily, also purged herself of the darkness. One moment more, and she knew she couldn't stand there forever. She lowered her eyes to the carpet, pushed her heavy body off the doorjamb, and stepped back into the bathroom to clean herself up. It was time to start another day.

A/N: Well, that's the update! I hope you liked it. Please drop me a review and let me know; the feedback is so helpful to me. I want to make this a great story and you all are helping me do that. Thank you!

BTW, I have officially changed the summary for this fic to state that it is now the first story in a Trilogy I've been planning for a very long time. The next story will be Swan Queen-centric, followed by another that will be Sleeping Warrior. They will all be completely separate stories but will have overlapping background elements, themes, etc, that will tie them together. I will only be able to write one at a time, however, so I hope you will just be patient with me and just enjoy each story as they come.

I love you all! Thanks so much for sticking with this story!