ooOoo The Fort ooOoo

"Snow!" you exclaimed, bouncing excitingly on your feet.

When we opened the door, it took you less than five seconds until I had the first snowball of you in between my eyes. I squeaked in surprise of the sudden coldness against my skin. I ducked down to escape the second attack and grasped the white substance quickly to form myself a ball. I threw it after you.

Snow was your element. Not fire, not water, not air… your element was snow. I liked that association with you; it made you special in my eyes.

You escaped my snowball and sprinted off to get some distance to me, only to have enough time to fill up your ammo. I did the same, because it made you excited when I got all resistant. And it made me happy, when I was able to excite you. You hid behind the old sandbox that was covered in white also, and used it as your fort.

I had nowhere to hide. I could have tried to reach the fort first, but you were faster. It was yours now. You were always the faster one of us. I bent down until my knees reached the fluffy ground, and eventually lay down on it on my tummy. This position was called "the crouching tiger", but since I very much preferred lions over tigers, I liked to call it "crouching lion".

From this position I was able to bombard your fort with snowballs, without giving you much of a surface to strike hits. I crawled closer and closer, throwing snowballs at you while I could feel you getting more hectic with every inch. You knew you had to do something, because your fort was about to fall. I was going to take it and claim it as mine. The snowballs you threw at me were becoming bigger and bigger, but also softer as you couldn't prepare them in time anymore. Eventually, it was just one mass of snow you were trying to bury me under. I shook my body free from it and growled dangerously from the shadow of the fort. When I sat my hands on top of the ledge you screamed:

"The burgh is taken! Troops, ready to deploy!"

And with that you threw yourself onto me, your gloveless hands trying to shove as much snow on me as possible in the motion. I gasped and you squeaked, clearly enjoying it.

But I was still the crouching lion, right? I let out a lions roar and flipped you onto your back, throwing my arms around your shoulder.

You giggled. I could feel your warmth, even though you were lying in ice cold snow. I could feel your heart beating under me. It was drumming loud and hard, and so did mine.

We stopped the fight as we just looked at each other. Your smile was so bright and full of childlike innocence; it made my heart melt like ice cream on a hot day. You kept on smiling at me when I began to run my hands up your puffy cheek to swipe away a snowflake. And you didn't flinch when I just left my hand resting there, my thumb only caressing your skin.

I didn't really care for the snow. I didn't care for the cold either. Everything around me seemed to disappear in a whirl of colours, when I saw the winter sun reflecting in your crystal blue eyes. You were the sun in my eyes.

Our breaths made hot puffs in the air and I blushed along with that, letting my fingers brush over your cheeks gently. I lowered myself down until my head was just a few inches away from your face, not exactly knowing what I was doing, but I was so drawn to you in this moment that it was like snow avalanches in my head, wrapping me in white, and disabling me from functioning. The smile on your wonderfully rosy lips was so warm and playful, attractive and lovely at once. I think that was the moment I fell in love with you. You just left me breathless.

A snowball, hard and heavy, slammed against the back of my head. For a second I saw stars, before I could catch myself again and turn around to see where it came from. But I didn't even have to look for it, as the initiator of the action already paced up towards me.

"Stop sex-pesting Britt, Quinn!" she spat in a voice, which I wasn't really sure if it was playful or actually upset. "You have won the battle, but you haven't won the war."

"Santanaaa!" you called out happily, wriggling yourself free of my embrace in order to dash to her. You were always the happiest when your eyes caught sight of Santana Lopez. When you hugged her tight, it broke my heart.

"The rear-guard is coming to support my troops. The fort is saved!" you cried into her arms. Santana grinned, leaning into your embrace. Then you two began to throw the snow at me.

I just smashed myself backwards into the snow in defeat, letting the terror of snowball showers come on to me. Closing my eyes and stopping to move, I sealed my defeat. My defeat for the game, but not only that, I thought by myself. I knew there was nothing for me there, like in so many parts of my life. I would always be the misunderstood one. Loved, but never really loved. Always the second best. Quinn Fabray was nothing to this world.

Santana's and your silliness and giggling were the only things I recognised, since the snow fighting stopped. God knows what you were doing, but you seemed just happy. This day, the day when I felt so much I had never felt before in my life, was also the day when I wished I would never, ever feel again. My body was just lying frozen and numb in the snow and my eyes were not willing to open and see the bare truth. Motionless, hopeless, I waited for my senses to be swallowed by the cold, only feeling the bittersweet taste of jealousy on my tongue.

ooOoo Years later ooOoo

The snow was falling around us, as we sat on the very sandbox that we once used as the fort. You looked tired and exhausted, holding your head between your hands, as you stared in front of you. I sat next to you and drew pattern into the soft ground with my foot.

Snow, that didn't excite you anymore these days. When I said in the past, that snow was your element, then it was now that you truly became the snow, as your skin was snow white and your heart went cold. You were like snow. Not like ice, unmovable and merciless when it fell from the sky, that's what you weren't. You were still like a soft coating of the things you cherished, but giving in under the pressure of some things being stronger than you.

The picture in front of my shoes showed a flower and a sun.

"That looks like a broken flower," you muttered.

"It is," I said calmly.

"I feel like a broken flower," you replied in a tiny voice.

I wanted to hold your hand and squeeze it, reassuring you that everything would be alright. And Christ, why didn't I do it? Because I was the broken flower and not you. Because I was small and you were great. You were still the sun in my eyes. You always had been.

Could one ever be as beautiful in loss? I felt so sorry for you about your break-up with Santana. In fact, it was killing me. I didn't know what to do. I mean, I loved you always and I would do anything possible in the world to put that smile back on your face. That smile I used to watch when my own insecurities were driving me. That smile which was the purest thing in this whole, damn world. I wished I could tell you all of that and I really, really wanted to, but would speaking about it not actually make everything real? I wouldn't be able to bury myself in a fantasy world anymore, pretending I didn't care. And I knew you deserved better than me. I was just a little jerk. And I was never a hero like Santana had been for you. I never conquered a castle; I used to be defeated on the way there. They buried me next to the castle, my empty body forever beside you, but never able to get into action anymore. Those times were over.

"I'm sad," you murmured again, barely looking up from your feet.

I wanted to be there for you so badly.

"I'm sorry that you're sad," I replied in soft voice. I thought about it shortly then I spoke it out loudly: "I wished Santana would take you back and stop making you feel like this."

Your head turned and you looked at me suddenly.

"Oh, that's not the reason that I'm sad."

I couldn't really decide if you were surprised by my statement in this moment or if you weren't, because I saw the corner of your mouth twitch one second later, just like you had expected me to say such a thing.

"Why are you sad then?" I asked. I was not prepared for the reply I would get.

"Because you haven't hugged me yet."

"Hug...? Me? But-"

"Remember here? We used to have these massive snow fights. This here was the fort. You were trying to claim it."

I saw how your face lit up by the memory of it. Your smile was nothing against mine in this moment, as I grinned so heavily. It made me happy that you remembered it and you thought about it. I always thought I was the only one hanging on to those good times.

"I loved this game."

I nodded eagerly, remembering the old times. With a bitter conscience, I also remembered how those games used to end. You scooted closer to me like you honestly waited for me to hug you. So I did. I put my arms around you and drew you in one of the sweetest and nicest hugs I've ever given to you. You smiled into it, hands stroking my back softly. You purred into my ear, breathing in and out. I think that was the first time I experienced that you were such a nice hugger, although I had hugged you before, of course. I actually had no idea that you enjoyed it so much. With me. I think we realised that our hug reached over the time of a casual hug between two people, and we drew back at the same time. You were still close, looking at me and when I connected our eyes, I saw you coming closer again, not with your body, but just with your face. I froze. Inches from me, you stopped and held your breath.

It was like you waited for me to do something. I wasn't entirely sure what, though. Or I was rather scared I could do the wrong step. The endless list of possibilities were interrupted by one urge, and that was connecting my lips with yours, but the anxiety that this thought caused was much stronger than that, and made me just stay in place like I was.

This was a sudden and surprising turn of the odd and bleak atmosphere around us today. But if there was one more thing characterising you, then it was that you were full of surprises. Like a pearl oyster. You never knew what sort of pearl was growing inside you.

I stared back at you, waiting for you to say something as I didn't know where you were going with our interaction. When I remained silent, you were the one to speak eventually.

"Why are you not kissing me already?"

"W-what?"

Even though this thought had rushed to my head earlier, I was now thrown off guard when you said that. For a moment, it also made me wonder if I hadn't imagined you saying it. Did I get your words correct? I must have been wrong. And I must have stared at you with my mouth wide open, according to the grin that decorated your face then. God, I hoped I wasn't drooling in that scene, but it was likely, as I probably stared like the dumbest dork on earth.

Your words dug through my head. Your light smile didn't fade, but you were not laughing, which I took as a proof that you weren't joking with me. When that realisation washed over me, I turned away, blushing.

Did you know these situations… you carried a feeling in you for years and because it's not reciprocated, you buried this feeling deep inside of you, in hope that you forget and get past it? And it would take you a while to do so. Then finally, when you got to the point where your mind and heart was finally, really accepting it, the past decides to roll over you like a fast train, crushing everything you had arranged with yourself over the time into hundred thousand pieces? That is however, how I felt in that moment. I couldn't believe that this was happening. It was killing me in the best possible way.

I grasped the fallen snow between my hands, pressed it together and threw it at you.

"Hey," you said, pouting, but standing up the next second to get your revenge. I hopped around you in circles, throwing more snow at you and escaped your week attempts to aim at me properly. I tried to smash as much at you as possible; it was somehow ventilating the embarrassment that had crept up my chest when we were sitting by each other.

"How dare you!" I stammered out. "How dare you saying something like that! Take. It. Back."

I felt a strange, new energy rising in me. Or was it an old, forgotten energy? My movements got wilder as I came on to you in a mixture of rage and playfulness, and also, longing.

You seemed lightly surprised by my sudden outbreak, like I had interrupted your own chain of thought. You didn't even properly resist my attacks. When I was closer, I tried to rub the snow into your face. You lifted your hands to protect yourself. When I couldn't get through your defence, I gripped your wrists and tried to pull them down.

"No!" you screamed in half dramatic, half giggling voice. I was laughing now. The imaginary train that had crushed over me hadn't actually just killed me. It had also freed me a bit, even though I still couldn't quite believe what you had said to me. I would probably never understand it. But was there a need to?

We wrestled, trying to escape the other's grasp, and we were soon out of breath. You suddenly pulled backwards, holding my arm and let your body fall. I lost balance and followed you downwards, landing on top of you. I gasped, opening my eyes that had shut down when I tumbled.

"Hey," you said smiling, tracing you fingers, that previously held my arm, over my neck. Blushing violently, I tried to get up on my feet again, but you held me there and brought me back to look at you.

"Hi."

My voice was only a whisper in the wind.

You lowered your face towards mine. Flowing energy, that had caused me running before, turned into a shaking. I couldn't contain how much you made me feel in that moment.

"Britt…" I muttered, when I could almost feel your lips on mine. "That's no game for me."

"No, I know. For me neither."

You lowered your head again, giving me the chance to look at you questioning. You returned my gaze with a bashful smile.

"Explain?" I whispered. You blushed all over, realising that neither of us could run away from the conversation.

"I like you, Quinn," you explained finally. "I always have, but some things take some time to realise, right?"

"What do you mean? What did you realise?"

I wanted to know. I needed to know.

"It was always you, Quinn. It was you and me together. You and I romping through the autumn leaves and you and me playing in the snow. But when I realised that my feelings for you were different from the feeling you just have for a friend, there had been Santana all of a sudden."

"You had feelings for me?" Was this conversation happening? Was I dreaming?

"I…yeah, I had. And I thought, you might have had, too. But ever since our last battle for the fort, you seemed distant, and I felt like I was the one who caused that. I felt sad for assuming that you felt the same, where I had probably been wrong."

"I turned away, because you liked Santana," I fired straight out, heat shooting into my head now, pounding terribly against my temple.

Now it was your turn to be a bit embarrassed.

"I did, but… I liked both of you, I guess. And you know how Santana was. She could be very… demanding. When you stopped being around me so much, I started to hang out with Santana most."

I couldn't believe what I heard. So you had, back then, actual feelings for me? And I let myself be defeated by Santana Lopez? I was half-stunned, half shocked about my constant lack of steadfastness.

"The past is the past now, "you said, brushing some strands of hair that had fallen into my face, aside. "I realise now, that I shouldn't have run away, straight into Santana's arms, when you distanced yourself. Today, I realised that you maybe had just been scared, and I had been a coward."

"Don't say that," I interrupted you in a soft voice, trying to reassure you that everything was okay. You were so adorable in that moment, being all honest.

"It wasn't wrong that you were with Santana. We have now, see? I'm still here!"

I blurted that out, but it made your eyes misty. Could I see a tear in the corner of your eye? Your lips curled into a smile, but the effect of my words had you crying and made some beautiful tears running down your cheeks. I brushed them away with my thumb softly.

"Don't cry."

But nothing could stop your tears from falling ceaselessly. They made me want to kiss every single one of them away and replace them with the warmth of my lips.

"Does that mean, it's not lost yet?" you croaked.

I smiled now. My mind wanted to say so many things, but I had no idea what was best to say first. So many thoughts were running through my head, but at least my headache had disappeared. Did that mean you wanted me? You truly, proudly, wanted me to be with you? That feeling alone made my chest swell and fill my insides with such lightness, I was sure I would soar any second.

"Nothing is lost," I said. "That's only the beginning."

And then you said them, the words I needed to hear. The words that reassured me completely, making sure it was safe to go out there and lose my mind, because I knew I would be caught by you. You wouldn't let me fall.

"I like new beginnings. They are now even better, because you already mean the world to me."

I couldn't suppress my laughter. Laughter of happiness, of relief, of so many things at the same time. I felt so light and wobbly, and I couldn't hold myself at all. I didn't know what to say or do or think, but it didn't matter, because there was you and me, and we wouldn't need words now. Butterflies kicked up in my stomach as I looked down at you, blurry, as I felt tears in my eyes, too. I hugged you, squeezed my cheeks against yours and held you tight. I dipped us to the side and turned us around again and then again. We rolled around in the snow.

"So, what do you say?" you gasped when our rolling came slowly to a halt.

"Shut up," I told you. "Just shut up."

I lowered myself and kissed you in one motion. I kissed you fast .You barely had a second to catch air. But you didn't mind as I felt your lips meeting mine with such desire and confidence. We broke apart shortly, only to connect again. This time there was more pressure from your side as you rolled your lips over mine softly, and swallowing my bottom lip when I parted my lips to the rhythm of your kiss. It felt so unreal and real at the same time. Like a perfect dream, where everything fits into place, no matter how discrepant the circumstances were. You felt perfect against me. Our lips danced this sweet dance like they were made just for each other. Surrounded by white, our bodies seemed to melt together to become one. The scary bit about that was that this was no dream at all. It was reality, which had knocked me off my feet today.

Your lips escaped a soft moan as I deepened our kiss, while I used my hands to run through your hair and then over the back of your head down your neck. I let my tongue slip out, not even asking for entrance as yours already met me halfway. Exploring every inch of your mouth, I took in the taste of you. Together with your scent and your warmth against me, I was soon driven wild. It was the best feeling in the world. Kissing you. Being so close to you, I could feel your hands tremble against mine, and I could feel your heart racing in your chest. It made me weak, and it made me strong.

I didn't need to conquer a castle to show you that you were safe with me, because when you were with me, I knew I could be as strong as one. I swore that I would always protect you. I wasn't a broken flower. I was the castle. A fort, only for you.

And you, you were still the winter sun in my eyes.

Giving me the strength to survive, the warmth that embraced me every day.

I would protect it, the flame in your eyes, and your smile, for that it would never go away.

ooOooooOoo

Happy Quittmas everyone :))