Memories

"Marceline, is it just you in me in the wreckage of the world? That must be so confusing for a little girl."

Wow, I can't believe I wrote all this. Seriously, this is all really deep and sad and stuff. Didn't know I had it in me… Man, I'm awesome!

"And I know you're going to need me here with you, but I'm losing myself and I'm afraid you're going to lose me too."

Oh yeah… Definitely gonna get some Princess action with a choice song like this. Think I might be better suited for writing than singing, though. Not gonna lie, the old vocal chords aren't what they used to be.

"This magic keeps me alive, but it's making me crazy. And I need to save you. But who's going to save me? Please forgive me for whatever I do. When I don't remember you."

Maybe I could get Marceline to sing it with me! Yeah, that might work. She's got rad voice skills. She's a really talented girl. Always has been, ever since the beginning… How long have I known her again? Memory's a little fuzzy, these days. I'm sure it's been a long time, though.

"Marceline, I can feel myself slipping away. I can't remember what it made me say. But I remember that I saw you frown. I swear it wasn't me, it was the crown."

I wonder why she's crying? I mean, I know the song's kinda gloomy, but it's just a song, you know? No need to get so choked up about it. It doesn't… mean anything… right? It doesn't…

"This magic keeps me alive, but it's making me crazy. And I need to save you. But who's going to save me? Please forgive me-"

"AAAAHHHHH!"

"Simon!"

My head is on fire… What's… What's happening? It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.

"It hurts," I choke out, clutching my skull. There's a thump, and suddenly I feel Marceline's carpet under my cheek. Did I fall? "Why does it hurt? Oooohhhhhh."

"Simon, what's wrong? Talk to me!"

She's holding me up now, looking down at me with fresh tears in her eyes. My crown has fallen off again. I can feel it. It must have rolled off when I hit the floor.

"Simon, please talk to me. Come on, man. You can't do this to me!"

"My head hurts."

"What's the matter? What can I do? Please, Simon, tell me how to help you!"

She's really worried. My vision is kinda blurry, but it's so obvious I can see it plain as day. Why is she so sad? She already said she finds me annoying, but also that she was glad to see me. Why?

There's something tickling at the back of my brain, through the fire. Something is trying to get out. What does it mean? What does any of this mean?

"Marceline?" I say weakly. "Marceline, don't cry. You don't need to cry over me."

"Simon!"

She's pulled me into a hug, and all I can see over her shoulder are the clippings from my scrapbook. Scribbled words and pictures from my past. I know they're mine, but why can't I remember? Looking at them is making that feeling grow. I think I can… see something…

"Marceline!" I shout, pushing her back and holding her by the shoulders. It was all so clear now! The clearest it's been in a long time. I remember. Not everything, so much is still clouded in the madhouse that has become my mind, but I remember some of it. Traveling the world. Finding the crown. Betty…

Oh God, Betty. I miss you so much, my princess.

"Simon, are you okay?"

"Marceline, I'm sorry." I'm crying now too, the tears going down my cheeks before they froze and turned into drops of ice that shatter against the floor. "I'm sorry for forgetting you! I'm sorry for everything! Please forgive me!"

It's slipping away again. I can feel my thoughts spin around in a maze before crashing into walls. I can't hold on to them, there's so much and I can't keep it together!

"It's the crown! The crown makes me forget! I didn't want to leave you behind, but I couldn't trust myself! I might have hurt you. And then… And then…"

"It's all right," she says softly, putting a hand on my cheek. "You don't have to apologize."

"But I do," I say as I curl up, clutching myself as I roll into a ball and try so hard to hold on to thought that were slipping away. "I have to. I've done horrible things. I've… hurt people. I know I have. I'm a monster and-"

"You're not!"

She holds me up from under my arms, easily carrying me with her strength. She's not crying now, though it looks like she would again soon. There's something different in her eyes now. Hope. Hope for me, for what I used to be. And I feel my heart break, knowing that I would be smothering that hope before it could even be truly born.

"You're not a monster!" she continued. "You're just sick, is all. It's not your fault. I can help you. We all can help you."

"It's too late," I croak, holding on just barely to this brief lucidity. It was like trying to catch water with a broken bucket. Just the barest of drops hanging on before sliding down the hole. "It's slipping away. I… I feel-"

"Hold on! Just hold on! I can get you someone who can help you! A doctor, or-"

"Why would I need a doctor?" I say as I float out of her arms, brushing the dust off my robes. I pick up my crown and set it on my head, adjusting it to what was no doubt a rakish angle. Gotta keep up my image, after all. "I feel fine. Well, except for that nasty headache. Haven't felt one of those in a while. Wow, but that one was a doozy. Hey, what's wrong Marceline? What are you crying for now?"