The Diary of a Queen's Pet

Chapter 32

Author's Notes: This is bitter sweet for me honestly. Diary is my baby and to know that it's ended is not something I'm completely okay with. I've had a lot of ups and downs in this piece. My abusive ex-wife and I divorced during the writing of this piece and that left a nice scar that wasn't helped by this at all but I pushed through it and I'm very proud of myself for having finished it given the circumstances of things surrounding it from working to get my business The Nerd Spa started, to my divorce, to working on my Master's degree. Emma has gone up and down with me every time. Her darkest moments often happened during mine.

I may at a later date write Regina's Diary in which case we will see her become what she is in this piece from her childhood to her marriage to Leopold to Emma first stepping into her life. But that's far in the future and not something I intend to pursue just yet. I do intend to start something new so if you'd like feel free to follow me on just go to tumblr and search under the name scarlette-rayne and if you feel the urge check out my business hop onto etsy and The Nerd Spa. We sell nerdy bath products in various different scent lines (Once is included!). I hope to see you guys there seeing as on Tumblr I've been posting old pieces I began and am thinking about fleshing out. If you'd like to see one of them, just let me know and I'll see what I can do about making it happen. But since we're done for now at least on this one, I hope you enjoy! ~ Scarlette

Looking back on the conversation I know what it looks like. How strange that I would choose someone that has made my life miserable, stole my decisions from me, kept me from a family and a life of a royal but that's just it. It is strange but I wouldn't change my mind for anything. I didn't know these people that were my family. I didn't know anything but her when I was a child and in my early adulthood and it was my decision to make. It was finally my decision to make. I don't think she would've stopped me should I choose to seek out my parents but I didn't want to. I didn't care to know where I came from because to me it didn't matter. It only mattered where I was going and what I was doing to get there. If anything that's exactly what I was doing. I was protecting what was mine, my family. I didn't need my parents to be apart of that equation should they choose to go after the woman I loved. And make no mistake, after everything we've been through I do love her. And in her own twisted way she loves me too.

I was sitting in the gardens by myself when Henry rounded the corner. A heartless guard was quick on his heels but I knew he was coming to seek me out.

"Emma, where have you been?" He asked gingerly, his brow furrowed in confusion at my lack of presence lately.

"I had something important I had to do your highness. I apologize for my absence." I dipped my head and he cocked his head to one side studying me.

"Momma and I were worried about you." He said and I nodded.

"Again I am sorry for my absence."

Henry turned back to his guard and quietly dismissed him before he ran towards me and held up his little arms silently demanding I pick him up and set him in my lap, which I gladly did. Holding him made my mind quiet as I focused solely on him.

"Where did you go?" He asked, fidgeting only slightly.

I wrapped my arms around him and sighed, resting my chin on the crown of his head.

"I had to see someone important."

"Like another royal?"

"No, a friend."

"I didn't know you had friends other than me." I could hear the frown in his voice.

"I have a few but not many," I sighed. "They took me in at a rough point in my life. Gave me food and shelter. Kept me warm at night."

"They loved you?"

"Yes, I do believe they did Henry."

"Momma and I love you." He twisted on my lap and studied my pale face. He reached up, cupping my cheeks in his little hands. "Do you not love us too?"

"Oh Henry." I said his name softly. "I do love you and your Mother very much."

"Then why did you leave us?"

"I was trying to protect my friend as well as your Mother and you Henry. I don't want anyone getting hurt."

"Are you going to protect us Emma?"

"With everything I have." I swore to him and he smiled.

"I missed you." He offered and I smiled down at him.

"I missed you too. So much." I really had missed him while I was gone even if it wasn't that long.

You know the rest of the story Graham. You know what happened but for the sake of completeness I'll write it down. Maybe it'll be liberating for me. Maybe I won't feel this guilt pressing down on me anymore if I continue. I can only hope so.

The days leading up to the arrival of my parents was tense; they were spotted a few days away in the remains of the Dark Forest that were slowly growing back up. Queen Regina may have burned the trees down but she didn't salt the earth and nature does have a way of reclaiming itself once the initial shock of humanity's thoughtlessness is no longer a factor. They made no secret that they were there or that they were heading up a rather large army. They were confident; I'd give them that much.

Chaos rained in the castle and I had barely seen the Queen for days. I spent most of my time at Henry's side or with you, Graham, trying to prepare the castle for what we believed to be an invasion. I wanted nothing more than to join the Queen in her bed at night but that wasn't possible. The one time I tried, she'd stayed in the war room with her generals all night. I left as soon as the sun started through the open windows. I don't know if she came in or not.

I bided my time though. You taught me how to make arrows and that's what I did in between trying to find places that were hidden enough that should I have to leave Henry he'd be perfectly safe. I found a few but I still wasn't completely content to do that to him unless I had to.

The days blended together for me. It seemed I lived with a headache and tired, strained eyes. I was constantly prowling around the halls and courtyards and even the gardens. Henry was clinging to me almost constantly as the days stretched on. I felt bad for him. He would've gladly attached himself like a little barnacle to his Mother if given the opportunity but neither of us saw her hardly at all. I tried my best to keep him entertained and calm but I knew he could see the strain on everyone's faces.

Then the day arrived, they were at the gates but they weren't attacking not yet. The Queen rode out on her black warhorse, looking resplendent in her armor. I'd never seen a more beautiful sight.

You were mounted beside her Graham, I remember feeling jealousy burn in my gut wanting to be on the other side and then she looked at me.

"Get your horse, you're coming too." She eyed me for a moment and I scrambled off doing as I was told immediately.

It took a few minutes; I had to retrieve my bow and arrows. My sword and the knife I kept in my boot stayed on my person constantly after all. But then I was mounted at the Queen's side and I glanced around watching for a moment before looking back at her.

"Put your hood up." The Queen said softly.

I furrowed my brows. I'd taken to wearing a dark colored cloak should the need arise for me to hide Henry. Since most areas I'd selected were dark, I could stand guard using the cloak to hide me enough that I could at least get a drop on any attacker. I reached back and drew the cloak over my head, hiding my hair.

"Further."

I realized what she was doing as soon as my face was hidden. We were about to face the parents she'd stolen me from and she wasn't about to let them know I was alive until the time was right. At least I had grown enough to figure that much out about her.

I did as I was bid and slowly the heavy gates were lifted and opened. Guards rushed ahead to protect them should someone try to come inside but the soldiers remained outside the reach of the archers towards the tree lines. They were tensed though. Everyone was as we rode out. The doors slammed shut behind us and I heard them bolt and drop the metal gates ahead of it to keep everything safe.

We rode out and stopped when we were directly in between the castle and the soldiers.

The Queen remained where she was looking rather serene all things considered but Graham and I were tense. The lines broke slowly and a woman wearing shining silver armor stepped out. I was surprised to see a bow strapped to her back much like mine. Maybe I had inherited the gift from her? Then another form stepped out. This one much larger then the smaller woman; my Father I realized a moment later.

"Regina," The woman's clear voice rang out as she took a few steps out.

"Hello Snow. How I've missed you." The Queen's red lips were tilted up in a small smirk. She was enjoying this, I realized. After all she had something up her sleeve that no one but myself knew. I was alive and well.

The woman, Snow White, took a few more steps out and I got a good look at her. She was beautiful though older. She looked older than the Queen and I knew that wasn't possible. White streaked through her black hair at the temples and I could see vague lines around her mouth and forehead. They must've been deep for me to be able to observe them from the distance. I couldn't quite see the color of her eyes but I imagined they were the same as mine. That seemed to fit the image I had suddenly formed of her in my head.

I parted my lips as she glared at my Queen, so full of hate. I'd never looked at my Queen like that but I glanced over and saw that she had drawn herself up in the saddle. This was a show for the soldiers and perhaps even me. But the other woman's eyes, the White Queen, she was looking at her with so much sadness and anger.

"You stole my child from me," She began, holding out a gloved hand.

"Is that what this is about?" Regina sat back with a flourish. "I didn't even realize."

"You witch," The man behind the White Queen roared and I eyed him wearily. He was the more volatile of the two. He drew his rather large sword and I reacted on instinct. My bow was off my back in an instant and I had an arrow knocked back and aimed at his heart within a breath.

Regina's hand slipped out and gently caressed my taunt arm as the woman that had given birth to me jumped in front of her husband.

"As you can see, my knight is fiercely loyal."

"Anyone that has to fight with a hood up isn't a real knight." The White Queen replied though she had yet to draw a weapon, seemingly realizing how volatile this situation was about to become.

"As you wish." My Queen murmured then louder, "Lower your hood. Show them your face."

I eyed the Queen for a moment before lowering my bow. I kept the arrow in my hand as I reached up and pulled my hood back. My hair spilled out behind and around me as my face was revealed for the first time.

I heard a shrill cry and I looked over to see the White Queen on the ground. My father was at her side, looking at her in total confusion before his eyes went to me. Even from the distance I could see they filled with tears quickly.

"It can't be." He breathed.

"But it is." My Queen answered. "You came for her didn't you? To end my life for supposedly ending hers well here she is. In the flesh; perfect in every way."

"Emma?" The White Queen looked up at me and I nodded.

"Yes," I said softly. "I am." I added.

The White Queen shot to her feet, "Emma, darling. Come with us." She held out her hand and I shook my head.

"What will happen if I do?" I asked.

"Nothing, nothing will happen." She was lying. I frowned and shook my head again. Somehow, some way I knew she was lying.

"You're lying."

I heard a small snort from beside me and realized the dark Queen was trying to keep herself from laughing.

"You did this." The White Queen was snarling as she looked at my Queen.

"Don't blame Regina." I said loudly. "I asked for this." I wouldn't tell them the truth, let them see how they liked it.

My Father frowned and shook his head, "that is not possible."

"But it is and I'm here of my own free will. If you have any feelings towards me at all you'll leave and never come back."

"Emma, she's putting words in your mouth." My Mother protested and I sighed.

"No matter what she does, no matter what she says she'll never be anything to you beyond evil. I won't stand aside and let you murder her."

"We won't." My Mother promised and I sighed.

"You're lying to me."

"I'm not." My Mother protested and I frowned.

"You are and I don't abide liars. Return home and never come here again."

"Emma."

"Enough! You aren't my parents and I'm not your daughter." I snapped, growing agitated with their presence. "You may have given birth to me but I was never your daughter. Go home and never return. You aren't wanted here and you certainly aren't needed."

I turned my horse without waiting on a word from my Queen and made my way back to the gates.

Looking back, maybe I was overly harsh or cruel or something but I couldn't explain it in that moment. Looking back on it, I'm not sure that I can. I think they wouldn't have been terrible parents really. But I wouldn't be if I'd been raised by them and I had grown rather…fond of me. I didn't want to lose that; I had fought hard to become who I was. I didn't see black or white. I saw gray in all shades. That's all we were; we were all gray. There was no such thing as evil or good. There was only the vast landscape of our consciousness and how we learned to cling to those around us. I've come a long way from what I first was to who I am now. I'm no longer the Dark Queen's pet or the little kitchen girl or even Princess Emma of the White Kingdom. I'm simply Emma and for the first time in my life at that point I was content with that.

This is the last entry I'll write Graham. I hope you've been able to stomach the worst and the best of this. You know how the story ends. I stayed with the Dark Queen and I watched our son grow up into a kind and warm young man. The war that was coming, it never came. I even see my parents now. As strange as that is to write, I still don't think I know them though. I don't think I ever will and my Queen.

My Dark Queen, she's the darkest part of me and I'm the lightest part of her. Black and White coming together to make…gray.