Lydia's POV

I walked into my apartment and stopped right when I closed the door. "What the fuck?" I spoke to myself like a crazy person.

The place had been a fucking disaster when I left and now it was spotless. There were no clothes hanging over the back of the couch which had been in an organized chaos only I could understand. There were no wine bottles sitting on my dining room table from the night before...and the night before that.

You get the picture.

My phone started ringing in my purse and I heard the familiar sound of the wicked witch of the west from the Wizard of Oz. "Oh yay. It's Mom," I said to myself as I sifted through the abyss that was my purse.

"Please tell me that you have something to do with the way my apartment looks right now?" I answered as I threw my bag onto the couch.

"Yes, sweetie. You may not live with us anymore but I refuse for you to live in a gross pit of despair."

I rolled my eyes and held my hand up to my head in the shape of a gun. "Seriously? I'm 22 years old, Mom."

"I don't rightly care, dear," she sighed. "So, how was your day?"

"Boring as balls."

"Lydia Morrison!" she scolded which made me laugh.

"Mom, calm your tits. You need a glass of wine."

She sighed loudly again. "Sometimes I wonder about you."

"Psh. You always wonder about me. So, did you clean the place or?"

"No. I've hired a housekeeper to come there once a week."

"Jesus on a boat, mother!" I squealed as I slammed my refrigerator door shut. "You didn't even ask me!"

"You're going to object to us paying for someone to clean your apartment? Seriously?"

Oh dammit. She had a point. "Fine," I groaned. "Is that why you called?"

"That's part of why I called," she replied sounding less like she wanted to slap me. "I also needed to know if you'll have a date this Saturday evening and if you've found a dress."

Fucking politicians and their stupid charity ball bullshit.
Okay, charities are good but the ball part is annoying.

"No and no," I answered before taking a long sip of the wine I'd just poured myself. I swear I'm not an alcoholic even though I realize that's the second time I've mentioned it. "I'm sure I have a dress in my-"

"No!" she interrupted. "You can't wear the same thing twice and you know it. There will be photographers."

"Shoot me in the face," I grumbled. "I'll go look for one tomorrow."

"Promise?"

"I promise," I sighed. "What's dear old Dad up to?"

"Having a glass of brandy and watching Criminal Minds."

I laughed. My Dad did have cool moments. "Nice. Okay, well I'm going to go find something to stuff my face with."

"Very lady-like, Lydia," she laughed. My behavior should've been expected by that point. "Please don't forget about the dress. I'll call you tomorrow."

"I won't. Love you."

"Love you too."

I hung up and did the 'jacking off' motion with one hand while bringing my glass of wine up to my lips with the other.

I guess I should explain a few things. Obviously, my name is Lydia Morrison and I am 22 years old. My father is a very well known and respected politician named Richard Morrison. I like to call him Dick. He does not like that.

My mother is the perfect politician's wife. Mary Alice Morrison. Her name is ridiculous, right? I always secretly loved it though. She sounds like one of those wives from a show in the 50's. She acts like one too. The poor woman has been trying for 22 years to turn me into a respectable woman. The only progress she's made is being able to tell people I'm in the top of my class at Harvard and working at one of the biggest law firms in the city.

My life kind of makes me want to shank myself with a double sided dildo.

I know that sounds insane. I mean, I know I've got it made. I live in an apartment that's paid for because my father owns the whole damn building. I drive a BMW that is paid for. I get to keep all of the money I make at my job for whatever I want.

So yes, I do have it made. But that's all materialistic bullshit.

When you fell off your bike as a kid, did your Mom or Dad run to help you up and make you feel better? Probably. My nanny did that. I was not 'raised' by my mother and father. I was raised by the help.

I probably sound like a spoiled little rich kid who is angsty for shits and giggles but I'm not. I just have no real relationships in my life to speak of unless you count my love for the fish in my aquarium.

I think that what makes it all a little bit worse is the fact that I'm not really theirs in the first place. I was adopted.

The adoption was a closed adoption so I have no clue of why I look the way I do, sound the way I do, or am the way I am. It's always in the back of my mind though.

I'll always hold the firm belief that I was adopted to boost my father's reputation.
I couldn't help but wonder what my life would've been like had my biological Mom not given me up. Would I have been different? Would I be happier? Would I be a social butterfly or some shit like that? Did I have any siblings? Who knows?

I had a few friends from school but it's not like I had time for any of them. I was in my last year of law school and working full time. I barely had time to masturbate.

But on that particular day I had managed to get off work early and I planned on drinking wine, stuffing my face, and lurking around on the internet like a normal 22 year old.

After showering, changing into my pajamas, and turning off my cell phone I hopped onto my couch with a frozen pizza I'd popped into the oven before my shower. I didn't even bother getting a plate and putting a few slices on it. I got the whole thing cause I was serious about stuffing my face.

A couple of hours later I was very deep into Youtube and I had devoured over half of the pizza. The lovely wine I was drinking had also given me a wonderful buzz.

"Ooo! Time for some danisnotonfire," I said to myself in a creepy sexual predator sort of way.

I was a bit of a Youtube addict but it was hard to keep up with all of the people I was subscribed to because I was always working. Stupid serious business mess.

I was about 5 videos behind and of course I watched through all of them because I had a lady boner for that dude the size of Texas. There was something about british people. I was addicted to them. I think 90% of my subscription list was made up of people from England.

I tried very hard to move there but the parentals weren't having it. They needed to show off their trophy child!

By the time I made it back to the Youtube homepage, I was excited to see that Dan had just uploaded a video. Perfect timing much?

The title of the video was CallmeDan which instantly made me curious because I had no idea of what it would be about.

I pressed play and of course he was looking like a vision of british man sexiness. "Hello internet!" he waved. "Today I-" his sentence was interrupted by someone rolling behind him, spinning, on a computer chair.

"And a wild CallmeCarmen appeared!" he laughed as he scooted to the side to allow the person he was talking about to sit next to him.

She rolled into frame...and I spit my sip of wine all over the laptop.

"Holy fuck!" I screamed while lunging towards the laptop screen. I used the sleeve of my shirt to wipe off the droplets of red wine I'd just decorated the screen with. "No fucking way," I shook my head. There was no way that I'd had enough wine to make me hallucinate.

He was doing the video with ME.
Well, not me, obviously. But this chick. She looked like me.
She looked exactly like me.

My heart was pounding so hard I seriously wondered if I was going to have a heart attack.

"No, no, there's no way," I shook my head as I frantically searched through the info on his video to find a link to any of her accounts.

I found her Youtube account and immediately clicked on it. It probably took 2 seconds for her page to load but it felt like 9 years.

And there she was again.
She still looked exactly like me in all of the video thumbnails.
It was like someone had stolen my face.

I looked at the title of the most recent video she'd posted which was
THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING PRISON
That was a Step Brothers reference which scared me even more because that was one of my favorite movies.

With a shaky hand I clicked play and began watching and listening to her, completely in shock at this point. She was just like me apart form the accent.

Her video was about going home to visit her family and how her parents were trying to rule her life and driving her mad. It was freaky. I was completely freaked out.

I swear I think I replayed that video 20 times before I finally snapped out of it and realized I had to actually figure this shit out.

I knew what I thought but it sounded so insane. It sounded like some Lifetime movie bullshit.

I managed to finally make myself get off of the couch and go get my phone so I could call my Mom. It was nearly midnight but I didn't care.

"Lydia?" she answered already sounding worried. I never called that late. "Are you okay?"

"Mom?" I managed to force myself to say that but it took several seconds to push out the next few words. "Do I have a twin?"

Carmen's POV

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes were another pair of eyes staring at me. I gasped, flailed and fell sideways off of the couch I had been sleeping on and landed on the floor with a loud thud.

"Ow," I grumbled as I sat up.

I felt around the floor for my glasses. Once I had them on and I could actually bloody see, I saw that my friend Dan was laying on his side holding a Playstation controller, laughing.

"Oh bloody hell, you're such an easy target," he sighed as he sat up. "You also snore, did you know that?"

"No I don't. And everyone is easy to scare when they wake up with someone staring at them like a fucking creep," I laughed groggily, rubbing my eyes under my glasses.

"You were peeling the paint off of the walls. Oh, and your phone has been going off for over an hour," he informed me as he got up off of the floor and moved to sit on the couch where I had been laying.

Dan and I had been up into the wee morning hours editing the first CallmeDan video that we had recorded the day before, so I had decided to just stay there so I wouldn't have to chance walking the streets of London alone in the dark.

Yeah, I make Youtube videos. They're not all proper like his though. Most of them are Vlogs about the misfortune that is my existence.

Anyways, we'd probably gone to bed at around six that morning; only after consuming two bottles of wine and eating so much food that I still felt bloated.

Note to self: don't stay with Dan anymore.

Actually, I'd made that mental note ages ago and I'd never abided to it.

I grabbed my phone and saw that it was half one and immediately started to kick myself in the ass for not setting an alarm so I'd get up at a decent hour.

I had 10 missed calls 10 new voice messages, 8 text messages, all of which were from my Mum - a slew of emails, so many Twitter alerts that I wasn't even going to attempt to count them, and a very low battery;

I sent my Mum a text to let her know that I hadn't died a tragic death and that I would call her once I got home. I'm actually not sure if it sent or not, because my phone shut off right after I hit send.

I've got very protective parents.

"Ugh," I groaned. "May I borrow your charger?" I asked Dan as I pushed myself off of the floor.

He didn't reply.
Because he was too busy being engulfed in Skyrim.

"Okay, well I'll just be finding it then," I told him, waiting a few seconds to see if he would acknowledge me.
He didn't.

I walked out of the lounge and down the hall where his bedroom was and came face to.. chest with a shirtless and sleepy looking Phil.

"Uh.." I laughed as I moved to my left and he moved to his right, and then I moved to my right and he moved to his left.

It looked like we were trying to dance or something.

After a few seconds -that felt more like minutes- of that, I eventually put my back against the wall, let out another awkward laugh and he walked around me.

Five years after high school and he still didn't know I existed; even when I was standing right bloody in front of him.

Yeah, I went to highschool with him.
No, we weren't friends.
We still aren't.

I'll let you in on a little secret though. I've got a massive crush on him. So much that anytime I'm around him I'm reduced to mouth breathing and 'Uhhh-ing' at him.

Which is really unfortunate, because I am really chatty in general. I can talk to anyone.

Except for him.

But then again... He usually avoids me when I come over.

I don't think that he likes me very much.

I watched him walk into the bathroom then continued down the hall to Dan's bedroom to put my phone on the charge. His laptop was laying open on his bed so I took it upon myself to use it to check my Twitter account, since it would take my phone at least five years to turn back on.

I had loads of new followers, a bunch of tweets from random people complimenting the CallmeDan video, a handful asking if Dan and I were together, and then a bunch from the same person. Some girl named Lydia.

Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) this is going to sound batshit crazy but i desperately NEED you to tweet me back or DM me.

Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) SERIOUSLY. IMPORTANT. SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) OH FOR FUCKSAKES DUDE I AM NOT A 12 YR OLD WACKING IT TO U. THIS IS IMPORTANT

Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) LOOK AT MY FUCKING DISPLAY PHOTO

Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) CallmeYOURFUCKINGIDENTICALTW IN. TWEET ME BACK!

Those were only a few of many.

Okay, so I had gotten the weird Tweet or two since starting this whole Youtube thing, but this takes the cake for the oddest shit I'd ever been sent.

I went to the girl's Twitter page to see that it was some American girl from Massachusetts who had obviously jacked one of my pictures, claiming that we were 'identical twins.'

I suppose she just wanted to catch my attention. Which she had, so I decided to tweet her back.

Hey, thanks for the creative effort to get my attention! It worked. You don't have to spam me anymore :)

About two minutes later, while skimming through the tweets that weren't from that girl I got another alert on my account so I clicked on it to check it.

It was her again.

Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) I REALLY AM YOUR TWIN! Why don't you believe me?!

I didn't reply. Instead, I opened a new tab and went to check my Tumblr.

I had new followers; one of which was Lydias-boobs

"Oh fuck me!" I laughed. It seemed as though I had gotten my first stalker.

There were loads of messages in my inbox and I had a creeping suspicion that most of them were from her.

And they were.

They were all as same as the tweets she had sent me and then some.

I felt like a bit of a twat ignoring them, because I always answered the messages people sent me. Even the mean and weird ones.
I clicked back onto the tab that had my Twitter page open to see that I had a few more Tweets - and yet another one was from Lydia.

Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) I MADE A VIDEO TO PROVE IT! WATCH IT!

"I'm sure you did," I talked to myself like I always did. I logged out of twitter and then out of tumblr before closing the laptop and moving off of the bed to grab my phone.

When I made my way back into the lounge I saw that Dan was standing by the telly holding a Guitar Hero controller and Phil was sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal, staring down at his computer.

"You ready to get your ass kicked?" Dan asked as he held the controller up.

"As tempting as that sounds I should probably get going. Thanks for the offer though," I laughed.

"You two suck," he scoffed, looking from me to Phil and back again before turning around to face the telly. "Are you coming back later?" he asked.

Phil looked up from his computer and glanced at me as he chewed.

"Uhh.. maybe," I shrugged, looking from Phil to Dan. I couldn't help but feel like he didn't want me to. "I'll text you and let you know."

-

My flat was only a few blocks down from Dan's so it didn't take me long to get there.

When I opened the door and stepped inside a big ball of fur lunged at me, attacking me with kisses and I fell to the ground cuddling it.

"Oh Juneau did you miss your mum? Awww, my baby. I missed you too. Yes I did. Yes. Yessssss, Awwww. I'm sorry for leaving you. I won't do it again." I baby talked as I nuzzled my face against Juneau's.

Oh, Juneau is my husky, by the way.
My male husky.
I figured I should clarify, because most people assume he's a girl by his name.

He moved out of my grasp and went straight to the door and started barking.

"Aww, your little bladder is probably about to explode! Hang on baby, let me get your leash!" I continued baby-talking as I moved over to the wall to grab his leash. I hooked it on his collar and took him outside.

'Is this the real life, is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality' - my phone started ringing.

It was my mum.

"Open your eyes, look up to the skies and seeee," I sang along with my ringtone.

"I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy," I continued singing even after I'd answered.

"Oh, Calliope, darling, how many times must I remind you that you're a girl?" she laughed.

"I'm guessing as many times as I'm going to have to remind you to call me Carmen, Mum," I responded. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?"

"I was ringing you to check on you. I've been trying to reach you all morning. I was worried sick."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "I sent you a text earlier telling you that I hadn't been mugged, murdered or molested."

"That's no laughing matter, Calliope! I hate that you're so far away. London is dangerous, and I never got a text message. Were you sleeping all day again? Darling, I've told you hundreds of times how horrible that is for you! Were you out drinking?"

I crossed my eyes. This woman was going to drive me mental.

"Not all day. I got up at half one," I sighed. "I may have had some wine. Don't worry, I was in a safe environment."

"Were you having sex?" she asked me.

"I wish," I laughed.

"Calliope!" she gasped.

"I'm joking, Mum," I sighed again. "I was editing a video with a friend of mine," I explained. "Everything was fine."

"You need to get on a better sleep schedule, darling. Speaking of your videos, have you given anymore thought about going back to university next fall?"

How did I know she was going to bring that up? Oh, because she always found a way to interject that into our conversations.

I cleared my throat. "No."

Silence.

"Have you eaten anything today? You're looking too thin these days."

I guess I should mention that my Mother is a doctor. That's why she's so obsessed with my sleeping and eating habits.

"Not yet. I'm taking Juneau for a walk so he can sh-"

"Okay, that's enough of that," she interrupted me.

"How's dad doing?" I asked before she could interrogate me further.

"Fine. I'm surprised you can't hear him playing."

She got quiet and I focused very hard; I could hear music playing faintly in the background which made me smile.

My Dad is pretty much the complete opposite of my Mum. He's really laid back and into art and music. He can play any instrument you put in front of him. Probably because he teaches music at the uni back home.

"Tell him I love him, yeah?" I spoke up after listening to him play.

"Of course," she responded. I heard what sounded like ice clinking together very close to the phone before she spoke again. "So when are you coming home to visit again?"

"Mum, I was literally there last week."

It was horrid. I actually made a video about it. Anytime that I'm at home my Mum force feeds me, pressures me about uni, constantly stays on my bum about going to sleep before midnight, lectures me about how staring at my computer screen is bad for my already crap vision, tells me not to kiss Juneau, asks me about my bowel movements and periods and loads of other really awkward things.

Yes, I realize that's motherly love and she has my best interest at heart. But she's so controlling. I feel like a puppet or something when I'm around her.

"Well it's not like you're doing anything else. How about I put the money into your account for a train ticket just incase?"

"Mum, that's really not necessary. I-"

"It's already done. I'll see you Friday?"

"No, I-"

"Oh, your father is calling me, I'll see you soon darling."

The line went silent.

"Ughhhhhhh," I looked down at Juneau, who was looking up at me with his head tilted. "I don't wanna gooooo," I whined.

He probably didn't want to either. Mum made him sleep outside.
Well, until I snuck him back in after she went to sleep.

Juneau let out a whimper.

I told you he didn't want to go.

"Grammy is mean to you isn't she? Aww, yes she is. I know. Maybe uncle Dan will baby sit you," I cooed and rubbed the top of his head. "C'mon, let's go stuff our faces with junk food and stare at the computer screen and do other things that make her skin crawl."

Lydia's POV

"Fuck!" I slammed my hand down on the dining room counter when I checked my Twitter to see that I'd gotten nothing but a bunch of replies from Carmen's little followers.

I had not slept at all and I had a class in 30 minutes.

"Nope," I said to myself after looking down at the time. There was no way I could focus in class when this shit was going on.

The Wicked Witch of the West's laughter filled my house again and I hit the 'fuck you' button on my phone. I had nothing to say to my mother at the moment or my father.

I had never been so disgusted, betrayed or hurt.

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed as I replayed what Mom had said to me on the phone the night before.

"We didn't want any trouble with the other family so we never told you. Your sister was adopted the same day as you. Your biological mother didn't care if you were separated. I didn't want them to take her. I wanted to take her but I couldn't. I never thought you'd find out."

She never had any intentions of telling me that I had a sister who was not just my sister but my identical twin. Who the fuck does that?

When the fuck did my life turn into a Lifetime movie?

I checked my Twitter application on my phone for the 500th time that hour. People replying actually thought I was Carmen but I was just trolling everyone by changing the accent.

Seriously, people? I was in a crisis. I needed to talk to this girl. She needed to know I fucking existed.

Whoa. Whoa.
Whoa.

Hold the fucking phone.

Is that-

Dan Howell (danisnotonfire) - Epic trolling, Carmen. I'm actually proud.

"What?!" I screamed, staring at my phone. "Even he thinks I'm- Oh Jesus on a boat."

I walked back into the living room and fell down on the couch quite dramatically because I was feeling dramatic. I had so many emotions going at once. Sadness, anger, happiness.

I mean, this was some crazy shit but to know that I actually had a twin was amazing.

But what if she hated me? What if she wanted nothing to do with me?

-Knock Knock Knock-

"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw," I groaned as I pulled myself up from the couch. I knew who would be behind the door and I knew she had a key so there was no point in not letting her in.

I unlocked the door and opened it to see my Mom looking like a 2012 version of Jackie O. I had to give it to the woman, she was gorgeous and knew how to dress.

"You look-"

"Don't." I held my hand up as I walked away from the door and towards my living room. She sighed loudly and I heard her heels clicking along the wood floor as she followed behind me.

I fell onto the couch dramatically again as she sat down and crossed her legs like a proper lady. She pulled off her shades and tilted her head as she looked at me.

"I understand that you are very upset with me right now. I put myself in your shoes and-" she shook her head, "I can't even imagine."

"You didn't think of this before?" I asked. "This hasn't crossed your mind over the past 22 years?"

"Of course it has, darling. But, how does one go about telling someone that?"

I rolled my eyes. "Uh, how about OH guess what. You have a fucking twin sister out there somewhere!" I yelled the last part as I slung my phone over onto the other section of my couch. "I'm so-" I stood up as I ran my fingers through my hair. "For years and years I begged you for a sibling. I wanted a sister so badly and you said you and Dad didn't want to adopt again and that I was enough."

"Because you were!" she defended. "You're so full of life, Lydia! I've always been in awe of you."

"Don't kiss my ass to get me to be okay with this." I could feel the tears starting to burn my eyes and my lip starting to quiver. "My sister, Mom. She's my sister and I've missed everything I could have had with her in 22 years. We could have at least been able to visit one another and talk on the phone. I needed someone so badly so many times and-"

"You had me." She sounded hurt.

"No. I didn't," I shook my head and spoke with a softer voice. "Let's just be very honest here. You know that I didn't."

She looked down at her hands for a few seconds leaving us in a very uncomfortable silence. "There's a lot of things I would do differently but I'm here for you now and I can't go back and change how I treated you growing up."

She was right about that. For the past few years she had been taking part in my life a lot more but her absence from my childhood even though we were sleeping in the same home left a big scar and scars might fade but usually they're there forever.

"I feel like a fucking mess," I told her as I wiped the tears that had managed to escape. "I'm trying to get in contact with her but she won't answer me. She probably thinks I'm nuts."

I could tell by how she looked at me that she didn't want me trying to talk to Carmen. She didn't have to say a word. I think she knew better not to.

"I came to apologize to you, Lydia," she said as she stood up. "I truly am sorry. I should've told you." She walked over to me and cupped my cheeks with her hands. "My beautiful, beautiful Lydia," she smiled, tears rimming her eyes. "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know Mom," I sighed before wrapping my arms around her and hugging her. "Sorry for being an asshole."

"Please, don't say asshole," she said as she pulled back.

"You just said it," I smirked and she rolled her eyes.

"I have something to give you," she said as she opened the clutch she'd been holding. She reached into it and pulled out an obviously rather old photograph. "It's not much but it's all I have," she said as she handed it to me.

I took it from her and looked down to see two babies lying side by side in one of those hospital cribs. They were wrapped in pink blankets with pink little hats on but what really caught my eye was how they each had their heads turned and were staring at each other.

I felt like someone punched me in the stomach.

"I took that right before the other family took your sister," she informed me. "I cried and cried. I hated separating you two. I felt like you'd end up feeling like part of yourself was missing or something, I don't know," she shrugged. "Every time they separated you two you'd both just scream your heads off and you were constantly staring at each other. It was bizarre to see newborns doing that."

I was in sort of a trance as I listened to her. None of this seemed real at all.

"Thanks Mom," I said softly as I looked up and smiled at her.

She left a little while after that and I was left to sit on my couch and stare at the photo like it had the answers to all of my questions.

What was Carmen like? Was her family awesome or shitty? Did she get annoyed super easily like I did? Did she fall asleep lying on her right side or left?

Random, stupid things that normal people wouldn't want to know.

I checked Twitter again. Since Dan tweeted me I had been bombarded with replies but one really stood out.

!Lisa! (1directionsdildo) - If u r srs then u shud go 2 London n prove urself. thts wut i wud do

Okay, that person had the worst fucking grammar and typing skills I'd ever seen in my life but they had a very good point.

There were rare moments when I got to take advantage of the fact that I did have enough money to pretty much just leave and go where I wanted. I figured that needed to be one of those moments.

Half an hour later I was in my room running around like a mad woman packing my bags for a flight that left in 3 hours.

Waking up in a different place than your own home and not knowing where the fuck you are has got to be one of the scariest things ever.

That's what happened to me when I woke up in my hotel in London after being awake during the entire flight and pretty much being a zombie all the way to the hotel. I hardly remembered any of it. I hoped I managed to even get all of my luggage.

I had arrived in London at around 7 am. I'm not sure of what time I actually ended up in bed but when I woke up it was 4 o'clock in the afternoon there. I was still 6 hours behind in my head though.

As I lay there I started wondering if it was a good idea to come. I mean, there was a chance that she might not want to see me. Hell, I didn't even know if I could manage to get her to speak to me.

Beyond that, if I could actually manage to find her. London was a big city. I had no idea where she lived and I knew it wasn't going to be as easy as just looking her up in the phone book.

Although, I did try that.

There were three Carmen Kensingtons in the white pages. Two of the numbers was disconnected and the other one wasn't her. Unless she was married and had two children that I didn't know about.

Not that I knew anything about her. Other than the fact that she was my identical twin.
I clung to that.
I was going to find her.
I had to find her.

After going to use the restroom and curing the horrible taste in my mouth by brushing my teeth, I picked up my phone to check my twitter.

My heart nearly fell out of my asshole. I had tons of new followers because of this mess but one of my newest was Dan and I was even more shocked to see that he had sent me a DM.

Dan Howell - Carmen! I cannot find you D': but you seem to be getting on here so i wanted to tell you that i will be at that starbucks down by the vintage t-shirt place we always go to for a long time today because our net is down and i'm uploading. come by and see me if you get a chance.

Ugh! They still thought I was trolling. Seriously? What the fuck did I have to do to make them get that I was a separate person and where the hell was Carmen? She hadn't updated her Twitter in over 24 hours.

"I'm a fucking stalker," I sighed as I sat down on the bed and looked at the message again.

Finally, my dumbass saw the opportunity I had. Dan just told me where he was. All I had to do was some google searching, get the address and go there.

Fucking shit! Why didn't realize that when I read the damn text?

I was in crazy woman mode again. I took the quickest shower of my life, managed to braid my hair into some sort of cuteness, threw on make up, and put on a decent looking outfit in less than an hour.

By the time I stepped out of the lobby, my heart was near the point of explosion. My stomach was near the point of eating itself.

Thankfully I had been to London on several occasions in my life so I wasn't completely lost. I had to get on the tube to get to the street I needed to be on. It was strange being there all alone. I'd never been out of the country alone.

It didn't hit me that I was about to meet Dan, someone I'd obsessed over and whose face was the wallpaper of my iPhone at that very moment. I knew he was normal. He was a human being just like me.

But he was a very sexy human being that I'd crushed on from afar for quite some time and my hormones were pretty stoked.

I got that heart falling out of your butthole sensation when I rounded a corner and saw the Starbuck's sign. I looked across the street and the vintage t-shirt shop was there as well.

I stood there on the sidewalk for people to have to dodge me for a good 2 minutes. I wasn't sure of what the fuck I was going to say. How would I approach him?

I didn't bother peeking in as I finally walked by the building. I was scared I would spot him and panic.

I walked in and the place was really, really busy. I'm also really, really short so this was not an advantage for me. I looked around but didn't see Dan anywhere yet so I got in line to order a drink and probably 10 muffins.

Not really but I was pretty damn hungry.

You know that weird feeling you get when someone is watching you? I had that feeling - but I brushed it off, assuming it was just my nerves getting the better of me. I mean I was about to have a casual run in with Dan Howell that would lead me too my long-lost twin sister. How could my nerves not be completely fucked?

However, I felt something touch the side of my neck and I looked over to see a pair of very familiar brown eyes about a half an inch away from mine.

I screamed, flailed my arms and jumped back taking in the sight of what was Dan Howell laughing at me like he'd just seen the funniest thing ever.

"It never gets old!" he laughed loudly, holding his stomach. "Bloody hell. You are so jumpy. And you know, I appreciate you returning all of the texts I sent you. I wasn't worried that you might have gotten kidnapped by Slenderman or anything," he rolled his eyes. Then his face started to scrunch up and he looked a bit confused. It was probably because of the way I was looking at him. "You didn't piss yourself again, did you?"

"I almost did!" I said as I put my hand over my heart which was pounding like crazy. "Holy shit," I exhaled slowly to try to steady myself. "Listen, Dan. I'm not Carmen." I decided to just be blunt about it. Surely we weren't that identical. Could she be that good at an American accent?

He was looking at me like I was stupid. I mean seriously, he had the most unamused look on his face. "Riiiiiight," he rolled his eyes. "You're that troll person you made up. What was her? Lydia?" he folded his arms. "Kudos to you for that, by the way. I never thought to to troll the phans by making a fake twitter account pretending to be my own identical twin. Where the hell did you even come up with that idea? It's impressive," he laughed.

Oh fuck. Of course this was going to be difficult. "I know that this sounds crazy but I really am Lydia. My name is Lydia Morrison." I was talking with my hands like that would convince him or something. "I was watching your video and saw Carmen. I'm adopted and I had an identical twin, obviously," I explained. "If you look, my tweets go back for a pretty long time. I doubt a troll would do that."

Dan still didn't look like he was buying it. "That's a convincing story," he said sarcastically. "If this is some kind of role-play acting technique I guess I can go along with it," he shrugged. "Your American accent is well good, by the way. Oh, look," he leaned in and pulled my ear forward. "You even have the same heart shaped blotch behind your ear like Carmen. That's crazy. Do you also have an epipen too incase you ingest some nuts? I bet you do," he smiled, nodded and pointed at me. "Did you check your tag on tumblr today? We're totally being shipped. We're Cardan. Oh, and your little video post had cause quite an uproar too," he commented. It was obvious that he didn't believe a word of what I had said to him.

While he was talking and I was becoming more annoyed that I couldn't convince him of who I was, an idea hit me that should have hit me the day before. I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the line even though my stomach was begging for a muffin.

"I'll prove it," I said as I sat my bag down on the table. I began sifting through all the random shit I had in there until I finally found my wallet. I opened it and pulled out my license, my school ID card and my social security card before laying them all out on the table in front of him. "Tell me, would I have all of these if I were Carmen?" I asked.

Dan picked them up off of the table and studied each of them, glancing up at me in the process. The cute little smirk that had been on his lips fell and he looked absolutely mind boggled. "Yeah... probably not," he concluded as he looked back down at me and offered all of my identification cards. He held his index finger up and then fell backwards onto one of the chairs. "I need a second," he told me, then stared at the ground for a few seconds. "Okay," he looked back at me and shook his head. "Nope, still can't process it. Is this real life? You can't-" he stopped himself and looked like he was thinking. "So let me get this straight. You're adopted, and you're not Carmen but you look just like her so that makes you her twin. Well, not just twin, her bloody identical twin... Does she know about you?"

I sighed loudly as I sat down on the chair across from him. "No. I don't think so, anyway. Unless she has decided to pay attention to all of my tweets or watch the video I made for her." I propped my chin on my hand. "I am still processing it all myself. I can't believe this is even happening to me."

"I can't believe it either and it's not even happening to me," he said. The look on his face and the sound of his voice made it very obvious to how freaked out he was. "You look just bloody like her too," he shook his head. "I mean, you probably already knew that, obviously but it's so weird. And you even have that blotch," he rubbed his finger against his neck, right behind his ear where my birthmark was. "Jesus on a unicycle," he held his hands up. "I am 500% done with this," he laughed. "But that worries me, because I haven't heard from her since she left my flat the other day and it's not like her to just disappear. Especially not from the internet." He told me as he started reaching into his pockets, pulling his phone out a few seconds later. "It's so weird, she never told me she was adopted," he added as he started messing with the screen.
That whole heart falling out of your butthole feeling happened again. One of the things I had thought about was the fact that she might not know she was adopted. Who was I to open that fucked up cap of worms for her? Was it worth it?

"What if she doesn't know?" I asked. "That's something I've been thinking about. I don't know if-" I sighed loudly and leaned back in my chair, "who am I to end up revealing something like that for her if it's true? Is it worth it?"

Why the hell was I sitting there talking to Dan like he was my therapist.

Jesus, he was so much more attractive in person. I couldn't stop staring at him. At least he was actually speaking with me so it wasn't creepy that I was staring at him but he was staring at me too because I was freaking him out so, we were even.

"I don't know what to do," I shrugged. "I don't want to like ruin her life or something."

He stopped whatever he was doing and sat his phone down on the table then held his hands up and took in a deep breath. "Okay, so, I'm just going to be completely honest with you and say that chances are, she has no clue about it," he told me, which didn't make me feel any better. "But, I do know Carmen kind of well, and I think she would want to know, so I think you should tell her. I mean, I would want to know. How bloody cool would it be to have an identical twin?" he got an excited look on his face. "I'm going to get deep for a second so try not to drown here - but I think her not knowing might screw her up more, you know? And she will eventually see that video if she hasn't already."

"Oh, Jesus on a boat. What have I done?" I groaned as I leaned forward and laid my head on the table before bumping my forehead against it a few times. "Too. Complicated. Cannot. Compute."

"Did you just say Jesus on a boat?" he started laughing quite loudly. "Oh Christ... Wow, I'm sorry, I literally just realized that I never even introduced myself. I guess I feel like I already know you. I'm Dan," he laughed again. "Hey.." he leaned forward and rested his chin against the table. I could feel how close his face was to my head without even looking. "Do you want to meet her? I know where she lives," he offered. "I know you probably feel like.. I can't even think of something witty to compare this to, but whatever it is, I'm sure that's how you feel... And, hey, maybe it's some kind of freak coincidence?" he suggested. "Maybe you're her doppelganger."

I lifted my face so that my chin was propped on the table and our faces were only inches apart. We were so close I could smell his minty breath. Not good for those hormones I mentioned earlier. "You've already helped more than you know. I've kind of had to suffer in silence apart from flipping out on my mother since I found out," I laughed. "And I would say that the doppelganger thing could happen. I mean, it happened to Elena on The Vampire Diaries but-" I shrugged, "I'm thinking that since my Mom confirmed I have a twin and I have a photo of us in the hospital together as babies that it's true."

"Then let me help you a little more," he said quietly, seriously. I didn't know Dan, but something told me that he didn't have many serious moments like that in his life. The way he was looking at me.. horrible for my hormones. That's all I'm going to say.
"She literally lives around the corner. Literally," he laughed.

I love the way he says 'literally.'

Around the corner, though?

"Like, around the corner?" I pointed out the window and took a deep breath as I nodded. "I think I needed medication for this," I said as I sat upright and held my face in my hands. I was freaking the fuck out inside and it probably showed by the look on my face. Part of me still thought I would wake up any second.

"Well, if I'm going to do this I might as well do it now, right?"
write is your biffl