Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters , settings, etc involving Voltron: Defender of the Universe. Spaceballs and related characters, settings, etc are owned by Brooksfilm, which has no affiliation with this story. This story are for entertainment purposes only and is to be viewed as a parody.

Author's Notes: Lionballs came about due to a game that was played on the official Voltron forums. I would randomly take lines from Spaceballs and "Voltronize" them. This led to the idea of re-writing the entire movie as a Voltron spoof. Overall, it took about a year to write the entire story (I promise, it won't take that long to repost it here). For me, Lionballs represents the pinnacle of my Voltron comedy works.

Lionballs

By KeithBlackLion

Once upon an 80's cartoon. . . .

In the Denubian galaxy very, very, very, very, far away, there lived a ruthless race of beings known as . . . Lionballs.

Episode Twenty-Seven

The evil leaders of Planet Arus, having foolishly polluted their precious atmosphere, have devised a secret plan to take every breath of air away from their peace-loving neighbor, Planet Doom.

Today is Prince Lotor's wedding day. Unbeknownst to the prince, but knownst to us, danger lurks in the stars above. . .

If you can read this, these aren't the robot lions you're looking for.

The massive Lionball 1 cruised slowly through space. The ship was so large that it took about four minutes for any space faring object to traverse ship from bow to stern. On the back end of the ship was a bumper sticker that read, 'We brake for Anime Pretty-Boys'.

Commander Keith, dressed in an all black jumpsuit trimmed in red, was standing at the front of the ship's bridge.

"Commander Keith!"

Keith turned around. "What is it, Sergeant Rico?"

Sergeant Rico got up from his seat and approached Keith. "You told me to let you know the moment Planet Doom was in sight, sir."

"So?"

Rico grinned. "Planet Doom is in sight, sir."

"You're really a Lionball. You know that, don't you?" Keith asked.

"Thanks, sir," said the young and over eager sergeant.

"Have you notified Mistress Allura?" Keith asked.

"Yes, sir. I took the liberty. She's on her way."

"Make way for Mistress Allura," rang the voice of the narrator (better known as Peter Cullen) over the loud speakers.

"All rise in the presence of Mistress Allura," ordered Keith as he stood at attention.

The entire bridge crew stood to attention. A door at the far end of the bridge opened revealing Mistress Allura. She was dressed in her V3D flight suit with a powder blue cape attached. As she walked from the entrance to where Keith was standing, she could hear the crew members that she passed saying silent prayers. She stopped in front of Keith, struggling to breathe.

"I can't breathe in this thing," she managed to say. Allura turned around so that her backside faced Keith. "Will you unfasten me?"

Keith reached out and unfastened Allura's flight suit. The suit fell to the floor with a loung clang. Thanks to 'movie magic' Allura now stood before Keith and the bridge crew wearing thigh high black leather boots (with 6 inch heels) a very short, black leather mini-skirt, a black leather belt, a black leather corset that shows off her over-developed chest, black leather gloves that go up to her elbows and a black collar around her neck. All trimmed in a light pink.

" We're approaching Planet Doom, ma'am," Keith stated.

"Good. I'll call Castle Control and notify President Coran immediately." Allura stepped around the crew members who were gathering up her fallen flight suit and picked up the phone.

"I already called him, ma'am. He knows everything," Rico said.

Allura sat the phone down angrily and turned to face Rico. "What? You went over my breasts?"\

"Uh oh," was Keith's thought.

"Well not exactly over them, ma'am. It was more to the side. I'll always call you first. It'll never happen again. Never ever!" Rico stammered, backing away.

Allura pulled a small, smooth, cylindrical object from the back of her belt and turned it on. A low, humming sound was made as a green energy whip emerged from the device.

"Oh shit! No, no, no, no, no, please, no, no, please, no, not that," Rico pleaded as he covered his neck with his hands.

"Yes. That." Allura flicked her wrist and the energy whip flew out and struck Rico's crouch.

"Whaoooooooo! Owwwwwwwwww!" Rico cried out. The pain from the initial hit was bad enough, but the electrical shock he received made it worse.

Guards appeared and took Rico away as Allura switched off her energy whip and placed it back onto her belt.

"Keith!" Allura yelled.

Keith quickly covered his crouch with his hands. "Ma'am?"

Allura looked out the main viewing window. "I don't see Planet Doom. Where is it?"

"We don't have visual contact yet, ma'am, but we have it on the radar screen. Shall I punch it up for you?"

"Never mind. I'll do it myself," Allura said in a frustrated tone.

"Very good, ma'am."

Allura walked off in the direction of the radar screen with Keith in tow. She stopped in front of the first of two identical, vending machines.

Allura looked puzzled as she stared at the first screen. "What's the matter with this thing? What's all that churning and bubbling? You call that a radar screen?"

"No, ma'am," Keith said as he moved between Allura and the machine. "We call it, 'Mr. Cappuccino'." He pointed at label at the top of the machine. "Care for some?" he asked as he pushed some buttons to start the machine.

Allura paused for a moment. "Yes! I always have cappuccino when I watch radar. You know that."

"Of course I do, ma'am." Keith removed the cup from the cappuccino machine.

"Everybody knows that!" Allura stated as she looked around at her crew.

Everyone on the bridge covered their crouch. "Of course we do, ma'am!"

Allura took the cappuccino from Keith. "Now that I have my cappuccino, I'm ready to watch radar. Where is it?"

Keith pointed to label on the next machine which read 'Mr. Rader'. "Right here, ma'am."

"Switch to teleview."

Keith pushed a button and the radar screen changed to a picture of Planet Doom with a protective defense shield around it.

"There it is, Planet Doom and underneath that defense shield, ten thousand years of fresh air," Allura stated. "We must get through that shield."

"We will, ma'am," Keith said. "Once we kidnap the prince, we will force his father, King Zarkon, to give us the combination to the defense shield. Thereby destroying Planet Doom and saving Planet Arus."

Allura looked out towards the readers. "Everybody got that?" Allura turned her attention back to Keith. "Good! When will the prince be married?"

"Within the hour, ma'am."

"Well, I hope it's a long ceremony, 'cause it's gonna be a short honeymoon." Allura chuckled then took a drink of her cappuccino, but the hot temperature causes her to spit it out. In doing so she dropped the cup onto her body, the remaining cappuccino spilling down between her breasts.

"What's wrong ma'am?" Keith asked in a concerned tone.

"Hot! Too hot!"