A/N - This idea got stuck in my head after a discussion with someone about favourite holiday movies. It's a Wonderful Life has always been one of mine. I could not stop thinking about it until I wrote something down. My apologies for jumping into this story while I've still got two other stories that desperately need updating (which I am still working on, by the way!), but I needed to go with it while inspiration struck.

Incidentally, if you do wish to connect with me for updates on my stories, or to discuss FSOG fanfiction in general, there is a FSOG Fanfiction group of authors, readers, and reviewers on Facebook and my own FF profile can be found by searching for Marpuri Fanfiction.

Story premise:

What if, when he took off after finding out Ana was pregnant, Christian became so depressed he contemplated suicide? A mysterious stranger helps him find out what life would be like if he had never been born. Can he discover that it truly is a wonderful life?

Borrowing details from both FSOG and It's a Wonderful Life, neither of which do I own.

Christian's conversation with Elena is taken from the description of their meeting that Christian gives Ana at the end of Fifty Shades Freed.

Chapter 1

Christian stormed out of Escala.

Pregnant. FUCK! I can't be a father. Not now. Maybe not ever.

Christian walks, the rage bubbling away inside his chest, trying to quell the urge to put his fist through a window or to pick up a small dog and throw it.

Flynn. I've got to talk to Flynn.

He dials Flynn's number on his phone as he switches course and begins to jog towards Flynn's office.

Voicemail. Shit.

In 20 minutes he has arrived, only to find the door locked and the lights out. He frantically pounds on the door anyway, his heart sinking with each unanswered minute ticking by. Christian begins to grow more distressed. He walks away, not paying particular mind to the direction he's heading; just walking aimlessly as the thoughts run rampant in his head.

What the fuck am I going to do? There's too much I can't control with a baby in the picture. And I'm pretty sure blowing up at Ana and then running away is probably doing jack shit to make things better. You've royally fucked things up for her yet again, Grey! I wouldn't be surprised if she finally took off for good this time. She's put up with enough of your shit. But Christ! A baby. I'm bound to fuck that up even more. What kind of father would I possibly be? You've got no heart, Grey. No capacity for love. You're no good for Ana, you've been nothing but trouble for Mom and Dad, can't even let them touch you. This baby is nothing but a bunch of cells at this point and I already know I've fucked up life for him or her already just be creating the poor bastard.

"Christian?"

He looks up and is surprised to find himself outside of Esclava.

"Elena."

"What on earth are you doing here?"

"I don't know. I was just walking and ended up here."

"You look upset. Why don't we go get a drink. Catch up. It's been a while."

Christian and Elena walk to a quiet bar nearby and order a bottle of wine. As they drink, they fall into the conversation. He remembers how comfortably he could discuss anything with Elena.

"Christian, I'm so sorry for how I behaved the last time I saw you. It was inexcusable. Grace hasn't spoken to me since that night. I'm afraid a number of our shared friends have also limited their contact with me as a consequence. Your mother was a dear friend, and I'm sorry I've lost that."

Christian nods, remembering the incident at his birthday party.

"How have you been? How's the business, Elena?"

"I've been okay. As for the salons, well, we're managing. The recession has hit our industry hard. When times get tough, highlights and a Brazilian become less of a spending priority for people. How about you, Christian? Business treating you well?"

"Doing fairly well."

"What's got you so upset, dear? How are things with Ana?"

Christian stiffens, then drains his glass of wine and pours another. "It's been amazing. But tonight... we had a fight. Ana..." Christian takes a deep breath. "Ana wants to have children."

Elena's eyes widen. "You're worried about that."

Christian nods. "You know how fucked up I am. I can't bring a kid into my world. I can't be a father."

Elena smirks. "Our lifestyle doesn't tend to mix well with a family life."

Christian pauses and looks at Elena. "Our lifestyle? I'm not so sure it's my lifestyle anymore."

"She's changed you." Elena sniffs.

"For the better."

"Oh come now, Christian. Don't tell me you don't miss it. You were at the top of your game. It made you the man you are today! It gave you that control you crave. That control that you need. Do you really think you can live your life without it?" Elena's eyes shine. "Complete power and control over someone else. Being in control over their pain. Their pleasure. Having someone submit, completely, to your will. You used to be able to make that cane sing Christian. I have encountered no one that can match your proficiency with a whip or a flogger. The knots and bindings. The cross! I have so many fond memories of the scenes we engaged in. Do you remember?" Elena's pupils dilate, her breathing deepens as she licks her lip and reaches out to place her hand high up on Christian's thigh.

Christian recoils suddenly from her touch, knocking the table and jostling the wine glasses in the process. His startled response jolts Elena from her reverie.

They froze. A horrified expression on Christian's face, Elena's ardour fading from hers. She blanched in compunction.

"I love my wife." Christian says, tersely.

"Of course! Of course you do!" Elena laughs. "I'm sorry, I get caught up talking about my proclivities sometimes, you know." She gives a dismissive wave of her manicured hand. "I'm happy with Isaac. I'm enjoying the business, it's keeping me busy. Christian, I don't bear either of you any ill will. You're an old friend. I only ever want the best for you. Frankly, I miss you. I miss seeing you more often, and talking with you, but I understand that your life is with Ana now. You're not the same Christian I knew. She's your world now." She sits back. "I must admit, it's awkward being around you two, given what happened the last time we were all in the same room together."

"I hope you understand, then, that I won't be seeing you again. I wish you all the best with the salons, Elena."

Elena nods sadly. "I understand." She gets up and dons her coat and purse. "I wish it were different, but I understand. Goodbye, Christian. It was good to see you again. I wish you and Ana all the best." She moves to Christian for an embrace, but is met with silence and no motion towards reciprocation. She lets her arms drop, turns, and exits the bar leaving Christian alone with the rest of the wine. He pours out the remains of the bottle, then signals to the bartender.

"Bourbon." He orders. "Make it a double."

As he sits and drinks, he thinks about his relationship with Elena.

Another one of my fifty shades of fucked up-edness. What would you do if Junior was in your place? If someone like Elena seduced him like she did you?

Christian shudders.

How could you possibly raise a child with the kind of fucked up past you've got? He doesn't stand a chance!

And Ana. My sweet Ana. I had it all with her, but now a baby in the picture...It won't be the same again. I could barely keep control over her. How am I going to survive with this new wild card in the mix?

This is all so fucked up.

He continues to drink, thoughts percolating – an unending litany of anger and self-hate.

Several drinks later, Christian pays the tab and stumbles out of the bar, walking again, his mind clouded in despair. A short while later, he finds himself on a bridge, eyeing the frigid torrents of water below.

"It would all be so much better for everyone if I had just never been born" He mutters. "Hell, I'd be worth more for Ana and Junior dead than alive anyway."