Holby City

Jac's Wonderful Life

PART ONE

Jac Naylor brushed her long ginger hair out of her eyes and gazed down at the mountain of paperwork on her desk. She sighed irritably, producing a blue ballpoint pen from her shirt pocket and set about scribbling notes on the topmost sheet. Darwin Ward was quiet, almost too quiet, save for the usual sense of urgency that always hung over a busy cardiac ward. It was getting late. The outside was pitch black and silent except for the screeching of owls. Covering her mouth to conceal a yawn, Jac blinked and took a large gulp of coffee to recharge her system.

"Jac, could you see to Mr. Franklin?" the voice of Elliot Hope drifted over to her, causing Jac to grumble under her breath. She could tell from the tone of his voice that Elliot would rather have asked someone else for this task; someone like Ollie or that needy, 'look at me, am I impressing you?' Tara.

"Of course," Jac replied with a sarcastic smile. Without waiting for him to reply, Jac swept away in the direction of Mr. Franklin.

Mr. Franklin was sitting upright in his hospital bed as Jac approached him. His chest was heaving and his face appeared ashen. Jac whipped out her stethoscope and began to examine him gingerly. Satisfied, Jac replaced it back around her neck and began to feel around Mr. Franklin's abdomen and chest with her fingers.

"Tell me if it hurts," she said as she gave his abdomen another sharp prod. Mr. Franklin winced sharply and Jac quickly withdrew her finger. "It hurts?" she asked. Mr. Franklin nodded. "It feels a little tender, just to be safe I'd like to get you back into theatre so we can have another look at the stent."

"What are you going to do?" he asked slowly, unable to disguise the obvious fear in his voice.

"It's just a small procedure to check the stent is fitted and working properly, nothing to worry about," Jac told him sharply.

"Okay..." Mr. Franklin replied uncertainly. "I'll give my consent."

"Excellent decision Mr. Franklin," Jac said militantly and strode away.

"I've had it up to here with Jac," Jonny was saying angrily as Elliot sipped a latte, not looking up from his desk. "It's like she doesn't even care!"

"Ms. Naylor has always had a problem with showing her caring side," Elliot replied.

"Tell me about it," Jonny continued, his face livid. "She chucks out anyone who even dares to care about her." Elliot considered this for a moment.

"I've often wondered that of her. It would seem to be some form of self defence mechanism," he said softly.

"It's a bloody good defence," Jonny muttered. Elliot peered at him over the top of his spectacles.

"Jonny, how much do you know about Jac's past?" he asked.

"Only what she's told me."

"Knowing Jac, I'm guessing that's not a lot?" Jonny thought about this and as realisation dawned, he nodded.

"There are things you need to know..."

"Suction! I need more suction now!" Jac shouted as she attempted to stem the flow of blood. Mr. Franklin's BP had collapsed through the floor as Jac tried desperately to get her operation back on course. "Paddles! Now! Come on!" The theatre was a scene of absolute chaos with everybody rushing around, trying not to get in each other's way. "Charging...stand back. Okay, clear!" The monitor continued to flatline. "Right come on, I need everybody focussed, more suction!"

"Ms. Naylor..."

"Charging again, stand back! And clear!" There was still no response.

"Ms. Naylor I think you should call it..." Jac nodded, defeated.

"Dammit! Time of death 22:09."

"It's not your fault, you did your-" But Jac had already stormed out of the theatre letting the double doors slam shut behind her.

"Jac!" Jonny's voice, sharp and determined, floated behind her as she strode towards her office.

"Not now Jonny, I'm really not in the mood!" Jac snapped at him and continued to walk away.

"Jac we need to talk now!" Jonny persisted furiously.

"You've said your piece," Jac retorted, her eyebrows slanted in anger, although with her back to Jonny he could not see.

"Oh no I really, really haven't Jac!" Jonny was following Jac as their argument echoed around the ward.

"In here!" Jac glared, ushering Jonny into the staff room. As soon as Jonny entered, Jac slammed the door shut behind him. "How dare you go after me like that!" Jac raged. "I am a consultant and you, you are nothing but a nurse!" Jonny ignored this slight, but his face was white with anger.

"Why didn't you tell me about this Byrne family?" Jac's heart plummeted through her stomach at his words.

"That, that has nothing to do with you!"

"Sounds like you gave this poor Joseph fellow a right old ride!" Jonny's Scottish accent was becoming broader and broader the angrier he became.

"Who the hell do you think you are Jonny? My past has nothing to do with you or anyone!" Jac's face was white and contorted with fury.

"Is that what you do Jac, do you just kick out anyone who cares for you and stab them in the back?" Jac raised her hand, ready to strike Jonny but catching herself in time she lowered it, staring straight into his eyes.

"I'm not proud of what I've done but I move on. Why can't everyone else do the same?"

"Because you never seem to learn...I've had enough of you." Jonny shrugged as though deciding she wasn't worth the hassle and without another word, he left. Jac just stood there, silent, Jonny's last words ringing in her head. There was a knock at the door. A sharp tap.

"Jac are you in there?" Jac did not reply, she had no desire to speak to Elliot right now as silent tears streamed down her cheekbones. "Jac I know you're in there. I need to speak to you urgently." Once again Jac did not reply; she barely registered Elliot's voice as her mind filled with long buried memories. Jac did not even look up as Elliot pushed open the staffroom door gingerly. "Jac it's about your mother..."

"Do you just kick out anyone who cares for you and stab them in the back?" Jonny's words echoed all around Jac's head as she stormed down the stairs and away from Darwin. "You never seem to learn!" Jac's eyes were blotchy from unwanted tears and her hair a mess from ringing her hands through it.

"Jac it's about your mother..." Jac found herself on the ground floor and without a moment's hesitation she rushed through the exit and out into the cold wintery night. Christmas lights and decorations were the only things lighting her way.

"I've had enough of you..." Jac walked over towards her motorbike, placing her helmet over her face and head.

"You'll be lucky if you end up running an STD clinic in the outer Hebrides..." Joseph's angry words from such a long time ago...Jac started the ignition on her bike; the engine roared to life and Jac's rode off into the night.

"All you do is use people..."

"We had our time..." Jac accelerated.

"Nobody cares Jac, we've all had enough..."

"You wheedle your way in with his father!" Jac swerved around a sharp corner, a new resolve now firmly sorted in her mind.

"You lie and cheat and twist just to make yourself feel superior to everyone else!"

"I never loved you Jac, you were a mistake. A child I wished I'd never had." Jac's visor was becoming obscured by her increasing flow of tears. Her bike swerved round another sharp corner in the road and in the dim glow of Christmas, Jac could make out a granite wall...if she were to just forget to turn and slam straight into that wall it would all be over. She pressed down hard on the brakes and her bike came to a skidding halt. She lifted her helmet off her head and chucked it away. For a few moments Jac just stared at that wall, her hand holding the brake firmly; if she let go...

"Excuse me? Hello there?" Jac looked round in disbelief to discover a little old lady standing beside her.

"What...who...where did you come from?" Jac stuttered.

"Oh please excuse me," the old lady said with an apologetic expression on her face. "It's just I think I dropped my purse around here earlier-" She stopped speaking suddenly and just stared first at Jac then at the wall a little way ahead of them. "Oh," she muttered.

"Oh?! What do you mean oh?" Jac said, getting irritable. Something wet and cold landed on her cheek; Jac looked up at the night sky. It was snowing.

"You seem to have something you want to do," said the old lady mystically. Jac couldn't think why she said what she was about to say or why the words formed in her mouth, but form they did and say them she did.

"I wish I never existed."

"Do you?"

"Yes, I've ruined everything. I've mucked up my life! I've ruined everyone else's, they'd all be better off without me. All I do is destroy and I'm sick of it!"

"Very well then. You have never existed." Jac laughed.

"What do you mean?"

"Like I said, as of this moment, Jac Naylor never existed..." The words hit Jac with an icy feel as she looked all around. This couldn't be true, could it? No, it was impossible, Jac decided. What if it wasn't?

TO BE CONTINUED