WARNING:

IF YOU VISUALIZE THIS ONE-SHOT,

YOU MAY ACTUALLY PEE YOUR PANTS.

I WROTE IT, AND SCARRED MYSELF AND I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING MY ASS OFF.

SO VISUALIZE SO YOU TO CAN JOIN THE ARMY OF PEEING-PANTS-WHILE-LAUGHING

Vampire Knight

Cuppa Feel, Banana Peel

They were arguing. Arguing loudly, but Senri Shiki did not care. This was important. This had been on his mind for a very long time, and he only knew of two people to ask for advice when it came to this. He slowly inched towards the two figures, hearing their argument get louder and louder. He cleared his throat, and stared at them.

"How do you do it?" Shiki asked loudly.

Kaname and Zero stopped arguing and glanced at the maroon-haired vampire. Zero had his arms crossed over his chest, and Kaname was standing in front of him. Shiki's confidence never faltered. They were experts, he could tell.

"Simple really," Kaname stated, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Control," Zero hissed. Shiki was surprised that Zero would help him. But he had no problems with the Vampire Hunter, and he did nothing to make the Vampire Hunter angry with him. Zero smirked, "You need to take control."

"With a certain amount of gentleness," Kaname agreed. He caressed his chin, "Start of slow, passionate, and romantic. You need to caress to impress."

"At the same time you need to be forceful and demanding," Zero pointed out. "Leave nothing untouched and unexplored."

"You have to be discrete," Kaname whispered.

"But know what you want," Zero nodded.

"And then it's simple from there. Once you get the flow going, have the courage. Do what any teenage boy would do," Kaname gave a sneaky smile.

"Cuppa feel," Zero smirked. He pulled out a banana (from where, Shiki will never know) and held the banana before Shiki's eyes, "Banana peel."

Shiki blinked. Kaname cleared his throat, "Once you have followed all these steps. You gently approach and," Kaname groped Zero's chest and gave Shiki a knowing look, "Cuppa feel."

"And then after that," Zero held the banana again. He started to unpeel the banana and tossed the banana skin on the ground, "The skin symbolizes your pants, and the actual banana symbolizes your most important asset," Zero pushed his hips and Kaname's hips together, "And her most important asset with envelop your banana. Banana peel."

"And the rest is simple biology," Kaname smiled, squeezing Zero's chest, "Just let your body do the talking and you and Rima will have a great time."

"Cuppa feel, banana peel works every time," Zero grinned.

Shiki's eyes were wide. His eyes were burning, "I just…I just…wanted help with a math problem."

Zero and Kaname separated from each other. The air between them silent. Shiki stood there with wide eyes, he felt his body shaking. WHAT FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY DID HE JUST WITNESS?!

Zero and Kaname shook their heads and giggled. Giggled! They both slapped Shiki's arms and said the same thing in perfect unison, "Carry the X, Shiki. Always carry the X in every situation."

The two walked off in different directions and Shiki fell to the ground, in the mess of what was once a perfectly well-minded Senri Shiki. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, HE CANT GET CUPPA FEEL, BANANA PEEL OUT OF HIS MIND!

A/N: WHO DIED LAUGHING?! RAISE YOUR HAND! I already had my comment in the previous chapter...so I'm gonna draw a picture of a bunny!

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I do not own Vampire Knight :(

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Bye! Remember to keep carrying your Xs!

~Saved by Dark Innocence

BAM! BUNNY - (O.O) ER, kind of...