Disclaimer - I don't own Harry Potter. Nothing is made from this.

A/N - this plot bunny wouldn't quit hopping around my brain. If you like Ron, stop reading now.

Ron was sneaking in again; entering his own home like a thief.

Granted, he felt almost like a criminal for what he was doing to Hermione (and their marriage), but it just felt so bloody good with Katie! How was any red-blooded wizard supposed to turn that down?

It had started as a fling, but he always found himself going back for more. Katie never judged him. She never made him feel unintelligent or inferior. Merlin knew he got enough of that at home. He paused as he thought about the utter disaster he'd been in the Auror Department. Harry did his best not to let his disappointment show, but Ron wasn't that thick, no matter how often Hermione might insinuate just that.

Of course his over-achieving spouse had done well for herself, having moved up to Head of the Magical Creatures Department in just two short years. Just wonderful: her new importance meant he never got his meals on time, and she didn't do a whole lot with the house. Everyone knew that cooking and cleaning was either the wife's job, or a house elf's, if the family could afford one. And don't get him started on her reaction when he'd suggested securing one.

He hadn't seen her car in the drive, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He was not in the mood for another argument. Those had begun before she was made Head, and he told her that it was her place as a wife to start creating a family. She'd hurled a pot roast at his head for that one, telling him if he thought he'd married a brood mare, he'd best get over the misconception. She was not his mother, thank you very much. She'd heard him when he murmured a disgusted "obviously." It didn't get a reaction; she sat down to eat what hadn't been thrown, and he'd gathered some clothes to sleep at Harry's. The bitch never even asked him where he was going.

As he neared the stairs, he heard moaning. That sounded like Hermione! Gods, was she hurt? He took the steps two at a time, heading for their bedroom, and stopped cold.

He was right; she certainly was moaning, but it was clearly not due to injury. It was more likely due to the bastard on top of her.

Ron tried to enter the room and encountered an impenetrable barrier. Spells from his wand bounced back, forcing him to duck. His shouts fell on deaf ears; they just kept going.

The stranger snapped his hips faster, grinding into the brunette Ron still thought of as his, no matter his behavior. Her legs were wrapped around her lover, and the moaning was turning to throaty cries of pleasure like Ron had never heard from her. The man's face was buried in the side of her neck until he pulled away from her to position her knees on his shoulders. Ron watched, horrified. Oh shite! I'd know that hair anywhere. The now non-stranger pulled her to him, moving in and out quicker and harder until she screamed a long, drawn-out, LOUD "OH! OH GODS, DRACO, more! Merlin you're good!" The blond turned to face Weasley with a malevolent grin. Keeping eye contact with the cuckold, his strokes lengthened until he was likely to pound Hermione through the mattress. He hit his peak soon enough, hoarsely calling her name and following it with a declaration of love, quickly letting her legs down so she could curl up with him.

Malfoy touched Granger's cheek gently and quietly announced, "He's here, love."

"Really? I hadn't noticed." The Silencio portion of the barrier was revoked so that the ginger imbecile's words could be heard.

"Y-you're with that disgusting snake. With him...in OUR bed?! Bloody hell. You fucking whore!"

Hermione regarded her very soon-to-be-ex-husband coolly. "Ronald? Look in that envelope near your feet."

Ron opened the envelope, and lost his breath. Pictures. Hundreds of them, showing his dates with Katie almost from the beginning. Somehow, someone had even taken pictures of them shagging.

"Uh...this-this isn't-"

"That is exactly what I think. You've been having an affair, have you not?" She lightly stroked Draco's chest as she confronted her husband. Dropping her hand a little, she could feel Malfoy getting hard again. "So soon, darling?"

He shot her a cheeky grin. "Only for you. I'm still wondering how I can recover so quickly when we're together."

"Oi! I'm still here, in case you forgot. Malfoy, get the hell out of my house!" He set the pictures down and bounced off the barrier again.

The patrician blond sat up, his erection noticeable through the blankets. Ron was disheartened to see it was more impressive than his own. Was there no justice?

"Now then, Weasley, here's how it's going to work. You will vacate the premises for the rest of the night. Go back to Katie's, I'm certain she will be pleased to see you. Or go elsewhere, we really don't care. By tomorrow, Hermione and all of her things will be gone-"

"Wait! Draco, are you saying I'm to give him the house?"

"And he will take over all of the remaining payments. You don't need a house, love. Your place is with me. Once you got rid of the moron, you'd promised me you would be a Malfoy shortly thereafter." He sniffed and surveyed the small room, "And this does not become a Malfoy."

"You wife-stealing arsehole! How dare you tell me how this is going to work?" Ron was livid.

"Simple: if you don't do as I tell you, those pictures will be sent to every Wizarding paper on Earth. How do you think people will view you when they read how you're the cunt who broke the Golden Girl's heart?"

"Obviously her heart isn't broken if she's having it off with you."

"It was when this first came out, I assure you. And I was the one there to pick up the pieces."

Ron turned to his harlot-wife. "You're really OK with this? God, I thought you were frigid."

Hermione bestowed a sugary-sweet smile on him. "I'm fine with it. As for being frigid, that wasn't the issue; you simply weren't very good. Every time with Draco just keeps getting better. He's AMAZING." A disturbingly Malfoy-like smirk crossed her features. "And I don't want the house. So, here's the deal: we draft an amicable divorce for appearances, go our separate ways, and thank Merlin we didn't have kids to drag through this mess."

"How long have you been fucking the Ferret?"

"We started six months after you took up with Katie. The photos were sent to my house anonymously, and when I ran into Draco shortly thereafter, he was so kind. He started coming over to check on me, and things just developed. He made me feel attractive and valued; something you never did on our best day together."

"Anonymously, eh? So who sent them then, you son-of-a-bitch? You had to have been behind this."

Draco stretched lazily. "I truly don't know who sent them to her. If I did, I'd buy them flowers." He rolled onto his stomach, inching his way down his beloved's body. "I strongly suggest you bugger off now, or you'll really hate to see what's coming next." He paused mock-thoughtfully, "Actually, I guess I mean who's coming next. She really loves this," and he slipped under the sheet, positioning himself between her thighs. Ron watched in disbelief as Hermione's head tipped back and she groaned. She'd always hated that. Never let him do it. Giving up, he Disapparated and went to Katie's house.

Hermione lifted the covers and grinned at Draco. "You honestly never knew who sent those disgusting photos here?"

He smirked against her thigh and gave her a long lick before answering. "I put a tail on him almost immediately after your wedding. Someone that stupid was pretty much guaranteed to fuck up. I instructed the investigator to take the photos and mail them in a sealed envelope to Pansy, Blaise, or Theo with a note to send them to you. I made sure that he understood I didn't want to know who sent them, so when asked about it, I didn't have to lie."

"You are such a snake!" Amusement and irritation warred across her features. Amusement won.

"Mm-hmm. Something you should be appreciating right at the moment. Watch this." And he swirled his tongue in increasingly complicated swirls until she was begging for him again.

SIX MONTHS LATER

"Hermione Weasley Retakes Maiden Name as Part of Weasley Divorce Agreement!"

Not long after that:

"Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy Announce Wedding Date!"

And one article that ran on the third page; it didn't even merit the front: "Ronald Weasley Commits Suicide. Sources have reported that Mr. Weasley's girlfriend, Katie Bell, threw him over due to his poor employment record, commitment issues, and his increasingly controlling behavior. Mr. Weasley's ex-wife, Hermione Granger-Malfoy, could not be reached for comment."