AN: Spoiler alert for all Anime and all Manga up to Chapter 611. Hasn't been beta'd, so sorry for the mistakes.

Disclaimer: don't own anything Naruto related

Chapter 1: Reminiscing

Period: six years after battle of the Allied Shinobi Forces

Sakura glanced at the shinobi tasked to guard her on their long-term mission. Hatake Kakashi had always been her sensei first and foremost. Now trudging through the sand at an unhurried pace, she reflected on the many years that passed since she first saw that eraser fall on his head. She'd been so giddy back then, reveling in the mischief of a prank but unwilling to show it. She held pride in being outwardly respectful and the perfectly polite genin.

Every emotion back then had been colored in light of what Sasuke would think. Everything else was murky. Before she could dwell on how long Sasuke had been the center of her everything and how her decisions and life choices had been motivated by him, she shook herself and forced her thoughts back to the shinobi next to her.

She mostly remembered feeling annoyed with her sensei: his lateness, his stupid excuses, his indifference and mostly his unwillingness to be as in awe of Sasuke as she was… She owed him respect as her sensei, but she never quite managed to really feel that respect. Even when she first acknowledged his true strength – that sharp and sudden bout of raw excitement during those first moments they faced Zabuza – it never lasted or transformed into actual lasting respect. But somehow he'd come to claim his place in her heart, as her sensei, later her teamleader and her patient and now her teammate and friend and sadly too often still her patient…

Sighing in nostalgia she was reluctant to remember too many details of her genin-days. Trying to keep her mind only on her memories of Naruto and Kakashi, and the other shinobi of her generation. It got easier after all these years, though unguarded thoughts of Sasuke and her Sasuke-centered behavior could still send pangs of hurt, regret and even some humiliation through her. She'd worn her heart on her sleeve back then, and in a way, she still did. Years had taught her to temper those feelings at least a little bit. At the very least she managed to hide them a little better.

Her train of thought brought her back to the fourth shinobi war. The first war she'd participated in, and hopefully last. The memories of the losses still made her mind boggle and her heart clench. Despite all the preparations they still lost more than half of their numbers. She still thanked Kami every day for the miracle that none of her important people had been taken in that war. Even though it had been touch and go with her sensei and shishou for a while and Yamato-taichou and Anko-sensei had been missing, she'd felt guilty relief that she hadn't gone through the same pain as her best friends Ino and Naruto.

Though thinking of Asuma and Jiraya these days didn't feel so depressing anymore. Although Sakura herself never had that much of a bond with either, she'd felt their loss keenly through the pain of those around her. Having had too many near misses with her own sensei and her shishou had made her even more sympathetic to this pain, and all the more grateful when they eventually pulled through.

Asuma-sensei had left a great legacy. His nephew, Konohamaru, took more and more after his uncle in looks and power every passing day, and had recently risen to the rank of jonin. Asuma's daughter was still in the Academy and Shikamaru was patiently awaiting the day when he'd become her sensei. Kurenai-sensei still held her jonin-rank as shinobi, but she remained primarily in Konohagakure performing various guard duties. Former team 8 and 10 kept close tabs on her. All in all there were bonds there that made a happy family even in Asuma's absence.

Jiraya's death had left Sakura with an acute feeling of powerlessness, as she saw her shishou and her teammate crumble under the pain of the loss. She'd had no idea how to console them and her worry had been clouded by the overwhelming fear that the powerful Sannin had been defeated by a power that was determined to come after her teammate next. She hid that terror behind a steely determination to do everything in her power to protect them and that's how she'd coped.

By the time Pain indeed attacked Konohagakure in search for Naruto, she'd already had some real experience with despair. But the memories of that time still hadn't compared. The chaos and random destruction, the confusion and carnage at the hospital before Pain decided to level the village to the ground completely… and then, Naruto appearing. The surge of hope and relief when she witnessed he'd become so powerful wiping the floor with the Pains using sennin-mode.

And then, the absolute horror of Naruto being pinned down, Hinata's desperate sacrifice and Naruto giving into the abandon of the Kyuubi's power… She'd somehow kept her wits about her and ordered everyone to evacuate while assisting Katsuyu in healing Hinata and trying to find a way to contact Yamato. Even after Naruto had saved the day and she'd indulged in Konoha's sudden hero worship of Naruto, the absolute joy was short-lived.

Organizing the rebuilding of Konoha with her shishou in a coma while dealing with the information that Shizune and Kakashi had been among the people that had been revived by the strange light after the storm of Pain versus the Kyuubi had almost crushed her. She'd dealt with it by not acknowledging what that meant. Even then, she'd had the scare of losing her sensei before, one of the most prominent memories being that one time he was to sacrifice himself in order to take down Hiruko. But it wasn't something you could get used to. She didn't allow herself to acknowledge that it ultimately meant that Shizune and Kakashi had actually died. She didn't want to know. They were alive and that was all that mattered.

There had been enough to occupy her thoughts anyway: the elders and the Daimyo giving up on her shishou and appointing Danzo as Hokage of all people. Then learning Sasuke had not only been declared a missing nin, but also the reasons behind that decision. Before that day she never considered that Sasuke had actually betrayed them. But he joined the Akatsuki, the very organization that had just destroyed Konoha and was after Naruto.

Sai had pushed her over the edge back then, with his accurate words slicing through her walls that had been up firmly enough to carry her through those days. And then Shikamaru confirming what her brain had tried to avoid. Even her heart started to accept at that moment that Sasuke didn't want their bond back even after fulfilling his revenge.

Again she'd steeled her heart and then she determined to be the one to take on that particular pain. To be the one to protect Naruto this time. So she manipulated her friends and went after Naruto. A part of her knew she couldn't have stopped his stubbornness, and so she went in intending to fight. Not with jutsu as she couldn't defeat him any more than a fly could. But remembering how they'd defeated Kakashi together with Itcha Itcha, she went after the only weakness she could think of.

She wasn't particularly proud of confessing like that to Naruto. Even though her heart had been telling her Naruto deserved her love more than anyone else and she actually did have deep feelings for him by then, it was mostly her motivation in confessing that had been wrong. A confession should be about love only. No ulterior motives should've been involved: like blinding him to go after Sasuke behind his back and releasing him once and for all from the burden of her lifetime promise.

She'd fancied herself finally strong enough and went after Sasuke alone. Her resolve waning once faced with him. Part of her – the utterly foolish part of her – had been clinging to the hope that Sasuke could be saved after all. Faced with the proof that Sasuke really wasn't the person they'd known anymore, even more cold and now more or less crazed, she felt the desperate truth that him killing Itachi hadn't cured him of his thirst for revenge. She hadn't been strong enough even though she tried but failed twice to save Sasuke from his evil choice. And twice she'd needed to be saved like the damsel in distress she'd always been, once by her sensei and then by her teammate.

Looking back that had been the first time Kakashi had opened up even a little bit about what he was feeling while in her presence. Up until then he was either a mysterious shinobi who let his actions speak for him or other times a silly man who annoyed her by trying to be cool. Oh, he gave them precious teachings, reciting rules and quoting some of the previous Hokage's wisdom, with a preference for the Yondaime's. She highly treasured all he'd taught them about teamwork and shinobi-honour.

Hearing his regret for failing as a sensei and offering her false hope all those years ago, had taken her by surprise. She'd never blamed him for any of that. On the contrary, Kakashi had – in her eyes – always done everything in his power to keep Sasuke on the right path. He'd even taught him his Chidori, to show Sasuke he could learn to be powerful with their team staying in the village. That had been all she'd wanted back then, so she never even considered to question those actions.

There hadn't been much time to dwell on these new impressions at the time, as again events took place that pushed such things to the background. Naruto and Sasuke facing off, the ominous promise of both of them dying in a future clash, returning to Konoha and cleaning up the mess she'd created with her manipulations. And then getting over the silent shock that her sensei was considered to be the next Hokage.

It had been a great relief when her shishou had finally awakened and at least that part of her life could get back to normal. A short-lived relief as the preparations for war took over her life and the lives of everyone around her. Her free time was spent studying even harder with new and even stronger motivations. Whereas before she'd had Sasuke as ultimate goal even as she tried to get information on Akatsuki, now assisting Naruto was her goal.

Naruto held the key to the slim hope that Sasuke could still be saved, one way or another. And if he failed, it seemed Naruto had resigned himself to die trying. She had to have her own plans to prevent this. For this she had to become even stronger.

Dimly she allowed herself to dwell on the first days of the war. Fighting alongside Kakashi who had been their company's commander. She'd been reassigned to the medical corps after that very first day. A lucky thing in hindsight as she'd been the first to break through the attack of the White Zetsu and offer their Head Quarters valuable information about this new threat.

Amused at herself for simultaneously remembering a more superfluous fact: her first love letter. She'd soon learned that patient-medic infatuations were quite difficult to avoid. It hadn't been the last patient that had approached her over the course of the aftermath in the medic tents. It had also been the first time she'd allowed herself to reflect on the validity of her romantic feelings for Sasuke. Her silly infatuation had bloomed into something less silly over time. And her devotion had been quite real by then, despite her confrontations with him.

The only regret she had now almost 6 years later, was that she had those feelings for a man that didn't exist in real life. The Sasuke she loved was based on an image of the boy he'd been, combined with qualities her desire had attributed to her romantic ideal. Qualities that she'd also admired in other young men around her like Naruto's determination, Lee's devotion, Shikamaru's cleverness, Sai's beauty, Neji's elegance, Shino's silence, Kiba's honesty and even Choji's kindness.

And if she was completely honest with herself, especially the cool and mysterious aloofness of the man besides her now.

Cocking her head slightly to glance at Kakashi she decided the silence had gone on long enough. She knew he wasn't a fan of small talk even while on the road, so she had her own system to accommodate for this. She estimated their time together on the road and counted out the length of the silences perfectly so that she wouldn't feel too guilty in dragging him into conversations. Really, it was timed perfectly fair: half silence, half conversations.

She grinned relieved: time to break the silence…