"I'm sorry. I really want you to believe me. To be with me…"

"I want to be with you too… But I can't… You'll only hurt me."

"No! I promise… I promise I won't. I just want you to be happy."

"Through everything, how is staying with you will make me any happier?"

-

Today is my first day in six months that I get to leave that mental hospital. I'm glad I'm finally out, I mean, I could have hurt myself in there... Or not. To send me to a crazy house was Antonio's fault. And yet, he's here to greet and take me home.

I don't hate him but I am mad. I can't show it though. My mind won't let me. Instead, it does what it always does when I hide from my real thoughts. It puts on a fake smile, witch I'm good at, and waves as if I was dying to see him. But I wasn't. There was only one person I want to see, the man who made me like this.

"Feli, I'm so happy to see you! We've missed you so much!" He ran up to me hugged me. I had to hug him back; I couldn't show him what I was really thinking.

"Haha, I'm happy to see you too! Toni… I really wanna go home now, please?"

"Of course, and when we get there, Lovi and I will fix you up something really special."

"N-no… I meant to Ludwig's house…" He looked at me as if he was too scared to say yes. Antonio doesn't hate Ludwig but he knows he was my reason I did all this. I don't really think Spain wanted me to go back there.

"Are… Are you sure?" He asked sounding scared to let me go.

"I'm sure," I smiled. "I want to see him. He's still a big part of my life, ya know."

"… Okay… I'll take you but you're not going back to live with him. I'll get you around eleven."

"You don't have to baby me. I'm sixteen, I'm fine." I pouted, looking at him and getting in the backseat of his car.

"If you were fine, you wouldn't be here."

"If I wasn't fine, I would still be in there."

Tonio stayed quiet as he pulled out the hospital. We rode for almost two hours; I had forgotten how long the drive was into the next town. I feel asleep more the once. I couldn't stay asleep because Tonio was making me laugh and talking to me.

Finally, we pulled up at a house that, after six months, still hasn't changed. I got out slowly; I was too excited to see him, my hands, if not; my body shook on such the thought.
Antonio knocked on the door, seeing how I was too stunned to even step on the porch. It took a while before someone answered. It wasn't who I wanted but I felt so happy to see him.

"Gah! It's too damn early to be knocking at someone's doooor…"

"Gil, guess what puppy I got back today." Gillie was silent for a while then staggered out to hug me. I blushed a little and hugged him back. Soon, I felt myself being lift from the ground. I laughed, still hugging him.

"How's my puppy been? You've been gone for so long! I've missed you!"

"I've missed you too! I've been doing better, look." I show him my arm so he can see a clean wrist. He smiled at me and kissed my cheek.

"I'm glad; you're too beautiful to mess up something as little as your arms. Hey, I know I'm not the only one who wants to see you. C'mon."

Still carrying me; we three made our way up to Luddy's room. Gillie put me down then I opened the door. He doesn't really like people just walking in but I didn't care at the moment. I just wanted to see him. I didn't hear anything. I walked in then saw him in bed sleeping.

I couldn't stop blushing! His face and the way he looked so calm got to me. I walked over slowly and looked at him. God, I wanted to kiss him! Sitting on the bed beside him, I looked back at the door to see if Tonio and Gillie were still here. They had already left and closed the door at that.
I just looked back at him. His bed hair, the way one strap of his tank top sleeve falls from his shoulder, and his face. I can't ever forget that face, even after I tried. It took me awhile but I finally shook him.

"... L-Luddy…"

He turned over a little and his eyes opened. I smiled at him, so happy to see his sky blue eyes again. Ludwig set up quick.

"Fe-Feliciano…!?"

Nodding and blushing, I smiled. "Y-yeah. I got out today… Uhm, I'm sorry to wake you but I really wanted to see you. I hope I'm bothering you or anything..."

"It's fine. I'm just glad we can be together again." He smiled then hugged me. I blushed madly; I've forgotten how his touch melted me every time. He soon kissed my forehead and smiled at me again.

"Do you think... Do you think we can start over again?" He asked. I looked at him, dumbfounded. He really wanted to be with me after everything? I thought about for a while then smiled up at him.

"Yes… Yes, I would love to start over." I hugged him and giggle. He then pulled back slowly then kissed me. I didn't move, though, for some reason I was mad. Mad at the fact that he would kisses me after everything that happened. I didn't really know if I wanted to be with him. Then, I thought of something that would really be fun for me.

He broke me. Why not break him?

"Luddy, I want to know something... Can I move back in with you? Ya know, like, next week?" I smiled.

"… I don't know. Antonio might not let you. I want to say he hates me."

"He doesn't hate you, he just… D-don't trust you… Enough…Yet."

He laughed; I know he was feeling sad that Tonio thinks this is entirely his fault. To be honest, I think the same way. I love him but I really hate him right now.

"Feli, you mean so much to me. I just want to make you happy and if you want to move in, you can. I only want you with me." He said before kissing me again, deeper than the last one. I feel into it and kissed him back. Ludwig laid back and undid my shirt.

-

"Uh? You were up there for a long while. What happened?" Antonio asked as I came down the stairs, fixing my shirt. He smiles at me, Gillie too.

"N-nothing… We just had a long talk… A really long talk- anyway,Tonio, I was thinking and is it okay if I moved back in with Luddy next week? Please?"

I smiled, having my arms around his neck. He tilted his head and sighed. I knew it was a long shot but I had to ask. Maybe it was all too soon.

"Sure… If it makes you happy. B-but if anything goes wrong come straight home!"
I smiled and giggled, hugging him and thanking him. I felt really happy to be back with Luddy... But I didn't know why. I'm only planning to hurt him and leave him in the end so why am I so happy? Maybe it's to see the pain he'll be in when I do leave. I want him to feet what I felt.
Later, we got back in the car and took another hour drive back home. When we got there I could hear Lovino yelling. Antonio and I were confused, I mean, who would be in there with him?

"You damn bastard!" A dish hit the wall and made me jump.

"L-Lovino! What are you doing?" Tonio tried to asked as step in front of me a little.

"What does it look like I'm doing?! That damn French man won't leave me the hell alone!"

"Francis? He's here?" I asked. Looking over to where the dish had hit the wall to see Francis But he wasn't there. I walked over heading in the dean. There he was, hiding in the closet from Lovi. After seeing me he darted to hug me.

"AHH! Feli, my sweet little brother! I came all this way to see you only to be greeted by that 'thing' in there."

"I'm glad you're here. You look different though. More like a chick… Like Felix..."
Francis laughed and hugged me tighter. "Really now, I just changed the way I dress. I look much, much better than guy, no?"

I smiled, "I guess so…" Soon, Tonio had called Francis in for something. I then knew I wasn't getting anymore greeting for today, I hoped anyways, so I headed straight to my room.

That night, I stared out the window looking at the direction where Luddy's house is. I let out a huge sigh and walked over to my closet. I opened it, looking at the bag under all of the shit that I used to hide it. Laughing; seeing how neither of them haven't notice it, I took the bag out.

After locking my door and turning my music on blast, I took the bag and sat in the corner of my room. I looked inside then dumping everything out. The razors, three different kinds of pills, fifty-five dollars towards alcohol, and a picture of Ludwig.

"I can't believe I still had this... After so long... And this picture..."

I started to cry, knowing that I had all this and didn't do it sooner. Instead I let them put me in a damn mental hospital! I wanted to cut just from that! But I didn't. I got up with the money and put on some different clothes. I soon head on down and looked around. Seeing how Tonio and Francis where sleep and Lovino was in his room, I took Tonio's car keys and snuck out the house. I took Tonio's car and drove to the store.