Chapter 1

"It makes me a vampire." Buffy sighed as she remembered her recent conversation with Xander. She put her head against the interior plastic window of the airplane as she thought about the last few days, the days before she decided to leave. It used to be so simple—In every generation, there is a chosen one, she alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the slayer. Alone. Her alone. She would die a horrible, unnatural death and another slayer would rise. Simple. Until The First Evil showed up…again. The First was formidable with no victory in sight, so she and Willow and Xander made a plan. A plan to turn all potential slayers into slayers, to create an army to defeat The First Evil that threatened to release an army of vicious uber-vampires into the world. Willow took Buffy's essence and that of all the slayers before her and sent it out to all the women who were chosen, who had the potential. It worked. They defeated The First, Sunnydale fell into the Hellmouth, and now all the slayers, some 1500 of them operate together throughout the globe.

The immediate consequences of that battle were deeply felt. Spike. Anya. The half a dozen girls that died in action. "Spike, I love you." She thought that it was the right thing to say, he didn't buy it though, he wouldn't. So damn stubborn, ugh. He knew what he meant to her though as he burst into flames saving the world, destroying the Hellmouth—she would mourn easily knowing that they had bonded for the right reasons before he died. Now, turning all the potentials into slayers was a whole other ordeal. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It is difficult to anticipate all of the consequences for an event that has never happened before. All the battles since The First had left over two hundred girls dead—a tragedy in itself. Yet, over the last year Buffy had been getting stronger; much, much stronger. This last battle against the giant goddesses got a lot of girls killed and Buffy felt a surge of power like she had never felt before. She defeated the goddesses without a problem, she flung them around like dolls and jumped higher than ever before. She lifted a train for Christ sakes! But, the fun and games were short-lived.

Her newfound power came at a price higher than she had anticipated. Every time a slayer died, a slayer that received her power from Buffy and the slayer line, her power went back to Buffy. Not in a "Thanks for letting me borrow it!" kind of way, but in an exponential growth kind of way. Every time a slayer died, Buffy gained their strength, their life. "It makes me a vampire." Xander tried to convince her that it wasn't true, that they were entirely different things, but every time she would see a slayer around their base of operations she just knew they would find out. They would find out and be afraid of her, she would take their essence from them when they died, is that not somehow scarier than just everyday dying? Their leader essentially benefiting from their dying? Buffy could not stand to be around them anymore as her guilt grew and she decided to leave.

It's not like she would be missed, everyone was settled and had their assignments. If anything, with the military tracking her all the time and calling her a terrorist with a slayer army, everyone was better off with her not around. Dawn was miserable when Buffy told her that she was leaving, but she understood and now that Buffy knew how Xander felt about Dawn, Buffy felt confident leaving her with him. Willow had her magic and Kennedy and she would always be a phone call away if Buffy was in trouble. Giles and Faith were off in London, so they wouldn't miss her. It was better this way. It had to be.

She had packed what little she had collected over the last year and booked a flight to New York. She figured going back to the states would be a good idea. She could find a small town and a new life. Buffy could be a slayer like the one she used to be, alone and independent. She would be lonely without her friends, without the gang—but it would never again be like it used to be. With Spike and Anya dead, Xander in love with Dawn, Willow the all-powerful witch, Giles the watcher of 1500 slayers: yeah, it would never be the same.

"This is the pilot speaking, we have been cleared to descend into the New York, LaGuardia airport. Please stay seated with your seat belts fastened. Thank you for flying with us today, we hope you enjoy the Big Apple."

Buffy straightened and sat up in her seat. She looked around and the plane was full. All of these people without a thought to how the world really was, to how many times things out of their control had threatened their lives. These were the people she saved when she "saved the world." The people Spike saved by sacrificing himself. The people all the slayers saved when they sacrificed themselves. The people Buffy saved when she died. She never wanted recognition and certainly never expected it, but she just couldn't imagine being these people with no knowledge of how close the world has come to annihilation. Maybe they were better off not knowing. Hadn't she enjoyed being oblivious to many things just a short time ago? It wasn't bad. But now knowing what she knew, she could never turn and look the other way. She had to fight. Now that she had even more strength than she ever had, Buffy felt a responsibility to the girls whose power she was harnessing: a responsibility to save people, puppies, and historical landmarks or something.

The plane was descending and Buffy hadn't really thought about where she was going yet. She knew that staying in New York was not an option, too big and too many vampires. She could visit and work anytime with her newly acquired speed and ability to fly, but she wanted to make a home away from urban sprawl. She had plenty of money from the nest egg she had secured to start up the base of operations in Scotland. She saved some for herself and gave a good bit to Dawn for college, everyone else was taken care of too. Buffy could really go anywhere and do anything she wanted.

By the time the plane landed and everyone was flooding into the terminal, Buffy decided to head to the car rental desk after she picked up her bags. Similar to flying in an airplane, driving was a normalizing non-superhuman activity that she needed at the moment. Once she and her bags were secured in the silver Jeep Cherokee, Buffy was on the road. She hadn't given a destination to the desk, just asked for a list of places where she could return the car. She paid in cash and was on her way. As she drove the Jeep, she thought about her mom. She really missed Joyce, every day. The year her mom died, she died too and then came back. That was a terrible year. By the end of it all, Buffy realized that her wanting to be gone was doing so much damage to Dawn who had already lost so much. They really pulled it together as a family after that. Buffy missed her mom everyday still though, she missed being in heaven with her mom, surrounded by warmth and light and forgiveness. It was hard for her to talk about that to anyone though, since they all played a part in bringing her back. She didn't want to seem ungrateful, but the moments of peace she experienced challenged her as she attempted to reintegrate into a life of violence and death, such that was demanded of the slayer.

The road stretched in front of her as she drove towards something, she didn't know what or where. She knew it was going to be good though, somewhere small and safe and that needed someone like her.