A/N: Hello everyone! So this is a sequel to my other story, Surviving. If you haven't read Surviving you might be a little confused here and there with the characters history and their relationships with each other. I urge you to read it first if you like my writing style. For those of you who have read Surviving: Hello again! I am sorry this has taken me so long to get up here, but it has been touch and go for a while. I hope you enjoy this first chapter, I will love and appreciate your thoughts so please let me know what you think!
Disclaimer: I rated this M just in case and for future chapters. Better safe than sorry. I don't own Glee or any character from the show. If I did I wouldn't be up to my eyeballs in student loan and credit card debt. Enjoy!
Quinn stared at the closed toilet lid as she sat down in front of it. She stared at the lid because she couldn't stare at the three tests that sat on top of it any longer. Her eyes weren't watering, surprisingly. She didn't have any urge to cry, or scream or curse...all she could do was sit there and stare. Her eyes felt dry but she couldn't blink. What had she done?
Coming into this she had a feeling. She had a feeling, and the feeling was proven to be right. Three times. The tests seemed to stare back at her. The plus signs weren't fading, they were thick and dark, screaming at her their answer in pink.
Quinn didn't know how long she had been staring at the toilet lid, but her butt was becoming numb from sitting on the hard tile floor for so long. She couldn't think about what this meant. These tests didn't change her life, because she had already changed her life by listening to the dumb asshole who wouldn't even call himself her boyfriend. These tests were simply just proof that she really screwed up. Again.
Quinn closed her eyes and held them closed as she breathed deeply. The kid flunked two grades. Clearly he wasn't the smartest, yet for some reason she had listened to his "logic" instead of following her own smarts. Obviously she wasn't as smart as her GPA said she was.
Why can't she cry? Shouldn't she be crying? She sighed as her eyes remained squeezed shut. She knew what the tests were going to say, long before she peed on them. She had been feeling off. She felt different, it was hard to explain. She just knew. Instinct? Was that possible? Then the past week she has been getting really nauseous around lunch time every day. Never throwing up, but always feeling on the urge of purging. Surely it was too early for that though. That was probably all in her head. She shook her head. She should be crying, or screaming or...something. She didn't want this. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to do this to Mama Lopez or her pseudo-family. Shit. She hadn't thought about what this means for them now too.
Mama Lopez took her in. She saved her from the hell she used to call home. She saved her from her dad. And this is how she repays her? By getting knocked up at sixteen? Not even 6 months after moving in? Shit. Shit. Shit. Still, no tears surfaced on her eyes.
What was wrong with her? Her life was ruined. She didn't want this in any way, shape or form. There was absolutely NO part of her that was happy about this, whatsoever. Yet, she couldn't do anything but sit here on the bathroom floor with her dry eyes closed and the three positive pregnancy tests laying inches in front of her.
"Quinn?" Rachel's voice sounded through the door.
Quinn's eyes flew open. She snapped her head in the direction of the closed bathroom door. She released a breath when she saw that she did in fact lock the door. Her relief was short lived when Rachel knocked again.
"Quinn? Are you okay? You've been in there for like...ever. I need to go to the bathroom." Her voice sounded like she had her ear pressed up against the door, and knowing Rachel...Quinn knew that was exactly what the eight year old was doing.
Quinn looked at the tests in front of her as her heart started beating faster. She stood up quickly, "Yea, boo...I'm fine...I'm just..." Quinn reached for the tests and quickly but quietly put them all back in the boxes they came in. "Can you use Sanny's bathroom?" It was worth a shot.
"San is taking a nap...I don't want to wake her up...you know how she gets." Rachel's voice was to the point.
Quinn sighed. Shit. She shook her head, waking up her best friend since...the attacks... had always been one of her least favorite things. It had been months later, and Santana really had made so much progress with therapy, but being woken up from sleep was still something she wasn't able to control. Whether it be her mom, little sister or her best friend, when anyone tried to wake San she would sit up in pure panic gasping for breath. It would instantly throw her into a flashback and she would break out in an instant sweat. Quinn sighed. None of them liked doing that to her, obviously...so when Santana was sleeping the rule of thumb became: let her wake up on her own.
Quinn took a breath as she put the boxes quietly into the book bag she smuggled them in by, "Okay, I'm almost done. Give me a minute..." Quinn quietly zipped up her backpack and slipped it over her shoulder. She looked over the room once more to make sure she hadn't left any sign of what she was doing in there. She walked to the mirror and looked at herself. Quinn realized her face looked full of anxiety and worry, she rubbed her hands over her face and plastered on a small smile.
Once she was satisfied with her mask she swung the door open, causing the small eight year old to stumble in. Quinn smiled at herself, her prediction was right. Rachel had been leaning against the door.
Rachel looked up at Quinn with a questioning gaze, "Why were you in here so long? What were you doing?" She paused and noticed Quinn's back pack for the first time, "Why do you have that in the bathroom?" She raised her eyebrows suspiciously at the blonde.
"Why do you ask so many questions?" Quinn replied playfully as she ruffled the smaller girl's hair.
Rachel swatted at Quinn's hand, "I'm inquisitive."
Quinn smiled at her, Rachel and her big vocabulary. Not every eight year old knows that word, let alone can pronounce it and use it correctly. Quinn grabbed the strap of her backpack again, "We know." She smiled at Rachel.
Rachel looked up at her silently with her hands across her chest, waiting for an answer to her original strand of questions.
Quinn sighed and rolled her eyes, "I was reading okay?"
"A book?" Rachel's face scrunched up.
Quinn couldn't help but roll her eyes again as she rested her hand on her hip, "No a dog, Rachel." She sighed, "Of course a book."
"You don't read." Rachel said bluntly.
"I do too."
"Since when?" Rachel asked.
Quinn sighed, "I don't know..." She looked at the eight year old and shrugged her shoulders, "Sometimes I like to read." Why couldn't Rachel just accept her excuse and let her be.
Rachel furrowed her eyebrows even more. She couldn't ever remember Quinn reading a book. Her and her sister hated reading. She had had multiple conversations about it with them. Right? She was searching her memory. She nodded her head. She was right. Even if Quinn was reading...something was off here. She looked at the bathroom then looked back at Quinn, "Well why would you read in the bathroom?"
Quinn sighed. She really just wanted to get out of here. She didn't want to do this now. "Because I can...I don't know. It's quiet in there." Pulling one over on Rachel was proving hard to do. She started to walk away from the bathroom that they shared and headed for her bedroom, clenching her backpack's shoulder strap firmly in her hand.
"Your room is quiet too." Rachel shouted after her. It was a statement that was also a question.
Quinn waved over her shoulder, "I thought you had to go to the bathroom."
Rachel frowned, "I do."
Quinn looked at Rachel from her doorway to her bedroom, "It sure doesn't look like it." She smiled at the young girl before walking into her room, leaving a silent Rachel alone in the hallway. Once she heard the bathroom door close, Quinn was able to release the breath she had been holding. That was a close call. She had to get rid of these tests.
Quinn knocked on the door for the third time. She wrapped her arms tightly around her chest as she shifted her weight between her feet impatiently. She could hear people inside laughing and the noise of video games flooding through the door. She knew that he was home; she just didn't know why he wouldn't answer the damn door. She was quickly growing past impatient straight to frustrated. She got the courage up enough to make the drive here and had even come up with some great excuse that Mama Lopez seemed to eat up. The older woman who had given her a home thought that Quinn was currently meeting up with her lab partner to discuss ideas for their final science project. Mama Lopez had no idea in reality that Quinn was visiting her… fuck buddy? Quinn felt tears instantly sting her eyes as she continued to stand face to face with the wooden door. That is all she was to him, so was that all he was to her? She had felt pathetic on more than one occasion when trying to get the boy to commit. He gave every excuse in the book to not be in a relationship, making her feel ridiculous for even asking in the first place. She honestly had no idea why she had sex with him so frequently, nor did she know why she always answered his late night texts for booty calls.
A series of hoots and howls from inside the house she stood out front of broke Quinn out of her thoughts. She felt anger consume her body instantly. She needed to talk to him. Why wasn't he answering?
She let out an audible frustrated groan. "You are such an ASSHOLE!" She banged on the door with each syllable of the last word with both of her fists.
The door suddenly opened before she could bang on it again. Quinn nearly fell inside. She took a step backwards and looked up at the tall awkward figure standing in front of her. He was wearing a faded v-neck t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. His brown hair was unkempt and he had a five o'clock shadow covering his jaw line. His face scrunched into a frown. "What are you doing here?" He asked surprised by Quinn's unannounced visit.
Quinn raised her eyebrows at the kid. "I tried calling you, but you wouldn't answer." She said quickly.
He ran his hand through his hair as his friend's cheered from inside the house again. He looked over his shoulder then back at Quinn. Finn shrugged his shoulders. "Yea, my phone is up in my room or somethin'."
It was obvious to Quinn that Finn was anxious to get back inside to whatever him and his friends were previously doing. The restless teen was annoying her. She shook her head angrily. "I've been knocking for a while." She said sharply as she looked up at his face. Her emotions seemed to be all over the place the last couple weeks. She felt her chest tighten. She now knew why that was.
Finn shrugged as he leaned against the door frame. He was standing in between the partly open door and the frame. He stood in the way so Quinn couldn't see in, and his friend's couldn't see out. "Well me and the guys are in the middle of a Mario Kart tournament."
Quinn felt her anger begin to boil. She shook her head; his excuse for not answering the door at a reasonable time was ridiculous. She should have expected him to be doing something completely preposterous. He was a jock. He was friends with Puck. Together they were morons. She choked her anger down, trying her best to just push it aside. She had more important things she had to discuss with him. Unfortunately. "Whatever… I…..Can I come in?"
She watched as Finn looked hesitantly over his shoulder back inside his house where chanting could be heard. He smiles as he looks at his friends but his smile instantly fades as soon as he looks back at the blonde standing just outside his threshold. The tall teen took a step forward exiting the house and pulled the door closed behind him, cutting out most of the noise his friends were making. He rubbed his chin, "Uh now isn't really a good time for you to come in. I mean…" he shrugged his shoulders before continuing, "all the guys are here."
"Oh…" Quinn replied quietly. Shame instantly felt as though it slapped Quinn in the face. How pathetic was she to put up with this bafoon? She was… with his… She shook her head unable to even think the words that floated around in her head.
Finn waved his hand in Quinn's face quickly. "But wait," he started. "Before you get all pissy or whatever… I have an idea." He looked down at Quinn with a cocky grin as he took a step closer to her. He reached an arm around her lower back, drawing her in closer to him. Their fronts now pressed up against each other as his smile grew. "Why don't we go out to your car," he nodded his head in the direction of her parked car and continued, "and we can have some fun. It'll have to be quick…but I promise it'll be fun. I'm not scheduled to play for a few more turns."
Quinn continued to look up into his eyes. She couldn't believe the audacity of this kid. She paused. Actually she could. This behavior was normal, unfortunately. It said a lot about her for sticking around for so long. How pathetic was she?
She pushed away from his chest and took a step backwards. Only to be met by him taking a step forward. Finn reached behind her back again and leaned his head down, capturing Quinn's unsuspecting lips in his own.
Quinn let the kiss happen for a split second, even kissing him back before she remembered why she was there in the first place. She shook her head, freeing her lips from his. "Finn," she started to protest quietly but in response he pulled her tightly against his front again. Quinn could already feel his erection through his basketball shorts pushing up against her pants. He began planting kisses down her jaw line slowly. "Finn…" she tried again. Her voice was weak as a result from Finn beginning to run his lips up and down the tender spot on her neck. Quinn's knees started to quake as he kissed at her weak spot more intensely. She felt butterflies in her stomach. She hated that this kid can always somehow manage to do this to her. He always knows exactly what to do to get her into his bed or hers….or car…or abandoned building…or janitor's closet. The list went on and on. Quinn was disgusted with herself. "Please stop." She tried again without any force behind her words. In response Finn moved his mouth to her earlobe causing her to close her eyes and lose herself yet again. "Stop," she barely was able to manage to get the word past her lips.
Finn started laughing playfully into her ear as he bit her earlobe playfully and tugged at it with his teeth, sending waves through her body. He rolled his hips, pressing his erection against her again. He breathed into her ear as he held her close, "Are we trying something new?" Quinn furrowed her eyebrows but couldn't find the strength in her to do anything else as he ran his tongue along her neck before speaking again. "Are we roleplaying now?" He smiled into her ear as he grabbed a handful of her ass in his big palm. "Am I gonna have to take advantage of you while you beg for me to stop-"
Finn's words forced Quinn to immediately pull herself together. Before he could even finish his statement Quinn pushed harshly against his chest to get free from his grasp. He stumbled backwards from the hard shove as he tried to regain his footing. "Shut the fuck up right now." She hissed at the tall boy.
Quinn closed her eyes for a split second and all she could see was the image of her best friend the night that she had found her in her bathroom: beaten, bruised and bleeding. Santana's eye was a dark shade of purple and was swollen almost shut. Her lip was busted and bleeding, as was the small knick on her neck. Her best friend could barely stand up right because of all the pain that had consumed her that night. Quinn remembered the look Santana's eyes had held right after she had been brutally raped by that awful monster, Guillermo Chavez. His name will never be forgotten. She will hate that man until he takes his last breath from his prison cell, and then even after. As quickly as her eyes shut they reopened with a fire burning bright behind them. She looked up at Finn who was looking at her with a scrunched up angry face.
"What the hell was that for?" He snapped as he rubbed his chest where Quinn had pushed him.
Quinn walked up to him and shoved him again angrily. "Don't you ever joke about that to me ever again. Ever." She felt her breathing rate increasing along with her heart.
Finn put his hands up in a mock defeat. "Jeez cool your jets…what got your panties in a wad? I was only kidding." He shook his head as he mumbled to himself, "you are acting like a crazy bitch."
His mumble wasn't quite enough. Quinn heard it loud and clear. The already lit fire within her intensified as she looked at the asshole standing before her. He had no respect for women. He had no respect for her. And all this time she always opened her window for him to sneak through whenever he asked her to. She always answered his booty calls or texts, and for what? A dick who joked about rape. An asshole who wouldn't even commit. A jerk who wouldn't even talk to her in front of his friends when they passed each other in the school hallways. She was good enough to fuck in the closets but wasn't good enough to say hello. She shook her head angrily. The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could even prepare her ears to hear them.
"Finn, I'm pregnant."
Quinn froze as the words left her lips. She watched Finn carefully. His face had instantly drained of color as soon as the words reached his ears. He stood before her with a blank dumb gaze on his face. Suddenly, he started laughing. The noise assaulted Quinn's ear drums. It made her take a step away from him subconsciously. Her face remained completely serious as she watched the tall oaf's smile finally fade from his face as he took in her seriousness. "What?" He asked once the smile was completely gone.
All Quinn could do was nod her head. She was so stunned in this moment. She hadn't said the words out loud yet. She didn't think it was going to be possible to even do. On her drive over here she had tried, multiple times to say the phrase out loud, but it was like her tongue would stop working each time. Even as she knocked on this stupid jerk's door she didn't have a game plan as to how to tell him the news. She didn't know at all. She sure as hell wasn't planning on blurting it out like that. Hearing the phrase was worse than thinking it.
Finn let out another brief spurt of laughter. Quinn felt her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at him. He forced the smile off of his face as he looked at her. "Shut up, you are probably just late." He waved his hand in front of him like it was no big deal. Like he had just solved the problem. He was acting like he knew her own body better than she did.
Quinn frowned at his stupid solution. "I am late." She stated simply back. "That is why I took the test."
Finn's face fell again. "What are you saying?"
"I…I'm…" Quinn sighed. This was what she had expected. She couldn't make her mouth work again. It is like her tongue literally wouldn't push the words from her lips. Her body was rejecting the phrase completely. She shook her head.
Finn took in Quinn's body language. He looked her up and down then looked behind him at his closed front door where he knew his friends were all laughing and playing games behind. "Look, Quinn… the test was probably wrong. That happens okay?"
Quinn was getting annoyed. If she wasn't 100% sure, then she wouldn't be here right now. What doesn't he get about that? Why does he think he is so much smarter than she is? "I took three tests, Finn. Three." She said bluntly.
Finn shook his head as he pushed his hand through his hair nervously. "Nah.. Just… " He frowned again as he looked at the blonde standing in front of him. He shook his head. This couldn't be right. Not at all. "You probably will get your period tomorrow or something, I wouldn't sweat it."
Quinn felt like punching the kid. Her anger was coming back, quickly. "Finn, what don't you understand about this?" she snapped. "I won't be getting my period tomorrow because I'm FUCKING PREGNANT!" Her volume grew and grew until she was yelling the last half of her sentence. She had had enough of his dumbass 'solutions' as to what it could be. It wasn't anything other than a freaking pregnancy. She didn't understand why, at 18 years old, he couldn't understand that. She breathed heavily after screaming the last statement from her lungs. Again, she didn't know how she was able to get the phrase out again without thought.
Finn instantly looked over his shoulder quickly before snapping his head back to face Quinn. His eyebrows were raised. "Keep your voice down!" He screamed at her in a whispering voice to ensure the message was delivered while simultaneously making sure that no one could hear. "What the hell do you think you are doing?! My friends are in there." He pointed over his shoulder at the closed door.
Quinn felt like her heart was beating a mile a minute. Her anger had reached a boiling point. "I don't give a fuck about your friends Finn! This fucks up EVERYTHING! What the hell are we going to do?" Quinn was in panic mode right now.
Finn snapped his eyes up to meet Quinn's. "We?" He asked with a tone that Quinn couldn't quite understand.
Quinn snapped back, "Yes, 'we'! This is your baby!"
Finn waved his hands in front of him quickly as he took a step backwards away from the blonde. "Woah woah woah. Quinn….listen…." He took a deep breath as he ran his hands over his face nervously. He let out a frustrated groan before looking back up at the girl who stood in front of him. She was looking up at him with these wide eyes, waiting eagerly for him to solve her problems. Something he wasn't interested in. Finn sighed as he looked away from her eyes. "I don't believe in abortions, and I'm certainly not ready to be a dad...so..." he trailed off. Finn gave a short awkward laugh as he pointed to Quinn. "You're on your own with this one." He shook his head quickly with a frown now on his face. "Count me out."
Quinn stood in front of the boy silently for a minute as his words seemed to echo through her ears. She looked at him with disbelief. She wasn't sure what type of reaction she was going to get from the tall teenager, but she definitely hadn't expected this one. Should she have? She finally shook her head, "What do you mean you don't believe in abortions? They exist. They aren't like Santa Clause."
In all honestly, Quinn had no idea if she wanted to have an abortion or not. She hadn't really given much thought into it. She hadn't given herself enough time to think over her options yet because it was less than an hour ago when her deepest fears were confirmed. She was pro-choice… but…was that the right choice for her? Quinn felt her eyes watering. Despite whether or not she wanted an abortion, the idiot who got her pregnant was standing in front of her saying he didn't 'believe in them'? What did that mean? Quinn figured that abortions wouldn't be cheap…so even if that was the route she chose to take then she would need help paying for it. She would need his help. What if she didn't want to have an abortion? What did he mean by 'count me out'? All she could do was stand there looking up into the eyes of her 'sex buddy' as he tried his hardest not to meet hers.
Finally Finn spoke, "Quinn...I just..." he trailed off. Suddenly he stood taller as he took another step backwards. "No," his voice was strong and filled with purpose. "I'm not dealing with this. It's your thing, you figure it out. I'm just...not about that. I'm 18-"
Quinn cut him off; the anger in her had reached an uncontrollable point. "I'm 16!" She yelled at him.
Finn replied calmly, "I mean...it's your body, so..." he didn't finish his sentence.
Quinn pointed at the teenager who was now a few feet away from her, readjusting himself clumsily. "You did this to me!"
His eyes grew wide at the last statement. He took a step closer to her, his voice suddenly stronger. He didn't want his friends inside to hear what was happening out here. "Hold on. Let's get something straight...you wanted it. We talked about it." He pointed his finger in Quinn's face. "You wanted it, you said 'yes'. We've been sleeping together for a while. This isn't just on me. It's not like I raped you or anything."
The word made Quinn turn her head from his angry finger that was waving in her face. Her anger seemed to die down as worry started to spread through her swiftly. Was he really not going to help? She had to persuade him. She couldn't do this alone. She shouldn't have to. She shook her head. "I know, but it isn't just on me either...you were an active participant! Without you I wouldn't be in this problem to begin with!" she countered before she continued. "You convinced me not to use condoms. You were the one who said that the couple of days after my period ended you could finish in me and I couldn't get pregnant." Quinn wanted to kick herself for listening to this idiot's words. Why had she listened to him? Why had she let him finish in her without using condoms, knowing that she wasn't on birth control?
Finn snapped back quickly. "You agreed with me!"
"Only because you continued to pressure me! You kept saying that it didn't make such a mess! You said that it felt so much better!"
Before she could go on Finn cut her off. "It does! You know it does!" He nearly yelled. His loud voice startled himself as he looked over his shoulder to make sure that the front door was still closed.
Quinn fired off another excuse before Finn even had a chance to look at her again. "You assured me that you researched it!"
Finn looked back at Quinn. He nodded his head as he shrugged his shoulders. "I read it somewhere..." he said vaguely. "It's not my fault you got pregnant."
Quinn threw her hands up in the air as she felt her chest grow heavy. "Seriously!?" She wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, but for some reason her legs remained strong and her tear ducts remained empty.
Finn shook his head at her again. "I don't know what you want me to say, Quinn...I'm just... not about that. Sorry, I mean...I honestly don't know what you expected me to do with this information...it's not like you are my girlfriend."
Quinn snapped her head up at the tall teenager. "I know. Thank you. You've made that perfectly clear." She shook her head. What was she doing still standing here? Why was she trying this hard? Was she going to bully him into accepting something that she hadn't even accepted herself? Clearly he wasn't interested. He didn't care about her in anyway other than sexual pleasure. She was just another girl who would willingly spread her legs for him and do whatever he said. She felt bile threaten to rise in her throat. She shook her head quickly to distract her mind from those thoughts. She couldn't throw up. Not here, not now. She looked back up at Finn angrily. "You know what? Nevermind. I'll figure this out on my own, you selfish asshole. Just..." she trailed off as she took a few steps backwards away from the boy. "Fuck you!" She screamed.
Finn turned quickly and opened the door to his house. He turned again to face Quinn just as she was about to back off of his porch completely. As he closed the door he nodded in her direction. "Bye Quinn," he said simply as he disappeared behind the wooden barrier completely.
The sound of the deadbolt locking is what made Quinn finally turn on her heel and storm away from the house towards her car. She had to get home. She just wanted to be home so she could get in bed. She didn't care that it was going to be dinner time in a few hours. Right now, she wasn't hungry. As soon as she slammed her car door shut and put the keys into the ignition she looked to her right. On the passenger seat sat her backpack: the bag that held the three pregnancy tests in it. Quinn couldn't control her tears any longer. She rested her head on her steering wheel and crumbled. She sobbed heavily at what her life has become. She cried out of fear and pain and regret and worry. How had this become her life? How had she screwed up this badly?
How could Finn just leave her like that? How could he simply go back into his house and continue playing that stupid game, like nothing ever happened? Quinn looked at the backpack. Why was she stuck with this when it was so easy for him to walk away? She let out a loud sob. This wasn't fair. This wasn't how things should be. Her phone suddenly sounded. Quinn drew in a shaky breath as she reached for her phone. One text message.
Mama Lopez: Sunday dinner will be ready in 30 minutes, don't forget! Love you!
"Fuck!" Quinn screamed at her empty car as she slammed her phone and her hands into the steering wheel angrily. She was angry at Finn, angry at the situation, but most importantly she was angry at herself. How could she have done this to Mama Lopez? Quinn wiped at her eyes furiously, there wasn't any time left for crying. She couldn't have her eyes be puffy for Sunday dinner or else there would be nonstop questions thrown her way. The blonde looked out of her passenger window at Finn's house. It made her want to vomit. She couldn't be here anymore. She was only sixteen. She couldn't do this. Quinn looked forward and started her car, putting it in drive.
As soon as she pulled her car onto the main road that lead her home Quinn knew what she had to do. The blonde instantly rolled down her window and grabbed her backpack, dragging it into her lap. Her eyes didn't leave the road as she blindly reached into the bag and pulled out the three pregnancy tests and threw them, one by one, out of her window. As the first piece of plastic left her hand she couldn't help but think about how Rachel would be so mad at her if she knew she was littering. Quinn shook the thought from her head as she released the second one from her grasp. She couldn't keep them in her car any longer. She couldn't be near them anymore. They screamed the truth too loudly. The blonde tossed the last one out of the window into the whipping wind as she continued her drive home.
As soon as the window rolled up, the sound of the rushing wind ceased and the car was encompassed in complete silence. It was in this moment that Quinn knew exactly what she was going to do. She was going to: not do a damn thing. She wasn't going to deal with this. The second the last test crashed down on the road behind her would be the last time she would think about the result it screamed at her. She was 16, she would be 17 in a couple months...she was far too young to be making decisions like this, so she simply wasn't going to do it. If Finn could do it, so could she. Why not? Quinn nodded her head and grasped the steering wheel tighter in her hands as she sat up straighter in her seat. She wiped her face. She couldn't think about any of this. Not now. Not ever.
As she pulled onto Prescott street, the street that held her new home with the Lopez's, she decided that she would forget about everything that happened today. She simply wasn't going to deal with it. No one else needed to know, because there wasn't anything to know as far as she was concerned. She nodded her head. Pretending it was all a dream would be much easier than any of the alternatives.
They were all sitting around the dining room table for infamous Sunday dinner. Shelby, Santana, Quinn and Rachel were all talking about their week collectively as they ate the spaghetti that Shelby served up on their plates. Once the laughter had died down again Shelby nodded her head at Quinn. "How did your meeting with your lab partner go today?"
Quinn felt her shoulders slump a little at the mention of her lie. She hated that she had lied to Mama Lopez and was doing her absolute damndest to forget everything that had happened earlier in the day. She immediately looked at Santana and blew out a quick breath of relief as she pulled on her mask before Santana had a chance to look up from her plate and catch her falter. Quinn looked down at her plate and chased a meatball with her fork, unable to look anyone at that table in the eyes as she continued her lie. "Turns out he is useless," she shrugged. "He isn't going to be any help...so I'll have to figure out something on my own." Quinn stabbed the meatball with her fork. That wasn't a complete lie... unfortunately.
Shelby shook her head. "Well that doesn't seem fair."
Quinn chewed the meatball as she thought of a response to Mama Lopez's statement. It wasn't fair. None of this was. "Yea...I know." She was stupid. Finn sucked. She sucked. Everything sucked. She stared at her plate quietly.
Santana watched her friend. Something was up, but she couldn't put her finger on it. "Who is your partner?"
Quinn snapped out of her miniature daze and looked up across the table at her best friend. "Huh?" She knew Santana had spoken but she hadn't heard what the brunette said.
Santana frowned. "I was asking who you got paired with for the final lab?"
The blonde quickly nodded. "Oh, right." She shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her plate again. She almost forgot that they were really talking about the science lab project. She could answer truthfully now. "Uh...cotton ball head," she finally stated as she looked up at her best friend again.
Santana scrunched up her face in disgust. "Jew fro?"
The blonde felt a smile spread onto her face. "Yea."
"Yikes. Tough break on that one. At least you have a little over a month to work on the final lab project until it is due." Santana spun more spaghetti onto her fork, shoving a big bite into her mouth.
Quinn let out a small laugh as she felt the tension release from her body. She had dodged that one easily enough. "Right?"
Shelby smiled at the two older girls. Their nicknames for people were always amusing. She knew she shouldn't be enabling them but she couldn't help but chuckle and roll her eyes. She took a bite of her garlic bread and used the rest of it to scoop some more noodles onto her fork.
Rachel shook her head at the older girls' nicknames. Once their laughter died down she looked up at Quinn and studied her features. She couldn't get the weird exchange between them earlier out of her mind. She knew something was going on, her story didn't add up. Quinn never read. She hated reading, always has. As she looked at the blonde she could see that something was wrong, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. The eight year old sat up taller in her chair. "Quinn, why were you being so weird earlier?" As soon as the words left her lips Rachel took in Quinn's fallen face.
Both Mama Lopez and Santana looked up from their plates with a questioning look. As soon as Quinn looked at the adult woman she could feel herself pale with dread at Rachel's sudden blurt. She watched as Mama Lopez's look changed from questioning to worried. That look of worry on the older woman's face made Quinn snap back into the present and pull herself together.
Shelby looked at Quinn and then looked at Santana. When she saw the look of confusion on Santana's face she turned her attention to Rachel who was intently studying Quinn. "Being weird? In what way?" she asked. She looked back at Quinn quickly.
Quinn forced her tongue to work as she avoided Santana's gaze. "I wasn't being weird." She took a deep breath and quickly took a sip of her glass of water. "I don't know what she is talking about." The blonde shrugged her shoulders as she flashed Mama Lopez a small forced smile. The smile didn't make the older woman's worry fall from her face, which made Quinn realize that she wasn't doing a good enough job hiding her emotions.
Rachel pointed at Quinn. "Yes you do!"
Santana slowly set down her fork, not taking her eyes away from her friend. Quinn was avoiding her gaze, something was up. A million thoughts ran through her head of what could have happened to her friend. Unfortunately some of those thoughts brought up awful memories for her, making her stomach churn in the process. The brunette took a deep breath as she continued to eye her best friend in order to calm herself down. "Quinn?" she asked carefully.
Quinn sighed heavily as she set down her fork with a roll of her eyes. "I was reading a book in the bathroom." She had to stick with the same lie she had told the eight year old hours earlier. Quinn avoided Santana's eyes still as she threw her hands up in the air. She was getting angry, which wasn't fair on Rachel but it also wasn't any of Rachel's business in the first place.
Rachel pointed at Quinn again as she looked over at her mother. "See!? Who reads in the bathroom?" Rachel folded her arms over her chest as she looked back at Quinn, satisfied with herself that she had caught the teenager in her lie. When her mother didn't respond Rachel looked back over at her with furrowed brows.
Santana cut Rachel off before she could speak again. Her jaw dropped. "Woah woah woah...you were reading?"
Quinn dramatically through her head back as she looked up at the ceiling with a frustrated groan. "I read!" She exclaimed to the room before she looked back at her friend.
Santana shook her head. "Since when?" she scoffed.
"No you don't!" Rachel shouted.
Shelby shook her head as she tried to understand what was going on in front of her. "Girls, stop it."
Rachel looked back over at her mom as she huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Even if she did read it still doesn't make sense." She shook her head. "I just don't get why someone would read for so long in the bathroom."
Quinn rolled her eyes again as she looked at Mama Lopez who was quietly searching her face. The young girl could feel her eyes trying to figure out what was really going on. Quinn hardened her face to ensure that the older woman couldn't find anything. Quinn threw up her hands. "I got to a good part in my book. I couldn't put it down. That's all that it was. Jeez." She looked at Rachel and gave her a challenged glare. She loved the girl like she was her own little sister but right now she didn't like her very much. Her loud mouth was making things really difficult.
"What book?" Santana asked suddenly. Her tone was accusing.
Quinn looked over at her best friend. "What?"
Santana raised her eyebrows skeptically. "What. Book?" The brunette said slowly, over pronouncing each sound.
Quinn squinted her eyes at her person. She knew that Santana knew that she didn't ever read. They both had talked about how much they hate reading and how annoying it was on numerous occasions. Santana knew everything there was to know about her, pulling this over her head was going to be hard. Quinn continued to glare at her friend as she took a sip of her water in order to kill time and think of a book title. Since she never reads she didn't know what book to say she was reading. Her mouth answered before she could even process the title that was coming out. "Twilight." She inwardly groaned at herself, why did she have to say that book?
Santana's head drew back like someone had slapped her, her face covered in shock and disgust. "Oh gooooooood!" she said overdramatically. "You are joining the cult? Really? Don't tell me you are becoming a twi-hard."
Shelby breathed a sigh of relief as she couldn't find anything wrong with Quinn by studying her face. She shook her head and changed her focus to Santana. "San, you guys don't have to ALWAYS agree on the same things. Leave her alone, if she likes the book then she likes the book. You should try picking up a book or two one of these days." She raised her eyebrows at her daughter.
Santana rolled her eyes at her mother. "Um, no thanks. I'll pass on that one." She stabbed a meatball with her fork. "I'd rather do real things. Reading a book just seems like a waste of time to me."
Rachel rolled her eyes at her sister. "Watching Grey's Anatomy over and over again does not count as 'doing real things'."
Both of the teenage girls objected to Rachel's statement quickly. "Hey!" Santana playfully yelled with a mouth full of half chewed meatball.
Quinn shook her head quickly. "Don't bad mouth Grey's Anatomy, Rach."
Santana quickly swallowed the food that was in her mouth. "Yea boo, it's only the best tv show that has ever graced the television."
The blonde nodded her head at Santana's statement. "You're just bitter because your mom won't let you watch it yet..."
Shelby couldn't help but roll her eyes at the older girls. She didn't understand their obsession with that show. They didn't care to talk about politics or history or any educational topics but god forbid anyone bring up that insane television show... they could go on for hours. And if someone bad mouthed it? They acted like the world was ending. Shelby chuckled at herself as she listened to the conversation continue to unfold.
Santana smiled at Quinn then focused on Rachel again. "Yea, when you are 14 we will be MORE than happy to have marathon days and watch them with you from the beginning of season 1 through the end. Your time will come, boo."
Rachel scrunched her face. "You guys will be 22 years old by that point... you'll be burnt out of Grey's by then."
Quinn put her hand over her heart, playfully acting like Rachel had just stabbed her with her words. "There is no such thing as being burnt out by Grey's, Rachel."
Santana furrowed her eyebrows at her little eight year old sister. "Wait a sec..." the girl trailed off and paused. "How did you do that math in your head that fast?"
Everyone at the table looked at Santana silently. Rachel squinted her eyes at her older sister. "...You are 8 years older than me...so I added 8 to 14... it equals 22?" She said bluntly.
Quinn and Shelby couldn't contain their laughter at the sisters.
Santana rolled her eyes and looked back at her plate, stabbing her noodles with a scoff. "Whatever. I have to use my fingers to add, so what?" The sulking brunette refocused her attention on Quinn. "So are you team Edward or Jacob?"
Somehow Quinn was able to mask her facial expressions to what she was really feeling inside which was panic. She didn't want to talk about this lie she created anymore because it reminded her of what she was really hiding. She glared at Santana, knowing that this is what she would have done had she really been interested in reading that awful book. "Shut it." she said challengingly before she forced her mouth to pull into a small grin at her best friend.
Quinn laid on her bed as the Disney channel flashed across her muted television screen. She was stuck in her head in the silence of her bedroom. Sunday dinner was always eventful, it was something that she usually loved. Tonight however, had been exhausting and trying. She just wanted to go to sleep and wake up to a new day, but for some reason her body wasn't cooperating. Suddenly her door creaked open flooding her room with the light from the hallway. Santana leaned against the far wall next to her now opened bedroom door and crossed her arms over her chest.
She smiled at the blonde. "You aren't reading more?"
Quinn rolled her eyes and turned on her side so she could face her best friend. "I'm tired San, I read a lot already today." At least half of that was true, she was tired.
Santana looked at the blonde with an unsure face. She couldn't tell if something was up with Quinn or not. They had spent such a long time bashing that book...bashing books and reading in general...it didn't add up right. But maybe her mom had been right at dinner? Maybe Quinn just had a different opinion about it now. All of a sudden? She squinted her eyes at her person. "So is Edward dead yet?"
Quinn rolled her eyes again as she turned back onto her back and stared at the ceiling again. "He is a vampire San...vampires are the living dead." She was thankful that she knew at least that much about the series.
Santana continued to look at her friend skeptically. "Uh huh... can I see the book?"
Quinn quickly turned her head to the side to look at Santana. "What?" She was so caught off guard by the brunette's request.
"Where is it? I just wanna look at something really quick." Santana said as she stepped further into Quinn's bedroom and started for the desk.
Panic seeped into Quinn's every pore as she realized that Santana wasn't going to find this book in her room. It was all a lie, a bad one. Santana was her person, she knew that she hated reading just as much as she did. She also knew what she thought of the awful gaudy teenage vampire werewolf series that everyone seemed to go bat shit crazy over. They had talked on multiple occasions about how they both would never even pick up the book let alone attempt to read it...but of course that was the first book title that came to her mind during dinner when put on the spot. Quinn squeezed her eyes shut forcing herself to pull herself together. She had to keep this lie going and in order to do that successfully she had to get Santana to forget about it.
Quinn let out a fake groan. "San, I'm tired. Come on, knock it off."
Santana turned around and faced the blonde. "What's going on?"
"What?" she looked at her friend innocently, still laying on her back in her bed.
The brunette took a few steps towards Quinn's bed. "I'm missing something here... something is going on."
Quinn pinched the bridge of her nose. She couldn't do this for much longer. Lying to her friend was painful enough in itself, but if she was going to lie to herself then she had to have Santana believe it. She sighed heavily. "Nothing is going on. I'm literally just tired."
Santana squinted her eyes as she watched Quinn closely. She treaded carefully. "You've been acting...different. I don't know what but...something is going on."
Quinn propped herself up on her shoulders as she frowned at her friend. "Different in what way?" She had to ensure that her mask was on in this very moment as she felt Santana's eyes penetrate her own.
After a few seconds of searching Quinn's eyes Santana finally sighed, throwing her hands up in the air in defeat. "I...I don't know yet..." she pointed her finger at the blonde. "But I'm keeping an eye on you, just so you know."
Quinn let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. She quickly recovered by rolling her eyes and flopping down on her mattress again. "Okay San, you do that." Quinn closed her eyes as she snuggled her head into her pillow. The room was silent for a while. Quinn almost thought that maybe Santana had left the room without a fight. She was too tired to open her eyes and see for herself. But she didn't have to. Santana's voice broke the silence.
"You'd tell me right?"
Quinn opened one eye and looked at her friend. "What?"
Santana shrugged her shoulders. "We don't keep secrets, you're my person."
Quinn closed her eye again. "And you are mine, yea I know." She really just wanted to sleep. "San... I am just... tired. Honestly, I'm just super tired."
The teen stood a few steps away from her friend's bed. She continued to look at Quinn as the blonde laid silently with her eyes closed. She was trying to decide if she was telling the truth...she looked tired...maybe she was telling the truth? "You promise?" she heard herself ask.
Quinn sighed and opened her eyes again. "Promise what?"
"That you'd come to me if something was wrong."
Quinn chewed on her lip for a second. "Yes, Santana, I promise." She forced a kind smile to her face in order to reinsure her best friend but inside she felt her stomach churning. It wasn't in Quinn's character to break promises. She made it a habit to never make a promise she couldn't keep. Whenever she promised something it was always truthful, or else she wouldn't make the promise. It's part of who she is...and has been since...forever. Her best friend knew that, that's why Santana always pulled that word from her hat when she thought something was wrong. In the past..if she was lying, San would ask her to promise...and Quinn would tactfully change the sentence structure and wording to make sure she left it where she was not really promising anything. Santana of course would catch on every time.
However in this moment...Quinn wasn't technically lying, she told herself. Nothing is wrong with her because as far as she is concerned this is all a bad dream and she'll be waking up from it in a few hours. Nothing is wrong with her because the problem doesn't exist. If Finn can walk away from it, so can she. This wasn't something she was going to deal with, she'll put it on the back burner and maybe revisit it later, but in this moment...she was fine. Nothing was wrong, just like she told Santana.
Quinn noticed Santana was still eyeing her suspiciously, not completely convinced by her promise. Quinn rolled her eyes, she didn't need this right now. "I would come to you," she stated simply for her friend.
Finally the brunette sighed, a relieved smile filled her face as she released an unsteady breath. It felt like a weight was lifted from her shoulders. Quinn wouldn't promise something if it wasn't true. She was always honest with her promises, both of them knew that. Hearing it come from Quinn's mouth made her relax. Maybe her best friend was just having a couple of off days lately. Maybe she was reading too much into her slightly off behavior. That had to be it because in this moment, looking at Quinn's face she couldn't see anything wrong. Santana shrugged her shoulders. "Okay good. I love you." She smiled as she started walking towards the bedroom door again to leave the room.
Quinn felt her body relax completely into her bed. She had done it successfully. Santana had dropped the subject and had accepted her answer finally. She turned her head to face the brunette as Santana paused in her doorway. "I love you too."
Santana looked over her shoulder pausing with her hand on the door knob. "Even if you are a team Edward looney," she smiled with a playful wink and a small chuckle as she pulled the door closed and left for her room.
Quinn rolled her eyes and turned onto her side once the door was pulled closed, once again submerging the room in darkness save the light that shone from the TV screen. In the silence and darkness Quinn closed her eyes as her thoughts returned to what they were before Santana's intrusion. She shook her head at herself. She was going to have to go find that stupid book and read it now in order to keep up the lie that blew bigger than she had originally expected it to be.
Quinn grabbed her pillow tighter as she let out a sigh. At least it would keep her mind occupied. She was going to have to find more ways of doing that if she was going to go down this road she had begun paving. More distractions were a must. If she could focus on other things then she wouldn't have to think about herself... Quinn closed her eyes tighter willing her mind to shut off and go to sleep. Nothing was wrong with her. Nothing. Today was just a bad dream. It was all just a bad dream.
A/N: So that is chapter 1, please let me know what you think. I do want to warn you that life has gotten pretty hectic for me, so I don't know how frequent updates will be. I do promise to work on it when I get the time, but I don't want you all to expect quick updates like my last story. Thank you for your time and reviews! A very very special thanks goes to my amazing friend Beans008. She has helped me so much with getting this story onto paper and getting it out here for you guys! She is truly the best! Thanks!