Notes: This is a longer story, not finished except in my head, so bear with me. It's darker and, hopefully, deeper (and has an actual plot) than my other offerings so far. I confess to hurting the ones I love, so this will be full of h/c, angst, and it runs the gamut of love and hate. My bad guys are flawed and human and have a totally different mindset than the McFaddens have ever experienced.
Thanks to May as always for the encouragement, harassment and patience as I worked on this thing. And especially for making it so much better with her insightful betas. Apologies to all the 7B writers that I've ignored while concentrating on this fic. I plan to catch up on my reading as soon as I get a few chapters under my belt.
Warnings: This is a work in progress so no guarantees when it'll be posted in its entirety, but I do promise to finish it. There will be mental and physical violence, some obscene language (bad guys refuse to be censored *g*), but nothing too over the top as to be offensive to most readers.

Long as I Can See the Light
by PKatt

Chapter 1

I see a bad moon arising
I see trouble on the way,
I see earthquakes and lightning,
I see bad times today.
Don't go around tonight, well, it's bound to take your life,
There's a bad moon on the rise.

A gust of frosty wind flowed through the fabric of his flannel shirt and Tony Barker shivered. He glanced over his shoulder again then ran back to his older brother across the paddock. Ray Barker was taking his sweet time pilfering through a tack room while he kept watch.

"Anything to eat in there?" Tony realized the odds were against finding anything edible that wouldn't be for a horse or cow. Still a guy could hope. Especially a guy as famished as he was right now.

"There's a bin of corn down by that bull pen." Ray spat. "Now shut up, and look for something useful instead of whining about your damn stomach."

His brother might have been sarcastic about the feed, but Tony briefly considered stuffing a bag full of it anyway. The only thing stopping him was the bull stomping and snorting at the interlopers invading his barn. Granted Tony didn't know anything about ranching and even less about cows, but the damn thing looked pissed and that gate looked awfully fragile. Tony didn't want to give it a reason to test its confinement.

"Carry this." Ray said, shoving an armful of blankets, rain slickers, oil lamps and whatever else might help them survive the cold forest they would have to call home for a few nights. Ray huffed in frustration as he stuck a large hunting knife in his belt and grabbed an ax hanging on the wall. "Get back up there and keep an eye out. You'd hate for someone to get hurt cuz of you."

Tony didn't argue. He might not have seen his brother for the last ten years, but time and prison didn't appear to have improved the man's character. Ray didn't bluff and Tony feared for anyone crossing his brother's path; himself included.

He thought his troubles were over or at least on hold when Ray went to prison. Tony should have been able to spend another ten years without holding his breath, without being afraid his sibling would come back to remind him of the panicked and desolate little boy he used to be.

Even more afraid Ray would remind him of the debt Tony owed his big brother.

Of course Ray had shown up, not in person but through a collect call from Sacramento, demanding that favor and picking up where he'd left off; twisting Tony in knots just like when they were kids. Next thing Tony knew he was giving his escapee brother a one-way ride to Mexico via the scenic route. That was the plan anyway, until his old Chevy blew the radiator several miles back. Now they were on the run without a car, without food or shelter, and most terrifying for Tony; with Ray.

Damn his life all to hell.

The sound of approaching horses didn't register until almost too late. Tony ducked into the cover of the barn, a muted shout escaping from his throat and Ray looked up, nodding his understanding and motioning for him to follow. Tony stopped in his tracks. Surely Ray knew there was no way out through there except through the bull's pen. He was pretty sure neither of them could outrun that thing and getting gored was not in his plans for the evening. The bull bellowed and scraped the fence with his horns and Tony saw Ray hesitate. Maybe there was something his brother was afraid of.

Laughter shook Tony out of his trance and he squeezed between the wall and the open barn door and held his breath. He said a silent prayer and hoped God hadn't deserted him quite yet. He prayed that whoever came through those doors wouldn't find him; and especially that they wouldn't find Ray.

Another long cold, dreary day and Adam McFadden couldn't wait to sit on something besides a horse's backside and eat something more substantial than jerky. There were still a couple of scattered herds to retrieve from the north ridge, but he'd promised the boys they could have the weekend to rest and play a little so they came home. Adam had to admit the plan did sound wonderful as the smell of chicken and biscuits greeted him at the door and he smiled, knowing his wife had been busy too.

He eased up behind her as she finished setting the table, grabbing her waist and turning her body toward him. "I've missed you, Mrs. McFadden," he whispered then planted a deep kiss on her waiting lips.

"Not in front of the children." Crane said, laughing as he brushed past them, followed by Evan and Guthrie.

"Save that for later," Hannah said as she gently pushed Adam away and winked. "Supper's ready fellas, where are the rest of the guys?"

"Finishing up in the barn, they'll be right in."

Crane's words still hung in the air as the door burst open and Ford's panicked voice filled the room. "Adam! Crane! Daniel's hurt bad! I gotta call an ambulance!"

Adam felt the blood rush to his temples as he rushed past Ford, not sure if he even touched the porch steps as he sprinted for the barn. He could see Brian hovering over Daniel's prone form just outside the paddock, their recently acquired bull pacing along the fence. Oh, God, no. Adam pleaded as he connected the puzzle pieces. Please don't let this be bad, please just let Daniel be all right.

"Daniel." Adam whispered as tremors vibrated through his body and he fell to his knees beside his brothers. Daniel lay alarmingly still, his eyes wide with panic, his face sickly white. Adam's attention settled on the boy's ripped and blood-soaked jeans, the actual wound was hidden beneath Brian's palm, but it was clear it was indeed bad. And Adam knew the shock wouldn't keep Daniel's pain at bay for long.

The smell of blood and fear made Adam's head swim and he took a deep breath. He had to stay calm, for Daniel and the worried siblings gathering around him. Not an easy task since he was beyond terrified.

The blood pouring through Brian's fingers told him he had a reason to be.

"Damn bull came out of nowhere, Adam." Brian's words pierced the air, his voice strained and thick. "I tried to warn him, he, he didn't even know what hit him."

Crane slid past Brian, thrusting a wadded shirt at Adam then dropped to the ground and eased Daniel's head into his lap. "Easy, Danny, we gotcha, you're all right." Crane's reassurances stretched together in one long sob and Adam's heart shattered.

Adam took over from Brian, the bandage slipping enough to give Adam a glimpse of the gaping hole in Daniel's outer thigh. A groan of distress and sympathy escaped from Adam's throat as he pressed the cloth against the wound. He had expected Daniel to react, but the gravity of the situation hit him square in the gut as the kid screamed and bucked, his body twisting in a frantic attempt to break free. Crane and Brian held Daniel tight, both muttering a string of supportive platitudes and apologies. Adam fought the urge to loosen his grip and make the agony stop. Thank God logic refused to let him. Even as Daniel's cries grew hoarse and ragged Adam pressed harder.

"It's okay, Danny, it's okay." Crane groaned, his words as shaky as the hand carding through his brother's hair.

The din of voices around Adam buzzed, growing far away and unintelligible. He felt light-headed, the bile rising in his throat threatening to spill, but he didn't have the luxury of being sick. He was expected to be the one with the answers when no one else had any. Trouble was panic had a firm hold on him too.

A soothing hand on his neck anchored him and he welcomed his wife's presence as she knelt beside him. Her compassionate eyes glistened with tears, but her actions were all business as she leaned over Daniel.

She peeled back the bloody material around the wound, flinching along with Daniel as another weak cry gurgled from his throat. "I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry." Hannah soothed as she continued with what limited first aid she could offer. Adam admired her ability to stay calm and rational but he knew seeing Daniel like this tore her apart.

It was ripping them all to shreds.

Terror re-established itself as Adam realized the make-shift bandage beneath his fingers was soaked with blood. He had to find something else to stop the flow. Now.

Adam nudged Brian, frantically motioning toward the cloth. Brian quickly shed his over-shirt and handed it to his brother. Adam wrapped the dry shirt around Daniel's leg and pulled it tight.

Daniel shrieked again, kicking wildly at this new source of agony. Hannah and Brian both grabbed Daniel's good leg seconds before his boot would have connected with Adam's ribs. Crane tried to restrain his hurting brother, pinning his hands against his chest as Daniel's neck arched and he pressed his head against Crane's legs.

"It's okay, Danny, hold still, we gotcha." The desperation in Crane's words matched Adam's own grief.

Adam smoothed Daniel's sweat-soaked hair, unsure if the blood smeared along the boy's temple was already there or the residue from his hands. "Settle down, Danny, you're all right." Adam whispered, trying to keep his own voice steady. "Help's on the way, just stay with us, kid."

Whether it was the reassurances or pure exhaustion, Adam wasn't sure, but Daniel stopped struggling and stared up at him. Trust now replacing the fear in his tear-glazed eyes. The abrupt change in Daniel's demeanor made Adam's heart skip a beat, unsure if he should be grateful or scared out of his mind.

Daniel lifted a shaky hand, snagging Crane's sleeve and Adam could have sworn he saw the kid's lips curve into a thin smile before his head flopped in Crane's lap.

Adam froze, his heart now lodged in his throat and his mind racing, unable to distinguish the myriad of thoughts bombarding him.

"Daniel." Crane's murmured plea relaying all the pain and fear and confusion trapped in Adam's soul.

Crane looked up at Adam, his eyes begging for reassurance, for big brother's strength and those damn answers he was supposed to always have. This time Adam didn't have an answer; he wasn't even sure he had any hope left to give.

Something was wrong. Seriously wrong.

Fragments of memory bounced through Daniel's mind, but he couldn't string them together in any coherent order. He had no idea what happened, where he was or why his body refused to work. One thought clawed its way to the surface bringing with it a rush of overwhelming fear. He was in deep, deep trouble.

The numbness encasing him dissipated and in its place an agony unlike anything he could have imagined. His leg was on fire. The searing heat reached deep and spread like a lit fuse through his bones. Oh, God, he had to get away, had to make it stop before the pain devoured him whole.

Daniel tried to move but something stopped him, held him to the ground. He was trapped. A prisoner to this fiery hell. He could hear the sound of his own screams, the noise ricocheting inside his skull as he fought against his unseen restraints. He had to move. Had to free himself from whatever held him in this unbearable misery.

He cried out again, trying to fight his way out with one last ditch effort. Except he had nothing left. No energy, no voice. The only thing that hadn't abandoned him was the agony. And the fear that his only escape left was death.

A chorus of disembodied voices floated above him. 'Okay.' 'Settle.' 'We gotcha.' Voices he recognized.

"Help's on the way, just stay with us."

Adam.

His oldest brother's words sent a wave of relief over him. And even though there was no respite from the pain, he took comfort in knowing he didn't have to suffer it alone. Daniel heard his name brush against his ear and reached blindly toward the source, his hand snagging his brother's shirt in a tight fist. He held on, letting Crane be his lifeline and an anchor tying him to this world. Daniel had always trusted his brothers with everything and he had no doubt they'd move heaven and earth to help him now. He didn't need to struggle. He could let go, let the welcoming darkness take away the pain and leave his fate to them. They would take care of everything.

Crane ignored the chaos around him, his sole focus being his brother screaming and writhing beneath his hands. He needed to get Daniel calm, or at least make him stop thrashing before he injured himself worse. He did his best to set aside his own rising panic and break through the kid's confused mind with reason. Repeating one banality after another in hopes something, anything would take hold, but Daniel continued to fight every attempt to soothe him. Crane squeezed his wrists, pinning them against Daniel's heaving chest, his heart breaking as he realized the words that always worked to settle his kid brother had no effect now. Daniel wasn't capable of grasping anything beyond confusion and overwhelming pain.

The sheer helplessness made Crane want to bawl, but he only had one option for the moment. Hold Daniel down and keep talking. Hannah and his older brothers were doing what they could to keep him alive, the least Crane could do is try to keep him from giving up.

Crane held on until Daniel's cries turned into hoarse whispers and his body grew still; his physical limitations putting an end to his struggle when reason couldn't. Crane loosened his grip, fear and relief fighting for position in his churning gut.

"That's it, Danny. Take it easy."

Daniel latched a weak hand onto Crane's sleeve and for a moment the kid seemed to comprehend Crane's words. At least that's what Crane wanted to believe. Daniel's brief flash of lucidity disappeared behind closed lids, his head lolling in his lap as he surrendered to oblivion.

Any relief Crane might have welcomed disappeared and fear claimed its victory. Oh, God, no, please, no. Crane's head jerked up and he did what he'd always done when he didn't have the strength or answers of his own. He looked to Adam.

But the terror in his older brother's eyes did nothing to alleviate his own. It was Brian's relieved announcement, "He's just passed out" that gave Crane permission to exhale. He cupped Daniel's face between his hands, the kid's soft breaths reaffirming Brian's words.

The next half hour felt like days for Crane as they waited for the ambulance he remembered hearing Ford call. Adam and Hannah had gotten the bleeding under control but Crane's uneasiness continued to build. He remained hunched over Daniel, a new stream of encouraging words spewing from his mouth falling on unhearing ears, but that was okay. They were more for himself than Daniel now. Crane's back ached and he'd long since lost circulation in his legs, but that didn't matter. At this moment nothing mattered except Daniel.

"Crane?"

He looked up, his sister-in-law scrutinizing him, her sympathetic expression telling him he probably looked as awful as he felt. He wiped at the moisture building in his eyes and tried to smile at her, let her know he was all right. That he wasn't the one who needed her compassion right now.

"Oh, honey, he's gonna be fine, don't worry."

Crane nodded. From your lips to God's ears, Hannah.

He looked to his older brothers for reassurance. Again. But their faces were drawn and their eyes reflected the worry churning in his stomach. Hannah moved closer, her hands rubbing his upper arm in an attempt to soothe him.

Her touch was Crane's undoing and he had to fight those traitorous tears threatening to spill.

"I know." Was all he could say without breaking down completely.

Crane just needed this nightmare to be over. Filed and done, with everything back to the way it was.

Mainly he just needed Daniel to be all right.

Crane wasn't naïve. All of them had had their share of injuries, it came with the territory. But this, God, it terrified him to think of the damage a bull could inflict. Especially on his kid brother.

Unfettered questions plagued Crane's mind. Would Daniel be able to walk again or heaven-forbid would he lose his leg? What if there was even more damage than what they could see? What if Daniel had already lost too much blood? What if…?

Crane's heart thumped a deafening rhythm in his ears and bile rose in his throat. No. Damn it. He would not think that way. Would not give in to the tragic scenarios playing in his head. He would not imagine his little brother being anything but whole and strong and back to normal. Daniel would be fine. Banged up and hurting for a while, but eventually good as new.

The shrill squeal of the ambulance shook him from his trance and he whispered a quick 'thank you'. Crane reluctantly let Brian help him stand as the medics rushed in. Dizziness combined with his wobbly legs would have sent Crane crashing back to the ground if Brian hadn't intervened. Crane leaned heavily on his brother as they stood vigil over their younger sibling.

Crane could feel his body shiver as the medics inserted IV lines and added layers of bandages on top of their spontaneous dressing. He was holding his breath, praying Daniel wouldn't regain awareness until after he'd had some damn good pain meds.

"Do not give up on him." Brian whispered, grasping the back of Crane's neck and squeezing gently. "You of all people should know how tough that kid is."

Crane nodded, the contained tears now snaking their way down his face. Brian was right. Daniel was stubborn and determined. If anyone could overcome this it would be him. He'd show everybody.

"You good?" Brian asked, still tentatively keeping a steady hand on Crane's back.

"Yeah, I'll be all right."

Brian softly slapped him on the back and ruffled his hair before he walked off toward the younger boys huddled by the fence. Brian's parting gesture was simple, but to Crane it meant everything. It reminded him that he had someone looking out for him, someone to lean on. That he was somebody's kid brother too. He sure as hell needed that reassurance right now.

He knew his younger brothers were scared, but he trusted Brian to console them. Crane didn't have the strength or ability to split his attention between brothers. Right now it was Daniel that needed him the most.

As the paramedics wheeled the gurney toward the vehicle, Crane followed, climbing inside the ambulance and sliding across the bench seat. The medics might not be too happy with his decision, but he couldn't stand the thought of his brother waking up scared and in pain and his best friend not being there for him. Besides, he needed to be there for his own peace of mind as much as Daniel's.

Crane caught sight of Adam, hovering protectively as they loaded Daniel in the back. He had no doubt Adam had planned to go along, but his big brother's stiff smile and nod let Crane know he would respect his decision. One McFadden ride-along was enough.

Mercifully, Daniel slept through the ride, stirring slightly a few times before being unloaded and rolled into the ER. Out of instinct Crane tried to follow as they pushed the gurney through the swinging doors, only to be held back and forced to wait as Daniel disappeared down the hallway. Crane leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. He would move heaven and earth if he could to ensure Daniel would be all right, but the truth was there was nothing he could do now. Except wait.

To be continued.