First of all, I want to thank MaplepawTheNerd/Enilorac for the idea for this fic! Have a cookie! :D *gives cookie*
Second, the villagers in this story will not look like caveman Squidwards. Yay. :D
Rated T for some swearing.
Enjoy! :3

CHAPTER 1 - Porkchop

I don't know how it happened. One day he was there, the next he was gone. The gate to his pen had been reduced to splinters and his saddle was lying on the grass several meters from my cabin. I didn't think anything of it. I mean, how hard could it be to get another pig? But that wasn't the problem. The problem was him, where he had gone, and what he was planning, though I didn't know it at the time.

Like I said, I thought nothing of it and went about my day as usual. A few days later I started planning a camping trip in a far away forest with my dog, Thunder, and got busy packing my stuff. I had to make sure I had everything necassary for the trip, for it would be a long one.

Tent? Check. Map? Check. Food? Check. Tools? Check. Armor? Check. Finally, I packed my sword. It was my best one; diamond, with looting, smite, knockback and fire aspect enchantments. No mob can defeat me with a sword like that.

As the sun set I climbed into bed, looking forward to the day ahead of me.

-x-

I was woken at dawn by Thunder barking and jumping up and down on my bed.

"Woof! Woof!"

"Alright, alright, I'm getting up," I mumbled, pushing my dog out of my face. I rubbed my tired eyes and stumbled into the kitchen to get some breakfast. As I munched on my apple, struggling to stay awake, I remembered my plans for the day.

"Oh, that's right," I said to Thunder. "We're leaving to go on that camping trip today, aren't we, boy?"

Thunder barked excitedly, wagging his tail. I laughed.

"I guess you're looking forward to it, huh?" I stood up and went back into my bedroom to get my backpack. "Come on, then. We'd better get going."

"Woof!"

-x-

It was a very long journey. After hours of travelling, Thunder and I needed to find a good spot to set up our tent for the night and have something to eat. I took my map out of my pocket and saw a strange cluster of grey and brown dots east of where I was standing. I knew instantly what it was and breathed a sigh of relief. We would be able to rest at last very soon.

"This way, Thunder. There's a village over here."

"Woof." Even Thunder was tired.

I hoped the villagers would be friendly. Before long we came across a sign that read 'Emerald Village, 1 mile'. Thank goodness for that.

Little did I know that this was going to be more than just a simple camping trip.

-x-

It took what felt like an eternity to finally arrive at the village. The sun was setting, my feet were aching, my backpack seemed to weigh a ton, and Thunder was starting to get on my nerves, barking and barking until I thought his jaw would fall off if he barked any more.

As I slowly wandered through the village, I saw several pairs of eyes watching me closely. I was gazing hungrily at a farm growing carrots when I spotted someone approaching me out of the corner of my eye. He had scruffy white hair and wore a brown tunic, dark red trousers, black shoes, gold shoulder pads and a silver sash. When he was standing right in front of me I noticed he had green eyes and his tunic, for some reason, had an image of a gold carrot on the front. I also noticed the serious look on his face.

"I hope you don't intend to steal any of those carrots," he said sternly. "Our king would be quite angry with you if you did."

Well, I'm off to a great start, I thought. I'm already being accused of trying to steal carrots. What a great welcome.

"I have my own food," I responded coldly, glaring. He glared back. "I don't want your carrots."

There was silence for a few seconds. Then, he asked, "What business do you have here?"

"I'm on a camping trip, heading for the forest north of here," I explained. "I was hoping I could find somewhere to stay for the night."

"Then you will have to ask our king. Come with me."

I followed him to a tall tower of cobblestone. Standing guard outside were two... well, guards. They were wearing similar outfits to the man I was following, including the gold carrot tunic. I noticed a sign on the wall of the tower.

Emerald Village Laws
1. The eating of porkchops is forbidden.
2. All farms should grow carrots and only carrots.
3. Saddles should not be used to ride pigs.

I couldn't help thinking that these laws were very strange.

"This man would like to speak to our king," Carrot Tunic told the guards. "He wishes to stay the night in our village."

"You may pass," said one of the guards immediately. Carrot Tunic opened the iron door and led me inside. He stopped abruptly and turned around to face me.

"On no account," he said, "should you be discourteous to King Tocino. Understand?"

Tocino? I thought. What kind of name is that? I didn't say that, of course. Instead, I said, "I understand."

Carrot Tunic gave a nod of approval and called, "Your Majesty! An outsider wishes to speak to you!"

A few seconds later, I heard sounds coming from above our heads. I watched the ladder to our right, waiting for someone to come down. Eventually, the king made his way down the ladder, accompanied by two more guards in iron armor. He wore a gold crown and a red cloak lined with white fur. I stared, stunned. The king wasn't a human. The king was an animal. A pig.

Porkchop.