A/N: this is the end. it's over. the link to the soundtrack is up on my profile, as is my tumblr, so you can check it out there.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of you who took the time to read and review this story. you were all amazing and made the whole process of posting this worth it 3
"Oh my god, why do we even own this much music? Seriously, how can two people came to own these many CDs, and vinyl records? And the amount of books and DVDs. We're gonna need about ten boxes just to pack all of this. What is wrong with us, Derek?"
Derek leans against the back of the couch at Stiles and Lydia's apartment, staring down at Stiles surrounded by piles and piles of CDs, vinyls, DVD cases and books. He moved to New York on the one year anniversary of their road trip after being offered a job customizing bikes – Derek's old boss in Beacon Hills might have had something to do with that, calling some people and making sure Derek knew he had options outside of the city if he, let's say, wanted to pack up and follow his boyfriend to college.
Derek did just that, and soon he was closing the house and driving to New York to go live with Stiles and Lydia. Stiles was ecstatic, screaming on the phone and - by what Lydia told him after he got there, and giving him a very confused stare while she did it - dancing around the apartment while singing Spice Girls.
The first few months of them living together weren't as bad as they could have been, since they were already pretty used to having each other around. Even though they didn't see each other for a while after they got back together that Christmas break, that uneasy feeling they had those first few weeks of coming back from the trip and having to sleep alone in bed and not see each other after spending so much time together never really went away. Derek liked to think that was because they were so right for each other, that any other way other than having Stiles right there with him was just wrong.
They still fought. Stiles would scream at him for being emotionally constipated and not using his words and Derek would sometimes leave and not come back for two days whenever he thought things were too much. But they got through it. They fought to maintain what they had, because neither of them was willing to let it go, willing to let each other go. They already tried that and it didn't go well for either of them.
"Dude," Stiles says, snapping Derek out of his thoughts. "You didn't answer me. Is that because you think there reallyissomething wrong with us?"
"There's nothing wrong with us," Derek rolls his eyes. "I was just thinking."
"Thinking," Stiles says, getting up from his place on the floor and trying not to trip on anything as he moves to stand in front of Derek. "When you zone out like that you're usually thinking about bad things. Or really sappy things you don't want to talk to me about so I won't make fun of you."
Derek chuckles and brings his hands up to rest on Stiles hips, pulling him close so that he's standing between Derek's legs and dipping his head to nuzzle at his neck. Stiles hums and tilts his head to the side to give Derek better access, and wraps his arms around Derek's shoulders.
"Sappy things," Stiles says. "You're definitely thinking about sappy things."
Derek leans back, rubbing their noses together before pecking Stiles on the lips. "I was thinking about us."
Stiles runs his fingers through Derek's hair and raises an eyebrow at him. "Were you thinking about us having sex? Because I'd really like to take a break from packing our things - something I'm doing completely on my own and without your help, by the way – to have my wicked way with you."
"Sometimes I think you only keep me around for my ass," Derek sighs, shaking his head at Stiles.
"Only sometimes?" Stiles smiles at him, tongue poking out between his teeth.
Derek shakes his head at him again, before tipping his head up and biting down on Stiles lower lip. Stiles opens his mouth for him, letting Derek taste him and lick his way into his mouth. They stay like that, kissing each other lazily and slowly until Derek pulls back again to stare at Stiles. He doesn't think he'll over get over just looking at him, and the thought brings a small smile to his lips.
Stiles tugs at his hair, "Focus."
"I'm glad we're moving in together," Derek finally says.
Stiles tilts his head at him on confusion, "But we already live together."
As funny as it was seeing Scott cover his eyes, run to the door, miss the door and hit the wall, fall to the ground, get back up and this time actually run through the door all the while screaming something about what is seen can't be unseen and bleach and never ever forgiving Stiles for this, Derek doesn't want a repeat performance.
"You meant you're glad we can fuck whenever we want and wherever we want without anyone walking in on us," Stiles says, nodding his head at Derek.
Derek huffs a laugh and squeezes Stiles hips. "It's like you're in my brain, dude."
"Hey," Stiles says, punching Derek lightly in the shoulder. "Don't mock me. Or I'll leave you to pack everything while I just sit and watch. And maybe play with myself."
Derek snorts and nips at Stiles chin before pushing him away a little bit and getting up from the couch. "Come on, we need to have everything packed and at the apartment until tonight if we want to catch our flight and spend Christmas in Beacon Hills."
"I know, there's just so much stuff," Stiles sighs and moves to grab some boxes. "And dad will never forgive you if we're late for Christmas."
"You mean he'll never forgive us if we're late for Christmas."
"I'm his son. He loves me. He'll forgive me for anything," Stiles says proudly, packing up some books.
"Not if all of our friends are there while we're stuck at an airport because we couldn't manage to do this," Derek says, packing CD and DVD cases. "When this is something we told him it was done weeks ago."
"At least we're already packed?" Stiles says to him, smiling sheepishly.
Derek huffs and throws a The Killers CD at his head.
The house is full.
When Derek found out Stiles had somehow managed to convince everyone it was a good idea to spend Christmas together at the Sheriff's house, he really didn't think of how many people would be there.
Lydia is setting the table, making sure everything is arranged just how she likes it. The Sheriff and Isaac are sitting on the couch animatedly talking about baseball, Boyd sometimes interjecting with an opinion or nodding his head while Erica is going through the presents under the tree in the living room, rearranging them so that they look more like neat piles of wrapped paper other than something that people just threw on the ground. Danny comes from the kitchen holding a tray, Jackson right behind him, and they both pass the glasses with eggnog to everyone around the room.
Derek moves to the kitchen to find Stiles, Ruth, Scott's mom, and Scott. Melissa is currently scolding her son for trying to sneak some pie out of kitchen, Scott looking like a kicked puppy before saying he's sorry and asking her if can he at least have some mashed potatoes. Melissa whacks him in the face with a washcloth. Ruth and Stiles are talking and laughing while Stiles tries to find a place to put the pie in his hands, and after some moving around Ruth points to a corner on the kitchen counter that doesn't have anything. She glances to the door and nods at Derek, Stiles following her gaze and beaming when their eyes lock.
"Come on, Der," Stiles beckons him closer. "Help your boyfriend set all this food on the table."
At the mention of food Scott's head perks up.
"I'll help you!" Scott says, and just as he's about to grab one of the pies Melissa grabs him by the ear and drags him out of the kitchen.
Ruth, Stiles, and Derek start bringing the food out, which makes everyone immediately drop what they're doing and go find their places on the table. Ruth follows him on his last trip to the kitchen – Stiles forgot the cranberry sauce – and stops Derek with a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm going to say this while no one is around to listen," Ruth starts, tone serious, but kind. "I'm proud of you. I'm proud that you let someone in, and I'm so glad that someone is Stiles. He's an amazing young man, and both of you are good for each other. I'm just. I'm happy for you. And I know Laura would be happy for you, too."
She leaves him, then, standing in the middle of the kitchen trying to calm his breathing. As much as he loves Ruth, sometimes she can be a little bit of a bitch - especially when she catches him off guard. He brings the sauce back to the living room and sits on his assigned seat at the table, letting the laughter and voices around him wrap themselves around him, the steady weight of Stiles' hand on his knee keeping him grounded.
Thinking about Laura still hurts, but sometimes during the day when he sees something that reminds him of her, it hurts a little less. Sometimes he can think about her without wanting to break something. Sometimes he's happy and it doesn't even hurt like it used to knowing that she's not here to be happy with him. Derek knows he'll never be the way he was before, but that's okay. Life goes on, and Derek is moving on, even without Laura. Not every day hurts. Not every breath hurts.
Maybe that's all we can really ask for.
That night, after they eat and exchange gifts and everyone goes back to their homes and the Sheriff goes to bed, Stiles and Derek go up to Stiles' room. Derek smiles fondly at all the band posters stills covering the walls, thinking of how teenage Stiles must have spent his days here listening to music. Derek goes to his bag and grabs the black box hidden between his shirts, and turns to see Stiles on the bed, his back resting on the headboard, a red gift-wrapped squared with a green bow on top placed in front of him.
Derek raises an eyebrow at him, and Stiles shrugs. "It's not like you didn't get me anything else, either. The mysterious notebook-shaped black box you're holding is not that mysterious."
Derek rolls his eyes and goes to sit on the bed right across from Stiles, now both of them with their legs crossed and with the gifts resting in front of them.
"Can I give you your gift first?" Stiles asks, biting his lip. "Because it feels kind of lame compared to your black box and I'd like to get over the disappointed look on your face when you open it before we go to sleep."
Derek raises both of his eyebrows at that and leans over to kiss Stiles on the lips, pulling back and grabbing the gift meant for him. He takes the bow off, grabbing Stiles' hand and tying it around his wrist, and moves on to rip off the wrapping paper. He stares at the CD on his hand, the cover being that one last picture Stiles sent him by email, the one of Derek sleeping with his face hidden on Stiles neck and Stiles placing a kiss on his forehead. The words Like Falling written on top of the picture in Stiles' messy handwriting, and Derek can feel the way he's smiling like an idiot at the mix in his hand. He turns it in his hand and finds the song list, smiling growing more and more at each passing song title. Every song on it is something they both listened to at some point during their New York trip.
Derek takes his eyes from the CD and looks up at Stiles, who's tugging at his bottom lip with his teeth and staring at Derek like he's not sure if this was a good enough Christmas gift. So Derek leans over again and makes sure to kiss all his doubts away.
"This is," Derek says against Stiles lips, kissing him again once, twice. "I love it."
"Yeah?" Stiles whispers, smiling.
"Yeah," and Derek kisses him again one more time before sitting back on the bed and pushing Stiles' gift with his fingers until it Stiles picks it up. "And I guess it kind of goes with the theme of mine, considering the title of the mix."
Stiles frowns in confusion before shrugging and opening the box. Inside he finds a leather-bound book, and he takes it out of the box before placing it in his lap. He undoes the threads keeping it closed and opens it, the first page being blank expect for the words Like falling written in silver ink. Stiles blinks at the page for a while, and then he's staring back at Derek and blinking at him.
"Did we seriously get each other gifts with the same name?" Stiles asks, looking kind of stunned.
"You don't know whether to be proud or disgusted?" Derek throws back, smirking.
"I really don't," Stiles shakes his head and goes back to looking at the book.
He turns the first page and Derek sees the moment his mouth drops open. Stiles fingers are shaking a little as he turns to the next page, and the next, and the next, until he closes the book and hugs it. Actually hugs it. Rocking his body back and forth with it pressed to his chest a few times.
"You liked it?" Derek asks a little hesitantly, because even though he's still hugging the book he hasn't said anything or made any move to kiss the fuck out of Derek.
"Do I like it?!" Stiles shrieks, and Derek gapes at him. "Are you honestly asking me if I like it? If I like all the trouble you went through getting this together? If I like that you came up with the idea to do this in the first place? If I like that this means that all the emails I sent to you after you left New York and came back to Beacon Hills weren't just me talking to air? If I like it that you saw them and that you printed the pictures and made it all into the perfect gift for me? Yes, Derek, I fucking like it. God fucking dammit, you perfect piece of human being. I love you so fucking much, you fucking asshole."
And with that, Stiles throws both of their gifts out of the bed and launches himself at Derek.
At New Year's Eve, Derek takes the envelope from the bottom of his bag. It still looks the same as it did when Stiles gave it to him, only maybe now it's a little more crumpled than it used to be, and the white of the paper doesn't look so white anymore. Derek's name written on it in Laura's handwriting is still the same, though.
Derek has no idea what the note says. He didn't read it, didn't want to, and didn't think he was ready to, but as the New Year approaches he feels like he should. Start the New Year and his new life with Stiles without the weight of this on his shoulders. So he takes the envelope and sits on Stiles' desk chair.
He can hear the Sheriff and Stiles down in the living room talking, or Stiles telling his dad that the last thing he's going to do before leaving for New York again is making sure that there are only healthy types of food to eat in the house, and that he'll have a talk with Ruth to keep an eye on him so he won't slip on his diet. He hears the Sheriff groan, Stiles' laughter echoes through the house and Derek smiles.
The envelope sits on his lap and Derek stares at it, trying to muster the guts to open it. That's how Stiles finds him, sighing for losing a battle against a piece of paper.
"Derek?" Stiles calls him, stopping by the door. He looks from Derek's lap back to Derek's face, and asks, "Do you want me to go?"
Derek shakes his head no. He feels like he can do this is Stiles is here, and he brings the chair closer to Stiles as Stiles sits crossed-legged on the bed.
"I think it's time," Derek says.
Stiles nods his head and places a hand on Derek's knee, letting Derek know that he's here if Derek needs him. Derek takes a deep breath and rips the envelope open, catching the paper that falls out of it. He unfolds the paper and reads.
Derek, I don't expect you to understand why I did it. All I know is that I couldn't anymore. The fire, missing mom and dad, missing our whole family, having to live everyday knowing they're not here anymore… I just. It's like there's this big, constant pressure on my shoulders, dragging me down, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make it better. I've tried and I can't. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. Stiles Stilinski is probably going to come looking for me. He was one of my best students, a friend. Be nice to him because he lost me too. I think you'll be good for each other. I love you, little brother. Always. -Laura