Please I beg of you all, please give me some idea of what else to write other than Cade!, hope you like it R&R pleeeeeeeaaaassseee

Dear Cat,

This is why I'm always sad.

I'm crying now and I know its a stupid reason I hate it, I hate it just as much as I hate myself, I'm fat I look at the other girls and think how perfect they look, how thin and skinny, then I look at myself and I can't see one good thing because I hate everything.

I'm ugly, for once I want a girl to look at me and think 'wow she's beautiful' without getting to know me, without seeing inside my soul, without me telling her things, for once I want someone to think of me how I think of you

I'm stupid, I do stupid things, I talk to myself I can't look people in the eye, I can't even remember to wish at a certain time I'm that stupid, I used to get really good grades but now they're dropping slowly gradually I used to be a grade A student but now I'm at C.

I'm messed up in the head, I know I am because my "friends" have told me, I don't know if they were joking but it hurts all the same, I have arguments with myself in front of other people which just leads to stares and the whispers. I'm literally sobbing. See that's another thing, I'm weak. I used to be so strong, not caring what anybody thought, did what I wanted, never apologised to anyone no matter what, now most nights I cry myself to sleep then have trouble keeping myself together in the day. That's also why I'm screwed up, I can't even last one day without talking to myself. I tried I nearly had a break down in the middle of a class it was horrible.

I have trust issues. Well not In the conventional way you might think, but that I trust people too easily then I end up getting hurt like I have so many times before.

This is annoying me now, I'll stop crying for a while then just start sobbing all over again for no apparent reason.

I'm sad, I'm so sad and I don't know why in theory there's nothing I should be sad about but the only reasons I can think of is because ether your sad or I think you'll get back with him and I really should be sad over those things.

I got called stupid the other day because I was in a bad mood because you were sad, the person said it was stupid of me to be upset because you were, that hurt. A lot. See what I mean by not being able to trust.

I have "friends" lying to me, trying to find out things I don't want them to know, threats, black mail, I have it all just because I won't give him a name.

Not even my pets will be around me anymore, I stay in my bedroom all day, I don't get up for anything because I don't need too, I don't even talk to my mum anymore when we used to be really close.

I'm to clingy, an example of this is towards you, I write you things I shouldn't write, I say things I shouldn't say, I do things I shouldn't do. And for what? To get called stupid and screwed up the next day by my "friends" because I'm happy for once and they just have to ruin it. I love you, I have to say. See writing something I shouldn't. But I do, I love you, I've liked you since the moment I met you, you've made me take risks, you've made me feel happy for once in my messed up life, but it hurts so much. I wish I was someone else sometimes. I live in my head, daydream instead of live its not right, I've been told to go to see professional help by my "friends" because I'm happy when I daydream. I dream of the eternal dance. Its beautiful its perfect but its not real and I would give anything to make it real..

I'm crying again, see what I mean by being weak, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

I just want you to be happy, I'd give up never being happy for the rest of my life if it meant you would be truly happy for yours. That's how much you mean to me.

One day I want a paragraph, sent to me, like the ones I send to you. Mine are normal 500 words long. I want someone there who can think of enough things they love about me to fill that many words. But no one will. No one ever will.

I write these things because no one else will listen to me, they think I'm crazy I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

And that Cat is why I'm. always sad

from Jade x