私は空を見上げ Chapter 1: Yukimura's Garden

DISCLAIMER: Rikkai, nor any of the PoT Characters used in this Collection are mine, copyright belong to Konomi-sensei.

-oOo-

How lovely is a garden? One that does bring forth blooms of different colors. One that fragrantly grant sweet scented ecstasy.

How lovely is a garden? One that makes you savour each breathe you take. One that tingles your sensation to the brink of insanity, it pushes your imagination to the world of pure satisfaction.

Do the birds sing solely for the pleasure of another's calling? Do they not fill the day with such harmonious voices also to spring forth the beating of two hearts bound by such unfounded springing reasons such as one called love? Like a flightless pigeon, I straddle along wires of uncertainty, waiting to hear the melody of birds singing on a spring morning. Like the spring past, that had faded into the oblivion of yesterday, like the return of a migrant bird to its nesting place. I long for home.

Blue is the color of my hair, but bluer at the deepness of your eyes. Eyes that stare like petals of the loveliest bloom, collaborating, clustered in gentle embrace, filled with beauty and awe. Gentle are the gaze that you gave me, each time our eyes met, I lost my weariness; like dandelions flying in the wind. Tears are like the rain, it washes away the pain, it nourishes the garden, to moisten the soft petals. So it will not wither, so it will not cease to be beautiful. Like the beauty of you face that haunts my evenings with sheer serenity. Like an angel watching me from the heavenly.

Soft is my voice, but softer was your hands, bruised by passion to bring forth bloom to this Eden. Candle shaped fingers that caressed my face, like the gentle leaves touching my skin on an afternoon in autumn. You complexion like the colors that marks the beginning of the blowing of freezing wind. Yet when our hands are clasped together, our fingers interlaced, not even the contemptuous loneliness of death could break the bond that we share.

Feminine is my physique, but more feminine are you lips that paints my exhaustion to nothing but a memory of hard work. Such kind words, such a warming smile, like the summer's heat, scorching through my soul, eating up every last piece of disdain. Like water flowing freely from a river of life which quenches the thirst of young roots, searching the ground for feeding, to sustain the rest of the plant a means of survival; so was your silent cheers, though unheard was the adrenaline which sustained my veins.

How lovely is a garden? One which waste away to the winter snow, only to spring back to life. One which hibernates to rest, yet never completely lifeless.

"Seiichi, today is the Finals for the National Tournament right?"

"Hai."

"Gomennasai if I can't come to watch you play."

"It's okay; I know you have a lot of things to work on. I understand perfectly."

"You're always so kind to me."

"Hey, look at me."

"Nande?"

"When all these is over, we'll have a proper love story, iiyo?"

"I've never had the perfect story in my life."

"We'll make one, just you and me, here, in our own little garden."

If a pot held soil, and you planted a seed in it, how long will it hold it in? When do you know if the plant has grown enough? When do you know when its suffocating? What marks the difference between a seedling, a sprout and an actual plant? I held you in my hands like a gardener gently lifts a seedling from the plot; I ploughed the bitterness of life until I could find the bearing soil of hope, like a farmer tilts his land to casts seeds. I watered you with sustenance, in the hope that you would find a dream worth turning into reality.

"Seiichi, why does she always have those bruises?"

"She has a difficult life Renji."

"She lives with her father right?"

"Does a father give life or death? Does a father suffer for his children, or does he asks his children to suffer for him? Does a father build or destroy? What is a father Renji?"

"You know the answer to your own question, Seiichi."

"I will be her father, her brother, her friend, her lover—I will be everything that she needs Renji. I will be everything she asks me to."

When you cut a tree down you see the lines of age and you will know how long that proud tree had stood there in its place before you inordinately took its life. The more circles and lines and markings you see, the older the tree. Will the lines in a man's face count the years of his existence? When even the young can parade with wrinkles from holding on such secrets that you would never thought a youngster would have.

Does a garden loose it's beauty in the night? When no light shines and the sun is resting on the other side of the planet, does the life of a garden cease? Does the stars decline the flowers their beauty? Will a paradise cease to be a paradise if it is hidden?

"Yukimura-kun, you shouldn't go up there."

"Sensei, what's going on in the rooftop garden? Why are there so many people gathering in the stairway?"

"Sanada-kun, please take Yukimura-kun someplace else."

"Sensei, what's going on?"

Will a plant die, just because it's pot got broken? Will a vine stop crawling, just because blunt sheers were used to prune it? Will a flower loose it's dainty, just because it was cut from its stalk?

"Did you see the newspaper headline this morning Niou-kun?"

"Are you kidding me Yagyuu? Jackal, Marui and I spent the good half of this morning collecting any possible newspaper that Yukimura might come across walking to school today. Like it wasn't enough that we lost in the Nationals, now this."

"Kirihara-kun daijabou desu ka?"

"I can't believe something like this could happen here in our school Yagyuu-senpai."

"She must have been really disturbed by something, or a couple of things to have done such a thing."

"Honestly, I think I could have lived with the headline that say 'Rikkai Dai Fuzoku Middle School Men's Tennis Club Looses to Seigaku in National Tournament' than this."

"I would have to agree with Niou-kun on this."

"Stop staring at that paper Akaya! You'll only feel worse."

"Niou-senpai is right, that headline is better than 'Rikkai Dai Fuzoko Middle School Senior Found Dead on Rooftop Garden'."

"Give me that!"

"Where are you taking that Marui?"

"I'm burning it!"

Do plants feel cold during winter? How do they know when Spring has come? Why do flowers have different colors? If flowers comes from buds, where do leaves come from? Does a leaf feel pain when it falls off the trees in Autumn? Do plants feel scorched in the summer sun? Why do people feel cold even with layers of clothes on? What is the miracle of new birth? Why are there so many races? What heat drives a person to the limit?

"Yukimura."

"Sanada."

"Why are you up here again?"

"I'm in-charge of the rooftop garden remember?"

"Your graduating today."

"Sou dane. Then someone else will take care of this place after me."

"Why do you make yourself suffer by going up here?"

"I do not make myself suffer Sanada."

"This is where she died."

"Iie, this is where she took her own life."

"Yukimura."

"Her father abused her you know? He would beat her up, scream at her in public, he would not leave her food; he would scornfully withhold financial support when she really needs it. He never was a father to her."

"Yukimura, stop lingering in those thoughts."

"I tended her wounds and bruises with medicinal plants grown in this garden Sanada."

"Maybe there were deeper wounds that those that you tended to. Wounds you couldn't see. Wounds you couldn't reach."

"I promised her, after the Nationals, after all those things that I kept myself busy with was over, we would have a proper love story."

"What could you have done, you're fourteen?"

"I could have done plenty Sanada."

"Yamero."

"Do you know why I keep coming back here Sanada?"

"Stop punishing yourself Yukimura. You didn't know she was going to do that. You were doing your job as buchou, you we're facing Echizen in the court when it happened. It was not your fault."

"Do you know why I keep coming back Sanada?"

"Fine. Nande?"

"Because despite the fact that this is where her life ended, this was also where she lived. I saw the joy in her eyes when she tends to this garden. Because despite the bitterness of a horrible episode in this place, this was where I learned the sweetness on loving someone, more than I have ever loved anyone. Because despite the fact the she showered this blooms with her own blood, this was also where our friendship blossomed into love."

"Yukimura."

"Because, Sanada, despite the fact that this is where she died—this is also the place where I can keep her alive—in my memories—in my heart."

"Yukimura."

"So, no matter what you say Sanada, no matter what anyone says. Even if the world thinks I'm crazy. I'm going to keep coming back here. If only to be with her, for just one more second."

You never said goodbye.

I never thought you'd leave me alone.

I am Yukimura Seiichi, and when I look up the sky, I see a garden, sown with love, watered by tears, fertilized by memories, pruned by time.

-oOo-

AN: This is Yukimura, talking to himself. Those in "" are conversations, those in italic are memories, those are in regular font are present day conversation.

So I wanted to wait until I've completed SINK Series for Hyotei and Seigaku before starting on Rikkai, given that I still had other on-going fics, but this plot for Yukimura just won't get out if my head, so I finally gave in and wrote it. Plus, there were a few comments from the SINK Series that requested a version for Rikkaidai, so here it is, the first instalment of the "I Look Up The Sky" Series for Rikkai.

Oh, and again, I used a different writing style for this one compared to the other series.

Watashi Wa Sora O Miageru = When I Look Up The Sky