A/N: So, in the middle of doing my other Grimm fic, I wanted to get this little bit of fluff out of my head. I'm a huge fan of bromances and I really love the chemistry Nick, Monroe and Hank have on screen. With that in mind, I let my mind wander a little bit about what a typical evening with the three of them would be like.

Here's a hint... it's not going to be that typical. ;)

Hope you enjoy...

Secret Men's Business

Chapter One

It was noise of something gently creaking which first caught Nick's attention. He stopped walking and looked around. It was just gone seven o'clock at night and the forested area was strangely eerie. It was easy to imagine dozens of animal eyes peering out at him and sizing him up. Nick cocked his head, listening intently. The creaking sound came again. "Monroe!" he called out, unsure what he was hearing. "Is that you?"

"Nick!" The sound of his friend's relieved voice came to him. "Yes, it's me, I'm over here."

Monroe's phone call had been rather vague. He was just off the east walking path in the national park and he needed Nick to come out and get him. The woods weren't far from Munroe's house, so Nick wasn't sure why he needed to be picked up. He'd said he was fine, but just that he needed Nick to come and get him. "Keep talking!"

"You took your time," said Monroe, managing to comply and complain at the same time.

Nick followed the sound of his voice, heading off the track and into the more heavily wooded area. "You said it wasn't an emergency."

"I know, but I didn't think you were going to stop and smell the roses along the way."

"You're pretty cranky for a guy I'm doing a favour for," Nick commented as he stepped into a small clearing. He stopped short at the surprising sight in front of him. Munroe was hanging upside down in a tree, swinging gently from side to side in the breeze, his foot caught in some kind of noose. "What are you doing?" Nick exclaimed in shock.

Monroe looked at him, his face pink from being upside down for who knew how long. "I'm solving that pesky cold fusion problem," he said straight-faced. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

Nick shook his head and hurried over to help him. "You said you were fine."

"I am fine. I'm just the wrong way up."

Nick looked the situation over. "How did this happen?"

"Is there any chance we can leave the explanations for when, oh, I don't know, my head isn't about to explode?" asked Monroe calmly.

"Oh, sure, yeah, sorry." Nick spotted where the other end of the rope was tied around the tree and hurried over to it. "Hang on."

"Was that meant to be a joke?"

"No," said Nick quickly, "I just meant hang on."

"To what?"

"Good point. In that case, brace yourself."

"Don't drop me."

Nick started to loosen the knot. "I'm not going to drop you."

"Because I'm a long way off the ground."

"It's only about five feet, but it's alright, I'm not going to drop you."

"Good, because I don't want to get dropped."

Nick pulled on another loop in the rope and it unexpectedly gave way. He grimaced as Monroe abruptly plummeted to the ground.

Munroe landed on a heap in the ground, making a pain-filled grunt as he did. He lay there, not moving and looking up at the night sky. "You dropped me," he announced flatly after a moment of tense silence.

Nick was swiftly by his side and bending over him, an apologetic look on his face. "My bad. I wasn't expecting the knot to come undone like that."

Monroe's expression didn't change. "Yeah, it's always unexpected when you're undoing a knot and it becomes undone."

"Sorry." Nick went to help him up. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine." Monroe attempted to stand up but promptly staggered into Nick and the two men crashed to the ground. Monroe landed on top of Nick and looked to be trying to focus. "Although a case could be made that I'm a little dizzy."

Nick pushed on his shoulders, trying to get the large man off him. "How long were you hanging upside down for?"

"I don't know, maybe an hour."

Nick was having difficulty getting Monroe off him as they wrestled a bit. "Can you please at least help?" he asked in frustration.

"I am helping," protested Monroe as he wiggled on top of him. "My brain isn't telling my body the right thing. I've got too much blood around my brain." He stopped abruptly and pulled back, a concerned look on his face. "Dude, what is that?"

"It's my gun," said Nick in exasperation. "Don't flatter yourself, you're not my type."

"Oh," said Monroe, looking relieved. "I just know things are still rough with you and Juliette and I thought you might be at the 'any port in a storm' point of it all."

"Trust me, there will never be a storm bad enough to make me dock at that particular port," he grunted and then gave a really hard push on Monroe's shoulders and rolled him.

Monroe was on his back and looking up at the sky again. "Thanks, man, that was starting to get awkward."

"Starting?" repeated Nick, rolling his eyes. He bent over him. "Can you walk?"

"Sure, I'm good now." Monroe stood up and attempted to walk. He staggered to one side and promptly fell in a heap on the ground.

Nick watched him and shook his head. "Let me rephrase that, can you walk?"

"I'm still a little dizzy," confessed Monroe, face in the dirt.

Nick walked over to him. "Here, let me help." He pulled on Monroe's arm to help him up and then put that arm around his shoulders. "Lean on me." Nick shot him a quick, teasing look. "And in case you get the wrong idea again, this doesn't mean we're going steady."

"You bet it doesn't, you didn't even buy me dinner."

Nick helped steer Monroe back onto the path and then they were walking back to his house. "So, are you going to tell me what happened tonight?"

"It's a good night for picking mushrooms," explained Monroe as he wobbled next to Nick. He turned and looked at him. "You've cut yourself shaving."

Nick's free hand touched the little cut on his jaw, feeling the line of dry blood. "I know, stupid thing won't stop bleeding." Monroe was just staring at the cut. Nick nudged him. "Mushrooms?"

Monroe shook his head and blinked as they continued walking. "Yeah, mushrooms. Anyway, I was hunting for mushrooms-" he tilted his head. "I wonder why they always call it hunting for mushrooms? I mean, they're a fungus, you don't get much more stationary then that. It's not really a hunt, more of a hide and seek, if anything, and they don't really hide so much as-"

Nick snapped his fingers at him. "Focus, Monroe, you're babbling."

"I'm not babbling," said Monroe indignantly. "It's called free-flow thinking."

"It's called not getting to the point," said Nick in vague vexation as he kept them both on the path.

Monroe looked offended. "You know, sometimes you stifle my inner poet, man."

"I can live with that. Mushrooms."

"So, I was hunting for mushrooms and then I got a whiff of something."

"What kind of something?" Since learning he was a Grimm, Nick had learnt that whiffs of things were usually bad news.

"Poachers sometimes come out into these woods and lay own these pheromones to attract the wolves. I got a nose full of that."

Nick sent him a quick look. "Is that bad? What does it do to you?"

Monroe shrugged a little. "It just makes me a little frisky," he hedged.

"And by frisky, you mean what exactly?"

"It gives you a rush of adrenaline, affects the cerebral cortex of a Blutbad. Call it a surge of youthful enthusiasm. I just took off running." He pulled a face. "At least until I stood in that trap."

"And that's where I come in."

"See, I told you, it's no big deal."

They were just walking out of the forest now and Nick could see Monroe's house down the street. "And you're sure there aren't any lingering effects of this hunter's pheromones on you?"

"No," said Monroe as they walked up the street and came to his house, "I think the hanging upside down for so long cleared my head." They were just passing by his side yard when he stopped abruptly and peered into the darkness of his back yard. At least as much as you could see from where they were. "Did you hear that?"

Nick listened intently. "Hear what?"

"That damn squirrel is back in my black walnut tree," said Monroe in agitation. "Listen to him, he's shoving my nuts into his cheek pouches like there is no tomorrow."

Nick grimaced. "I can't hear anything, I'm sure you're imagining it."

Monroe wasn't convinced. He pulled away from Nick's support and went to storm off into his backyard to confront the supposedly thieving squirrel. Unfortunately, Monroe was still not co-ordinated enough to be able to control a sudden movement like that, and he went to topple forwards again. Nick reacted quickly and grabbed Monroe around the waist from behind and used his weight as a counter-balance, preventing Monroe from falling to the ground yet again that night.

Monroe was oblivious to Nick's help, still fixated on the squirrel as his arms flailed around in aggravation. "Get your filthy hands off my nuts, you little bastard!" Monroe yelled into the darkness of his backyard.

A middle-aged couple were out walking across the street and they cast a wary look at the two of them, taking in the way Nick was hugging Monroe from behind as the other man flapped about, leaning over at an angle and shouting about his nuts.

"It's not what it looks like," said Nick hastily and then cursed himself internally. Every time someone said that, it meant it was exactly what it looked like. "I'm a police officer," he offered up feebly by way of reassurance but that only made the couple scurry off, looking more worried. "Not the kind of PR the Portland police department is looking for, Nick," he chastised himself. "Monroe, stop it!" He pulled Monroe upright. Nick grabbed his arm again and put it over his shoulders. "Stop with the crazy." He gave him a worried look. "Are you sure you're not being affected by those pheromones?"

"Nah," said Monroe, casting an annoyed look at the dark silhouette of his walnut tree as Nick helped him up the stairs of his house, "that squirrel and I have had this thing going on for months. I keep trying to catch him so I can release him back into the woods, but the damn thing just ruins all of my traps."

Nick couldn't help himself. "So, what you're telling me is that you have a nemesis," he observed, just managing to keep a straight face, "and it's a squirrel?"

"Squirrels are nature's proctologists," grumbled Monroe. "Always ready to give you the finger."

"I'm sure that made more sense in your head," noted Nick unevenly. They were at Monroe's front door now. "Do you have your keys?"

Monroe leant on him more heavily as he patted down his pockets. "Oh, shoot, they must have fallen out of my pocket when I was hanging."

Nick was looking around. "Do you have a spare set out here anywhere- HHEEYYY!" He made a stricken sound and leapt back, leaving Monroe to fend for himself. Nick scrubbed at his jaw. "You just licked me!"

Monroe was looking at him like he was insane. "What?"

"You just licked my jaw," said Nick in agitation. The memory of Monroe's hot, wet tongue running along his face made him give a little shudder.

"No, I didn't," protested Monroe hotly.

"I think I know when I've been licked," threw back Nick, still rubbing at his jaw.

"Well, don't you think I'd know if I was licking someone?" threw back Monroe.

"Evidently not," snapped Nick. "What the hell was that?" A worrying thought just occurred to him. "Is this more surging of your youthful enthusiasm? Because, I'm telling you right now, I'm not cool with your youthful enthusiasm involving tongue and any part of my body!"

"I licked you?" asked Monroe, looking upset.

"Yes!"

Monroe held up his hands in a placating manner. "Nick, I'm so sorry." He was suddenly looking worried, which didn't make Nick feel good. "Okay, dude, cards on the table," said Monroe hastily, "we may have a problem here."

Nick's shoulders sagged and he blew out a resigned breath. "Of course we do," he said flatly.

This was just how his life was now...

A/N: Hope you're having some fun with this fic, I know I am. ;)

Hank gets roped into the downward spiral of this evening in the next chapter. I really hope you'll check it out... although, just a warning, I have kind of a quirky sense of humour, so you may want to brace yourself. Let's just say that it'd be unlikely that the censures at NBC would let some of the things which will happen in the next chapter end up on the show. LOL Thanks for reading.