Remember when I said I would take A Pleasant Ending and make it a full-length fic? Well, I did. It was submitted to the Severus/Harry Big Bang on the snape_potter community. It is past the period of exclusivity, so here goes! I'm posting the first two chapters here, which is a good chunk of the original oneshot (only much is added AND edited like crazy). I'd like to thank icicle33, drarryxlover, and gingertart50 for the beta/Britpick job! Without you guys, this fic would be awful. Also, see the artwork created by daisygirl_080 on the snape_potter comm!

Enjoy

Chapter 1: Detention

Harry was sitting down in his usual spot at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall next to Ron and Hermione, eating dinner. It was a normal late September night at Hogwarts. Classes had started to get more intense, with it being their seventh and final year at school. Everything was completely normal. Even Harry's Potions class had got off to a normal start.

"The slimy git! He's making me clean out the cauldrons again! And a group of third years brewed Sticking Solution today. Just because I – "

" – decided to use every swearword in the book during class when he accused you of cheating and gave you a D?" Hermione finished for him, looking at him disapprovingly.

"Well – " sputtered Harry and glanced at Ron, who shrugged. Since he and Hermione started dating, Ron had perfected the neutral shrug; it was the only way Ron survived disputes between Harry and Hermione. Harry rolled his eyes and turned back to Hermione. "I don't understand why he's been so terrible to me. He hasn't been this cruel in a long time."

"It is strange," Hermione agreed. "Are you sure you haven't done anything to get on his bad side, Harry? Even Snape isn't that unreasonable."

"I guess it started when he caught me and Ginny – um – studying together," Harry explained and turned red, avoiding Ron's face.

"Maybe he's angry that the Boy-Who-Lived can get lucky when he can't," Seamus suggested, joining them at the table in the Great Hall. Harry moved over so Seamus could fit in.

He picked up the roll from his plate and tore off a piece glumly. "So what, you think that if Snape was to get a good shag, he'd be nicer to me?" Harry asked.

"You haven't ever heard the phrase, 'sounds like she needs a good roll in the sack'?" Seamus responded. "It seems to me like Snape hasn't had any action in ages. Who knows? Maybe he'll be nicer after he gets rid of his permanent stiffy."

"Yeah, but who would want to sleep with that?" Ron asked, his nose turned up in disgust.

"Well," began Hermione, "I remember that one day when he washed his hair and shaved his goatee. And he is intelligent, despite his unpleasant treatment of –"

"Please don't tell me you fancy Snape, Mione."

"Of course not!" she shrieked, covering her mouth with her hand. "I'm just suggesting that maybe someone could."

"But who? Maybe our new Defense professor?" Harry asked, glancing at Professor Selhorn. She had dark hair, blue eyes, and a rare smile that seemed to affect everyone in the room. She was rather harsh and frequently worked her students to the point of sweat and tears. She would be perfect, just Snape's type.

"You know, I have seen Snape looking at her with a hungry look," Ron said. "Of course, maybe it's that he just fancies her job instead."

"So how do we set them up?" Harry asked, pushing his plate away from him and looking at his friends. "I'm desperate enough to try anything."

"I guess we need to work on Selhorn. Snape would never try anything himself. We need to get her to fancy him," Seamus said.

"Okay, Hermione, you need to do some girl talk."

Hermione raised an eyebrow at Harry. "You think a professor in her mid-30s is going to 'girl talk' with a seventh year student?"

"Well, who else would you have to turn to? The rest of the female staff are ancient. Also, you're so brilliant that the professors have asked you to substitute for them, have they not?" Ron responded, loading up his plate with turkey and mashed potatoes.

Hermione blushed. "That is a valid point. I assume you want me to ask her something about boys and act like a confused teenager?" she asked, turning to Harry, who nodded. "It shouldn't be too hard; I've been listening to Lavender and Parvati for more than six years."

Harry sniggered and ate a dinner roll. "I don't have much time, Snape arranged for my detention to happen in the middle of dinner."

"What a bastard," Ginny commented, sneaking up behind Harry and kissing him on the cheek. As she sat down next to him, she took a slice of ham from the middle of the table and put it on her plate.

"Hey Gin. We're planning on having Selhorn seduce Snape," Ron explained.

"That would be an interesting partnership. The two meanest teachers together? Is that really a good idea?"

"It would make them nicer, don't you think?"

"Or they would be able to plan out who their next victim is and terrorize us all one at a time in a systematic fashion," Ginny replied.

Clearly, Ron had not considered this. A bit of mashed potatoes fell out of his mouth, which was open in a horrified "O". Harry tried not to laugh as Ron said, "No. That couldn't happen. No…no…"

"Well, I'd better be off. I have to go and scrub some cauldrons," Harry told Ginny and made a sour face. "No chance at getting Snape a good shag before my detention?" he asked the table.

"Not unless it's you, mate," Seamus joked, causing the entire table to laugh.

Harry walked out of the Great Hall looking as though he had been asked to spend more time with Hagrid's Blast-Ended Skrewts. He was not pleased with this outcome; however, the look on Snape's face when he called him a "greasy-haired twat" was actually almost worth the detention. The man had been crueler to him lately—intentionally breaking all of his vials, putting out his cauldron in the middle of an important lesson on temperature, verbally abusing him throughout the entire school day, making fun of his hair, his glasses, even the way that he walked.

He stepped down the stairs to the dungeons, ignoring the jeers from the Slytherins as they passed by him. Thinking about the plan to get Snape laid helped him relax though. Ginny was wrong. Hell, he knew if he got to have sex, he would be in a better mood too. Unfortunately, he and Ginny had only groped under their clothes a couple of times, which was starting to put him on edge.

Yet, there was something about Ginny that Harry found odd. He definitely enjoyed kissing her, and he definitely didn't mind when she stroked his cock. But touching her breasts was not what he expected it to be like. It didn't give him that victorious leap in his chest that his dorm mates had alluded to. Perhaps they were elaborating on it; they just wanted everyone to think they were sex gods. Or maybe he just wasn't interested in women?

Harry stopped dead in his tracks. No, now was not the time to think of such rubbish, especially since he had just reached Snape's office. He took a deep breath and braced himself for what was sure to be a memorable detention. He knocked on the door to Snape's office. Snape had requested that he do the detention in his office instead of his classroom. Harry had found that request strange, but he knew better than to question the dreadful Potions Master. Who knew what kind of torture Snape had brewed up for him tonight?

What was most unsettling, however, was that Harry had not been to Snape's office since the 'accident' in Snape's Pensieve fifth year. This was going to be a nightmare.