Juice felt a whole cycle of emotions in a matter of seconds after Jax left the bathroom; a sinking in the pit of his stomach, anger at Chibs for not telling him, happiness that this might be what held the older man back, then the sinking feeling again when he realized they were done.

When he settled finally on anger, it was a conscious choice, something to fuel himself force him to do what was required. He gripped his wrist and twisted the skin, the flesh turned white hot and red when his fingers slipped, his anger poured out of him as he hit his wrist against the hard sink again and again until he lost count of the number of times he hit it. He bit his lip against the pain refusing to make any noise, the last thing he needed was someone walking in to check on him. The pain was twice as bad when the sink connected with the old bruises, good, he wanted to cover those up instead of seeing Chibs's fingers imprinted into his skin every time he looked down. Juice bit his lip bloody to keep from crying out as he repeatedly hit his wrist.

He would have kept banging away if Chibs hadn't come in, but his presence made Juice abruptly stop and shoved his hand into his pocket. He turned away from the other man's concern as he cautiously walked towards Juice like he was a wounded animal. There was something sweet about the slow approach, something caring and protective, Juice thought resenting the shit out of it and the man in front of him.

When Chibs reached out to touch him, Juice backed away turning his hate-filled gaze to look to Chibs's eyes. He delivered the news, spat it out really; "Jax told me to end it, so I'm ending it." It was simple as that and he walked forward to pass the Scottish man who put a hand out to stop him. Juice's anger shattered and he used the full force of his fury to shove Chibs away from him; watching in satisfaction as the man slammed into the wall behind him next to the door.

"Don't fucking touch me you asshole," Juice snarled when he was next to Chibs, hurt flashing in his friend's eyes but he ignored it as he left the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. Curious glances followed his process through the clubhouse but it was all a haze, here he had been worried about hurting Chibs's feelings or whatever when Chibs had known all along that they wouldn't be together. Fuck him.

Juice mounted his bike, disregarding the helmet on his handlebars that had obviously been placed there by Chibs. The sound of footsteps made him look up to see Jax and Chibs standing under the overhang of the clubhouse staring at him; Jax with concern and Chibs with hurt. He flipped his middle finger up at the two of them as he started his bike, feeling the soothing vibrations underneath him. His tires spun as he suddenly accelerated trying to find purchase on the slick ground, he fish tailed as he peeled out and his heart soared with how awesome it must have looked.

The roads were slippery but he refused to adjust his speed even when he could feel the tires losing their grip and skid occasionally. It was a disappointment that he didn't crash. Upon the arrival at his apartment he started drinking heavily, partly to fuel his anger, partly to dull the familiar ache of wanting and needing Chibs. His jaw clenched under the intensity of the wanting and in an attempt to 'get it out of his system' and Jax, understanding nothing, had suggested he pulled his aching dick out of his pants. His thoughts focused on Chibs the entire time, his hand between their bodies, Chibs's mouth sucking him off. Juice came hard but felt no relief in it; so much for forgetting.

Juice felt like crying as he wiped his hand off but instead he grabbed the bottle of whiskey from the table and chugged it down, the glass clanking against his teeth painfully. They say that for every high there must be a low, and the high felt fucking cheap if this was the low. Who was he kidding? Every second with Chibs had been worth it, but as Juice drank while the night grew long and cool he knew it wouldn't ever be enough. Eventually, when the room was spinning around him even sitting and he felt like he was dying, he stumbled to bed and let sleep claim him.

(~~~~)

There was blood in his mouth, not Miles's, his own blood.

"Shh, s'alrigh, go back to sleep."

With that voice in Juice's ear everything swung into place with dizzying speed, there were arms around him, Chibs's body wrapped against his back; a quick twist and he shoved Chibs out of the bed and onto the floor. The room spun as Juice struggled to stand up, taking one head clearing breath before he charged at the man trying to stand to his feet. Chibs and Juice crashed into the wall making Chibs groan, Juice missed his mark on the first try hitting the wall with his fist with a dull thud, but he merely tried again. His fist connected with Chibs's jaw and Juice rained blows down onto the man satisfied when he pulled his knuckles away wet with the man's blood.

Chibs finally recovered enough to shove Juice away and slam into the bed, Juice tried to stay on his feet while the room swam; he swayed with it and laughed humorlessly.

"You knew it wasn't fucking allowed, so why?" Juice spat at the Scotsman who was looking up at where he stood from where Chibs sat on the floor, wiping the blood from his face. They were both panting but Chibs didn't answer as he stood up and walked to where Juice was attempting to stay on his feet. "Well?" Juice demanded shoving Chibs who still didn't respond.

"I don't get it, you could have chosen anyone to fuck with, why me?" Juice asked angrily. He closed his eyes and remembered the conversation they had had somewhere near the beginning of this whole shitty mess where he'd told Chibs he loved him. God, he felt sick. That made him think about the time he had blurted it out during sex, which sent Juice running for the bathroom. The alcohol burned just as much coming up as it did going down, he dragged himself up to the sink and saw that he looked like shit in the mirror.

He held his head under the tap and washed his face, he drank some water in an attempt to get the vile taste from his mouth. When he emerged from the bathroom Chibs was waiting, sitting at Juice's kitchen table again. The house wasn't moving anymore but Juice's movements were shaky as he rummaged through the kitchen drawers looking for a peppermint; when he found one he held it up to the light to inspect it then popped it into his mouth and swirled it.

"How'd you get in?" Juice croaked, the words felt like sandpaper to his throat.

"What happened to your wrist?" Chibs asked as his eyes flicked to Juice's mangled wrist, dodging the question completely. Fine, two can play that game, Juice thought, pointedly ignoring the question as well. He watched as Chibs offered him a cigarette but he shook his head and watched as Chibs lit one and inhaled deeply.

"It can't go any farther than it already has, this has to be it," Chibs informed him. Juice observed the man gesturing with his cigarette between them to indicate what he meant, us; last time Juice checked he had already broken it off so this little show of dominance really pissed him off. The memory of waking up to Chibs wrapped around him flashed through his mind and Juice's anger flared up again.

"What the fuck where you doing wrapped about me then huh? Decided you could just fucking sleep with me then slip out in the morning?" Juice yelled at Chibs, he threw himself into one of the chairs and grabbed one of the cigarettes from the pack and lit it.

"Tell me you'll be fine," Chibs asked on a sigh, again ignoring the questions Juice fired at him. Juice raised his eyes, the bastard had some nerve, Juice ground his barely lit cigarette with slow, vicious twists into the ashtray.

"No, unlike you, I'm not gonna lie. I don't think I'll get over you but let's not dwell on that okay?" Juice replied, it sounded bitter and awesome, and Juice felt triumphant at finally getting the sarcastic bits down. Chibs's face was pleading with him to stop but Juice continued mercilessly.

"Look at me, look me in the fucking eyes and tell me that you don't want this as much as I do; tell me you don't wish we would have it and don't give me your 'it's only gonna trip up us' shit. Tell me you don't give a damn about me, if it's the truth, I dare you." Juice challenged fearlessly.

The Scotsman looked anywhere but at Juice, his cigarette dangling forgotten between his fingers as he swallowed thickly and repeatedly. When Chibs finally did look up, Juice realized that for once he had floored Chibs, knocked him out, defeated him.

"You were never just anyone to me, never will be," Chibs admitted hoarsely. Their eyes met briefly but immediately parted and Juice found himself swallowing thickly, the ache for the man sitting in front of his returned with a force that almost made Juice drop to his knees. Instead he looked out the window and saw that it was no longer night, but morning and it was over.

Juice cleared his throat as Chibs pushed his chair back and got to his feet roughly; Juice extended his hand towards the man awkwardly but Chibs ignored his hand.

"Fuck that," Chibs said as he drew Juice in for a kiss, it was heated and slightly tinged with anger. They could have fucked right then and there, one for the road so to speak, and maybe they should have. But they didn't, later Juice wondered if it would've made things easier or harder. It wouldn't change that he couldn't touch Chibs anymore, it wouldn't change anything; they would always and constantly be reminded, by the Sons surround them, that that brought them together also kept them apart.

(~~~~~)

Later that day

Juice walked out of the clubhouse with Jax and the rest of the guys, and saw Chibs riding into the lot and his chest suddenly constricted. He had made the decision fast, without second thoughts or doubt, it wasn't long term or because he didn't want to be a Son; no, it was because he had to get the fuck away from the man now walking towards the group.

The look on the scots face made it clear he knew something was up but Juice didn't give him the chance to say anything, didn't even look at him as he slipped the cut from his back and handed it to Jax. His president took it from him, meeting Juice's eyes briefly, before they flicked to the man standing behind Juice.

"Good luck," Jax said, his voice firm but his eyes were sad. Juice looked at his brothers standing behind their president. They shook hands briefly, the other Sons coming forward to pat his back and wish him luck; receiving hugs from Happy and Gemma. He turned on his heel, glancing briefly at the pained expression on Chibs's face as he finally realized what Juice was doing. He opened his mouth to say something but Juice walked directly past him and over to his bike, ignoring the man that had been everything him. He felt tears well in his eyes as he mounted his bike; he began to pull on his helmet before realizing that it was the clubs. He stared at it through the blurriness that was in his eyes before he got back off his bike and hung it on Chibs's handle bars.

Without a backwards glance he left the lot, left the club, and left Chibs.

(~~~~)

When the sound of Juice's motorcycle had faded away and the other Sons had returned to the clubhouse; Jax and Chibs remained outside. Jax watched Chibs closely, noting the way the man was breathing heavily his fist clenched into balls. Jax was taken aback when Chibs suddenly turned his gaze to his own and the look of misery on Chibs's face made his heart freeze.

"He left?" Chibs asked stupidly, the misery on his face echoed in his tone.

"Nomad," Jax confirmed and felt completely helpless as the hardened Scotsman fell to his knees staring at the spot where Juice's bike had just been, the only reminder of the younger man's presence was the bike helmet that was swinging from the older man's handle bars.

Chibs/Juice

This is the last chapter that belongs to BookJunk, so what you recognize is hers. This isn't the end, so no worries, leave me your thoughts if you want.