A/N Hi! All of your awesome reviews made me SO excited for the rest of this story, especially what I have in store for Logan! This chapter is just some whump for the other boys, who are still in shock from Logan's disappearance. Um I Was super busy the past couple of weeks so I know I didn't get a chance to reply to any reviews, so this time I PROMISE I am going to reply to EVERY review I get this chapter! Sometimes I get sidetracked and forget :/ But this time I won't!
Kendall's eyes snapped open to meet pure darkness. His heart pounded wildly as the screams faded from his ears, leaving nothing but the sounds of his own panting. He had a spine tingling feeling that Logan was in trouble and needed him. He dreamt that Logan was having a nightmare. But when Kendall woke up and turned on the light, he remembered that Logan was not in his bed having a nightmare.
Tears welled up in Kendall's eyes at the sight of Logan's empty bed. He couldn't stand not knowing where his friend was.
Figuring sleep would no longer come to him tonight, Kendall slowly rose out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen. He wasn't planning on eating. He hadn't had an appetite since Logan's disappearance. He would probably just stare blankly at the wall, like he had been doing all day.
They'd read all of Logan's journal entries only to find that their dear, sweet friend-innocent, happy little Logan, was showing signs of depression and anxiety.
And they hadn't even known. They passed off his bad behavior as stress, and the thought that Logan was actually hurting never even crossed their minds. How could they be so blind?
Kendall cursed himself, feeling nothing but self-loathing for ignoring some pretty serious signs that Logan was not alright. He didn't even notice that Carlos was sitting in the dark kitchen at the counter, his sippy cup grasped firmly in his hands and a blanket around his shoulder, until Kendall heard a sniffle and saw wide, dark eyes nearly glowing in the moonlight.
"Carlos? What are you doing up?" Kendall cleared his throat, his voice stuck with emotion.
"I can't sleep without him here," Carlos admitted. He scratched the back of his neck timidly.
"I know buddy. Me either," Kendall said softly. "I keep thinking he's just going to walk right through the door…" His voice caught in his throat again as he watched the door hopefully. Maybe Logan would come back any second, all apologies and cuddles, safe in Kendall's arms again and begging for the forgiveness that Kendall would undoubtedly give him, as long as he promised to never pull a stunt like this again.
But Kendall and Carlos both knew that wasn't going to happen.
"What do you think happened to him?" Carlos asked, and Kendall's heart broke at how childlike and absolutely scared he sounded.
"I don't know buddy," Kendall muttered, looking down at the kitchen tiles. Carlos studied his best friend's face. He had the dark shadows in his eyes that appeared every time he told a lie, and he only ever muttered when he didn't want to admit something, or when it hurt too much to say what was on his mind.
"Kendall? What are you thinking?" Carlos asked. "Do you know where he is?"
"No Carlos, I don't have any idea where he could be," Kendall said a bit loudly. He fell into a chair and buried his face in his arms, face pressed against the kitchen counter. Carlos watched in shock as the bigger boy's shoulders began to tremble with tiny sobs, then ran to James' bedroom, stumbling thru the darkness to get to his bed.
"James! James, wake up," Carlos pleaded, tugging on the sleeping boy's arm. James groaned and rolled over.
"What, what is it? Is Logan home?" James asked immediately, blinking the sleep out of his eyes and sitting up so quickly that he wavered with dizziness.
"N-no," Carlos whispered. James froze, looing lie somebody had just slapped him on the face.
"W-what's going on, 'Litos?" He asked, a million fearful thoughts running through his mind that there was only bad news about Logan's whereabouts.
"Kendall's crying and I don't know what to do," The Latino admitted.
"Oh jeez," James murmured. He had known something like this was going to happen. He only just fell asleep moments ago, simply out of pure exhaustion. It was hard to rest knowing your best friend/little brother could be in danger. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and trudged to the kitchen to comfort Kendall.
"Hey buddy," James whispered, putting a firm hand on Kendall's quivering back. "What's wrong?"
"Oh-James," Kendall squeaked out, wiping his hands over his face and straightening up, as if he could pull off looking like he wasn't just crying his eyes out. "What- I thought you were asleep?"
"Carlos woke me up," James said softly. He studied Kendall's red, tear streaked face for a second before pulling him by the arm to the couch, gesturing for Carlos to come with. They settled onto the bright orange couch, James in the middle with Carlos curled up at his right side and Kendall on his left. "Come on, talk to me guys. What's goin' through your mind?" James pushed Kendall's blonde hair from his face soothingly.
"I just… W-what if…" Kendall choked on another sob. He wished he could stop crying but the tears kept coming. How the hell could he expected to stay strong when one of the most important people in his life was missing?
"It's okay Kendall, it's okay to cry. We're all freaked out of our minds right now. And I think we are even in shock. Nothing like this has ever happened to us before." James said sadly. It was true. The boys were all happy go lucky teenagers with great lives, or so they thought. And this was the kind of stuff that only happened in movies. They were all supposed to be together, safe from the world as long as they were with each other.
"James, those journal entries weren't normal," Kendall said, his voice broken and hoarse and James couldn't help but wrap an arm around his thin frame and pull him close, trying to comfort him best he could under the circumstances. "He was so sad. What if he… James what if he just ended it, because it was all too much?"
"What?" James breathed out, his stomach twisting into a panicked knot. Not once had he suspected anything like that. Logan would never commit suicide, right?
"Kendall, don't say that!" Carlos cried out, tears pouring from innocent eyes. Kendall looked away guiltily.
"What if it's true?" The blonde wondered, and he suddenly had all these images of Logan dying alone and on purpose. His blood ran cold and his stomach felt nauseous. James held Kendall and Carlos in alarm. Kendall was shaking like a leaf all of a sudden and Carlos had started to bawl his eyes out in disbelief.
"No, no guys, ssh. He's okay. He just needs some time, some space. He would never hurt himself!" James tried to reason, although the idea wasn't too far off. Kendall had a point, sickening as it was. But he couldn't let them think like this, it would destroy them from the inside out. If they couldn't stay strong, there would be no hope in finding Logan. "He's not dead, or hurt! And we'll find him. We'll do whatever it takes, whether the authorities help us or not. Somebody has got to have seen him around somewhere. Logan's a predicable person. He wouldn't do anything dangerous."
"He also wouldn't just let us sit here scared out of our minds wondering where he is," Kendall argued.
"I know, I know," James whispered, pressing a hand to his forehead.
"I'm really scared, James. I want Logan back," Kendall said. He was blinking back tears again. "I can't believe this is happening."
James sighed and leaned over, turning the side lamp off so the room would be enveloped in darkness. "We need sleep so we can find Logie. We'll sleep in here because I don't know about you but I can't be alone right now."
Carlos and Kendall both silently agreed, lying down on the large couch. James and Carlos were curled together, and Kendall rested his head on James' legs. James covered them up with a blanket, trying to make them as comfortable as possible, all while wondering how he was keeping up this strong façade for his friends, and how long it would last.
A/N I'm sorry Kendall was so vulnerable but I was in the mood for a vulnerable Kendall okay. Goodness knows he's gonna turn stone hard and stubborn soon. The vulnerableness won't last for long. Is that even a word idk. Omg I'm so tired. Sorry if this chapter was whatever. Um, happy valentines day though I hope everyone had a wonderful lovey dovey time and got some chocolates and stuffs. I love you guys! xoxoxoxo