A/N Hey everybody! Sorry I took a little break from FF! Things have been crazy with my new job and holidays and such. But I'm back with a new story! I have a couple of things to say before we get started.

1; As of right now, all of my other stories are on hold. Basically, life got way too busy and I lost my inspiration for them, and I'm trying to get it back, but I have been working on Trapped and Silence for a year now and I just need a break from them. I'm sorry if anybody hates me for that. I just really want to work on a few new stories for the holidays.

2; This story deals with very dark things, a bit different than what I normally write. The rating will go up to M later. It is EXTREME Logan whump, but nothing very graphic, just dark situations. Anything really bad won't happen until about 10 or 12 chapters in, anyway. I already have several chapters written of this story, so updates will be frequent. My goal is to finish it by Christmas, but we'll see. All the boys except for Logan are 18. Mrs. Knight and Katie still live in Minnesota, it is just the boys who live in LA.

3; I know this chapter isn't very good, but it gets better later on… I think… I hope you guys like it. IDon't knock it before you try it! Haha.

WARNINGS (I'm only doing one of these, applies for the entire story): Extreme bromance, whumpiness, violence, scary and dark situations, language, non-con sexual situations. No slash. Oh and I don't own anything.

"Dude, we need to talk about Logan. Right now." James took a step in front of Kendall, blocking him from leaving the living room, huge arms crossed in front of his chest. He decided he would not budge until he and Kendall discussed why on earth Logan had been acting so strange lately. The younger boy's behavior was really startling James, and he wanted to know if Kendall noticed this too or if it was just all his imagination.

"Logan? Why?" Kendall asked, genuinely confused, several books tucked tightly underneath his arm. He had just been on his way to his and Logan's bedroom to study for finals coming up. It was a stressful time for the 12th graders. Between all the work they had to get done as a band, they hadn't enough time to study and all of their grades were falling dangerously behind. "I kind of don't have time, dude. I know you don't care about your grades but I kind of do and I need to study so whatever it is, can it wait?"

James shook his head defiantly, long wisps of brown hair flying into his eyes. "No, Kendall- that's not true, I do care about my grades but I care about Logan more. Something's up with him. I think we've just been too busy to notice."

Kendall cocked a bushy eyebrow. He didn't know what James was talking about honestly. "What do you mean? He's been fine. He's been busy-we all are- but he's fine… Isn't he?"

"I don't think he is, Kendall. This past month has been so insane, but I've noticed that Logan's not eating very much. I saw his homework and he got worse grades than all three of us, yet he's been studying so much that he stays up all night doing his homework. Have you seen how tired he looks? He's pale all the time, more so than usual with bags underneath his eyes. Gustavo has been yelling at him non-stop because his dancing and vocals are lacking, and when's the last time you've heard him laugh, Kendall?" James finished, his honey brown eyes staring into Kendall's slightly desperately. Kendall felt kind of like he was punched in the stomach as James relayed all this information. The brunet was right. They had been so wrapped up in school and work and the band that he had failed to notice something wasn't right with his youngest friend. He had skipped dinner not only tonight, but several nights out of the past couple of weeks, and there had been many times when Kendall had to carry a passed out, over-worked Logan to bed after falling asleep doing homework or memorizing songs.

"I'll talk to him. I'm sure he's okay," Kendall assured James. "He might be coming down with something."

"Do you think he's sick?" James asked, biting his lower lip with concern. He'd feel really bad if Logan hadn't been feeling good this whole time and his illness was just ignored. But if Logan wasn't sick, then what could it be that was making him so sluggish and moody?

"Maybe… You know how Logan is, he'll hide everything until he can't anymore, even if he's really sick," Kendall said.

"Yeah well he learns from the best," James said, gesturing to Kendall, who ducked his head guiltily. "Let me know how he is as soon as you find out. I'll be in my room."

"Sure thing James," Kendall said. James finally let him get through to his bedroom. Kendall knocked once on his and Logan's door. A brief and mumbled reply came from inside the room and Kendall figured it meant "come in."

"Knock, knock," Kendall sang out softly, closing the door behind him. Their room was dark save for a single table lamp next to Logan, who sat hunched over his desk with endless piles of papers and books stacked up in front of him. Logan did not reply, he didn't even look up at Kendall, who stood there somewhat awkwardly waiting for Logan to say something.

"Can we talk?" Kendall asked.

"I'm kinda busy right now," Logan said, his voice sounding a bit hoarse. That had been his reply to everything lately, and Kendall hadn't thought anything of it until now. This wasn't normal. Logan had been holed up in their room since before dinner, and it was now nearly midnight. The kid hadn't moved once.

"You still working on your homework? It's been hours, dude."

"No I finished mine an hour ago. This is Carlos' homework. Can't we talk tomorrow, Kendall?" Logan asked, never breaking eye contact with his book.

After careful consideration, Kendall decided he didn't care if Logan got angry with him; he reached over and slammed Logan's books shut and snatched his pencil right from his fingers.

"Kendall!" Logan whined loudly, his cheeks turning bright red as he fumbled for the pencil that was now secure in Kendall's hand.

"Calm down, it's not the end of the world. I'm making you take a break," Kendall said.

"You can't make me do anything," Logan hissed. "Now I just want to be alone, okay?"

"I can make you do anything because I'm the big brother. Now I didn't come in here to yell at you, Logan. You've been in here for hours and hours. You haven't eaten or drank anything since early this afternoon. I'm worried about you."

Logan looked down at his sneakers and scratched the back of his neck, his ears heating up with embarrassment, because Kendall was looking at him with that pout that said "I know something is up and if you don't fess, I'm going to be really upset and make you feel really bad about it."

Kendall grabbed his own desk chair and wheeled up to Logan, studying his features for a moment. Logan blushed under the scrutinizing glare. Despite his flushed cheeks, he was awfully pale, and he just looked so tired.

"Listen, Logie, James and I have noticed that you're unwell. Is there something you want to tell me?"

"No," Logan said quickly, quietly. He didn't want to talk about anything, not even to Kendall, even though that was the one person he felt perfectly safe telling anything to.

"Then there's no reason as to why you haven't been eating? Or why you have been moody and haven't even cracked a smile today? Are you feeling okay?"

"Yes, I feel fine. I'm not sick Kendall," Logan lied. Kendall leaned over and touched Logan's forehead with his palm anyway, making Logan roll his eyes. He was actually a tad warm, but still denied feeling under the weather.

"I've just been really stressed lately. Gustavo's been a butthead and school is weighing me down. I guess I'm just tired," Logan said. For some reason, he felt stupid for admitting that he wasn't doing so good. He should have known better than to feel stupid over something like that, it's not like Kendall would laugh at him or tell him to suck it up and do better, like his father would do to him. Instead, Kendall did just the opposite and wrapped an arm around his shoulders and rubbed his back for a minute.

"Carlos can do his own homework, buddy. You need to go to bed, get some sleep," Kendall said softly, pressing his nose into Logan's minty scented hair.

"Really?" Logan asked, as if it was the greatest thing ever to be granted permission to go to sleep early for once. He had pulled an all-nighter last night and he wanted nothing more than to just cuddle into his bed and fall asleep.

Kendall answered by dragging Logan to his bed and pushing him down against his blankets. He untied his shoes and threw them aside, then tucked his comforter up to his chin. "Good night, Logie."

Finally, Logan cracked a tiny smile, but something was missing from his usual sweet, goofy grin, as if his smile didn't quite reach his eyes and his dimples.

"Night Kendall," Logan whispered. Kendall clicked off the lamp and left the room to finish his homework in the kitchen. Logan snuggled into his pillow and closed his eyes, but sleep didn't come as easily as he thought it would. His mind was racing, filled with facts for his science test and the harsh bellows of Gustavo yelling at him for screwing up so much and the musical counts for the dance they were trying to learn in rehearsals.

Finally, Logan sighed and wiggled out of bed to grab his journal and pen, hoping that getting his thoughts on paper would help care his mind long enough for him to sleep. He had found refuge many times in his journal, and truthfully his past entries kind of scared him. He had been way too stressed out for his own good, so most of his entries were depressing.

12-1-2012

My anxiety has been really bad today. It makes me feel sick to my stomach all the time. I don't know how to make the bad feelings go away, but all day long I was plagued with thoughts of how much I want it to end, literally, and that terrifies me. I dread going to school, something I used to love so much. School just isn't the same here. I exceeded in school in Minnesota and was part of so many academic programs and I was on the fast track to becoming a doctor. Everything was so good in Minnesota. I never once felt like this back at home. Yeah, it's cool being away from my dickhead father, and yeah, LA was fun at first but now all the glitter and gold has worn itself out. I just want to be a good student studying to be a doctor again, but instead, I'm in this silly boy band. It's almost like a waste of time. I mean I love this band more than anything, and I want my friends to be happy more then I care about my own happiness. But I just don't think I can do it anymore, go to the studio every day and spend hours singing and dancing and getting yelled at by Gustavo. Nothing I do is good enough in this band. I just don't want to do it anymore. I hate it so much. I want things to go back to the way they were. I want to go home. I don't want to be a part of Big Time Rush anymore.

Logan sniffled, a couple of stray tears plopping onto the paper, smearing the ink a bit. He wiped his eyes hastily and shoved his journal under his pillow. Footsteps could be heard coming down the hall, and his door creaked open. Logan closed his eyes and pretended he was asleep. He heard Kendall tiptoe to his bed and a warm, large hand touched his forehead gently, comforting Logan. Kendall "Hmm'd" and let his hand linger on Logan's head for a moment before running his fingers through his tousled hair. Logan definitely had a touch of a fever. Kendall made a mental note to keep a much closer eye on Logan and went to bed.

Logan laid awake, waiting for Kendall's breathing to even out. When he heard faint snoring, he crept out of bed and crawled under Kendall's covers. The blonde was laying on his side, his arms wrapped around his torso and knees pulled up to his chest, thin lips forming a sleeping pout. Logan scooted closer to Kendall and snuggled against his back, letting his arm fall around Kendall's waist. He buried his face into the back of Kendall's neck and closed his eyes, finally, finally, falling asleep.

A/N So… Do we want the rest of the story? Should I keep going? Too bad, I'm going to keep posting anyway. Maybe. ;) I promise it gets better! So… Review?