The Soundtrack for this chapter is: "Just For Now" by Imogen Heap

The morning after Izaya's breakdown they were still unable to catch any sleep, so they drugged themselves up on coffee and watched soap operas on the couch with their fingers entwined until they feel asleep against one another. Days following, they didn't speak of what had happened, treated it like it didn't exist, and stuck to one another like they were super glued.

Two weeks after their unsuccessful copulation, they found themselves in bed just lounging about in the silence. It was late in the afternoon, the sun just setting on their skyscraper cityscape, the building they could see through their window with just a few lights left on. The walls of the room had turned a dark gold and red as the sun made its slow descent.

"I think that Tsuki was like you in that he was a secondhand reactant of S-0983, it would explain why he was so smart...while you got strength he gained universal intelligence...it makes...sense..."

Shizuo said nothing, only pulling Izaya closer to him so that they spooned together like puzzle pieces.

"I...I wish I remembered what it was like in heaven...what I saw...because even if I was there for a few hours I wonder...I wonder if Tsuki was there...if I was with him there..."

Shizuo squeezed around his waist and buried his nose in the other's silken tresses. "I'm sure he was there, without a doubt, and I'm sure he wants you to move on, Izaya, to live a life of happiness for the rest of our lives. When we go, when we eventually both go, then we can go see him together yeah?" Izaya nodded, the motioned tickling Shizuo's face but he didn't mention it.

"Neh Shizuo?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you would have ever loved me back if I hadn't returned to see you all one last time?"

"..."

Shizuo wasn't going to lie, he had thought about it before. He didn't like the answer.

"No, I don't think I would have, how could I have? The Izaya I knew was a horrible person, because you wanted to seem that way. No...I think this may have all been fate somehow." Shizuo held his breath, not knowing how Izaya would react. Izaya squirmed in his hold so he loosed his grip around the other's waist, and the raven turned so he could face his lover. He smiled brightly, softly, kindly, "Yeah, I think so too." He leaned up and kissed Shizuo on the mouth, lips lingering and slowly parting.

Shizuo took the invitation, delving his tongue into the other's mouth, letting them wrestle together like a dance that only they knew the moves too. Izaya arched against him, threading his finger's into his blonde hair that had begun to show brown at the roots. Shizuo's hands moved on their own, one cupping Izaya's head and other resting on his lower back. The kiss grew more heated, and Izaya felt like his head was clouding. He couldn't think of anything but Shizuo, of anything but how good pressing against him felt.

Shizuo rolled them over, Izaya pressed underneath him but he wasn't about to complain. Izaya's hands drifted, going from tangled in Shizuo's hair to finding the bottom of Shizuo's shirt. He gave a gentle tug, to let his partner know what he wanted, and Shizuo pulled back from the kiss. He looked worried for him, confused and scared even, but Izaya knew it was right-he knew this was what he wanted, what he needed.

"Off." he said, his mind still a bit fuzzy from loss of oxygen.

"Are you sure?" asked Shizuo, clearly not thinking that the raven was ready.

"As sure as I'll ever be."

Shizuo tugged off his shirt, and Izaya did the same, tossing the clothes they had worn the night it went so wrong, both hoping it wouldn't go down the same path again. Shizuo couldn't take it again, the guilt that had crushed him was like a freight train to his heart, and Izaya was just so sick of feeling like an invalid.

And he was nothing if not a survivor.

Shizuo ran his hands over Izaya's chest as their mouth's met once more, and Izaya keened from the sensation, arching into the touch like a cat. The air was hot and heavy, saliva dripping down his chin, but he was beginning to feel that creeping darkness seep into the room once more. He felt himself slipping, felt the bed underneath him give way to a chasm of fear, and Izaya broke the kiss and managed a choke sound before he ruined things again.

"L-Lights! I-I need-light please, S-Shizuo get the lights!" He hated the weakness in his voice, the tears that had started to blur his vision, but the room had gone unnaturally dark and he felt terror set deep in his bones. Shizuo reached over to the bedside lamp and tugged the chain, and suddenly that impenetrable darkness so similar to the dark of those demons in that horrid basement disappeared as the lamp did its job.

Izaya huffed a smile and pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes, pushing back the tears and sniffing a few times before he lifted his hands away to look at a terrified Shizuo. Izaya smiled encouragingly, a lopsided smirk, "I think the lights help a lot, thanks Shizuo. We can continue like this now." He meant it, the room bathed in bright light that left no corner a monster's hiding place. The lamp was high tech wattage that was bright enough that he had no need for an overhead light, doing a perfect blinding job all on its own. He had Shiki to thank for such a gift, however his 'father' was the last thing on his mind at the moment.

Shizuo moved back and it was all tongue in mouth, sloppy and wet but perfect and complete. His windows were oneway glass, and so even if there were any perverts in the office building next-door who had yet to go home they would see a dark window, an empty apartment. Shizuo kissed down his jaw, and played with his chest. He mewled and whined, and worked off both their boxers despite being so close together, having to pull off Shizuo's with his feet, tickling the blonde in the process.

He could see in the dark, but that wasn't the problem, it was unnatural darkness that had crept it-but now with the lamp it took away that horror. Izaya felt nothing, at least nothing he had ever felt before, and he wasn't sure if it was a bad thing or a good thing. He was aroused, a tingling in his gut and an anxiety in his bones. He felt like he needed, like he just needed touch, needed to touch, needed to be touched.

He wanted closure, wanted this to be perfect because he needed it be perfect. This couldn't be sex, this can't be sex, he couldn't think of it that way.

Because sex was bad.

"I'm going to make love to you, Izaya."

Izaya cocked his head to the side, did he read my mind? He smiled, they kissed, and it was heaven. He prepped him like before, with lube and a pleasant burn he barely registered, and when he entered him slowly Shizuo's held his face in his hands with their foreheads together until he was in completely. Izaya felt full, he felt strange, he felt complete.

He nodded to Shizuo after a few moments of catching his breath, and on the first slow thrust Shizuo nailed his prostate. Stars exploded in front of his eyes like white lights, and he choked on his saliva. It had felt good, better than good, and it was an alien but not unwelcome feeling. He knew the anatomy, was denied the experience his whole life, but he had never expected it to feel so good.

He urged Shizuo to continue, tears of pleasure in his eyes and saliva running down his chin, his noises of pleasure unrestrained and would be downright embarrassing if he was coherent enough to care. Each surge of euphoria sent his mind reeling and his voice escalating, and he vaguely registered himself begging Shizuo to go harder, to go faster.

Shizuo naturally complied and he threw back his head and cried out, his release close, a bit too fast for his liking-but he had been denied such pleasure his whole life and there was no judgment here. Shizuo's hips were stuttering and Izaya knew he was close to his completion as well, and so he wrapped his arms around the other's neck and kissed him like he was dying.

White flashed behind his closed eyelids as he climaxed, and a groan from the man above him and a familiar rush of heat inside of him let him know that Shizuo had too. Their chests heaving, they broke apart the kiss with sluggish resistance, a trail of saliva linking them before they broke it with distance. Izaya felt himself coming down from his euphoric high, his body radiating heat and his skin sticky with sweat and a warmth in his abdomen that usually made him feel disgusting but now made him feel strangely safe.

He beamed up at Shizuo who beamed right back, drops of tears dropping down on the raven's face to mingle with his own. Shizuo gently eased out and Izaya bit his tongue to prevent the whimper of loss from leaving his lips at the sudden emptiness. "Want me to clean you up?" Shizuo asked, his voice strangely hoarse despite the limited noise he had made. Izaya shook his head and pulled Shizuo back down so they could cuddle.

"In the morning."

"Alright."

"..."

"I love you so damn much, Izaya, never forget that."

"..."

"Izaya?"

But Izaya was sound asleep, nightmares gone for what he hoped was for good, his head resting over his lover's heartbeat, the sound a gentle reminder that he was finally safe.

Sunlight filtered into the bedroom as the sun rose, and Izaya scrunched up his nose when the light hit his eyes. He groaned and blinked his eyes open slowly, sitting up just as sluggishly, a heaviness in his limbs and a soreness in his lower back-thankfully the latter wasn't unbearable. He smiled to himself, the room empty but his heart full, and, feeling the sweat and other substances sticking all over him, made a beeline for the shower.

He stumbled into the glass stall, shutting the door behind him with stuttering movements. Scrubbing himself clean, he felt something strange on his hand. Looking down at his left hand, he found a familiar silver band on his ring finger. He stared at it for a long time before he broke out into a goofy smile.

"Shizuo you're such a sappy softy."

He hurried to finish his shower, dried off quickly and threw on a black tee and matching shorts, complete with fuzzy hot pink socks before padding into the kitchen. Shizuo was leaning over the counter, facing the large glass windows and watching the sun rise with a cup of steaming coffee in his hands. Izaya took a deep breath and ran over to him, surprising him by wrapping his arms around him tightly. Shizuo jolted but managed not to spill his coffee, setting it down on the counter before squirming around in his lover's tight hold to face him.

He didn't need to look at Shizuo's hands to see if he was wearing the other ring, he just held him close and whispered 'yes' over and over again, grinning like an idiot. Shizuo mimicked his happy smile and twirled him around the kitchen, and Izaya laughed in a way he hadn't in a long time.

Shizuo just put him down on the ground and kissed him like he was a soldier returning from war when the door to the apartment opened.

"Uhhh...I don't...I don't understand..."

Kasuka stood in the doorway, a bag of groceries in one hand and a spare key in the other. How exactly he had found a copy of izaya's apartment key was most likely Shiki's doing, probably for laughs. Shizuo gently pulled away from Izaya, but kept them joined at the hip, looking at his brother with a comical half smirk. He hadn't heard from his brother since all those calls he kept blocking, hadn't spoke to him in nearly sixth months.

He grinned, tipping his head onto Izaya's, threading their finger's together and rubbing a circle into his lover's hip.

"It's a long story."

FIN