Chapter 37: Crossover 2: Ninjas

Chapter 37: In Which Smocks Goes With The Flow

"You go first."

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto! What I like is instant ramen, but what I like more than that is the ramen that they serve at Ichiraku that Iruka-sensei treats me to. What I dislike is the three minutes that I have to wait after preparing instant ramen. My dream is to be Hokage and get the village to acknowledge me!"

"Alright. The girl."

"My name is Matsui Hiyori. I like puzzles and mystery novels. I dislike it when things go easy. My hobby is training and learning about new jutsu. And my dream is to become a jounin!"

"Interesting. Okay, the last one."

"I'm Sasuke. Uh, Uchiha Sasuke. I like books. I dislike…waking up early, I guess. My hobby is writing. My dream is to make it to be a chuunin."

Kakashi eyed Smocks critically. "You don't even want to be a shinobi, do you?"

Smocks shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"No, I suppose not. But if you want to survive the long run, I suggest that you straighten up your act," the man said cheerfully before dropping his tone for a more serious one. "Life as a shinobi is full of blood, sweat, and tears, and those who are halfhearted in their efforts are the ones buried six feet under. If I were you, I'd take that in mind."

"Oh, that's not good," Smocks said, frowning.

"No, it isn't."

"Then can I quit now? It's rather evident that I'm not up for this lifestyle."

From the corner of her eye, she saw Bossun bring a hand to his face and Naruto's eyebrows furrow. Kakashi crossed his arms against his chest and hummed contemplatively. "Now let me see about that…"

Sixty minutes in and Smocks had finished her laps. When she returned to the rooftop, sweaty and panting, Kakashi and Naruto were gone. There was only an unimpressed Bossun who informed her where they were supposed to meet tomorrow for their test.

Smocks grunted her thanks before collapsing onto the ground.

According to Bossun, all super cool protagonists required an accessory that would become their defining feature. Like a Pikachu, a pair of goggles, or a facial scar.

But since Inuzuka Kiba had already laid claim to having a cute animal tagalong, goggles represented symbolism and parallelism and Obito (whoever that was), and self-inflicting facial scars was a bit much (not to mention how almost everyone had one), Bossun had to think of something else.

He finally settled for a red beanie.

"It even has horns like how your other hat had," Smocks said. "But it kind of feels lacking. Are you really not gonna include goggles?"

"I already told you—symbolism and parallelism and Obito," Bossun said firmly. "Oh, and there's Konohamaru who decided to be a Naruto copycat."

Bossun appeared tomboyish with his short messy brown hair, shorts, and hoodie. His wardrobe pretty much had carried over from one world to the next. On top of that, he had shed his fake girly personality in favor of his real one. Smocks wondered if this was Bossun's way of retaining normalcy.

Switch, on the other hand, seemed to embrace his new life as an heiress with some adjustments.

He also began to behave like himself, but only gradually to avoid suspicion. The adults regarded the change as something to do with puberty, and had even likened Switch to be like his mother. He was stoic and poised like Lady Yamanaka, yet he displayed moments of tomfoolery that Yamanaka Inoichi had reveled in as a boy.

Despite his princess act, Switch had traded pretty looks for a more sensible style. He pinned his bangs back, had his hair cut into a bob, and donned a battle kimono. This was actually more befitting for someone of his status; it made Switch seem like he was taking this ninja business more seriously.

Smocks could see that Switch was really into roleplaying. Switch had even admitted that he was inspired by the several fantasy reincarnation mangas that he had read. Whatever that meant.

As for Smocks, she was a bit at loss as to what to do with shinobi fashion, much less boy fashion. She decided to take a page out of one of her classmate's book and opt for simplicity. She wore one of the many high-collared shirts that belonged to a deceased cousin and a pair of trousers that she found on retail. That was it.

Switch and Bossun had criticized her for not going for canon Sasuke's theme color, which was blue, but she ignored them. What was wrong with green? Was it because it clashed with the Sharingan's red?

For reasons that Smocks could think of but couldn't be so sure, Naruto disliked her.

He often challenged her to matches, pushed her around, called her names, and stole her eggrolls. He didn't resemble any of the shounen manga main characters that Smocks had known—the ones who always did the right thing, spouted monologues about friendships and unity, and was a bubbling cauldron of optimism.

Instead, Naruto was looking more like a bully.

One reason why that Smocks felt certain of was the fact that despite their similar origin stories—no parents, bottom of the class, losers—Smocks still had it better than him without trying. She had friends (even though Bossun and Switch had originally planned it for them to avoid her), teachers' coddling (which seemed to be that way compared to the disdain the adults directed at Naruto), and wealth (and a lot of it).

To rub salt into wound, Smocks could have not been a loser if she bothered to work for it. But she didn't. So for Naruto to see his fellow orphan obtain the recognition and love without so much as trying really fanned the flames of resentment and jealousy. It was why he picked on her and stole her eggrolls.

On Smocks's part, she honestly didn't see it any more than a mere inconvenience.

And she didn't really care that, when she arrived at the scheduled destination, she saw Naruto sneer at her and ask her about her run yesterday.

"Oh, you know," she replied indifferently, "tiring."

"Yeah, I bet," he taunted. "That's what you get, Sasuke!"

"Hm." Smocks dug through her pocket and pulled out a snack bar. She unwrapped it and took a large bite, relishing on the sweetness that coated her tongue. As she chewed, she noticed Naruto staring at her incredulously. "What?"

"You're not supposed to eat anything before training today!"

She blinked, puzzled. "I wasn't?"

"No! Didn't Hiyori tell you anything yesterday?"

"She just told me to come here in the morning." Smocks polished off the bar and proceeded opening another. "Since I was not informed properly, I get an ignorant pass."

"A what pass? Hey, stop eating!"

By the time Smocks had managed to finish eating four snack bars and Naruto had managed to wrangle eight away from her ("Why the heck do you have so many on you?"), Bossun finally made it to the scene. Standing behind Bossun were Switch and Sakura.

"You're late!" Naruto shouted at Bossun accusingly. "And—and why you do have them with you?"

"Our teams are not to meet up until the afternoon," Switch replied. "We are here to wish our friends good luck."

"Feh," Naruto scoffed, giving Smocks a sour look. "Are your only friends just girls? What kinda guy are you? You should be friends with other guys!"

"Let's be friends, then," Smocks said.

"What? With you? Fat chance!"

Bossun and Switch, being formerly boys, were neither in agreement nor disagreement with Naruto on his opinion about boys needing to be friends with other boys. Or perhaps they did agree with Naruto, but, for the sake of appearances, wouldn't express it. Sakura, on the other hand, knowing only a life as a girl, was annoyed by Naruto's comment.

"And what's wrong with being friends with just girls?" Sakura demanded, stepping around Bossun to size up Naruto.

Naruto immediately shrank back. "N-nothing! It's just—Sasuke just doesn't have any friends outside of girls, so it's weird, y'know?"

"It's not weird at all! And quit picking on Sasuke-kun! He's done nothing to you!"

One thing that didn't change from the original story was Sakura's feelings towards Sasuke. Apparently, Smocks being an incompetent shinobi didn't sway the way Sakura felt; if anything, according to Switch, Sakura viewed Smocks as a sensitive and adorably vulnerable boy who, despite his weaknesses, aspired to become a shinobi out of the love of his village.

Something about that description had reminded Smocks of a Pomeranian puppy.

Regardless, Sakura was staunch in her affection for her, which grew to be less awkward as Smocks became more comfortable by the idea that she was a handsome young man who was bound to garner attention from the fairer sex. Not to say that she was happy about it, but she was nevertheless used to it.

So while Sakura and Naruto were occupied, Smocks turned to Switch and asked what he was doing here.

"I wanted to see the main cast gathered here," Switch said, making a motion of wiping a tear from his eye, which looked weird since his face was entirely impassive.

"Although, Naruto is the only one who looks like he came straight out of canon," Bossun noted.

Did he mean Naruto's obnoxious orange jumpsuit? There ought to be outfit protocols set in place for all genin because wearing something as bright as that monstrosity was tantamount to wearing a neon sign declaring "I'M AN OPEN TARGET". Even Smocks had enough senses to dress up in something that could help blend her in her surroundings.

Smocks vaguely knew that canon Sakura had worn red. Distracting red? Maybe. But this Sakura now wore a sandy-colored top paired off with black fitted pants. Her hair was tied up into a high ponytail, and her headband was tied on top of her head like a hairband.

As Switch had made visible changes to his way of dress and attitude, so did Sakura. Sakura really did look up to Switch, and their relationship was made stronger when Switch had made it clear that he had no romantic inclinations towards Smocks.

Albeit, even though Bossun had done the same thing (perhaps inserting more vehemence in his insistence that he did not like Smocks in such a manner), Sakura viewed Bossun to be a rival, more so now that Bossun was Smocks's teammate. In Smocks's opinion, though, Sakura regarded Bossun not just a rival in love, but also in friendship.

"Oi! We're gonna start our training soon, ya know. You two should scram!" Naruto cried out.

"Don't tell us what to do!" Sakura snapped.

"How did things go in canon again?" Smocks whispered to Bossun.

"Kakashi shows up hours late."

"Then why did he tell us to come at this time?"

"For us to look underneath the underneath," he said cryptically.

Smocks frowned. "What?"

"Smocks, there are some things that not even a fan will understand, alright?"

"I think it's because Kakashi is a troll," Switch said.

"Wouldn't put it past him, honestly."

From time to time, Smocks wondered if she, Bossun, and Switch were really the only ones who had transferred into this world. To her surprise, she actually felt lonely by the thought.

Not to say that either of the guys were bad company, but it would be nice to have someone else who was on par with her. Someone who was also as clueless and hopeless as her when it came to this ninja stuff.

Bossun and Switch proved to be of the very best in the class in terms of physical and intellectual aptitudes. And, as true fanboys, they wholeheartedly bought the village patriotism with no ounce of skepticism whatsoever.

Smocks began to wonder if perhaps any non-fans had made it here—that they wouldn't know any better, so they just went with the flow. She could imagine some of the student council members being like that.

She could even imagine Tsubaki being here. Tsubaki, who somehow would revert into a demure and shy persona when forced into a dress and a wig, would definitely behave accordingly if he had been reincarnated as a girl. For quite some time, Smocks had believed Hyuuga Hintata to be the Vice-prez, but Bossun had told her that Hinata had always been like that.

She wondered if Takemitsu was Ayumi or if Momoka was Saito, people from her class. She wondered if perhaps anyone from her past had woke up years before she was born, perhaps decades older than she was now. She wondered if they had been brought up in another country, either as the Land of Fire's ally or enemy.

She wondered what Himeko would be. Would she be part of the main cast like how she and Switch were, or would she be an unassuming background character like Bossun?

Whatever the case may be, Smocks hoped that, if they were here, she would get to see them soon.

Miraculously, Team Seven had passed Kakashi's bell test.

That meant that he would accept them as his team and would thusly train them to become topnotch shinobi.

"Ha! Take that, Sasuke!" Naruto boasted. "I told you I could do it!"

Smocks looked at Bossun in confusion, hoping that he could impart some clues as to why Naruto thought the way he did. Bossun, ever helpful, simply shrugged.

"Yeah, uh, okay," Smocks responded.

"What? You don't believe me?" Naruto puffed out his chest and got into her space. "I'll show you! I'll show you anytime and anywhere and any moment that I got what it takes to be Hokage! Believe it!"

"I do," Smocks said, backing away slowly. "Believe it, I mean."

The argumentative words that Naruto was about to shout trailed off dead on his tongue. He stared at her with wide eyes. "What did you say…?"

"I said that I believe it," Smocks replied warily. She glanced at Bossun again, feeling a bit lost. Bossun only mirrored her expression.

"D-do you really think I'll become Hokage?" Naruto stammered.

"Uh, yeah." He was the protagonist of a shounen manga, after all. He was destined to get what he wanted. "I'm not being sarcastic about it too. I truly do believe that you'll become Hokage."

"You better not be joking. I'll—I'll kick your butt if you are!"

"I just said that I wasn't!" Smocks insisted.

"I… Okay." Naruto bit down his trembling lip and clenched his fists. "Well, good. Good! Yeah, it's high time that you acknowledged me and my capabilities, Sasuke! And if you ever feel any doubt, I'll just prove it!"

What was this kid's deal? "Yeah, I believe it. Really."

"Yeah!" He wiped his nose with his sleeve. "I'm gonna go now. I'll see you and Hiyori tomorrow!" With that said, Naruto took off.

Once the blond was out of earshot, Smocks asked Bossun, "What happened?"

"Our new sensei may not may not have henge into you and taunted Naruto about not being able to fulfill his dream during the test."

"What? Does Naruto still believe that I was the one who said that?"

"No, no. It was made clear in the end that Kakashi was the one who said all those things. But, well, Naruto had been made fun of all his life about wanting to become Hokage. So with Kakashi impersonating you and using your voice, Naruto must've thought that you were the same as everyone else. I'm not too sure about it, though. Whatever the case may be, you telling him that you do believe him helps a lot."

"With what in particular? Stopping him from picking fights with me?"

"Heck if I know. It really doesn't make sense since you're nothing like canon Sasuke. Maybe he's jealous that you're getting all the girls?"

"Hm." Smocks decided not to tell Bossun about her own theories as to why Naruto acted the way he did. She had a feeling that Bossun would force her to become friends with the blond menace or something. That was when an idea lit up in her brain. "Say, don't Hokages make a ton of money? They're something akin to Prime Ministers, aren't they?"

"I guess." Bossun fixed her a suspicious look. "What are you planning, Smocks?"

"Do you think I can convince Naruto to take me as his trophy husband?"

"Wha—Smocks!"

"Sasuke, I like you to meet Maito Gai."

"Oh no," Smocks said aloud, "I know where this is going."

"Good," Kakashi said brightly. "Then it shouldn't surprise you to know that I'm having him be your taijutsu instructor for the time being."

That was a blatant lie. Taijutsu instructor—ridiculous. Judging by the sparkly smile and enthusiasm emitting out of every pore of his body, this Maito Gai was her motivational instructor.

Frankly, Smocks thought that this was entirely unnecessary. Sure, she didn't demonstrate the same amount of gusto that both Bossun and Naruto did whenever they did anything, but she had always done her fair share of work. For that matter, she had never once made a complaint whenever they did D-rank missions, unlike Naruto who had whined every breathing second doing them.

This was unfair! Stupid! Prejudiced! Kakashi wasn't even bothering to hide his bias towards his two more outgoing students, which was funny considering how he was an eccentric recluse who read raunchy romance novels in broad daylight. A hypocrite!

"If I need a taijutsu instructor, then why doesn't Naruto get one? We're basically on the same level," Smocks pointed out.

"Look, Sasuke," Kakashi said, wrapping an arm around her and steering her away from Gai, "there are certain strengths that each of us possess. For Hiyori, that's her cleverness and intuition. For Naruto, that's his stamina and unpredictability. As for you, you have natural abilities that are ready to shine; you are essentially a diamond in the rough. However, these abilities won't come to light unless you catch up. Sure, you and Naruto are on the level, but, at this rate, he'll end being ten steps ahead of you."

Kakshi patted her shoulder. "You understand? That's why I have Gai here to help you out."

That was a longwinded way of saying how he just wanted to use Gai to do the hard work.

"Isn't this a way for you to flake on your job?" Smocks inquired, canting her head.

"Flake? How dare you. I'll have you know that a high-ranking jounin such as myself has no time to flake."

"But isn't this your only day job? I don't presume to know what else you do aside from procrastinating, but we're often together for a good chunk of the day every day. I mean, we would be if not for your procrastinating."

Kakashi managed to pout through the mask. "Ah, now that is quite the presumption! Why would I say that I procrastinate? Haven't I always provided an excuse as to why I'm late?"

"Questionable excuses. Just the other day, Sakura caught you standing in front of the Memorial Stone during the time when you were supposed to meet the team."

Kakashi didn't say anything.

Smocks hesitated for a moment before saying, "I know that you've gone through a lot, especially after that speech you made when we passed the bell test. It might not even compare to what I've experienced, what with my family being slaughtered and my brother using his Sharingan to make me see the slaughtering—" over and over and over again "—and me getting regular nightmares. I'm just a kid and that's the only kind of terror I've known so far."

She continued, "But, um. I get that staring at the Memorial Stone for hours might be a coping mechanism for you, but would it be alright for you to arrive at the meeting place earlier? There's just so much waiting that Hiyori and Naruto are willing to take that, soon enough, someone's going to end up losing an eye because they thought they could juggle shurikens to pass the time."

"Juggling—?" Kakashi cleared his throat. "They've been juggling shurikens?"

Smocks nodded.

"Well, Sasuke, thank you for notifying me of this. Juggling shurikens without an adult present is indeed a dangerous activity. I'll be sure to arrive at an earlier time."

"Oh, good."

"Also, let us never speak of this again. I never want to hear you talk for more than thirty consecutive seconds."

Fine by her. She wasn't a fan of these heart-to-heart exchanges either.

Kakashi patted her shoulder again. "Good talk. I'll pass you to Gai now."

Whether the green man had heard their conversation or not, he didn't show it. Gai just flashed them a grin and offered a thumbs up. "You can rely on me, my eternal rival. I shall take good care of your student!"

"Thanks, Gai," Kakashi said before disappearing, a pile of leaves taking his place.

Smocks looked up from the leaf pile to Gai. She shielded her eyes from the brilliance of the man's pearly whites.

"Tell me, Sasuke-kun, what is your dream?"

"To be a desk Chuunin. Joining the Genin Corps is fine too."

"What fine standards!"

"I think so too. I do plan on living past forty."

"That is an excellent goal!" Gai cried out. "My father was part of the Genin Corps. He had shown me that is not the abundance of skills and talents that makes a good shinobi, but the dedication and hard work. A true shinobi must have heart!" He wiped a tear from his eye. "He was the best man that I have ever known!"

Smocks got the feeling that Gai's dad died as a genin, which she would have thought to be embarrassing had she not likely be in the same boat as him. "Oh, really?"

"Yes, really, and I wish to pass down his flames to you, young Sasuke. To you, I will instill the passion to be dedicated and to work hard! I will go lengths to ensure that you become a promising shinobi!" he declared.

A feeling of trepidation sank in.

"We shall start by running around the village ten times!"

Just by being here, Smocks had managed to make connections that Sasuke normally wouldn't have, not to mention incredible changes.

But that was a story saved for another time.

Speaking of connections, there was a person who Smocks had never thought she would befriend yet simultaneously never thought she would meet again. It was complicated because it was Gaara, who wasn't really Gaara but Himeko.

On her way of finding Naruto, she witnessed an international commotion. There was a red-haired boy yelling at Konohamaru and his friends in a Kansai accent. He was wildly waving around a hockey stick, doing an effective job of intimidating the three kids. Behind the redhead were two teenagers—both, judging by their headbands, from the Sand Village—who were sighing and shaking their heads.

"Gaara, knock it off, would you?" the girl called out to him in exasperation.

"When a lil punk starts heckling at you, the only proper thing to do is to teach him a lesson!" Gaara insisted.

"I'm sorry!" Konohamaru cried.

"Hey, leave him alone! He didn't mean anything by it!" Naruto shouted, angrily marching up to Gaara.

"Yes, he did! Are you blind and deaf?"

"Uhhh," Smocks said, interrupting the fight that was about to break out. All eyes were pinned on her.

"Smocks!" Naruto exclaimed. He had started calling Bossun and Smocks by their nicknames after hearing them slip up from time to time, not wanting to be left out. He had tried to establish a nickname for himself, but it never stuck. "What're you doing here?"

It didn't escape Smocks's notice that Gaara had stiffened upon the mention of her name, but she ignored it in favor of answering Naruto. "Sensei wants to talk to us about the Chuunin exams. Bossun is already at the meeting place."

While Naruto asked what the Chuunin Exams were, Gaara choked out, "Bossun!?"

Naruto glanced over at Gaara and said, "She's called Bossun because she's bossy."

"No, it's because she's the chief of our team. Right after Sensei, of course."

"What? Why does she get to be the chief? I'm going to be Hokage someday—you said so yourself—so shouldn't I be the chief?"

"You're not quite there yet." Smocks turned around to face Gaara, whose jaw was dropped open and eyes were wide as saucers. "So… Himeko?"

Gaara drew in a sharp intake of breath. "Sm-Smocks?"

She nodded.

Gaara—Himeko—dropped her hockey stick and tackled Smocks into a suffocating hug. "SMOCKS!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" the boy in the black pajamas said, alarmed. "What is going on? Gaara, do you know this guy?"

"Himeko?" the blonde girl parroted, confused.

"I can explain," Smocks said once Himeko relieved her death-inducing grip around her neck. Even in this world, Himeko managed to retain her super strength. Smocks pushed herself into a sitting position and said, "You see, Gaara and I are penpals."

"What," everyone said.

And Smocks proceeded telling her inane lie because that was what she did. And while inane, it was convincing enough that everyone believed it to be true.