Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica

"Hey Misaki, could you pass me the rice powder?" Misaki hands him a small, metal container full of rice powder. "So, tell me more about London". "It was beautiful, and there were lots of small shops and double-decker buses. I got to see those guards wearing those big, furry hats I couldn't help but take lots of pictures"! "Did you try to make one of them smile?" "I think I did when I was taking a photo one of the guards gave me a smile. It was quite nice…up until he gave me a wink. Just like the winks Usagi-San gives me." Misaki blushes when he remembers a royal guard winking at him without reason and unexpectedly.

Arata tries to stifle a laugh but it came out as a chuckle. "Oh, Misaki~! That is so cute! I gotta be honest with you, it's not surprising because you're the cutest guy this world has ever seen"! "Arata, that's not true! You know it's not. Besides this world has seen things that were much cuter or prettier than me." Misaki said while his cheeks blushed, his words coming out hushed as if he wasn't allowed to brag about himself.

"Oh, come on Misaki you got to be a little bit cocky, there's no need to be so humble. Come on, say the words "I'm pretty and I'm proud!"

"I'm pretty and I'm proud? I feel like you got it from somewhere. Also, um, I don't know if-"

"Misaki! Please say these words." Arata gently grabs Misaki's shoulders, "Arata, don't make me!" "Pretty please with a cherry on top, but not really because we both lost our cherries years ago." "Okay! Okay! I'm pretty and I'm proud!" "Good but say from the top of your lungs"! Misaki looks at Arata in silence, after his shoulders are freed from his grasp he took a deep breath. "I'M PRETTY AND I'M PROUD!" Misaki said it with emotions he never knew he could feel. With years of being modest about his looks or thinking compliments about him shouldn't make his day just disappeared as his true feelings were shouted out to the world.

"That's the spirit Misaki! Tell me, didn't that feel good?" "Actually, it did. I-I didn't know it could make me feel better". Misaki spots Arata's mirror, he picks it up and looks at his reflection. His eyes capture his whole face, every angle every shape and every detail he has to offer. Lips, full and pouty, pink in color (perhaps from constant kisses), eyes that were a rare green (an interesting ancestor gave him those colors), wavy strands of hair reflecting its brown pigment in the light, a nose slender and petite complimented the entire face like ribbons hugging a present. Goodness, that Queen's Guard and his friend, Arata were correct in their belief; Misaki is pretty.

"Misaki, sometimes people need to at least say something positive about themselves to get through their day. Once they hear it from themselves or from others, it gives them a boost of energy. Like if a person feels like they can't do their homework because they're afraid it's going to get an F, just saying "Hey I'm smart, I can figure this out" or "It will be smart of me to get help on this" or "If I pay close attention, I'll get even smarter" or something like that. Do you understand"?

Misaki felt like he found another brother, like Takahiro.

"Thanks, Arata that really means a lot." "I'm happy to help, okay let's finish dressing up we don't wanna be late."

Sumi was typing away on his laptop, he is busy creating an email to an anonymous source, a source he hired two weeks ago. This was a private investigator, hired to track Misaki's schedule. After he sent that email Sumi laid back in his seat, this was going to be a perfect crime, all he had to do is to pretend to be honky-dory to Misaki, you know, be his friend, take anything the P.I. has to offer, sabotage his performance at a wedding reception, days leading up to his performance, and sooner than later Misaki will be so imperfect and clumsy, Akihiko will give him up like a bad habit (which isn't smoking by the way because he looks so hot when he's smoking that he didn't give a damn if it kills him.) and come running toward him. Yes, it's a perfect crime. Sumi got excited when he heard his laptop's notification bell.

This better be good.

"Alright one, two, three!" Himeko shouts at Arata and Misaki, who were practicing for their big gig starting in three days. Every shout she makes pushes them further into their goal of being flawless, this is a high-paying gig for Arata and Misaki. The couple who were getting married are very wealthy and of all the entertainment they could book, they were chosen, a humble obana house in a small section of Kyoto. It is easy to overlook this house as just another artsy, traditionalist business venture but this couple sees something rare in those people, which led them to hire them to dance at their reception. With a flawless dance, the obana and their mother will be paid 4,441,600Y (roughly 40,000 USD). With this riding on them, every session was treated like glass missing at least one wasn't acceptable.

Misaki was taking this more seriously than he does with his studies. Akihiko, even Akihiko notices that dinnertime was missing an adorable mocha brunette, so was breakfast and lunch. Weeks after booking that gig, Misaki snuck out to a studio that lets geishas and obanas train themselves. He's gone out to that studio two times every single day, sometimes skipping breakfast, lunch, and dinner and coming back home late, around 11 pm or in an extreme sense, 2 am.

Arata, while moving around, he takes glances at Misaki. Seeing that determination in him motivate him to better too. He finds himself slacking a bit, yeah, a huge rise in their paycheck is at stake but still, he's got to have his beauty sleep, delicious servings of food, and good times at his favorite bar in the Ni-Chome District.

More practice time should be on his schedule, but he worries he'll take it too seriously and forget his well-being, like sleeping or eating. However, he prefers to do that than to see his friend and colleague doing this to himself. Misaki is like his baby brother, he's an only child so seeing somebody like a brother or sister is important to him. Just like it's important to know Misaki is handling being an obana like people do with their careers, not too seriously but not too easy either.

When putting some things in his locker, he sees the lights turned on in the hallway, all throughout the night. He sneaks a peek and Misaki moving about, never stopping even to drink from a nearby water cooler. Sweat dripping and accidentally slipping on his socks, he always got up and with a limp still tries his best to correct his movements.

It was inspiring, but worrisome.

Now, they're dancing together but what if when the day comes Misaki crumbles under the pressure because of no sleep, no eat, and no fun that he blames himself dangerously because of a mistake he'll probably make. He's got to at least do something other than practice. Arata might have to force him to take a break. Arata and Akihiko are in the same boat when it comes to Misaki's health and well-being.

"Okay, good I'm proud of the progress you two are making but I have some feedback you should hear. Arata, I love your fluid transition from standing to sitting but work on catching your fan while doing so".

Arata nods his head in understanding.

"Misaki, I absolutely love your dedication to practice, and I don't even know why I should be giving you any feedback you're ready to take this on. But I notice that it takes longer for you to slide toward me and Arata, it worries the girls and Yumina because the dance we're assigning requires quick responses". Arata quietly knew it was about Misaki's ankle, he remembers he slipped onto the hardwood floor and it could be that it's taking a toll on him.

"We have three days, four if we include today. Please take the time to heed my words, remember you're representing our obana heritage, Kyoto, and our house. I know it's a lot to ask but hard work wouldn't exist without pain and gain." Himeko grabs her messenger bag and purse "before I leave for today, there's something you should also heed, take care of yourselves. Being an obana is hard enough, try to imagine without drinking a nice cold one after a hard day's work. What I'm saying is get plenty of rest, fatten yourselves up with something good and hearty, and have some fun". Arata smiles, Himeko walks out the door.

Arata goes to retrieve his things, he sees Misaki standing there, frozen. "Hey Misaki, are you alright?"

Misaki still stands.

"Misaki?" Arata goes to touch his shoulder he jumps a bit when Misaki turns to him. "I'm fine" Misaki quickly grabs his things and rushes out. Arata was confused and concerned, was he really fine?

Misaki didn't walk but run. Honestly, he didn't hear the last thing Himeko said but her criticism, what the hell? He did everything by the book, he went to all the sessions offered, he studied the videos of professionals and dreamt the lessons. He should have been called perfect and nothing more. Was he really bad or just trying at all? He stopped in mid-step, he took a deep breath. Thinking about it now maybe leaving the studio two hours early was the culprit for such a low performance he gave to Himeko, what he should be doing is forgetting about leaving early and staying for three hours, to make up for the two hours he threw away.

Right now he has to work twice as hard to show Himeko that he can slide to Arata and his sisters quickly and smoothly. He didn't care if it took all of his time to do so.

This seems to be correct when Misaki arrived at the train station his head was full of the moments he endured hours ago and a lack of sleep that a woman pulled him back when an oncoming train was coming in close and Misaki was in danger of falling off the ledge. She asks him if he was okay, he said yes and thanked her a bunch of times. He felt frozen at the thought of falling onto the train tracks, like those people he heard reported on the 11'o clock news reports.

Apparently not too frozen when he went back into his previous thoughts of perfecting himself in Himeko's eyes, and his household.

Misaki came in early, very early, like 5 in the morning. It was usually 6 or 7 for him but this was a special circumstance, he had to put his best foot forward.

He dropped his gym bag on the hardwood floor, it was zipped open and a fan was taken from it. Misaki stood in front the mirrors, he begins his movements, his feet gently gliding to the left and to the right. It was going smoothly until he trips on his gray socks. "Damn it! I had it right this time!" He exclaimed, "Why the hell do I keep screwing up?!". Misaki got up, his face showing a scowl, a red flush making a bridge, he attempted to do the same dance once again but for a second time, he trips, his left cheek meeting the floor and the molar living behind the said cheek also yelling out in pain. He sat up and his legs crossed, making it look like he is meditating. "Why...do I keep screwing up"? said Misaki. It was expected that he would explode from his mistake; didn't happen. Perhaps because it was tiring to burst with anger, Misaki already used up his energy from coming in and out the studio, making up petty arguments with Akihiko, lying to Arata about his well-being, and simply not sleeping. He thought he was doing the right thing to be in tip-top shape for his gig, but overall, it was just sucking him dry from his mojo, his charm, and his sweetness.

Should it matter?

Was he doing everything right?

Is he eating well?

Misaki felt his eyes were like drenched, plastic bags full of sand. It burns a little when he blinks, not burning like touching a stove top but like an electric bolt of energy sending something to his brain.

"I can't sleep now, this is too important. I got to show Himeko that I can do this".

For a third time, Misaki attempted to do this difficult dance, expecting himself to do it right after all third time's the charm? It wasn't. Misaki tripped, this time his face accidentally hitting a mahogany bench that is placed on the left side of the studio. He lays there, in a metaphorical pool of self-doubt, failure, anger; Misaki refuses to give in but sitting on his knees, he realizes how good it would feel to give up.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The bench suffers a blow to its top, fists collided on it five, ten times.

"I WANT TO GIVE UP! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE! WHY AREN'T I PERFECT?! WHY DO I FALL EVERY", hit, "DAMN", hit,"TIME"! If this bench had skin, sensitive, meaty, skin attached to blood veins, it would have bled. This bench didn't have concern for itself, unlike Misaki whose hands were a pinkish hue to red. Tiny, blisters forming on his knuckles, look closely at those blisters and you will see that micro paper cuts were coming to the surface. Misaki sat on his knees, in front of this bench, everything is silent except his deep breathing, amazed he did that, amazed nobody told him to stop his noises, and amazed to see a reflection of his exhausted appearance. Misaki sat there for a good thirty minutes, it went by like sand in the wind and all he did was staring at his knuckles, his reflection, and his gym bag.

"Why can't I be good enough"?

Sumi, wearing a black trenchcoat, rushed into a nearby coffee shop, his lips, a grin sharp enough to cut through refrigerated cheddar cheese. He is happy enough to approach a barista and order a venti iced americano. While waiting, he takes a seat before chuckling, a bit loud from somebody to hear him two tables down from where he's sitting.

"Misaki, he's losing it! This is great! It makes my plan to mess with him easier. If he's like this now, I wonder what he'll be like after I get through with him? I doubt Akihiko likes drama in his life, he's the kind of man, what a man, that enjoys not carrying emotional baggage and right now Misaki is like one of those tourists in Okinawa or Hawaii. He'll dump him after I tell him Misaki is turning into a drama queen, sure he won't believe me, but after showing evidence, maybe we will go to a love hotel and fuck each other three nights in a row! This is the beginning, but I can't wait for the end!".

"Venti Iced Americano!" shouted the barista.

"Thank you, have a great day". Sumi said with that sharp grin. He walks out of the coffee shop, coffee in his hand. Do you know the feeling of enjoying a drink or food, you're out and about with the weather just beautiful and fresh, not too hot or cold? This is was his feeling at the moment...except the skies were cloudy and black, ready to drench this city, its inhabitants, its plants, and 31 degrees made sure everybody would feel cold, lonely, and bitter. This happy feeling never left Sumi, it made him feel content to know that life in here was freezing, he definitely hated the color green, it's too hopeful for him. Cold colors and gray were turning up to his liking. He stopped in the middle of a sidewalk and stared at a flower bed getting completely soaked, the flowers themselves bowing down to the rain, or at least dying in front of the droplets. This made him very, very happy. Once again, he hated the color green, too hopeful for him...too hopeful for him.

Misaki gave in after trying that move for the fifth time but it ended up with him falling onto his side or bottom. It was when Misaki shouted "I GIVE UP!" at the top of his lungs, so loudly that people walking outside of the studio heard him. He couldn't help it, he is tired, hungry, and just exhausted from failing Himeko, Arata, and his whole house by clumsily screwing the move. He wanted to go home and well, do whatever. Walking behind him was a man hidden in his black trench coat and gray umbrella, covering him from the raindrops. He follows Misaki as he went to the train station to take number 332 to his shared condo. He is thankful that since it is still early in the morning, like 9:45 in the morning or so, there were a small number of people taking his train (most everybody was already at school or work). He felt there was this cold presence, a malicious presence. This cold feeling, perhaps, from the sky gets cloudy, but he couldn't explain this dangerous feeling like somebody wanted to hurt him. His intuition was coming on strong, the mysterious man staring at him from behind. He felt...unsafe, he wanted to blend in with the crowd but it was too small for him to camouflage. He didn't want to turn around for a sneak peek, it would just show the stranger what he wanted, a confirmed target.

Finally, after ten minutes of standing frozen with uncertainty, his train came and he boarded as fast he can, almost bumping into the departing riders. The man with his umbrella stood and watched his target ride away.

"As if you can run, Misaki. I feel sorry for you, almost. Almost. Your hubby will be mine and I can tell you, with him by my side, that you had your chance! I can see it now, his love will shower me instead of you, oh you, poor, dumb, sweet, boy. Little boy. How come you'll never see him like I do? Why must he beg for your affections?"

When Misaki arrived home, all he wanted was to go to bed, he did wake up early, way too early, and the first thing in his mind was to doze off while listening to rain droplets tapping on his window. But no, he couldn't have that because Akihiko was there waiting for him with his cup of coffee and his judgmental glare.

"Usagi-san, please don't start with me, I'm going to take a nap."

"I hardly think a nap takes twelve hours, it's usually two or less."

"DIDN'T I SAY NOT TOO START WITH ME!"

Akihiko stood up, slamming his hands on the table, making a loud sound scaring Misaki.

"Misaki, I'm going to start with you whether you like it or not! This is taking a toll on you, look at yourself! You're tired, hungry, you're withering like a dying flower!"

"Oh, I'm supposed to take health advice from you? A perv who smokes, like three packs a day, an hour at most, doesn't eat his vegetables, stays in his apartment all day, and wants me to be this cute, little househusband that doesn't expect anything other than to be told what to do?!"

"I don't tell you what to do, but if you keep treating yourself like this, perhaps I should."

"W-What? Fuck you, old man! I'm my own person! If I want to go out at five in the morning and come home at 3 in the morning, I will! Besides, it's what I need to do for me to prove her wrong, that I can be good enough, that I won't give up after trying that maneuver five times already!" Misaki felt his shoulders being grabbed gently, Akihiko shaking him into reality.

"Misaki, Misaki snap out if it!", he pleaded.

"No, no, I can't Usagi, I'm good enough, but why do I feel like I'm not?" Misaki broke down, he drops to his knees, his energy spent, his emotions stuck in a hurricane. He needed his rabbit more than ever.

"Misaki..." Akihiko drops himself to Misaki's level, relieving his tantrum with a hug. "I'm so, s-so sorry for..." he said through his tears.

"Misaki, please forget your words. Just please tell me everything. Have you been acting like a teenager because of your doubts?" asked Akihiko.

"Like a teenager?"

"Yes, rebelling against authority".

"Oh, I guess I've been doing that lately. Usagi-san, I was trying everything I can to prepare for the reception but I fall short every time! There's this dance that, Himeko suggests or more like requires, that needs to be a hundred percent perfect. I don't want to disappoint her, Arata, or everyone".

Akihiko, his chin perched against Misaki's temple, rubs his back. Underneath his fingertips, he feels the boy trembling his worries on him. Never before he's seen Misaki like this, this is the same boy who held this world together with love and sweetness. Optimism is his middle name, hiding behind that boyish and clever charm. He'd never imagined seeing his dear crumbling down, was he going to have a panic attack? What if his lungs quit pumping his insides with air? This is started to worry Usagi, but what kept him from those thoughts was Misaki, he is in his arms, looking at him for guidance. After all, he is quite older than him, he knew the world around him. Akihiko can do that, He can keep him together, or at least, let him know that everything is going to be alright.

"Misaki, look at me."

Misaki doesn't look up, he was trying to breathe normally, but how can he if his head was full of studio dates, disappointing Himeko, losing Arata, and-

"Misaki...Look. At. Me" said Akihiko with a stern tone.

He looks up at the man.

"It's going to be okay, breath for me, take a deep breath at the count of three" the boy nodded, "one...two...three." Misaki inhaled all the oxygen, its molecules, and the atoms surrounding everything in his body. He held it for ten seconds, he could feel Usagi-san's fingers counting down to ten behind his backside, he expresses serenity and composure in his face. At last, the last finger finishes the countdown, Akihiko gives him a quick nod, Misaki exhaled, small warmth escapes between his lips. He senses his home going by in slow motion, nothing felt rushed, nobody was passing him by like rush hour traffic, there was no rush hour traffic.

There is only him and Usagi-san.

Usagi-san is here, with him.

He was here, in his home.

With Usagi-san.

Akihiko sat there, watching Misaki come to his senses, to his usual self. He made sure his body stop its shaking, and it did. His fingertips didn't feel any trembles. The older male cradles his dear, tired boy in his chest until he feels Misaki give in to sleep and surrendered his body to the person holding him. Akihiko stood up, carrying Misaki into their shared bedroom where he laid him down on top of the covers. He opens the curtains so that Misaki can hear the rain, in hopes it will relax him even further, he exits the bedroom whilst looking back at him.

How did Misaki become like this? Where did his hard-earned confidence go?

Akihiko thought it was the upcoming performance that got him stressed, but what did he mean when he said: "not good enough"? Misaki mentions Himeko, was she the one who told him he wasn't good enough? That didn't sound like her, she might have provided some harsh but constructive criticism, much better than his own editor but she must mean well.

It is like seeing Misaki in a new light, he did think of him having a good head on his shoulders and down-to-earth composure but it's heartbreaking to see Misaki breaking down like this. He felt like it was due to happen he seems to hide his true feelings and thoughts to avoid appearing impolite or selfish.

It was a habit he developed before meeting him and it looks like he's going back to it. He's hiding his frustrations from everybody he knows and buries it deep down in his body. It's coming up through tiny, unhealthy rituals like waking up early in the morning, skipping breakfast, and then coming back home exhausted. His body was thinning away, little by little. He takes bites of his meals then goes to bed only to wake up in three or two hours and leave their apartment.

Akihiko grows concern and worried when he hears that door unlock and see Misaki dragging himself to a nearby couch, he realizes what Misaki feels when he lit a cigarette or doesn't leave his office for lunch or dinner or breakfast. How? Those worries and concerns transported toward him, he can see how it affected him and drove him to make better choices for himself after seeing what Misaki is doing to himself. Recently, he quit smoking and...it was a living hell but for the sake of his dear, it's worth it.

He thought Misaki would notice him breathing a little bit better, the air in their home didn't reek of nicotine or poisonous ash. How could he notice if he was busy practicing for that big show?

Akihiko was busy making tea in his kitchen, he wanted to surprise Misaki with a nice cup when he wakes up. It's been seven hours since he fell asleep a good record for somebody who slept for three hours every day since this thing was started.

Marimba Marimba Marimba

Marimba Marimba Marimba

Misaki's iPhone rang on the dinner table, Akihiko saw the caller id and knew it was his weird, little friend named Arata. "Hello Arata," his smooth voice greeted.

"Hi, Mr. Usami! Wait...what are you doing with Misaki's phone? I was hoping for him to answer me".

Yes, weird little friend.

"No, Misaki isn't available at the moment as he is resting. May I take a message?".

"Finally! I'm sorry but Misaki was working himself ragged, showing up at the studio early and leaving later. I don't think he's sleeping at all or even eating, and I believe he's going to pass out at the reception if he doesn't take himself soon. Sorry for rambling, it's just that I'm worried about him".

"You and me both".

"I'm happy to hear that you're taking care of him, you must have convinced him to take a nap, huh?"

"We had an...arguement because of it but I'm glad to see he's calmed down. You know, you're the first person Misaki has known personally to call and check in on him."

"I am?"

"Yes, what I mean is that he doesn't have that many close friends other than a boy named Shinobu and...a random boy named Sumi."

"Huh...it sounds like Sumi should have been the one calling him."

"Yes. As much as I prefer Misaki to always be around Shinobu and stray far from Sumi, I can't do that anymore or at least without his knowledge. I make sure Misaki and Sumi stay at a certain distance, people shouldn't be near anywhere or anything radioactive."

"Okay."

Did this man tell him he didn't like Misaki's friend, Sumi or is it just him?

"Anyway, please let him know I called and I'm going to talk to him soon, either by phone or at a coffee shop like Starbucks."

"I will."

"Thanks, have a good one."

Akihiko hung up and placed the phone on a nightstand next to Misaki. When he finished making tea, he notices that Misaki was in a deep, deep sleep and he's appearing to be that way for the next hour. He places the teacup on the same nightstand where the iPhone was so that he'll wake up with two favorite things sitting beside him.

He sat down on the bed and look at Misaki sleeping soundly. His eyes do not have those dark circles or the look of panic and worry painting his face like a two-dimensional figure in a coloring book, waiting for the crayon to fill him.

His right-hand caresses Misaki's cheek, a chubby cheek, not yet drained of its volume because of stress. Akihiko wanted to sit by him, wait for him to wake so that he can take this burden off of him. But in the back of mind, it wouldn't be a good idea since they've fought for a bit and the last thing Misaki wanted to see was somebody he hated.

Nevertheless, he stayed seated.