Marvel owns all.I've just invited them over to my house to play.
A/N:One shot set in the comicverse. Minor spoilers for Gambit #5 (Vol. 5, 2012). Best to know what's been happening in the Gambit/Rogue parts of X-Men Legacy, too.
ThanksTo my beta, FaeMarked, who started Twilight fics but never got around to posting (or finishing, hint hint). Thank you for indulging my resurging X-Men craze!
Mistakes
Weightlessness. That was the one sensation that stuck in Gambit's mind every time he remembered the 30,000 foot free fall from Borya Cich's private jet. It wasn't the only thing he thought about though when he had flashbacks. No, the weightlessness had been direct opposition to the heavy crush of what he believed were his last thoughts. And he distinctly remembered the echo of one word over and over: mistakes.
He'd made a lot in his life. Trouble was, he never really seemed to care about them until he thought it was too late. After Cich had teleported him back onto the jet, Gambit had silently vowed that he would make up for all he could.
It had taken quite some time and effort to get out from Cich's extortion. And there were a few side trips that he hadn't been able to ignore. Once back on track, he'd settled the easy things first. But he'd delayed as long as possible for this last one. The delicate situation called for time and space, something Gambit had been more than willing to patiently wait out before his too close brush with death. Now…now he just wanted to get on with his life. No more stealing just for the thrill of it.
He'd always been a thief, always would be one. There was a rush that came from getting away with something he knew others viewed as morally reprehensible. Gambit loved that feeling, thrived on it. That would never change. But since he'd long ago stopped taking contracts from the Guild and it seemed he'd finally learned his lesson, he wasn't ever going to just randomly pick heists again. Or go it alone.
Besides, there'd always been one other source that provided him with the same thrill as grand larceny. So here he was, standing at the gates containing the only place he'd considered home over the last few years. Despite all the times Xavier's mansion had been destroyed and rebuilt, its spirit didn't seem to waiver a bit. Unlike Gambit, who knew he'd been changed in the depths of his very soul.
He still was no teacher, meek and mild mannered. The essence of who he was before remained. But he'd been humbled by mortality and the realization that he wasn't going to live forever. With his mutation, he'd probably live longer than most. Still, the thought of wasting one more day haunted him more than his near death.
It was early summer. The students were running around, enjoying the warmth and good weather of the season. As Gambit crossed the grassy lawns, he heard their surrounding laughter carry on the pleasant breeze. No doubt classes had ended for the semester. And the only ones offered during the break were more like a summer camp than educational courses. Even that was mainly to keep the kids on a schedule instead of free reign for weeks on end.
Following the pathway to the rear of the mansion, he wasn't at all surprised to find the pool full of splashing kids from every age group. It looked like someone kept up the Water Wars tradition he'd started several years prior. The current round of "junior" X-Men were even pitching in as team mentors while the teachers served as line judges.
There was one thing though that was so rare and out of place it actually stopped Gambit dead in his tracks. Sitting high in the lifeguard chair in nothing but a bikini was the reason he came: Rogue. The navy fabric sparkled against her glowing bronzed skin, complimenting her sun kissed coloring. Even when they'd lived in Valle Soleada and swimwear was normal attire, she'd never looked as comfortable as she did now.
Her eyes were hidden behind a pair of dark sunglasses, but he could tell from her posture that she was focused on the kids below. As he resumed his forward stride, he noticed the moment when she first caught sight of him. Her head jerked up and she brought her hand up as a makeshift visor against the glare of the sun. Unconsciously, she leaned forward as if the extra few inches would enhance her vision. A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth, satisfied that he could still excite her.
Before he even got close, she blew the whistle hanging around her neck to signify a timeout. Scrambling down the high chair's ladder, she passed the whistle off to Kitty so the games could continue without her. Her sunglasses were quickly shoved to the top of her head. Gambit stayed on the outskirts of the rambunctious group, chuckling as he watched Rogue walk toward him. Though she tried to appear nonchalant, her stride was a little too long, her step a little too quick.
"Gambit!" She greeted when she was only a few feet away, skipping the last few steps and throwing her arms around him.
Rogue's body pressed up against his, her swimsuit still damp from having been in the pool at some point. Returning her gesture, he wrapped his arms tightly around her smaller frame. His chin came to rest on the top of her head as he felt her smile against his chest. It felt good to run his bare hands against her soft skin again. Actually, he'd missed touching her more than he realized. Their embrace lasted longer than just two old friends reuniting after some time apart, but neither moved to break the moment. It filled him with hope.
"Ah missed ya." She whispered against his neck.
"I missed y' too, chérie." He replied.
There was a lot of not-so-subtle attention paid their way. From the corner of his eye, Gambit saw Storm waving at him. He could tell she wanted to say her hellos too, but he really wanted the time alone with Rogue first. So he only brought his hand up in a half wave toward her direction. His attention was brought back to Rogue when she finally pulled away, only separating enough to look into his face.
"Come play with us. Ah'm sure Bobby, Warren, an' Logan would love ta have some more testosterone 'round since Hank's 'temporarily reassigned'." She grinned, her eyes glinting with mischief.
Her innocent offer dragged down his lighthearted smirk. With a saddened smile and his throat suddenly constricting, he asked: "Can we talk for a li'l while first?"
Rogue's eyes darted back and forth across his face, searching for any tell that would give him away. Even as well as she knew him, she still couldn't always read Gambit as easily as he could read her. Dropping her hands away from him, she took a full step back to put some distance between them. He hated that his words killed the bright, happy sparkle in her eyes.
"Sure." Rogue answered with a nod and a tight smile.
When Rogue still hadn't moved, he rubbed the back of his neck and coughed. Fighting for the right words so as not to put her on the defensive, he asked: "Can we go someplace a li'l…less open?"
The physical and emotional distance between them was awkward. Gambit stared down at her while Rogue chewed on her bottom lip, her fingers twirling around each other in uncertainty. After a pause, she took the initiative to lead the way.
"Right." Rogue looked around the grounds as she thought, "Um…Ah guess inside would be best. There're kids everywhere right now."
They walked in silence for a few minutes. With Rogue lost in her thoughts, Gambit tried to piece together what he wanted to say. As they crossed the threshold of the mansion's back entrance, she couldn't stand the solitude between them any longer.
"So. How've ya been?" She asked as they continued walking toward her room. It was the only place she could think of that would be completely secluded from interruptions.
"Been better." Gambit answered, remembering his five mile drop out of the sky. "Much better actu'lly."
Rogue faltered, stopping in front of one of the empty staff quarters as she looked him over in concern. Had she missed something in her initial appraisal of him?
"Are ya alright? Ah mean, ya ain't hurt, are ya?" She asked, suddenly worried.
"No. No I'm fine for de most part. Just a run-in wit' yo' typical egomaniac who wants t' rule de world one super weapon at a time. Same ol', same ol'." Gambit waved away.
"Oh. Well good." Rogue plastered on a smile she didn't feel. Realizing what she said, she scrambled to add: "Good that you weren't hurt. Not good that ya had ta go through that."
She turned to continue toward her room when he grasped her wrist in his hand.
"Actu'lly, that's a lie." He didn't let go of her, but she faced him anyway. "If it hadn't been for what happened, I wouldn' be here t'day." He contradicted himself.
"Remy, sug, ya ain't makin' any sense." Rogue's eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
Running a hand through his hair, Gambit took a quick look around. No one else was in the teacher's wing itself, but a couple of students walked past on the other end of the hall.
"This still my room?" He asked as he pointed to the door next to them.
"Um..." Rogue quickly looked up and down the hall to count the doors, not even realizing she'd stopped there. "Yeah, it is."
The room was unlocked. He'd left it that way when he'd moved into his apartment in Manhattan. With little left behind, there was no sense locking up. Striding into the room, he pulled Rogue in behind him before shutting them off from the outside world.
Taking in a deep breath and holding it for a second, Gambit thought about where he wanted to start his story. But the details weren't really that important. He could tell her those later, if she was interested.
Instead, he cut to the chase as he whooshed out, "Let me be wit' y'."
"Remy," Rogue sighed, looking toward the windows as she gave a canned response. "Ah'm not ready yet."
She'd been throwing that one out for so long now that she didn't actually stop to think if it was still true or not.
Gambit rushed forward with a quick answer. "I haven' forgotten what y' said. Or what I said for that matter. I just need t' know if there's even a chance for us anymore."
Exasperated, Rogue asked: "Why? Why the rush all of a sudden? Ah thought ya said ya'd wait for me ta figure things out."
Grabbing her shoulders, Gambit ducked down a little until his line of sight matched hers. "Sometimes things happen t' un homme that make him take a look at his life. Reprioritize."
Rogue shrugged out of his grasp. "What's gotten inta ya, Remy? Yer not actin' like yerself."
She squinted a little as she took a closer look at him. Nothing physically seemed out of place, but he didn't seem emotionally right either. Gambit didn't look like he'd been possessed by some other entity again, but that didn't mean he hadn't been.
Her weird once over prompted him to give the bad news like ripping off a band aid. "I was thrown out of a plane at thirty thousand, against my protests an' wit'out a 'chute."
"Oh my gawd, Remy! Ah thought ya said ya weren't hurt? Ah mean, yer not 'cause yer standin' here now. But how'd ya manage ta get out of it?" Rogue's voice raised an octave, her eyes widened in shock.
"I didn'." As she was about to object, Gambit explained: "The homme who did it teleported me back ont' his private jet. But chère, I was feet from smacking int' de nearest high rise. Thought I was gon' be a greasy Cajun pancake."
Rogue stepped forward to hug him again. His arms limply hung at his sides. Even though her reaction was comforting, Gambit couldn't tell if she was the concerned friend or the worried lover.
She buried her face in his chest, her voice muffled as she said, "At least yer home now."
"Am I?" Gambit questioned.
"Of course ya are. Ya always said Xavier's was home. Unless…" Rogue paused and looked up at him, hoping he'd finished her sentence.
He'd said months ago that he was her home, her harbor. The same would be true for him: home wasn't a place, but wherever she was.
"Unless what, Rogue?" The words were colder than he intended. But he needed her to speak her desires aloud.
"Unless ya ain't stayin'." She tentatively whispered as she looked into his eyes.
Though her grip on him had slackened, her arms remained wrapped around him. It was a struggle for him not to soothe away her worries. But he didn't want to cross any lines that would make things more difficult than they already were, especially if things turned for the worse.
Gambit stared into her verdant green eyes, memorizing them for what possibly could be the last time. "That all depends on you."
"That's not fair. Ya can't put this all on me." Rogue said, throwing her hands up in the air and moving over to the window.
Gambit stayed rooted in place. "No, what's not fair is de games we been playin'. I need t' know, Rogue. If there's still hope for us, fine. If not, then it's time t' move on."
Instead of one of her typical responses, Gambit was met only with silence. He should have taken that as his answer. But he couldn't believe after everything they'd been through that this was finally the end. He loved her too much to admit it was over. And even if he walked out the door now, he knew a part of him would always love Rogue, just like he still loved Bella Donna.
"I already sold my apartment. An' I got a flight t' catch in two days." Gambit said.
He'd purposely left out where he was going. If Rogue chose to end things now, he'd make sure she wouldn't be able to find him ever again.
"Where ya goin'?" She asked. He answered her with silence of his own.
A rift stretched between them. Even though only feet separated them physically, miles kept them apart emotionally. When all she did was nod in acknowledgement, he turned toward the door.
Their on-again-off-again status was tiring. Despite the fact that he always thought he'd be a bachelor, he was actually ready to settle down. That didn't mean falling into some humdrum routine with 2.5 kids and a dog. But he was ready to commit to her if she wanted the same from him.
Before he left, he added: "This whole experience hit home that I'm not gon' live forever. An' I don' really know when my luck's gon' run out. So if it's up t' me, I'd rather spend every last minute I have left by yo' side."
He thought he heard a choked sniffle from her, but she made no other sound or movement. It must have just been his imagination projecting what he'd hoped she would feel if he did really leave. But he knew Rogue better than that. If she had something to say, there was no holding her back. She wasn't the weepy heroine in some cheesy romance novel. In reality, her lack of fight was like a knife through his heart. There was no other way to interpret her apparent apathy than that she didn't really love him any longer.
Giving her one last chance before leaving her alone in his room, Gambit said, "Take yo' time. Think it over."
With the stealth only a thief could possess, he soundlessly stole out of the room.
(X)
Mistakes. That's all Gambit could think about as he tossed and turned in bed. He'd done what he could to win back the love of his life, but even now his words replayed in his head. It seemed that instead of correcting past mistakes, he'd just made new ones.
The clock on his bedside table read 1:42AM. The late hour left Gambit sighing in frustration. His flight to Madripoor was scheduled for nine in the morning, so he'd have to be at the airport by seven to get through security and customs. Not to mention the time he'd need to pack up his last few things and catch a cab into the city.
Giving up on sleep, he tossed back the covers. The cool central air hit his naked flesh harsher than he'd anticipated. But he didn't feel like searching for more than his boxer briefs at the moment. Instead, he padded over to the window. It was the same spot that Rogue had stood two days earlier.
As he looked over the forest view, he thought back to the most recent mistakes he'd made. After leaving Rogue in his room, Gambit had wandered the grounds. He found little solace, but the extensive gardens and trails occupied his mind enough to stay away from the mansion. Losing time in the tranquil paths was the only thing that brought him peace while he waited out Rogue's answer.
As the sun set closer to the horizon, he'd itched to find her. It was a struggle not to go to her. Around six, he heard one of the kids yell to another that dinner was ready. He conveniently skipped the group meal, not going back to the mansion until it was dark. Grabbing a plate of leftovers, he'd headed up to his room.
A little part of him had been hoping she'd be there when he came back. When she wasn't, bitter disappointment took root in his gut and made the food taste like bile. After picking at the meal, Gambit had finally given up and confined himself in his room before trying to go to bed early. The past two days had been spent pretty much the same. It had been a challenge to stay put, but he wasn't about to go to her first. When she was ready, she would have to come to him.
Could he have said something different? Should he have waited another month before coming back, given her more time like she'd asked? Was there anything that he could have done to make Rogue come to the same epiphany that he had? All these thoughts ran like a broken record through his head. At least the last he could answer.
Until Rogue was completely alone when she stared down death, she wouldn't understand. Sure, the X-Men had been in plenty of close calls before. But none of those previous experiences really mattered because the team had been surrounded by friends, family. In almost every instance, they all thought they were safe because someone would come to their aid at the last minute. It made them complacent about how much danger they actually confronted on a near daily basis.
Gambit knew once the memories faded, that he'd fall back into that same old sense of safety. It was human nature, human flaw. But would he take for granted his time with Rogue because he led a fulfilling life? Or would he become embittered of the time he had left because he was drowning his sorrows? He'd never been one to do the latter. There had always been another grand adventure around the corner. But he was changed now. If nothing else, he wouldn't be tackling those exploits alone anymore.
Pressing his forehead against the cool glass, he closed his eyes to the world around him. Instead, he focused on completely clearing his mind. Everything outside his personal space no longer existed. His senses were turned off and for the first time in a long time, he completely let down his guard.
Cool hands brushed against the warm skin of his back. His muscles tensed, preparing to attack. But the familiar touch halted his defense. Though he intimately knew Rogue's body and scent, he refused to relax against her caress. Her cheek rested between his shoulder blades as her hands circled his waist.
"Door was locked." He observed.
"Yer not the only one who knows how ta break an' enter without a sound. Even after all this time, there's still so much of ya in my head." Rogue answered. After a brief pause, she stepped away from him and added, "That's why Ah'm here."
Gambit squeezed his eyes more tightly shut. This was it. This was his answer, his future. Whatever words fell from her lips next would determine his fate. Slowly blinking them open, he turned to face her. His arms crossed over his chest unconsciously as a means of emotional defense.
"Oh?" He prompted, keeping his eyes focused on her face instead of the silky blue robe that barely covered her body. Her hair was damp as if she'd just taken a shower.
Rogue wrung her hands for a moment as she paced and chewed on her lip. It was hard for her to admit she was wrong. But if ever there was a time that depended on her owning up to her mistakes, now was it.
"Ya were right. 'Bout a lotta things. Ah'd spent so long pushin' everyone away because Ah was afraid of hurtin' 'em. When in reality, Ah'd been afraid a losin' myself. By the time all that went away, the bad habits were so firmly in place that they'd become second nature. It was the only way Ah knew how ta defend myself." Rogue paused for a moment, switching from the past to the present.
"Ah thought if Ah could just get a moment's peace, Ah'd be able ta sort it all out. Had more than one moment honestly, but Ah always found somethin' else ta focus on instead. Not that Ah didn't try. Ah just didn't work at it as much as Ah should've." She confessed.
"But now y've figured it out." Gambit stated more than asked.
Rogue sighed as she flopped down on the edge of his bed. Her elbows dug into her thighs and her hands tangled in her hair as she pressed her forehead against her palms.
"Ah wish Ah knew what ya went through. Ah can tell ya've changed. Ah see it in yer eyes, the set of yer jaw, the way ya carry yerself. But the truth is, Ah don't think Ah've ever experienced what ya did. That moment where yer life flashes before yer eyes an' ya know the end is comin'. Any time Ah may have been close didn't seem real at the time. An' the only way Ah know how ta feel what ya did is ta see yer memory for myself." Rogue finally looked up at him.
She was right. A muscle twitched in his jaw as he thought over her words. He shouldn't have to give up every part of himself to be with her. But if seeing was the only way for her to believe it, then he'd offer himself a million times over. He truly was a lovesick fool for her. With a sigh, he uncrossed his arms and strode over to where she still sat hunched on the bed. He stopped within arm's reach, holding out his hand so she would see it.
"Touch away." Gambit said.
Rogue batted away his offer as she stood. Grasping his face between her hands, she looked into his eyes and fiercely said: "Don'cha get it? For the first time in my life, Ah think Ah finally have it clear who Ah am an' who everyone else is in my head. There are distinct borders. Ah know what Ah feel, what Ah like, what Ah want. You did that. You comin' back, tellin' me what happened, givin' me a choice made me sit down an' sort it out. If Ah touch ya, that could all get muddled up. Ah don't want ta be with ya because some piece of ya in my head wants me. Ah want ta be with ya because Ah want it."
"An' is that what y' want? T' be wit' me?" Gambit asked as he placed his hands on her hips to keep the distance between them. He didn't wait for her answer before he added: "Be careful now, chère. Whatever y' decide, there ain' no goin' back on it later. I want it all or nothin' this time. No more games."
"Ya know, Ah find it funny that Ah've been in the pool both times Ah made a decision 'bout us." Rogue evaded his question.
Appeasing her, he asked, "The first time?"
"On Avalon. Even when Ah had no hope of touchin' another person, Ah still wanted ya." She admitted.
"An' the second?" Gambit prompted, refusing to show any emotion.
Rogue couldn't meet his eyes, instead focusing on a freckle on his chest. "Tonight. When Ah understood what ya meant 'bout just knowing love. 'Bout home bein' the end point an' not a station along the way."
He wouldn't be placated so easily. She would have to spell it out. "So what does that mean, Rogue?"
She dropped her hands from his face, breaking his grip on her in the process. Turning her back on him in exasperation, she said: "Gawd! Can'cha be happy that Ah admitted once this century that ya were right? Do ya really have ta hear it twice?"
A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he stepped up behind her, warmly wrapping her in his arms for what seemed like the first time in a long while. His chest pressed flush against her back, his hips met the soft curve of her behind. He nuzzled her still damp hair, breathing in the hint of chlorine from the pool.
"Non. Et oui. Y' have t' say it, chérie." Gambit whispered in her ear, his breath ghosting across the delicate shell.
"Fine!" Rogue spun around in his arms, bringing her own up around his neck as she smiled at him. "Ya were right. Ah know Ah love ya. An' that ain't ever gonna change. It's the one thing that Ah'm sure is all me."
Gambit returned her beaming expression with a seductive smirk. He tilted his head down, ready to kiss her when he was hit with an old insecurity.
"Ya know this means forever, right Rogue? No more experimentin', pushin' one another's boundaries. No more blowin' up an' goin' our separate ways t' cool off when we have a fight. From now on, we tough things out t'gether. We learn from our mistakes. Just us." He reiterated.
"Just us. Ah promise." Rogue agreed as she tangled her fingers in his long hair, tugging gently for that kiss he'd almost given her.
Gambit obliged, softly pressing his lips against hers. It'd been so long since they'd been together that he wanted to savor the moment, go slow. As his tongue gently dipped out to tease her lips, his hands untied the knot at her waist. The silky fabric fell open, exposing the same bikini she'd worn the other day.
Though he hadn't focused on the sparkly scrap of fabric days earlier, his fantasies had since been filled with visions of untying the little keyhole bow that enhanced her cleavage. He wanted to rip the fabric away, explore her tan lines with his lips. Now presented with the opportunity, he couldn't wait to tug on the strings. It contradicted his desire to enjoy the moment.
His hands skimmed up her sides, his thumbs brushing against her breasts as he pushed the robe from her shoulders. The cooled air hit her damp bikini top, making her nipples pucker under the thin fabric and tease him even more.
She mirrored his moves, paying attention to his chest and abs before sliding her hand into his boxer briefs. As he tugged on the little bow, he felt her grasp his growing arousal. A groan escaped his lips, his head falling back as he luxuriated in the feel of her bare skin caressing him. Suddenly, he couldn't get their clothes off quickly enough. He could still go slowly later, but for now he just needed to be inside her.
Without the thin strings holding the fabric together, the bikini top had slipped off her breasts. The pert nipples begged for his attention. His excitement strained at the thin cotton of his boxer briefs, pressing into her soft lower belly. Just as he dipped his fingers into her waist band, she shrugged out of the remaining straps. With a swift tug, he let her bikini bottom fall to the floor. His knuckles grazed across her nipples as she stripped him of his boxers as well.
Leaning in for another kiss, he back peddled until his thighs hit the edge of the bed. He sat down, bringing her with him. As her legs spread to straddle him, he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. The position left her sitting higher than him, her breasts level with his face.
As his tongue darted out against a pink nub, his hand wormed between them until his fingers could spear her heated center. Her moisture dripped onto his hand as he set a gentle pace with the tips of his fingers. When he switched his attention to her other breast, she brought a hand up to continue playing with the abandoned nipple.
His hips bucked up as he watched her fondling. With a swift movement, he quickly replaced the fingers at her entrance with the head of his arousal. He was taking a big risk by not using protection. But he gambled that she was still on the pill. And he knew they were both clean.
Steadying her descent, he grabbed her hips to control the pace. Inch by inch she slid onto him until he was fully sheathed within her. Breathy moans escaped her lips when she tried to quicken the pace, but he held her firm. He lifted her up just as slowly as he pressed down into the mattress. When just his tip remained inside her, he let her slide back onto his shaft.
Learning the pace, she rested her arms around his shoulders. Her fingers tangled in his hair again as she looked him in the eyes. The tortuous speed gave each the opportunity to drink in the other. His open mouth pressed against hers, his gaze never straying. Their tongues battled at the same slow rhythm as their loving.
Her minty breath fanned across his face as he felt her first trembles gripping him. Tension coiled at the base of his spine, his groin tightened. He knew he wouldn't last much longer, but it didn't matter. With a groan of pleasure, her walls squeezed around him. The undulating waves added pressure to his already rigid state and he couldn't hold back. His own orgasm pulsed through his body, spilling over into hers.
When the last spasm subsided, he collapsed back onto the bed. She was still wrapped up in his arms and followed him down, landing on his chest. Her head cradled between his neck and shoulder as they remained connected. Both caught their breath as they basked in the blissful spell.
As the minutes passed and their heart rates slowed, Gambit slipped away from her. He pulled the covers back more to make it easier for her to cuddle next to him. Scrambling up, Rogue took the unspoken offer and curled her body against his. Her fingers traced unknown patterns against his chest as his hand caressed the smooth skin of her back. They lay content before he broke the silence.
"Y' know, yo' life don' flash before yo' eyes like they say." He observed.
"It doesn't?" Rogue indulged him.
"Non. When I closed my eyes, I saw only one thing." He stared up at the ceiling, remembering.
She turned a little to look at him as she asked, "What was that?"
Gambit met her gaze. "The last thing that I saw was yo' face."
Rogue brushed her hand across his cheek, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. A watery smile lifted her lips. "Ah love ya."
"I love y', too, mon chérie amour. Toujours." He answered.
With Rogue tucked firmly at his side, sleep finally came to Gambit. No matter what tomorrow held, it didn't matter. The both were finally where they belonged: Home.