Fellowship of the Ring

By HoneyGlow

CHAPTER 1

Felix was never ever late. Ever.

This is not typically considered to be a fault by many, but Felix was internally cursing himself (politely, of course) for today of all days he was most certainly going to be late. It wouldn't normally be a problem, but the longer his delay, the more suspicious his always on edge girlfriend Sergeant Calhoun would become. The point of his hopefully perfectly executed plan would be that she never even for a moment blinks to consider that something might be up.

This was a pointless worry however, because Sergeant Calhoun is always on edge, and always thinking that something is up, even if nothing is wrong whatsoever. After all, it was just part of her programming. Her concern was inevitable, and as much as Felix loved every little bit of her, flaws and all, today he was hoping that she would be a little less anal and perhaps not notice that her boyfriend was missing in action.

This is the story about the one time Felix really pissed off Sergeant Calhoun, and as a result convinced her to marry him.

It had all started off innocently enough! Felix had told everyone he planned to propose to his sweetheart, and naturally, everyone wanted to be there. The plans hadn't been set in stone, so of course his dear pals Ralph & Vanellope decided to take over. They weren't exactly know-it-alls about true love and proposals, but they had occasionally seen cute couples on dates through the screens into the arcade. They figured that was really all they needed to know.

"And then you gotta squeeze her butt when she's not looking!" Vanellope giggled as she balanced on the couch ledge in Felix's apartment.

"Vanellope!" Ralph smacked her upside the head, sending her on a fit of immature giggles as she was flung across the room, gracefully bounding off the wall with a glitchy spring in her step. Felix's face turned a deeper shade of red than a Pac-man cherry as he sunk further and further into the couch folds.

"No no no, that's not me at all!" Felix's face rested in his open glove-covered palms, suddenly regretting even thinking it'd be a good idea to talk to Ralph & Vanellope about this. Yeah they're his best friends, but they certainly never tried to court a tough warrior of a woman into marriage!

Ralph seemed deep in thought for a moment as he absentmindedly scratched at the surface of the couch arm, "What you need …"

Felix poked one eye out of his fingers, hoping for a good idea.

"What you need is a party – something that'll distract Calhoun into thinking it's just another fun night with friends. Then when the moment is right, you spring the ring on her and everyone can really celebrate!" He pumped his fist in the air, "And it'll be an excellent excuse for cake!"

Felix's face brightened as he lifted his face from his hands, "Hey now –that's not half a bad idea!"

Vanellope popped up in between the two out of nowhere, causing a momentary startle, "Oooh a party, you say? We should have it at the CASTLE!" Her arms raised in victory!

Felix hesitated, "Why don't we have it here?"

Vanellope's expression immediately turned into a scowl, "This place is Squaresville, Felix! No offense." She patted his shoulder sweetly.

"Beg pardon, but I'm not sure how that isn't offensive, Miss President," He pouted momentarily and crossed his arms.

Vanellope crossed her arms in a pouting offense, "Listen, when word gets out to Calhoun's men in armor that you're planning a Proposal Party, they're gonna want to come too! And Ralph and Calhoun barely fit in this dinky apartment – no offense," she nodded, "But Calhoun's men will destroy this place just trying to walk in! And there's a butt load of them!" She giggled to herself at the word 'butt'.

Felix still looked a little cross, he glanced up to Ralph, "We really need to teach Miss Vanellope the definition of the word 'offensive'," he sighed as Ralph shrugged, "But she does have a point …" Vanellope gave a high pitched squee, causing the two men to flinch uncomfortably. She gave a royal fist pump to the air, "Yessss I'm getting a party!"

Vanellope bounced off the walls around the room like she was under some sugar canon ball, Ralph & Felix smiled cautiously at their little bundle of Presidential chaos. She mumbled to herself all the things she would need to do, all the people she'd have to hire as slaves to prepare the decorations, the food and the all important guest list.

"Well," Ralph turned to Felix who looked up thoughtfully, "At least we can say it's just our crazy little Vanellope that wants to throw a big bash, Calhoun won't be too suspicious." One of his big hands patted Felix on the back, Felix's smile was genuine but clearly full of concern and nervousness.

"Y-yeah, I guess it's gonna work out," he gulped before looking down again.

Ralph frowned for a moment, "You ready for this, brother?"

Felix perked up at the mention of brotherhood and looked up with a chuckle, "Yes, yes! I love my gal! I've just got the butterflies buzzin' round, is all!"

A warm smile was Ralph's response, and he chuckled, "I bet she'll love seeing you hold out that ring!"

Ring.

Ring.

Damnit.

Felix's face went pale, "Ring?"

He received a stunned blink in response from Ralph, and Vanellope paused midair in between the two before promptly plopping onto the couch.

"PLEASE don't tell me you forgot to think about the ring, Felix!" Vanellope's little arms were thrown into the air, oy vey!

Felix hesitated, "Well then I .. won't tell you.. that," his guilt ridden face answered all.

Vanellope put her hand to her face in careful thought, "Ok listen up twinkle toes, as soon as word gets out that you're proposin' to Sergeant, your window of her not finding out is gonna close tighter than a Nicelander avoiding Ralph …"

"Hey!" Ralph protested.

But Vanellope continued, "So here's what we gotta do – you find a ring, AY-SAP."

"W-what?" Felix blinked as she started to pace in thought.

"A-S-A-P. As Stupidly-fast As Possible. And we'll have the party tonight; you'll put a ring on it before the arcade opens!" She clapped her hands together, "Got it, Bob the Builder?"

Felix gave her a disapproving glance with his hands on his waist, "Vanellope, that's not polite to call a lady by 'it'."

"You get what I mean, lover boy! This is your night, and we've gotta make it happen. The only thing we need to figure out – is where to find a ring," she sat back down, briefly stumped by her own idea.

The trio sat there, Felix eyed the clock and thought about the day ahead of him. How on Earth would he manage to go to work, and find a ring after work before Calhoun could notice he's gone? Impossible. And yet – he knew it had to be done at some point, and as difficult as it would be to distract his sweetheart, he knew the end result would be worth it (assuming she would say yes)!

Ralph snapped his fingers, "I've got it – Sonic!"

"The hedgehog?" Felix sat up with interest, "Yanno – his golden rings are beautiful, aren't they?" He put his hands to his lips and a giddy glow took over him, "Why – with some careful resizing, a golden ring would look gorgeous on Tammy's finger!"

Vanellope snickered, "Earth to Felix," she waved her hand in front of his love struck face, "How are you gonna get a ring before the party?"

The three of them were silent again, Felix looked up softly, "I'm gonna need everyone's help, but I think we can trick the Sergeant."