Hello there! So, I watched Wreck-It Ralph (of course, how else would I be here?), and though the whole movie was cute and fantastic, the thing that got me the most was the very unlikely pairing of Felix and Calhoun. I mean, they're literally from completely different worlds. I loved that a timid 8-bit hero from an old-fashioned retro arcade game married a daring, tough-as-nails sergeant from a high-def state-of-the-art console-worthy game. I mean, how could you get any more opposite than that?!

Anyway, I don't remember everything from the movie, and I'm not even sure if Mary actually did this to Felix, but I thought I saw it somewhere. And if she didn't...let's just pretend she did.
Disclaimer: Wreck-It Ralph belongs to Disney.

The arcade had finally closed, and Sergeant Calhoun took the first train she could get to Game Central. It had been such a long day. Only one kid got a medal today, and it was the blond girl with glasses who played Hero's Duty every day. She crossed the Station away from Hero's Duty and walked straight for the Fix-It Felix, Jr. entrance. As she passed under the train tunnel into the game, she saw that the game was still going on. There was a player whom Litwak had apparently let finish his game. Not wanting to disturb, she stayed at the station.

At the way Ralph was being aggressive and Felix was having a hard time fixing all the windows and dodging bricks, she guessed the game was on the last level.

Finally, though, the seasoned gamer reached the top and Felix defeated Ralph.

This was the first time Calhoun actually saw the ending of the game in person. She watched with intrigue as Felix fixed the whole building and Ralph stood at the top with his angry face. The Nicelanders joined Felix and Ralph on the roof, pumping their tiny arms and shouting at Ralph. They picked him up with surprising strength, and Calhoun could see, even from here, that Ralph strained his neck just a bit to see over the gamer's shoulder and over to Sugar Rush.

Shortly after, the Nicelanders walked Ralph over to the edge of the building and promptly threw him off. Ralph spun all the way down to the mud. She felt a little sorry for him, but he seemed to enjoy it. Back at the top, the Nicelanders cheered. A man in a white suit granted her husband a medal, which he put around his neck. Another Nicelander, a stout woman in purple, magically produced a steaming pie. She handed it to Felix, and as he accepted it, she leaned closer to him and-

Calhoun's digits ran cold. They froze solid and then burst into flames. She tightened her grip on the gun she always carried.

The gamer in the outside world also cheered as Mr. Litwak escorted him out of the arcade.

The game was finally over.

The Nicelanders and Felix continued to cheer at the top of the building. They also shouted cheerful words at Ralph, who waved to them.

They all looked so happy.

"Fix-It!" Calhoun shouted from the station. "Get down here, right now!"

The cheering stopped. Felix looked over the building and saw his wife standing by the train station. "Oh, hi, sweetie!" He waved at her.

Calhoun gave him the scariest glare she could muster, which was pure evil. Actually, she never needed to put too much effort into scaring Felix, but this time she wanted to show him how "special" this situation was.

Felix paled white. "I-I-I'm coming!" he squeaked, hopping down the windows. When he reached the bottom, he ran as quick as he could to his wife. "Wh-Wh-What is it, darling?"

Calhoun was still glaring at him. "Explain, Fix-It," she growled.

Felix gulped. "E-Explain what, honey?"

The sergeant pointed accusingly at the top of the Niceland apartments where the Nicelanders were just congratulating Felix. "The woman with the pie. She did something very interesting."

Felix quickly recounted the victory, which wasn't hard since he'd experienced it millions of times. Woman with the pie? That was definitely Mary. Did something interesting? "Oh, did you want some pie, too, honey?"

"The kiss, pipsqueak!" Calhoun spat out. Felix winced at her volume.

Kiss? Oh, every time Mary gave him pie, he always received a… Jiminy, jaminy. "You mean the kiss on the cheek? Oh, that's nothing, darling!"

"What do you mean nothing? What was that all about?" Calhoun questioned.

"Mary does that every time. It's purely platonic!" Felix tried to explain, except, of course, Calhoun paid no attention to the second part.

"She does that every time?!"

Felix shushed his wife, trying to calm her down. "No! Well, yes, but it's part of her programming! It's in the game! I mean, every hero gets a kiss from a girl, right?"

"Fix-It Felix, Jr., how dare you let her do that! The pie I'm okay with but a kiss? That's going too far! You should have stopped her! Dodged her! Pushed her away! Rejected her! Better yet, punched her! Gave her a smack! Throw the pie in her face-"

Before Calhoun could finish her rant, Felix jumped up to her height. In the few seconds of potential energy, he grabbed her shoulders and pressed his lips on hers. He landed once more on his feet.

The kiss effectively stopped her. She looked down at her husband.

"Honey bunches, listen to what you're saying! I think you're overreacting!" he lightly scolded in his Felix way.

Calhoun had to hold in a laugh at how cute he looked trying to reprimand her. Of course, though, she was still mad. She knelt down to his level. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't give this Mary chick a piece of my mind."

"I told you, it was platonic. It's part of the program. There's nothing to worry about. Don't blame her," Felix said.

"It's not exactly the kiss I'm mad about, though I still think you should throw the pie in her face, but more like the fact that you didn't tell me someone other than me had been kissing you on the cheek for years," Calhoun pointed out. This caused Felix to blush and look down at the ground.

"Uh, well, I didn't think it would be, you know, important," Felix tried to explain.

The way he was fidgeting and having the "honey glows" softened her. She could stare down a man twice her height and width, and punish a whole army if things didn't go her way, but she couldn't stay mad at a small 8-bit man who barely had the courage to speak a real swear word.

She pushed the bill of his cap down over his face, chuckling at his puzzlement. "Alright, pint size, I'll let it go this time, but if I see one more female making a move on you, I won't hesitate to take her down," she compromised.

Felix pushed his cap back up. "N-Now, now, Tammy, that's a bit harsh, don't you think? What if it's just in their code to be romantic?"

Calhoun smirked. "Well, it's in my code to take down my enemies." She let that sink into his pixel brain. Meanwhile, she stood back up, looking at the top of the apartment where the Nicelanders had gathered around the edge to watch their hero and his wife talk.

She zeroed in on the pie woman in the purple dress. Calhoun pointed two fingers at her own eyes and then sharply pointed it at Mary.

Poor Mary paled.

Okay, I seriously had NO IDEA how to end it. I feel both satisfied and unsatisfied...
So I saw the Wreck-It Ralph video game in youtube and saw that every time Calhoun approached her husband, she pushed down his cap. Since I find that so darn cute, if I ever write another Felix/Calhoun fic, I'm probably going to have her do it whenever I can!
Please tell me if I got anything wrong!
Review if you feel like it! :P